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Thread: Trying to understand TS

  1. #26
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Leigh, I came out here 8 years ago. And naively thot everyone had as much fun dressing as I did. Then, the TS,s slapped me around until I understood something of what it had been like for them. Not any fun at all.

    One thing that stood out for me is that felt they were women. Since I have never been a woman and only began the desire late in life, I tried to find out what feeling like a female felt like? I guess I'll never know? Maybe others r in the same boat as me.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #27
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Leigh - well done for being prepared to ask and then being prepared to listen in an effort to understand...

    Lori - well done for not giving up...

    The TS forum is there to be read by all who are prepared to broaden their understanding... 'nuff said on this subject.

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  3. #28
    Diva AbigailJordan's Avatar
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    I think it's like every other progression. Many of us feel happy in the clothes and the makeup.. some want to go further.. a few even fool themselves and others that they have enough even though secretly they don't. It's all part of trying to deal with something "abnormal" according to society.

    Perhaps it's the case that the increased public exposure that TS have had recently that gives a few the courage to stand up and admit "no, actually, I DO want to transition, I've just been fighting it". Everyone needs to find their level.

    I once posted on here saying that in a perfect world I would be able to go out wearing whatever I wanted, and not have to worry about passing or trying to blend in just so that I could wear my fave clothes. Even I wondered at the time if that was actually true, I wondered if, I woke up one day and everyone knew about me, it would be enough to just keep wearing or if I'd still want more. Well, it happened, I outed myself a few months ago because I was aware that the news was already travelling fast around town. In the first few weeks after this, I dressed en femme once a week, enjoying my new freedom. I also started to push the boundary of my "male wardrobe" with items from Abi's, to the point of going to the shop wearing skinny jeans, low v-cut top with open back and longline cardigan with cute quilted flats and dangly earrings (still in male mode), and can now go to the store wearing just about anything (I save the dresses for Abi of course). And I've found that my desire to fully dress (and go through all the "hassle" of it) has waned somewhat. I haven't been fully dressed for about a month now.. mostly due to work keeping me busy, but the pink fog just hasn't descended as I thought it might.

    It all depends on our own personal level of comfort and desire, only when we reach that level will each of us find that happiness in ourselves that we crave so badly.

  4. #29
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    I want to re-emphasize to not conflate dressing up at any interval with being transexual. Again, being transexual is about your inner sense of self. Presenting publicly may give relief, but it isn't certain and in everything I have seen, is not 100% effective, just a counter measure that works for some people. For some, it does nothing and they don't try to present differently, they just transition. At some level, and it is an individual thing on what works, you just have to be you, no hiding or repressing. I could go out naked and be transitioned and be myself (brain bleach on sale for $9.99 a gallon).

    So you have to differentiate between those that are somewhere on the spectrum with mixed male/female feelings and those that are 100% female. I know someone that identifies as gender fluid but transitioned from male to female as they felt their presentation leaned more female, so it would be easier for social integration. The presenting as female began to create anxiety because she was not being herself. You really need to be yourself, no matter what your feelings are. So transition to living life as a woman is only for those that feel that they have that complete internal sense of self that matches that presentation. Otherwise, it can cause issues.

  5. #30
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    I started socially transitioning 11 years ago when I returned from South America..I decided to make a fresh start and live life my way. There is nothing that prevents a person from living true to their inner self if they have the desire and strength to do so. Having a thick skin and an attitude to match it helps. I believe that humans are social creatures and I want to live that way. Acceptance and inclusion can happen easily when you surround yourself with people that get it. There are others on here that live life on their own terms as well.

  6. #31
    Diva AbigailJordan's Avatar
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    Sue got it pretty much right. Just as there are a few CD's who are actually on the path to realising they wish to transition, there are many who knew from an early age and it manifested not as a desire to dress but a desire to change and become truly who they felt they were.

    You will find that the stories of log term cd'ers deciding to transition is actually quite rare. For many it is merely a non binary gender issue where even as males, their feeling of femininity falls much further along the line. I think it's difficult for a lot of people to grasp that you can't use a single spectrum to encompass all of us. Imagine more if you will, a split spectrum, with "normal male" at one end.. (societies stereotype of a male that is), at that end, you start to get the "fetish" types as it were (again societies.. and it appears the view of some TS girls), the HPW's and stocking lovers etc.. Then the spectrum splits along the TS line and the none TS line.. the start of the former MAY be CD'ing, but it may not, the start of the latter is usually an increased CD'ing activity, so they may or may not run in tandem, but the further along the spectrum you go, the bigger the difference between a non transitioner and a true TS will become.

    This is why it seems so unusual for a long term CD'er who stated she was happy with that to make the difficult leap across to the other path. As I said, some girls know from very early on.. some either aren't sure, or choose to avoid the possibilities.. the only thing for certain, if you are TS, then one day you will realise it and after that, nothing can really stop you from striving for that match between physical and emotional gender.

  7. #32
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your imputs I really was feeling like I just didnt understand enough about those who go the route of HRT and and the like and while I know there is a lot of places to go out there where I can get info I felt I had a great place here to ask and understand. I still struggle with my own part of this TG/CD world and Im glad I have a place to share and ask questions.
    Sandra yes I thought this might not be the right place for this thread so I do apologize, it hit me just as I hit post.
    Leigh

  8. #33
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    I think it is a good place for it.

    Being ts was not a progression for me. Transitioning was though as the different ways I coped failed.

  9. #34
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    The idea that there is some type of spectrum or progression where your presentation suggests your probability of transition is a popular one here, but it is absolutely baseless.

    It's neat to put someone like me who was apparently a fetish dresser at one end of the scale, and someone like Isha at the other end of the scale. Except for one small detail. I went from "stocking fetish" to "transition or die" in about six months. Isha plugged away at fully presenting as female quite a long time before starting her transition. You'd think the severity of our gender dysphoria would be predicted by the extent of our dressing, but in fact it's quite the opposite. Isha joined about the time I started my transition. I'd joined the site 6 months prior, and when I joined, I wore stockings and panties, and that was it. In the two years following, Isha has come out as being TS, while I've gone through HRT, electrolysis, breast augmentation and GRS. (This isn't a race, just pointing out that our presentation proved nothing about our need for, or pace of transition.)

    At most CDing is like the tip of the ice berg - the important part of the iceberg isn't what you can see, it's what's below the surface that really matters.

  10. #35
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    I've enjoyed reading this thread and thought I'd add my own perspective to the mix.

    Gender identity depends upon three factors; (1) the physical morphology (penis or vagina), (2) the chromosomes/genes (X,Y=male, X,X=female), and the brain (males and females have distinct neural networks). In most cases these three factors are in agreement, however, they don't have to be in agreement. For instance, you can have a genetic male (X,Y chromosomes) who will have a defect in the SRY gene of the Y-chromosome. This condition will make the person appear as a normal female (with vagina, breasts, etc), however he/she will be sterile. They usually don't know they are genetic males until they question why they don't have a menstrual period and see a physician who determines that they are genetic males.

    Similarly, researchers using magnetic resonance tomography can perform brain scans and see the neural networks in real time. Simply by observing the brain scan they can determine if they are seeing a male or female brain by the activity of their neural networks. However if they observe the neural network activity of a transgender person the pattern will somehow be between male and female. Crossdressing is a biological condition hardwired into the brain. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0107082133.htm

    The crossdressing spectrum covers a wide field and it should include TS. The extent that we pursue our crossdressing, and even transitioning, reflects the extent of our neural network's gender identification. What works for one may seem completely out of the question to another - why? Because our brain's neural networks are different.

    Personally, i am content just being a man in a dress.

  11. #36
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Everyone is different and has different needs. I hope each person gets to follow a path that leads to happiness.

  12. #37
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    A visual way of considering this would be:


    • Draw a circle that represents ones Gender Assigned at Birth.
    • Near that circle, draw another circle of the same size (but NOT overlapping) that represents the Gender You Believe Yourself To Be.
    • Cut them out
    • Lay one on top of the other such that they are concentric
      • This represents how most people are: their Gender Assigned at Birth is essentially aligned with the Gender They Believe Themselves To Be

    • Next, take the circles and position them such that they are near each other, but do not overlap or overlap very slightly
      • For people who need to transition, there is little or no alignment between their Gender Assigned at Birth and the Gender They Believe Themselves To Be. The degree of mismatch is complete or nearly complete
      • Transitioning is a way to bring things into alignment

    • For those of us somewhere in the middle, the degree of misalignment varies. The circles would overlap to different degrees.
      • Personally, for me the degree of misalignment is maybe 10% to 20% at most; enough to think about but nowhere near enough to make transitioning needed or useful


    DeeAnn

  13. #38
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    One thing I must confess I have in the past struggled with my own if I was TS question but that was very many years ago and of course when there was not as much info on it. Over theses last few years Ive come to what I think is a good place in my dressing by accepting that its not likely to go away to where I am now is this going to be it for me or do I want or need more.
    I honestly dont feel as if Im somehow trapped in the wrong body but there is something about being dressed and being out dressed that does change me and so I always think if this was what I wanted all the time. I really enjoy being dressed but there are times I just need my guy time and I think thats what slows me down and I understand I am just a guy who has a strong fem side and Im ok with that.
    Its a difficult balance but having this group has been good for me and again thanks.
    Leigh

  14. #39
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    I'm going to break it down for you to be really simple. Really, really simple.

    There are only a couple of questions, that you need to answer to decide whether or not you need some form of transition. They are really simple questions:
    1. Am I a man, or am I a woman?
    2. Can I continue to live my life as I live it now, or must I change.

    All of this "trapped in the wrong body", "always knew since I was 15 minutes old," etc. is just not the key issue.

    The only issues that matter, at the end of the day are:
    - who are you?
    - what are you going to do about it?

    BTW, identifying as partly male, and partly female is a possibility. However, knowing people like that, in a lot of ways, this is harder. People have trouble understanding someone like me, and I'm simple - I'm a girl. That's it - end of story. There are all sorts of social conventions for a person like me - a woman. Same thing for men.

    There is no social model or template for someone who's neither male nor female, is both, or fluidly shifts between them. There is little medical support for such people either. It only seems easier, because there is this temptation to think "I can keep my stuff / my wife / my life!" This is the wrong thing to focus on, even if it ends up being true. The key thing is to be honest, and to be true to yourself, whatever that means.

    Know who you really are, and be who you are.

  15. #40
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    Thank You Isha. Well said.

  16. #41
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    My Husband's Journey

    About a year after I had married my late husband, David, I came home to find him crying. I asked him what was wrong and he confessed that he wanted to be a woman. While I had heard about trans girls I never really knew one and wasn't sure how to react. We talked for a couple of hours and his story was very similar to every other one you hear. The bottom line was that he was at a point where he couldn't stand being a man any longer. This wasn't a complete surprise because even before we were married, I realized that he wasn't the most masculine man I had known. But, he was the one I was the most attracted to. So I told him that I would keep an open mind.

    I started reading more about TS girls and the more I read, the more I started to understand what she was going through. Suzie, used to be David, asked me to help her and I said of course. We started by getting her ears pierced, twice in each lobe. I waxed her eyebrows, legs, chest and arm pits for her. I took Suzie to VS to get measured for a bra and panty and she purchased several matching pairs and started wearing them under her clothes all of the time.

    We took it in small steps and with each the happier she became. She had longish hair to start with and after a month, she was asking me to cut and color it in a feminine style. I gave her a long pixie with highlights. Not as feminine as she wanted but, much better than what she had. As her journey progressed the more I enjoyed helping her. With in a year Suzie was full time and on hormones under a Dr.'s care.

    At three years she was finally able to completely become the woman she needed to be and I was a lesbian now.

  17. #42
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    There are only a couple of questions, that you need to answer to decide whether or not you need some form of transition. They are really simple questions:
    1. Am I a man, or am I a woman?
    2. Can I continue to live my life as I live it now, or must I change.
    Know who you really are, and be who you are.
    Easier asked than answered, and just like perhaps a CD cannot understand a full TS, can the full TS understand the fluid/nongendered?

    What if one has so suppressed this within oneself, in soul-service to others, that only only knows or discovers later in life? Donna in particular, and Isha to some extent, most closely speak to my own experience. I don't actually want to ask myself the man/woman question, I'm a human. What am I going to do about it? I'm happy in female clothing, and get angry in male clothing, so it does not take a genius to realise what that implies. People feel unthreatened with me in a dress, and definitely seem scared of me when I'm in male mode. I know what that also implies. I hate shaving, would love to not have the beard. I know what that implies. I also prefer female company, always have, and never understood the male fighting-testeronic world, and I know what that implies. I also know my soul-father sees me as a male soul, and I know that once a male has evolved enough it can become a female in the next life. So when I say I'm a man in a dress and happy like that, I am. But maybe I'm still not aware or accepting of a real gender identity because it never crossed my mind, I just didn't fit society as the male. In summary, it aint so easy Paula.

    xxx Pamela
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confucius View Post
    I've enjoyed reading this thread and thought I'd add my own perspective to the mix.

    Gender identity depends upon three factors; (1) the physical morphology (penis or vagina), (2) the chromosomes/genes (X,Y=male, X,X=female), and the brain (males and females have distinct neural networks). In most cases these three factors are in agreement, however, they don't have to be in agreement. For instance, you can have a genetic male (X,Y chromosomes) who will have a defect in the SRY gene of the Y-chromosome. This condition will make the person appear as a normal female (with vagina, breasts, etc), however he/she will be sterile. They usually don't know they are genetic males until they question why they don't have a menstrual period and see a physician who determines that they are genetic males.
    Confucius, when you talk about chromosomes and those with conditions related to physical differences, you are talking about Intersex conditions and not Transgender individuals. Transgender is an internal sense of identity. Intersex is related to things physical or as INSA puts it "“Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male". Maybe someday they will find it in our DNA where it proves we are trans*, but I haven't heard of any solid study yet. If you want to learn more about Intersex conditions (check out Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome that I believe you are thinking of) then go to the now defunct Intersex Society of North America's (ISNA) page at http://www.isna.org/faq/conditions.

  19. #44
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    GOOD LUCK,, By the way,, When someone REALLY figures it out let me know, It sure would be a valuable asset while your Transitioning,,,lol,,, An I only want Guaranteed results, Full Proof plans, No Bull,, Nothing but Full proof results. Step by step instructions , Proven Results,,,lol,,, Thanks in Advance ,,,
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by pamela7 View Post
    Easier asked than answered, and just like perhaps a CD cannot understand a full TS, can the full TS understand the fluid/nongendered
    I think it's a challenge to me anyway to understand gender fluid people. My identity is really solid. I'm just some girl. I try to equate gender fluidity to my sexuality, which is highly fluid. My attraction ebbs and flows between men and women. It never fixes on one. It's frustrating. I have to imagine gender fluidity is kinda like that?

  21. #46
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    I think the thing that we have to understand is that we are all different and you really can't lump everyone into one category and to judge others for being in their own way whether they are Gender Fluid or what not is the way they are and to try and change that or understand it might be hard but to say that those are beneath us is just dumb in my opinion. We should embrace each other no matter what, we are all struggling to be the person that we feel we were born to be but living the opposite way.

    I guess I could be gender fluid since sometimes I am struggling with the feelings of wanting to be a woman and other times I am happy with being a guy. Its all over the place and perhaps that is the way it is now until I become more comfortable in who I am and is just a phase to get to an area where someday I will identity as a woman all the time.

  22. #47
    Junior Member Joe Ann Miles's Avatar
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    Hi.

    Just love Your Patience Lorileah. :-)

  23. #48
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    Hi Everyone

    Just wanted to kick in my deep appreciation for this thread.

    I am just beginning to be open to my internal gender reality in an honest way and all of your comments are so helpful. I am certain I qualify as a crossdresser - I have been wearing woman's clothing since age 7 or there about. I am pretty confident I am gender queer. I have had intermittent, sometimes intense, fantasizes about the possibility of being in my life as a woman for decades.

    After a 6 year abstinence, I have returned to crossdressing in the last few months and am now out to my SO, my best friends and family of choice. I am slowly choosing my level of "outness" and working into the timing of it. In these last few months of conscious, non-secret, non-ashamed dressing, I am becoming more and more convinced I have an "energetic" woman's anatomy that has always been with me. It is both scary and a relief to experience my femaleness. Yet, at the same time, I still feel male, too....at the moment, my best guess is that I am more gender fluid than anything else. At the same time, I continue to be open to discovering a different or deeper truth...

    I am doing my best to open to the process and stay honest. I do not know where it will take me. I do know that all of your willingness to share your truth as you know it is VERY helpful.

    Thanks.

    Peace
    Eve

  24. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    Please, do a search or read the Transsexual boards. Read about GRS on the web. Watch videos if need be. You don't have to join our club. But rush is next week so...
    You're bound and determined to see G & T come out my nose aren't you! See what I did there?

  25. #50
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I don't know if it is for anyone to truly understand other than those who are TS. Cis gender people will never be able to understand any of it, TS or CD, because there truly is no point of reference. CDers will never understand TS, but I also think TS will never understand CDers. I can imagine them thinking either, why bother if you are only going to switch back in a few hours or a few days, or, why go through going back at all.... They are likely no more able to understand what it is like to feel connected to both genders, as they are only connected to the opposite gender of their birth.

    I recall some TS members talking about how their genitalia and its functioning causes them anxiety or anguish, or some other profound negative experience. I can understand someone who may feel it worth it to be on HRT, for feminizing, or for emotional effects of it, sort of like SSRI meds in a sense, but I cannot understand how what I feel would cause someone to feel the anguish or anxiety or whatever else. My enjoyment of intimacy as it is is a big part of why I don't go on HRT.

    I think both for our S/O's, and ourselves, many of the TS members had a path that started a lot like ours. That can be confusing and perhaps scary. We come to a point where we are more, or mostly fulfilled with our dressing, enough to make life decent or bearable, so why go through all of what they do?

    Addressing what Paula Q said about her sexuality as being fluid, I think that there very well may be similarities to gender fluidity. Not in a connection of sexuality and gender, but of how one can feel or be both. I can walk in a mall, and have both men's and women's sections be interesting, attractive, call out to me kind of thing. My own dual/fluid gender thing, I guess I can describe it as at times, two people sitting in a car, neither wants to ride shotgun. Then other times, one is ok with the other driving... but both are present, in the car at all times.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

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