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Thread: I have left crossdressing

  1. #1
    Senior Member Marcie's Avatar
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    I have left crossdressing

    Last March I was caught in our basement, by my wife, with a lacy pair of panties on and a lacy bra in my hands. She made me stand in front of her so she could see my shock and embarrassment of being found out. She just about went through the roof with her anger.
    She told me to get my clothes on and come upstairs. I quickly put my everyday male clothes on and went up to face the music. One other time she caught me on this cross dresser site and raked me over the coals. At that time I told her I had accidently stumbled on the site, and said I just opened it up to see what it was all about. She believed me and let it go until this incident. I was instructed to dispose of all the feminine clothing I had in my possession and return to the male she had married many years before, otherwise I would be asked to leave the house. She would also tell our children and all the family and friends about my unacceptable fetish and behavior. This was my last chance. I have always loved this woman and did not want to lose her. For the most part we have had a happy life and have raised four children to adulthood. I decided I would honor her wishes and return to my male persona. I have purged all the beautiful clothing, makeup, jewellery and wigs, which I have accumulated over the years and have started over again as Marc, placing Marcie in a very special spot in my own memorable history.
    Thank you to everyone that has made me feel comfortable on this site
    Marc (Marcie)
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-17-2015 at 02:41 PM.

  2. #2
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    Bad, wimpy decision to cave in to her, your desire/need to CDing isn't going away. It's your life , not hers, maybe she should pack her clothes and take a hike, you would probially be happier.

  3. #3
    formerly: aBoyNamedSue IamWren's Avatar
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    Oh my God, that’s a terrible thing to say Deebra.

    I mean I understand that sometimes we keep each other in check and call people out on certain opinions or behavior but if there is anything I’ve noticed about this forum it's how everyone is very supportive of each other as well. I can’t imagine that you are so intimately aware of the things going on in Marc’s life that you could provide such a stark blanket statement unless you are related, a dear friend or live next door. Is that the case?

    Marc, I hope you are able to mend your relationship with your wife. I hope that things work out for the best for you… whatever that may include or not about expressing a feminine side of yourself. And I hope that you find solace.
    I am not a woman nor am I am man... I am an enby. Hi, my name is Wren.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member StacyCD's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, crossdressing isn't a hobby any more than being gay is. If I could go back in time and actually choose not to be a crossdresser I might really consider doing it. However, life is full of compromises and hopefully your SO will recognize that Marcie is a part of the person she fell in love with long ago. My SO started with don't ask don't tell and she has come around to accept that crossdressing is a part of me that can't be removed without changing who I am. Best of luck.

  5. #5
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    i could say a lot, wonder if i should. 1. anger is a power-strategy play coming from her inner toddler tantrum to get her own way, 2. stand-up and man-up and be a man, you just gave her your balls, tell her to take it, you're a man, you satisfy her, dressing changes nothing of that, if she were open she might even get better sex playing with it.

    i could go on, probably no point tho. good luck,
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  6. #6
    Member Melanie 0339's Avatar
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    Hi Marc that's a shame that you have decided to say goodbye to Marcie, I'm no expert but it sounds like your wife is afraid and doesn't understand about your crossdressing. I'm afraid that even though at first you've agreed to no longer dress, as time goes on I believe the desire will return and you may start to resent your wife for not letting you be who you really are. Maybe once the initial storm has passed you approach her about the subject even show her this forum and explain that dressing isn't just some sort of perversion for freaks and weirdos and maybe just maybe she might be a bit more understanding. Like I said I'm no expert but whatever course you decide to take I hope you can be happy xxx

  7. #7
    Member SusanLaine's Avatar
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    Hello Marcie,
    I wish that I had some words of wisdom for you. Like many others here I've purged too. It was never because of anything my spouse did or said, she's always been accepting. It was more my own discomfort. Of course, like others here I eventually got back everything that I purged and then some. Today, I'm at peace with my situation. What advice I can offer: don't confront your spouse - try to understand from her perspective - which may be deep-seated and childish - but it's her perspective just the same. I'd suggest that moving slowly and educating her may help her to come around but I also know that statistically you'll eventually have to face some tough decisions. My heart goes out to you.
    Susan

  8. #8
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    were you caught by your Mother?? It sounds like she scolded you as if you were a child. I think maybe you need to have an adult-to-adult conversation.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    If it does come back to a point where you can't repress it what are you going to do ? .I hope you have a plan and also hope all the best for you !
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  10. #10
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    I refer you back to your very first post here.

    Wash, rinse, repeat.

    Enough said, good luck.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  11. #11
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
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    Marcie/Marc, your story is repeated here all the time. My wife found a lot of my stuff a couple of years ago and I "faced the music" but I did hold my ground and said I don't know why I did it, but I did not mean to hurt her in any way. We went to counciling to see if our marriage was solid. I also did personal counseling with a gender therapist. My therapist help me answer a lot of questions that I had about myself and some my wife had asked me. She's never talked to the gender therapist, even though I wish she would. One of the biggest gems I took from therapy is the fact that " Heidi has always been there and always will be. She is part of the person that your wife married" I told my wife about this and she seemed to back off a bit from the criticism and we developed a Don't ask Don't Tell type arrangement. As long as she does not see anything Heidi, and has her husband in her presence, I can continue to find myself.
    I have a feeling that Marcie will always be there, Marc. You may try to burry her, but you're burying part of your self. Try to get some therapy to sort yourself out and if you can, get your wife involved to get her educated. But some folks have been indoctrinated to abhor this type behavior, she may not have a mindset to absorb the truth about you. Her lashing out and threatening exposure is her way of not being able to handle truth that does not fit her model. Give it some time, see if the situation improves with exposure to the situation. If things remain fixed on her side, love can be strong, but you may have to take care of yourself and cut the ties. First thing though, get some help to find your true self.
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  12. #12
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    Hello Marcie/Marc. I am sad to hear what your going through. As many here have, or green side as been put into a box. But that's really not the answer. I have done this myself many times. Problem is it comes bank in some form until you just have to let it out again. A few have suggested that you seek counseling. I will echo that. You need to be you and it is possible that you need some help in that search and finding a way to let it out.
    Candi
    Perfection Is a Road Not a Destination

  13. #13
    Member Elli87's Avatar
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    That sucks, and thats all I can say about it, Stay strong or suggest some tri ess
    well even if i'm wrong, you know i'm right

  14. #14
    Silver Member franlee's Avatar
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    I went and looked at your "about me" and all I came up with was your age, without any idea of what you are about and what you look like there is no way I can make an first impression of you. Much less what kind of fortitude or grit you have. With all this said I have to put myself in your situation and guess. First of all you should have been out to her if no one else years ago. Second you should already know that if you are a CDer you aint gona change or even quit, not for long anyway.(not for anyone but yourself and that is an very slim chance be cause you will have to want to or simply can't) Third you were caught and that was the time to explain and build on it not retreat. So all the stuff Deebra, StacyCD and Pamela have advised is fitting for your reaction. I would have had to invite her to a dose of reality, this is what I do for me and I aint gona change as long as it aint hurting anyone and I don't want to. So have a good life with out me if that's your choice, if you don't want to sit down and hear what we have to do to save this marriage. There really is no compromise to make, what has changed? Only what she has decided to believe.
    Last edited by franlee; 09-17-2015 at 07:21 PM.
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  15. #15
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    Marc/Marcie, Im gonna ask a stupid question here. If you purged, and said you "quit" because the wife said so. Why are you taking a chance and returning to our lovely website? I dont want to be hard on you, but it is a fact that once a cd always a cd? Maybe you can beat the odds, but for many of us it isnt a "hobby" or "something we like to do" , it is WHO WE ARE.
    I have been through all of the get caught, purge, get caught again, purge cycles and well I finally decided I am transgender, It is who I am and I know it is something that will never go away. I hope in time things work out between your wife and you and maybe in some way you two can find a compromise that works. Try to reassure her its not a perversion or anything she did and talk it through.
    Good luck
    Erica

  16. #16
    Painted toes n panties Cassandra*'s Avatar
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    It sounds like your wife doesn't love you. Yes at times our SO's look at us with that look but we have to be who we are. Sometimes we need to express our selves or inside the brain just stirs and depression sets in, wishing why,why can't I be me? Marcie, I hope you reconsider. Inside your a beautiful woman who needs to be herself. I wish you luck and hope the world allows you and all of us to be ourselves. Hugs👗👙💄👠
    cassandra*:cheers

  17. #17
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    That is just awful to give in like that just sayin'.
    I couldn't change who I am even if I tried.
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  18. #18
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
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    Ill give my two cents...you need to do what you feel is correct. Four children alone is allot to consider and a wife of many years would make anyone hesittant. I too kept it a secret a long time and she wasn't happy when she found out...I did therapy. invited her etc and over the past four years she has come a long way while still being hesitant. Only you can know your situation and will have to deal with it. There is no size fits all, so I wish you good luck. I do agree with most ladies on here if you dress you are a crossdresser...that isn't going away....
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

  19. #19
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    Well, good luck Marcie but your desire to cross dress will not go away. Sadly you have been threatened and cowed and that is not good if your relationship is to be a healthy one. Yes, you should have opened up to her much sooner. That is one lesson we have all learned, but now your secret desire is known it needs to be confronted in a constructive way. Bullying you into a place that you will be miserable in is not an answer. This is something that you will realize in time.

  20. #20
    Member Kiwi Primrose's Avatar
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    The word "gay" doesn't seem to have featured in your story but maybe your wife is thinking that's why you do it.
    If so, and you are not gay, you may be able to negotiate a better solution. Giving up is only a short term solution and will probably lead to resentment.
    Good luck on the outcome.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiwi Primrose View Post
    ...
    If so, and you are not gay, you may be able to negotiate a better solution. Giving up is only a short term solution and will probably lead to resentment.
    Good luck on the outcome.
    I agree, given you're not gay or TG and she accidentally caught you, the issue is completely in her own mind! For the sake of your own sanity I think you need to negotiate a better solution as well 😯

  22. #22
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    WOW! Why must we live in this tangled web, we didn't ask for this it flows in our blood. When I told my wife I wasn't asking her for permission, I told her everything from the first time I tried on my sisters pantyhose to that same morning I put on hers. Fortunately she was cool about it but if she wasn't I was prepared to demand some kind of agreement. Unfortunately your getting beat up here on this site, well your making it sound like your wife is the Alfa in your relationships that doesn't sit well here. The sad part here is, your here and you can say goodbye as many times as you like because I could be safe to say to you "talk to you later" because I know I will. I don't know you or your wife and don't know what kind of relationship you have that makes it hard for me to comment. All I know is this the moment before I told my wife, my main reason was I was tired of living as a fugitive and wasn't going to live the rest of my life that way. I hope you work things out and if she really loves you she will listen and at worst give you space even if you have to spend a day at a hotel. In any relationship both parties have to be happy. Let us know how it goes. Yes you will be back, we all come back.

  23. #23
    Member katie_barns's Avatar
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    Getting caught is a very traumatic experience, as is catching the man you love wearing woman's cloths. I think you need to give her some time and then have a serious talk and find a compromise. We all know that purging is only temporary, Marcie will want to come out again. If you love this women and she loves you then you will find a solution. She needs to cool down right now, but don't bury it. Communication is the secret to a relationship surviving.

  24. #24
    Member Megan b's Avatar
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    Marcie, your wife does not get to boss you around and you don't get to boss her around either. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, with love for each other. The house belongs to both of you, so she does not get to ask you to leave, it's your house too. Now if she decides to out you to family and friends, she will also be inflecting the same pain and embarrassment on the children as you. She should think before she acts on that threat. Sorry your in a bad spot. Also think about putting stuff in storage before you purge everything. Just something to think about.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member MelanieAnne's Avatar
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    She made me stand in front of her so she could see my shock and embarrassment of being found out. She just about went through the roof with her anger.
    She told me to get my clothes on and come upstairs. I quickly put my everyday male clothes on and went up to face the music.
    Did she make you stand in the corner? Did she call your parents? You need to get away from this woman as fast as you can!

    I was instructed to dispose of all the feminine clothing I had in my possession and return to the male she had married many years before, otherwise I would be asked to leave the house.
    Ummm, who is making the house payments? She can't make you leave.
    Last edited by MelanieAnne; 09-17-2015 at 11:47 PM.

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