It's that time of the year again, where I post my annual thread about the year that is about to pass.
Ah, 2015. I wrote about how miserable 2013 was, mostly because of the emotional bottom I hit caused by decades of untreated GD, exacerbated by a psychic who obviously couldn't help me. 2014, the year in which I started my transition, and started going out with Cody, was a wonderful year. Well, at least the first 10 months of it were. Now on to 2015. I honestly believe that 2015 was one of the most difficult year of my entire life. Although I am living authentically, and am much more comfortable in my own skin this year, 2015 has certainly been a year that has tested me and my patience. When I first came out at work last year, my boss told me that he noticed that I have much better coping skills than I did before coming out. Well, those coping skills have been tested to the max. 2015 has been an incredibly difficult year. Some of it has been transition related, and some of it because of my father. But a huge part of this year's difficulties came from circumstances that were not really TS or transition related.
The biggest thing I faced this year was two months of bronchitis - the god awful coughing, being bedridden, drained of energy, and depression that came along with it. Virtually every appliance in my apartment broke down this year and had to be replaced. My car (which is 15 years old) had lots of things go wrong with it. And lots of other stuff. A lot of little obstacles that by themselves wouldn't be much of an issue. I mean, I usually have a car repair or two every year. Things go wrong. But this year, it seemed like everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong this year. It felt as if the little obstacles just kept on piling and piling. One by itself, or even a few, don't normally cause too much stress. But this year, it just never seemed to end. I just couldn't get a break circumstantially. And all of this happening on top of an already stressful gender transition. And my father pushing my buttons about my transition when I was sick didn't help either.
I would like to say good riddance to 2015, and I am hoping for a brighter and happier 2016.
On a bright note, I got my gender marker changed on my driver's license. Along with it, I got a photo which is congruent with what I look like now. I plan on doing the full documentation change in 2016. In California, you can legally change your gender marker on your driver's license without changing your name.
Oh, and I didn't get much seasonal depression during November or December. Normally, I get seasonally depressed during the last two months of the year, but this year, so far, no seasonal depression.
I would like to hear from you, how was your 2015? Was there anything in particular that stood out in 2015 that you would like to remember, or like to forget, or anything that will leave a lasting impression or is telling you that you need to do something in the future? What would you like to personally accomplish during 2016?
Edit: Let me post about the good and bad of 2015.
I. The Good
1. I came out on Facebook and created a Facebook page for Michelle. I deleted my male FB page.
2. I am gainfully employed
3. I am in a loving relationship with a transman, and Christmas Day will be our year and a half anniversary
4. I have lots of supportive friends - some trans, but mostly cis
5. I am beginning to socially integrate into society as a woman
6. I have been attending three women's AA meetings every week since August. These are not LGBT meetings, just regular women's meetings.
7. I got my gender marker changed to Female on my driver's license, along with a congruent photo.
8. I have had 10 laser hair removal sessions, and my facial hair is nearly gone. Although I still have to shave sometimes, the beard is not at all noticeable. Even the chin, which has been the most stubborn area, has nicely been cleared of any facial hair.
9. I attended my first wedding as a woman, and it was also my first wedding with a date. Another MTF/FTM couple Cody and I know got married a few weeks ago.
II. The bad
1. I had numerous appliances break down and need to be replaced this year.
2. My car had two intermittent problems - the car not starting, and the key not coming out of the ignition. Both these problems would happen on and off. I had to take the car to the mechanic numerous times before each problem was diagnosed and fixed. The two problems were ultimately diagnosed and fixed, in separate visits. A temperamental car which won't start, key won't come out, and breaks down for no reason can really begin to wear you down and add stress to your life. My car is 15 years old with 145,000 miles.
3. My car had several other problems, including it once stopped running in the middle of the road, and I had to get it repaired. I've visited the mechanic a total of 8 times this year. My car air conditioner stopped blowing cold air the other day. I will likely need to get that fixed, but I will wait until a month or so from now, since December isn't usually very warm in L.A. Although this year it has been warm so far.
4. I got two traffic tickets when I was in NY. The tickets were ultimately dismissed, and I found out today. However, it was a MAJOR headache trying to fight an out of state ticket.
5. I got ripped off by Spint PCS who offered this promo with a free tablet and land line, along with free service. It turns out Sprint lied to me and the devices and service aren't free, and there's nothing I can do to get my money back. I tried fighting several times, both over the phone and in person, and finally I just gave up.
6. I was sick with bronchitis for two months this year (mid-April to mid-June). I was bedridden for most of the time. I was coughing constantly, depressed, fatigued, and could barely talk.
7. On the night before my birthday, my dad blamed the hormones for making me sick, and he also went off about how I should look for work outside the L.A. area. Yes, I was sick on my birthday, and my dad said all this to me when I was sick and on my birthday. I sunk even further into depression from this.
8. I had a residual cough that is still not completely gone. I was unable to laugh until mid-September without triggering a cough. Although I can now laugh without coughing much of the time, I'm not 100% over my cough. I haven't smoked any cigarettes - regular nor electronic, in over two years. Not laughing for 5-6 months can really take it's toll on anyone - it certainly did for me.
9. I experienced the worst mis-gendering wave during June and July. The mis-gendering has stopped, and I rarely get mis-gendered since then. However, it was very depressing to be mis-gendered every other day for two whole months, especially after not being mis-gendered so often before.
10. I was really depressed over my face this summer, and was freaking out over whether or not to get FFS, how to pay for it, and knowing that my bf is against plastic surgery. I'm feeling much better about my face, and I have seen more facial feminization occur since July/August.
11. I lived with lots of fear and uncertainty about the future, whether I will pass or not, whether I will be accepted as a woman, and whether or not I will have an easy time making new friends.
12. I was seriously betrayed by someone (who is a transwoman) who I thought was a good friend.
13. I was really hurt seriously by another transwoman who said very mean things to me.
14. I've experienced a wave of back problems during the past 2-3 months, along with a couple of colds.
15. For the first time in my life, I really know what it's like to be persistently busy 24/7, and have little to no free time. This is difficult because I've never been this functional, nor have I had so much on my plate to deal with.
16. The senior pastor at my church left in May. My church has been falling apart ever since then. There is internal conflict, which I am staying out of, but it has affected the church. Membership has dwindled drastically. Our trans male pastor just decided recently to step down.
So while some good things did happen this year, I experienced a lot of stress this year from health, transition, and an increase non-transition life related circumstances (especially with my car).
