Marcie - Best of luck. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. I hope all will work out for you. Thanks for being part of this forum. Heather.
Marcie - Best of luck. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. I hope all will work out for you. Thanks for being part of this forum. Heather.
Marcie, please read this article. It might not change anything right away, but it might plant a seed.
How - And How Not - to Stand Up For Yourself: be assertive, not aggressive.
Reine
You'll be back, but I can't lend you money for clothes.
Sophia.
Wow!
What an encounter!
Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."
-Home Movies
(cartoon series)
Shoe size: 9 US women's.
Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
Height: 5' 6".
Looks like classic bullying to me.
Marc, this is coming from an individual who recently opened up to her\his wife about being gender fluid. My wife, like yours, simply will not have cross dressing a part of our marriage, so I have complete sympathy for your situation. The bad news is that at some point the desire to dress will come back to you. It may be in a few days or it may take years. My longest stretch was 14 years. The good news, though, is that if your commitment to your wife is strong enough you can get through those tough times. My female presentation is now limited to the on line environment, but that works for me. You may need to find your own path that will allow you to satisfy your needs and honor your wife at the same time. Just know you are not the only one here who has sacrificed CDing for the sake of a marriage. I wish you all the best as you move forward.
Bridget
Last edited by Bridget Ann Gilbert; 09-18-2015 at 12:39 AM. Reason: typo
Your friendly, neighborhood cyber CD.
Marcie will not go away. She can be shoved to the back corner of you consciousness, but she will always be there.
What you wife did was play on your fear of discovery and sense of shame to get her way. This is classic bullying behavior. What you were doing was not wrong or illegal.
Leave your home? That's ridiculous. You have as much right to live there as she does. If she doesn't like what you do she should be the one to leave.
As to her threats to expose you, that is a bullet that can only be fired once and it's an even-money chance she won't be believed.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Good article Reine. Marcie, feelings are neither right or wrong but are your feelings. Your wife should respect yours as much as you would respect hers.Originally Posted by ReineD
Dana Ryan
I'm sorry, Deebra is kind of right. The cd'ing will probably be back, so what then? This is exactly the cruel world that we live in. People are very cruel! I would love to be with a woman again that likes crossdressers, but it is not easy to find.
Hugs,
Bree
Brandy Mathews
Let's just suppose that you had taken a deep breath, looked your wife in the eye and told her that wearing items of female clothing feels pleasurable to you. No apology, no defensiveness- just a simple statement of honest fact.
Remember Marc- it isn't even remotely illegal; it isn't extreme in terms of a fetish; and it's only a problem for your wife because she chooses to see it that way. You weren't visible publicly. It sounds as if your children have left home. Your wife need fear no embarrassment from 3rd parties.
We all find her shock and anger understandable. But to follow up by telling you to quit doing it or leave the house - ? Now that is not her right, not her call. No court in the West is going to look at a single incident of such a harmless nature as grounds for punishment. She no more has the right to kick you out of your own house, than to force you to run for President.
This is not to say that she is obliged to continue living with you! But she really only has as much power over you as you choose to give her. Realistically divorce on such grounds, assuming your dependants have left home, would mean a 50/50 split of assets. Contemplating life alone in an apartment or small condo might give her pause for thought.
If you doubt what I say, a quick, totally honest conversation with a divorce lawyer should clarify matters.
As for the purge- we all understand that instinct too. Just as we understand that Marcie probably won't stand for being kicked out of her own house either.
Be true to yourself Marc. What else is there?
I used to have a short attention spa
Marc, you've gotten a lot of advice, all of which has been repeated ever so often on this forum. You've apparently been married for some time, since your wife threatens to "out" you to adult children, family and friends. I'm of the opinion many women throw their weight around because they are afraid family, friends, et al will question the woman. In my mind, it's "What's wrong with her? Why does she stay married to him?" Many women like their position in society, church, social groups, and, cross dressing will have a tendency to upset the status quo.
Yes, you may chuck the attire. You may be able to withstand the urges. However, if you find yourself becoming antsy, irritated, unloving, all things un-Marc, then I would recommend you seek some counseling...counseling to deal with stress.
I would ask the question of myself, if I was in your heels, what would really happen if your wife did "out" you? Will your kids hate you? Will your friends and neighbors shun you? And, would she really carry through on her threats? Sometimes a person does not think of the downside of carrying through on threats. You reap what you sow.
You should also assess whether or not your wife has changed her behavior since you self "outed" yourself. Has she gone from a loving sexually active wife to a cold woman? Many women seem to get really standoffish after finding out their man likes to wear women's clothing. Then what?
Good luck.
Hi Marcie, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
A significant other seems like the toughest thing to deal with in crossdressing and then how to deal with that person. As you've seen, this is a very open forum with so many different opinions. I would recommend reading books dealing with codependency and sex addiction, see if those gel in any way.
Last edited by Aleca; 09-18-2015 at 08:04 AM. Reason: Typo
I feel for you and your wife, it will come back stronger then before we all have been there. There a few wife's out there that can embrace it and the rest think it is disgusting that a grown man likes to play dress-up.
In are own mind we aren't playing dress-up we are a woman trapped in a man's body, whether we are a crossdresser, transgender we all believe we are a woman when we are dressed as one. I for one can not believe that I am a man when I am dressed as a woman, I do enjoy wearing make-up, perfume and woman's jewelry along with a dress and/or skirt and a top. I like having long hair and styling it as a woman's.
The urge will come back.
Before you make any rash decisions you have a lot of thinking to do. The first question that comes to mind is:if you wind up single, can you continue the lifestyle you're accustomed to, i.e. what kind of housing can you afford on a single income? I bring this point up because my ex left me 3 years ago and my income was halved literally over night. Long story short--I've lost the house and my savings trying to save it. I'm 60 years old. I should be planning for retirement instead of starting all over again. Dressing had nothing to do with her leaving, btw. I think back on our years together (26) and wonder where things went awry. You really have to decide what is more important to you--Marcie, or your home life. Personally, I think the marriage is worth trying to save, at most any cost, even if it entails having a '' funeral'' for Marcie.
My sympathies go with you. It's a crappie situation to be in.
Jon
Last edited by Joni T; 09-18-2015 at 11:19 AM.
Dear Marc/Marcy
I am sorry to see the trouble you are going through. Unfortunately I am all too familiar with the situation.
You will hear most people here tall you that the desires to dress will never go away. I believe that to be true too, but I also do believe you can decide how you deal with it.
So, as unpopular as the following might be on this forum, I will tell you that you do have a choice!
(Disclaimer: If you are in fact TS, then it is a completely different matter and I will not go into that. I will just say that for a TS, it is not a matter of choice.)
Life is full of choices, not many get to have all they want. Sometimes we have to weigh the For's and Against's and only pick one of several things we desire. Some things are easy since the "loss" of the other choice is limited. Other times it seems the choice is impossible because you cannot live without either option.
The sad fact is that on some of the tough choices life presents, the outcome, nomatter what, is that you will be unhappy for a part of, or maybe the remainder of, your life. However, nobody gets to go through life happy all the way.
If your wife and your family means more to you than your freedom to express your female side, and if you think you can live without expressing that side, chose that! When the urges get strong, tell yourself you made a choice and that you are happy with that choice. Dont let temptation lure you away from the path you have chosen.
If you are strong enough, you can stay the road.
I had to make that choice to save my marriage. I have found ways to deal with it and as time goes by, it is getting a little easier. Doesnt mean I dont think about it and doesnt mean I dont want it, but for me, the price is too high.
And to those who will chime in and say "Yeah right, lets see how long that lasts" all I can say is that You are right, none of us can predict the rest of our lives. Lets see, I am only human too. But for now, I am determined to give it my best try because the option I chose is terribly important to me and I dont want to jeopardize it.
If you want to talk about this in private, feel free to contact me.
- Suzie
So sorry Marcie, I have purged on my own because of my own conscious and my male side telling me it was wrong for me to be any feminine. I'm now over sixty and can tell you the urges and feelings to dress will return. My suggestion is to be a man about it. Go to her with a kind and loving heart and tell her how you feel. Invite her to counseling or even to look at this site and see we are not perverted or dirty old men. Some on here are very masculine men that have a touch of wanting to be a female and do go that route. Some like me just enjoy the smoothness of the clothes, the hose and heels, the makeup and pretending. She will cool down and maybe see the real you and then maybe if she loves you can accept that you are still the same man she married but that she needs to let you develop into who you want to be. Even if you choose to keep it from every one except her. Husbands and wives all have secrets and that I itself makes the bond even stronger between them. This is true because my wife and I have lived and explored many of our wildest fantasies. Remember her side also she did marry a man so that side has to be filled till run etch over with your male side then try working a little of the feminine side in. I think age mellows many men and women and both side get more accepting of each other as time goes by. She did something's that were wrong or you wouldn't be hiding and you did some things wrong in your life or she wouldn't be threatening. See a specialist as many have already stated.
I had a wife like that. I stood up to her many many times. I would say that you are being abused and cowed like a female that has been abused. Mine ended in divorce as I could not take that BS off of her any more. As a man you do have one half of that marriage and she should listen to your feelings. She cannot control you. I would give it some time and then communicate your inner feelings with her when the time is right. But if she keeps bullying you, One day you will end it. Been there and have done that.
Part Time Girl
I was honest and told my wife a cd can never stop.your therapist will tell you that.
You stole my line.Hi Marcie, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit.
Posting Permissions
