SteppingOUT w/ Ian Harvie - The Back Story...

[flatlander_48]

A F & S:

Thanks for all that you have said! I really appreciate the comments that you've made.

We had the training course today that I mentioned a couple of messages up. I prepared several slides for the Transgender piece that I was going to talk about and our facilitator inserted them into the deck for the training.

I approached the discussion from the standpoint of the Identities that I claim...

1st) Some Identities are obvious, some may be noticed in a particular situation and further still, some may be hidden. If you spend a few minutes with me, it becomes obvious that I Identify as Male, an Elder, Black and Differently Abled.

2nd) I Identify as a son, father and grandfather (photo of me with my Dad, my daughter and my granddaughter)

3rd) I Identify as a husband (photo of me and my wife)

4th) I Identify as a mechanical engineer (photo of me in my cubicle with a 3-D CAD model of a machine on my computer screen with my PE License above the screen) Also, there are other things to note: a Ducati motorcycle model, a coffee cup with the original LOTUS logo, a calandar with a photo of Jim Hall's Chapparal from 1966 and I'm wearing a shirt with the old ROLEX Grand-Am Sports Car Series logo. These things suggest that I might be a motorsports fan.

5th) I Identify as a motorsports fan (photo of me after a run in a pavement modified, a 2600 pound, ~600horsepower weapon)

6th) I Identify as transgender (photo of DeeAnn with Ian Harvie at our SteppingOUT event)

Some things to note:
People like Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner and Lana Wachowsky transitioned from male to female because they had to. There was essentially no alignment between their physical and emotional selves. They transitioned in order to become aligned. Strictly speaking, they are called Transsexuals and they represent one end of the Transgender range.

At the other end of the range are Crossdressers. They dress as the opposite gender because they like to, but they are not trying to reconcile their physical and emotional selves. They are already in good alignment.

In the middle are Transgender people who have some degree of misalignment between their physical and emotional selves, but not enough to warrant transitioning. I fall into this category. To put a number on it, my degree of misalignment may be only 10% to 20%; enough to notice but not enough to need to do anything about it.

I had some interesting questions:

Do I become a different person when I am dressed?

• No, I don't. My likes, dislikes, etc. are essentially the same regardless of how I am presenting. Personally, I do not like to refer to myself in the 3rd person. That makes me feel like there is a male person and a female person, but that isn't the case. There is one person with essentially the same traits, but some traits my be more noticeable with one presentation or the other. I also have not been motivated, so far, to change my voice.

If I had to pick between motorsports and dressing, which would I miss the most?

• Motorsports. I've been a motorsports fan for almost 60 years. It is deeply rooted in my psyche in a number of different ways. While dressing does tap into a particular part of my being, it has a very short history by comparison. The first time I went out dressed was Halloween 2003. The next time was January 2014. Since Christmas 2014, it has been 2 or 3 times per month fully dressed.

Am I uncomfortable when I have to present as male?

• No, it is not a problem. I've never felt that I was in the wrong body. While I enjoy presenting as female, presenting as a male is not a burden.

So, over the past few weeks I have outed myself to around 210 people. I think it time to take a breather. At the moment I don't see any other events on the horizon at similar levels of involvement. It's just time to slow down and regroup a bit. I've put a lot of energy into preparation for all 3 events and I'm sort of tired.

But, I feel good that I've helped put a face on what Transgender can look like. That's important because it is very easy to hate someone when they are nameless and faceless. Further, I hope I left folks with a good impression.

Some of the compliments were surprising. 3 or 4 didn't think it was me in the photo with Ian. I was asked if I did my own makeup (Yes). My outfit was stylish and very appropriate for the evening event.

Other opportunities my turn up, but for the time being, this is it...

DeeAnn

[Stumble]

From the wife who attended the main event, Dee Ann was fabulous!

[Katey888]

So, over the past few weeks I have outed myself to around 210 people. I think it time to take a breather. At the moment I don't see any other events on the horizon at similar levels of involvement. It's just time to slow down and regroup a bit. I've put a lot of energy into preparation for all 3 events and I'm sort of tired.

Amen to that DeeAnn - I'm exhausted just following the events of the past few weeks but I would like to say that the way you are presenting yourself and our community is worthy of more note and comment. Your summary of the way you presented on identity and transgender for your training is particularly noteworthy and really hits the mark for me. It is the type of scenario that some of us have perhaps fantasized about, but you've done it! I can only applaud virtually and from afar, but I hope that others will be able to follow in your footsteps - you deserve a rest; you've set yourself a fine foundation for either more discussion and education or just being who you want to be in normal life - I do think that deserves some recognition.

Given the numbers that you are now out to, has there been anyone who has approached you suggesting or confessing that they themselves might have experienced some sort of gender condition? Our community mythology would suggest that there might be a dozen or more CD/TG folk lurking who could have made themselves known to you discreetly... I'm not sure I adhere to the myth myself - I suspect we're a slightly more elusive specimen than we may prefer to believe...

Great series of posts DeeAnn - I'm sad it's come to a close for now, but glad you're getting a break!

Katey x

[flatlander_48]

K8:

First, Cool Avatar!! I've always been a big fan of Max Headroom and by extension, Matt Frewer. I mentioned Orphan Black a while ago, and that was the last time I saw him. Unfortunately his character didn't go the distance, but that's the way it is sometimes. I've always thought that he would be an interesting person to talk to as he seems to have a weird blend of demonic SOB underneath a charming and ingratiating facade sprinkled with a layer of absent minded professor. Not saying that his real personality is like that, but he does seem to be able to tap into something.

When I was thinking about what to do for the training session, the question was how do I present this information in a way that would make sense to people and not feed possible misconceptions that we're just a bunch of Really Weird Folks. That was when I hit upon the idea that in the vast majority of cases, what we do (and how we feel) is not obvious to others in our usual day-to-day lives. Many of us hide that identity, or limit the sphere of people who know, for very particular reasons. Hu-Mans, most of us anyway, are multi-faceted creatures. To me, it made perfect sense that many things about us are readily understood, but there may be others that we prefer to keep deeply hidden almost to the point of hiding it from ourselves sometimes.

I also wondered if some folks would come to me on the down-low and want to have a discussion about what they are experiencing, but so far that has not happened. In all 3 events, it was clear that I was representing SPECTRA, our LGBT affinity group. And, being dressed in one and showing a photo of me dressed in the other 2 and stating specifically that it was me should have left no doubt. However, earlier in the year one of our members said that they knew of a person in the company at her location who was transitioning (or had already, can't remember). To my knowledge that person has never come to a meeting. It could be related to some of the sentiments expressed here about people thinking that separating themselves from the community will improve their chances of general acceptance. It could also be just really wanting to keep a low profile and not wanting to be seen as "different". But, you're right. The numbers would suggest that there are others out there.

One thing that I don't think that I mentioned is that basically I did all of this for me. Any other reasons, however beneficial, were secondary. There is a particular reason for this. Many years ago I quit smoking. Initially I started to quit because my kids saw a film in school and became so worried that I was going to kick off right then and there. It took me a couple of starts and stops before it really happened. What I realized that while quitting was a very good thing, I should be doing it for MY reasons and NOT theirs. The reasoning is that if anything went wrong, I had someone else to blame. It has the effect of absolving me of any part of the failure. So, this coming out was by ME, for ME. Positive benefits for others would be great, but as it was my decision to do this, the consequences (+ve and -ve) are mine. I must own it. But, rest assured that when you or others talk about my actions being a positive for the community, that does make me feel good!

DeeAnn