The Crossdresser's Girlfriend.
Good evening or morning, wherever you are
I apologise in advance for the long post, but I want to tell my story of being the Crossdresser's Girlfriend.
I'd like to be known as Teags, an ordinary 18 year old girl. Quite recently I started dating an old high school boyfriend again, who is a closet CD. He told me about his CD'ing essentially before we became an item, perhaps a month or so ago. I have read through quite a few forums on this website, and I am quite surprised, and grateful, about how early he told me about CD'ing habits. When he first told me, he attempted to make it a joke just to see how I would react, but soon came clean and told me he wasn't lying. At first, I was a little surprised - but I have a very open mind. I wasn't shocked or put off by him, just... surprised to say the least. It didn't make me see him as any less of a man. We didn't talk about the subject for quite a while. One day while he was at work, I snooped through two of the bags he had indicated at during his confession.
Sure enough, there were women's clothing, shoes and wig within the bags. I didn't really know how to expect. I didn't think of how I would react. I mean he had told me the truth, didn't he? But why did I feel more shocked? I guess it suddenly hit me that he really did CD. He had told me not to tell anyone, but I needed to speak to someone who could tell me that this was... okay. That it wasn't as taboo or "bad" as I really thought. I spoke to my mother, who absolutely adores my partner, and the way he treats me. She wasn't surprised, and said she thought there was something too special about him. She offered me support, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't as though I wasn't coping with this new information, it was more... what do I do with this information?
I had so many questions come up in my head. So many feelings I didn't know whether they were okay to feel or not. I loved him to no end, and I still wanted to continue loving this man. Initially, I felt uneasy, and kept those particular feelings to myself. I did not want him to be put under any pressure whatsoever to stop CD'ing simply because he thought it weirded me out. Like I said, I'm very open minded. I told him that I just needed it to sink in and we'll talk about it again another day, just let me think. And he did.
I went out one night with some girlfriends and he asked me to come back to his afterwards. It was roughly one in the morning when I went back to his. I thought he ignored my texts and phone calls, so I went home, but he later told me he was asleep. The next day he admitted he was 'dressed, "so it was probably a good thing I hadn't come back to stay at his." At that moment I felt a little betrayed... no that's not the correct word... maybe a little let down. There was a side of him he was keeping from me. That was when I realised I wanted to know that part of him.
We had a few drinks with his friends and siblings one night, and someone noticed that he shaved his legs (which he does quite regularly, it's normal for me). He told them a fib, and later told me it was because he 'dressed earlier. This piece of information settled fine with me. I was okay with it. Eventually everybody left and we went to have a shower and we had a (drunk) conversation about things he would like done to him. To put it simply, he said "whatever you like done to you... I like done to me." So I put one and one together and figured it out. I think wondered about his sexuality, more questions. I started to feel uneasy. This man who worked on cars, went 4x4'ing, worked in tiling, and was just such a... boy, had such a feminine side to him.
That night we experimented on things. A few nights after I decided I really needed a night at home, and needed to do some research. I then found this great website. The things I have read from many of the CD'ing men, or rather women (what would you like me to refer to you all as?) have been so enlightening and I didn't feel so alone. I soon realised this is a journey I'm prepared to take with my partner so he's more comfortable in his own skin, and with me, and be who he wants to be. I then came up with multiple questions.
How often do you CD?
Why do you CD?
Do you want to become a girl?
Are you bi-sexual?
Would you like to do this in public?
Shortly after researching so much for a couple of nights, I found the courage to talk to him about it. We were snuggling in his bed, him being the little spoon. I asked him everything I had. And in return, he gave me what I believe is complete honesty. He turned to me and thanked me, telling me no other partner (only two others knew about his CD'ing) went to this extent to try to understand him. He explained to me sometimes he likes feeling like my gender, (I still don't quite understand this) but he likes being a man. He tried sleeping with another man, but he couldn't deal with that, he would rather be with a woman. He wouldn't do this in public and he wouldn't change genders. Which is ultimately my biggest fear.
I love my partner, a lot. But the sad thing is, I cannot call him "her" or "she," referring to him in feminine pronouns. I remember him saying one night "a pity you're so straight." I then realise that this may be what he meant, unless he meant in regards to our bedroom activities. I went into the relationship dating a man, and I'd like to keep it that way. I can't call him a girl, because that makes me feel as though I'm then dating a woman, which turns me off completely. We discussed that and he's fine with it.
My partner is yet to 'dress in front of me. I'm kind of scared of what my reaction will be. What are some things you would have like to have heard or seen in your partners eyes the first time she saw you 'dressed? I'd really like some help here. I want him to feel comfortable and 'dress in front of me. I want to be as supportive as possible. I feel as though I'd be scared simply because I don't want to feel as though I'm sleeping with/dating a woman. I want to try and keep it as light as possible, maybe a joke rather than something so serious or "taboo." I love him too much for this to be a deal breaker for me - unless he starts asking me to call him her, I may have to reconsider my options only because that side is completely mental/emotional.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Any opinions, advice, ANYTHING is more than welcome. I'd like some support too
Originally Posted by teags
