cross dressing vs. cross 'behaving'

[Robin414]

I 'feel' like a woman pretty much all the time but I don't really feel the 'need' to dress up...I think because I 'act' like a girl even in 'drab'. I do love to be a full on woman but maybe so my appearance matches my behavior (don't want to trigger gaydar, i mean that respectfully by the way, I'm just not gay)..that and the fact I love carrying a purse! 😀 Thoughts?

[Rachael Leigh]

I'm with you Robin, I'm not gay either but when there are times when I don't want to dress all the way but wear some of my women's stuff in Guy mode I dont want to look gay I'm just wanting to be comfortable so I feel you sister
Leigh

[LaurenS]

I feeling that more often. Right now, when in guy mode, I don't show femme mannerisms (I think), I think more compassionately, and try to empathize with everyone. Even though I frequently underdress, if I carried a purse, I think my mannerisms would set everyone's gaydar off! lol

[Katey888]

Would it be at all possible for one of the many guys in dresses we have around here to explain how, exactly, one "looks gay"...?



And beyond that - why some of us appear to be so concerned about appearing to be gay...?



Remember the odd posts we have about a small minority of the LGB community not appearing to be enamoured of the 'T' segment...? I wonder why...

Katey x

[NicoleScott]

Katey, nobody should have to explain why they don't want to be seen as something they're not. There was a thread about this some years ago, in which it was suggested that telling the truth (not gay) indicated homophobia. Then the language police showed up, slamming those who say "I'm not gay" instead of "I'm straight". I remember a GG posting that she didn't hold hands with her dual gender SO while en femne in public so as not to be seen as a lesbian. Which she isn't. Is that wrong? Katey, you ask why. Because I'm not. Isn't that reason enough?

[Angela Marie]

Well as i noted in previous posts i have become much more comfortable going out dressed. A few weeks ago I decided to effect a more feminine appearance without the makeup, wigs, etc. I was shopping when I saw some awesome running tights, pink striped. I thought those would be great to run in. So I bought them and went out for a run in a park in the next town over. I just let the same feminine personality come through as when I am completely dressed. Almost all the women smiled at me and said hello. Don't know what they were thinking but it appeared they had no issue. My view is that as your feminine persona becomes stronger it, at times, becomes your dominant personality whether dressed or not.

[Prissy Linda]

Robin. I totally get I "feel" like a woman all of the time. There are times when I can't dress either partially or completely but that's ok cause I can still feel like a woman. When I was much younger I would get comments that I act like a girl, been told I am a girly boy or kinda queer acting, well I guess it was true because I still have feminine mannerisms even when I'm not carrying my purse.

[Katey888]

Katey, nobody should have to explain why they don't want to be seen as something they're not. ... Katey, you ask why. Because I'm not. Isn't that reason enough?

Nicole - I wasn't implying that... I'm not gay either - but I could care less whether anyone thought I was, or wasn't... and how would I even know they thought that..?

My first question was a bit of tilting at stereotypes which (the more I'm here) I feel we needlessly perpetuate amongst ourselves - and the question stands: How exactly, do you look gay? I'm guessing not just wearing a pink shirt...

And then after that, why does it matter? If we're being honest expressing the feminine side of us (which I think is what Robin is implying) why should we be worried that a bit of limp-wristedness (another stereotype...) or girly mannerisms, or whatever it is, should be taken as something less than complete heterosexuality? I just don't get it, but maybe that means I'm just more at ease with myself, my sexuality and less threatened by what other people think than I thought I was...

Katey x

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Robin, I guess that wearing triple ...... pierced earrings 24/7/365 is a form of Cross Behaving for me.

[pamela7]

Katey, in one group of women i know, they call it a "gaydar" (how they recognise gay men), but like any system they get it wrong.

Responding to the OP, I wonder how much behaviour is in dress-only to avoid gaydar detectors? I remember distinctly deciding in my early days of CD that some clothing made me look too gay, and I was after a feminine, non-gay look. It was of course ridiculous as Katey says, now I don't give a damn, but the femme clothing helps me to express femininely, and manwear does the opposite.

[Robin414]

I read a post a while ago (not even sure it was here) about a CD/TG presenting more 'femme' at work and a gay coworker got the wrong impression and was ultimately offended, maybe I'm making mountains out of mole hills...😕

[UNDERDRESSER]

It's funny, but just today I was realising that since I've been working in a skirt, and I've been playing up the confidence thing, (sort of fake it till you make it) that I really have become more confident, and because of that, my mannerisms and behaviours have been much more ...energetic? Powerful? Dunno what you'd call it but it looks more masculine I think in a lot of ways. I'm certainly getting a lot more positive vibes from ladies anyway.