The Crossdresser's Girlfriend.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sarasometimes and me are both "sometimes".

She said, "Me, married DADT strictly faithful/Hetero, no interest in transitioning who does now go out dressed fully."

Me also. Not sure if "now" should be "not", but I do go out fully dressed. I think I'm a good looking mature woman, but I would be so hot if I was still twenty. And, I wouldn't feel weird and guilty if someone understood me.

My wife has NEVER seen me dressed and doesn't want to. She just can't handle it.

I think it's her loss. I go out once a month or so with the gurls. We have a great time, and my wife misses it all, because she can't handle seeing a dude in a dress.

I'm just a crossdresser, or maybe bi-gender, a little bit girl and a lot boy. There's a thread about "only a crossdresser."

One might ask how do I know I am just a crossdresser? The short answer is years of therapy. The longer answer is that one of my therapists asserted that I was gay, but, don't worry, gay is OK. She really turned my world upside down. But, like any good scientist, I ran an experiment. I work out 3 days a week, so I'm always in the men's locker room. So, I started looking around. If I was gay, a men's locker room should be heaven on earth. Well, I couldn't even look at a guy's package, never mind touch it. So my conclusion was that I'm not gay.

I eventually dumped this therapist and found another one more versed in LGBT counseling. The only reason I stayed with her is that she was fine with me coming to every session dressed, so I took full advantage of it.

[Maria 60]

It's really great and he is lucky you are very supportive, I told my wife one week back from our honeymoon, only because first chance I had I put on her pantyhose and at that point realized that theses feeling were real and I wasn't going to live as a fugitive the rest of my life. Surprisingly she was OK with it, same questions as yourself. In every relationship both parties have to be happy and we talked about it and let's say we drew lines in the sand that we were both willing to be happy with. She loves helping me out with things and love having a husband who loves to dress shop with her almost like having a husband, father to her children and girlfriend all I one. It's now thirty happy years and still our little secret, she is the only one who knows ( let's hope it stays that way). I am not going to say it was all a smooth road we did have some bumps along the way. Most of all if you don't like something, be honest with him, my wife calls it a gift and believes we have a good relationship because of the dressing. I hope I helped you out a bit. All iam really trying to say is be honest with each other even if your going to hurt his feelings and most of all always communicate.

[teags]

Wow

Thank you all so much for all of your responses. There are so many I'd like to respond to individually, but I'm short on time at the moment.
Thank you so much for all of your advice. I read them all yesterday when I finished work, and I knew that my SO and I were going to be having drinks with his friends at his place.
So, after reading all of your encouraging comments, it was most likely 11pm, and we were sobering up (we stopped drinking at 9). We started getting a bit hot in the room, and that was when I asked him to put something on for me. He didn't say anything straight away, he was just more shocked that I was the one to bring it up. He asked me what I wanted him to put on, and I told him we need to ease into it, so nothing full on. He showed me a photo of what he looked like the other night, and he said that was the first time he fully dressed. Mind my language but HOLY ****. He looked so so good. It was a maids outfit, red wig, red lips and mascara. He looked really attractive. I told him straight up that I was super surprised how good he looked. We spoke a little more whether he should put something on for me or not. I told him I needed a shower and he can decide for himself. When I came back to the room and I crawled into bed, I ran my hands over his hips and found he was wearing this cute little black g-string (now this is where I'm less than knowledgeable about lingerie) with these red... suspenders??? that went into stockings. We didn't have the light on, but it was enough for me to feel the vibe from him.

He likes dressing like that. And I don't blame him, ahha. I played with his butt a bit before finally turning the light on - when we both got the courage - to finally look at him. He was lying on his stomach, so his back was to me. And again - HOLY ****. I told him I am super jealous that my boyfriend has a better ass than I do, haha. I kept telling him he looked really good, and he kept asking me, "really?" It was definitely one hell of an experience. He wore them all night, into the morning and finally changed back into his "normal" clothes. I told him not to refer to them as that, I didn't realise how... sexist? it felt to hear him say something as simple as comparing womens and mens clothing after seeing him not even partially 'dressed. We both think he may have gender dysphoria (sp?). But that's another topic altogether. My boundaries are the pronouns and him turning around and telling me he would like to be a woman 24/7.

It was definitely one hell of an experience. I told him I'll buy him make up wipes so it's easier to take off and that I'd like to do his make up next time. I tried to make it as fun sounding as possible, and less awkward. He thanked me for not freaking out and being weird, but more just going with it. I can't change him - I don't want to - so I might as well make the most of it. I'm just glad that he's happy to respect my boundaries. But yeah, my only deal breaker would be a transition, or seeing him 'dressed more often than not - because like I said, I'm dating a man. I'm just more than happy to see him 'dressed because he becomes so much more relaxed, and when he's back to his boy-self, he's just so much calmer and I can see in his eyes that something has been lifted.

I personally wouldn't mind doing this once or twice a week. I know I can handle that much. And even helping him get fully 'dressed would be cool too. I don't think I could physically do anything with him when he's like that, I'd rather feel like he's my best girlfriend than my boyfriend at that point. But this is definitely more fun than I anticipated, haha. Such a wonderful experience. I just hope he knows I still love him the same. Although I still worry that this somehow makes me question my own sexuality - I'm straight. And doing these things confuses me a little. He told me I'm still as straight as I was before we had done anything like this, it's just him wearing women's clothes. I guess that's a learning curve to deal with that mentality.

Long story short - totally not fair that my boyfriend has a better ass than I do.

[ReineD]

I'm so glad it went well. Sounds like you both are in for good times!

Just be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes, after CDers come out to their SOs, they are so relieved and happy they can be free without having lost their SO that they can go overboard and progress much faster than is comfortable for the SO. This happened with my SO and I. I was super supportive like you, and I could not understand why I felt uneasy with some of my SO's progress. And I felt that if I said anything about my feelings it would be construed as not being supportive. I did try a few times to put into words the things that I was concerned about but my SO thought that I was being negative. So please don't do as we did ... have lots of open and honest communication where you both can feel safe talking about how you feel.

You mention worrying about your own sexuality and by this I take it that you wondered if you are lesbian? Just ask yourself if you are sexually attracted to women. If the answer is no, then you are not lesbian.


... and about guy vs. girl asses: have a look at this video I saw on facebook. It's a riot.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-a-girl-s-butt

[Jazzy Jaz]

Im glad things have turned out well for the two of you.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Oh Teags, what would my life have been like if I had met someone like you at 18? I shouldn't say that, because my GF is just as special right now.

It seems like you've both got a good start on so far, but I think, reading between the lines, that you are both a bit innocent and inexperienced with this sort of stuff. Inevitable really, you're both still so young! You almost certainly will find subjects that set you back, and provoke reactions that may cause issues, try not to let them cause trouble. Don't ignore them, but make the effort to discuss them calmly without too much fear or other reactions getting in the way. If it isn't illegal, if it doesn't hurt anyone (that doesn’t want to be hurt, willing masochists are a different matter) then it probably isn't wrong. It might not be something you're into, but just say so, "I'm not into that and I can't handle it" and move on.

Dressing up, either of you, is just fine, IMHO. I love seeing my GF in lingerie, stockings and garter belts, (called suspender belts in the UK) and the best! I like wearing them myself, I wish there were more options and they were more available for men to wear. Done right, they be more comfortable than tights or pantyhose. Enjoy feeling him in lovely smooth sexy fabrics, let him do that with you. Maybe go shopping for matching outfits? If he's anything like me, he'll do anything for you after that!

I somewhat understand your fears about him transitioning, or going out, and I can't tell you he won't. Everybody is different, and he probably has a whole bunch of repression to get out from under first before he can find himself. The odds are very much with you though, most of us are only interested in girls. Some of the way we relate to them can be a bit different, but for most part this is good for the partners!

Try not to worry, and enjoy each other.

[joanna4]

You are a great person at heart by default. Your life is set. Continue doing what you're doing, you're very young, and good luck with your relationship.

[teags]

Thank you so much for the advice and support guys and gals

I've experience quite a lot with him now, and we have over stepped a few of my boundaries. We spoke about how we mentality think of our sexuality when he dresses. I openly explained to him that it makes me feel bi.He told me that is exactly what he feels every morning when he wakes up in women's clothing, so he gets confused. We talked and talked. It seemed we got to a point where I explained that we're both straight people, just one of us are dressing and having fantasies about having a woman do "manly" things to him. I guess that's where the relationship has gone to now.

Other than that, I've become almost completely comfortable with him dressing. We're slowly getting there. He hasn't dressed fully in front of me yet, but he has worn a corset. It scared me a little at first, then he put on the maids outfit, which scared me a little more. So we took it back to the corset. We're finding our feet.

If it weren't for everyone who posted on this thread, I probably wouldn't have built up the courage to continue to be with this man

Thank you.

[mykell]

If it weren't for everyone who posted on this thread, I probably wouldn't have built up the courage to continue to be with this man

Thank you.

youre welcome, glad that you have forged forward with the relationship and found him to be suitable....

[AnnieMac]

Why did it scare you teags?

[renna]

Hey Teegs! Thanks for your reply on my post (concerning my compatibility with my bf) yesterday! Your response means a lot.
It's been so great reading your post and all the advice the lovely people on this site have shared with you.
You sound so incredibly mature, intelligent, and accepting... especially for your age! I don't know how I would have handled what I'm going through now when I was 18, but I reckon I would have avoided the situation completely just because I would have had absolutely no one to bounce my ideas and anxieties off of.. or the wherewithall to look online... thank god for the internet eh?!!
What your boyfriend said about potentially being attracted to guys, but only when dressed as a woman, sounds a lot like what my boyfriend has expressed to me recently.
I wish I had the status to message you on here, but I have to make about 5 more posts.
Talk to you soon!
Thanks for being so brave on here!

[Brandy Mathews]

Welcome. He is very lucky to have a woman like you that is so understanding. I had a girlfriend like you years ago. We used to like to go shopping together. I would even do her nails and she liked to do my nails and makeup too. Really loved the way that she did my eyes, so pretty.
Good luck with your boyfriend and I wish you the best.
Bree

[Natalie Wood]

Hi Teags,

Let me first start off by telling you how amazing you are. Just desiring to try and understand your boyfriend and to try and be as supportive as possible makes you a wonderful person in my book.

So just like you, my wife found this site to be very helpful and supportive when I came out to her five years ago. I am 43 and we have been married for 16 years. She is not only accepting but very supportive. I think we are both very blessed to have each other. I encourage you to take things at his pace until you get to a level where it makes you feel uncomfortable. Then talk about it. Keep doing this. Eventually you both will settle upon a level that is rewarding to both of you.

For my wife, she loves the fact that she has another person to go clothes shopping with. My daughters know me as Dad, but Dad who wears all kinds of clothes. So all my girls value my opinion on make up, clothes, hair, etc. We have nail polishing parties, fashion shows and just a lot of fun with it. But it didn't start this blissfully. We have to work at our feelings and levels of comfort. These days we are both at the level where we can be and do what we want with no weirdness. So just take your time with this. It can be as great as you both can imagine it to be.

A suggestion I have for you is to give him a lot of praise the first time you see "her." The first time I put on some thigh highs for my wife I felt so nervous of course. But her words to me were "Wow you are rocking those thigh highs!" That made me feel so good and more at ease. Had she laughed or cringed I would have probably been devastated. So be gentle and complimentary if you can.

I'll stop here. Looks like you have a lot of replies to read and think about. Best wishes to both of you!

Natalie