I'm 22 years old and I've been depressed over the last few months after I re-discovered how good CDing felt to me. It basically takes me into this fantasy world of extreme amounts of arousal, to the point where nothing else matters. I also routinely look at "hypno" videos on the internet while dressed. It's to the point where I want to dress and "pleasure" myself every 3 hours, but for some reason, I feel SO bad after I do it. I hate having these feelings. I'm not ready to go out in public or anything. I'm scared to even buy my own clothes.
With every session of CDing, I accumulate more anxiety because I think I feel like something is seriously wrong with me. I'm also known to develop extreme addictions to activities that feel good. It's to the point where when I go to school and see a girl I'm attracted to wearing some tight clothing, part of me wants to get with her, part of me wants to wear her clothes for the arousal factor. It's sooooo compulsive.
I have LOTS of kinks though, like diapers, hypnosis(me doing the hypnotizing), bondage, etc. NONE of them seemed to bring me the shame that this does though and they seemed to get boring after awhile because of that. It's almost like the shame and anxiety this brings from being "forbidden" makes it even more arousing to me.
I'm also freaked out because the compulsions are becoming so powerful that I actually feel like it's going to force me to do what I don't want to do and wear the clothes outside... it's certainly VERY freaky. Should I still indulge? How can I incorporate dressing and satisfaction into my routine while still doing what needs to be done? Will this extreme anxiety ever go away? So worried.