[See my Post #13 above for more details.]
I've been away because my girlfriend didn't like me to be online much and especially didn't like that I crossdressed. When I met her a year ago, I moved into a room in her house to help caretake a family member of hers, although he was almost never there. So we had the house to ourselves most of the time. I told her I crossdress a few days after I moved in, because I forgot to do so earlier. It turned out that she said she crossdressed in the past as well. So I thought she would be understanding and accepting. I started dressing often for a couple weeks or so. Then I told her I was interested in companionship. The next two days she flirted with me a little, which was exciting. But on the third day she started talking constantly to herself, complaining about how numerous people, esp. her closest family members, had mistreated her. She had talked to herself a little when I first arrived, but it wasn't so severe and it subsided. She had mentioned early on that her son died a year earlier and she was still in grief. She also seemed schizophrenic, but she said a doctor said she wasn't.
I wanted to help her get over her grief and other emotional trauma, if I could. So I tolerated her odd behavior and she usually stayed in her room. But occasionally she would get mad at me for inexplicable reasons and argue with me severely. My response was to defend myself. But she would blabber on with angry, baseless accusations, though she was good at making them sound rational, if there would have been a third party present. That just led me to yell back, so then she'd berate me for yelling, although she yelled sometimes as well. She went through almost weekly cycles of that kind of behavior, starting with lots of talking to herself etc, then staying in bed for several days and starting to act friendly again, like Jekyll and Hyde. I found out that she had prescription diet pills (amphetamine) and she also sometimes took meth. I tried to persuade her that those were doing her a lot of harm, and she seemed to agree somewhat.
I continued to crossdress in the house for over a month, but we were getting close, and we started to have a relationship. We even talked before long about getting married. But she changed her attitude about crossdressing and she seemed afraid that I was gay. She would accuse me of looking at guys everywhere we went, which was absurd, but I could never prove it, so she kept being suspicious. She accused me of other things too. So I agreed not to crossdress while we were together. She said gayness isn't natural, that the gays she'd known had traumatic backgrounds. Her behavior calmed down to where she would do the angry self-talking less often. But she got mad enough at me again later that she told me to leave. So I got a bus ticket and planned to leave in a week. But she made up with me, so I didn't leave, but couldn't get a refund for the ticket. Then her family said I wouldn't be able to stay any longer, so I had to get another bus ticket after all. But my GF got one as well. She decided to go home with me to visit my family and stay there indefinitely.
About a week later then, it was time to prepare to leave. She said I had to get rid of my dresses and skirts etc. I was reluctant, but I thought if it helps her get well, then it's worth it. Next day we went to catch the bus for the long ride to my hometown. But just as the bus was taking on passengers, she accused me of looking at a guy there somewhere and she decided not to go with me. I tried to persuade her to come, but she was stubborn, so I gave her her ticket and I got on the bus. To my surprise, she got on too at the last minute. She said later that she had asked herself if she should stay there and have to take care of her disabled family member alone, which had been a huge burden to her for several years, or if she should go with me. She needed the respite, so she came along with me. But she almost decided to get off the bus and return home after getting to the next state from hers. But she changed her mind again.
We stayed with my family for several months and she stopped talking to herself and stopped acting schizophrenic for the most part, but she continued about every 2 weeks to angrily accuse me of various things, usually of looking at guys. Her disabled family member died this summer, so my GF and I returned to her home. We were planning to live there together and get married, but she had another of her anger spells and told me I had to leave. I still call her every few days, but a few days ago she said for the second time that she'll never have another boyfriend, and not me either. She said she wants to have a girlfriend instead.
She's full of contradictions, but I think it's part of healing. I think my being away from her seems to be part of her healing too, though I think I'll continue to try to get back with her, since she does change her mind to some extent. But she also is stubborn sometimes.
While with her, I haven't felt the need or the urge to dress. Despite her frequent anger spells she was rather affectionate to me during the interludes. And I needed that. I expect I'll probably need more of it by and by, but it may have to be from someone else. I was seldom on the internet this year when I was with her and that was one of the hardest parts of the relationship for me. Was the relationship worth it? I think so, because I think it helped her heal from her grief over her son's death. It's possible that we'll get back together, but, if we do, I'll insist on more favorable terms for me. Odds don't seem very good though so far. I've learned to be more conscious of my yelling and try harder not to do it. I hope she won't go back to drugs, and there's a good chance she won't, I think.
I hope you all have had a more fun year than I did. I expect that I won't get much urge to dress till I get settled down somewhere. Now I'm with my family and I don't want them to know about my dressing.
[See my Post #13 above for more details.]
Originally Posted by Demi88
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