Or: Escape from the doldrums…
Those of you who know me know that I’m a largely closet girl, courtesy of my secretive circumstances and… well, just circumstances really. Even at a peak I wouldn’t dress more than once a week and often much less, but this year has really turned down a lot. After going out in January and having an absolute ball, fully glammed (here if you’re interested: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post3687682) the year turned very drab. I really felt like I wanted to, but time after time I’d prep for it but it just didn’t happen… I had in mind getting some alternate evening dresses – that got me inspired for one session in June – and then back to the doldrums again.
I was beginning to wonder if I was close to purging again…
Or am I losing my confidence that this is really part of me…?
At the same time as thinking that I was conflicted with feelings of: “Wouldn’t it be great just to drop this stupid, abnormal obsession…” (feeling negative) with “But I’m sure I miss it and how it makes me feel so good and so right?” (more positive). And then the lingering fear that I think many of us have: “What if I need more than this? How much am I repressing something more?” Hmmm…
So it took me a while, but this is really a post of encouragement for those in a similar situation to my own… I got everything prepped for today, and this time the antsy, arsey, lazy part of me got squished under a shapely stiletto…
I feel soooo much better… my makeup was a bit lazy, but presentable – I had some new kit to try out, and some of it worked – but mostly, I’ve recovered the feel good thing that I get through expressing this weird part of me. I still can’t explain why just a few hours relaxing , dressed, snapping a few pics, flicking my hair around should have such a positive impact but it does. The ‘girl will out’ I guess… And what I’m saying to my fellow Closeteers is this:
Try to ensure you get your time when you can, whatever rules you have to bend, mountains that need moving – it may not be as easy or convenient for us to do it, but it doesn’t make it any less important to our emotional well-being to have that outlet for this much needed expression. As I am fond of saying to others, I should have remembered this earlier..
Keep Calm & Carry On!
Katey x