Does the shame ever go away?

[mikeyp]

I'm 22 years old and I've been depressed over the last few months after I re-discovered how good CDing felt to me. It basically takes me into this fantasy world of extreme amounts of arousal, to the point where nothing else matters. I also routinely look at "hypno" videos on the internet while dressed. It's to the point where I want to dress and "pleasure" myself every 3 hours, but for some reason, I feel SO bad after I do it. I hate having these feelings. I'm not ready to go out in public or anything. I'm scared to even buy my own clothes.

With every session of CDing, I accumulate more anxiety because I think I feel like something is seriously wrong with me. I'm also known to develop extreme addictions to activities that feel good. It's to the point where when I go to school and see a girl I'm attracted to wearing some tight clothing, part of me wants to get with her, part of me wants to wear her clothes for the arousal factor. It's sooooo compulsive.

I have LOTS of kinks though, like diapers, hypnosis(me doing the hypnotizing), bondage, etc. NONE of them seemed to bring me the shame that this does though and they seemed to get boring after awhile because of that. It's almost like the shame and anxiety this brings from being "forbidden" makes it even more arousing to me.

I'm also freaked out because the compulsions are becoming so powerful that I actually feel like it's going to force me to do what I don't want to do and wear the clothes outside... it's certainly VERY freaky. Should I still indulge? How can I incorporate dressing and satisfaction into my routine while still doing what needs to be done? Will this extreme anxiety ever go away? So worried.

[nylon boy]

Babe any crossdresser that says they don't or never where aroused by dressing in women clothes would be lying, sounds like the first part of your journey....i say embrace it and enjoy it we on live once and trust me the feeling never goes away xx

[MelanieAnne]

Lose the anxiety and just go with it, using some common sense, of course. At 22 you've obviously got some hormones raging. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[mikeyp]

Ugh, just gotta learn to let go. I come from a VERY religious muslim family, and I still live at home which doesn't help. The fact that this is all new to me came as quite a shock though. I still don't know what to think or make of it, lol.

I'm starting to feel kindve better now though, thanks. Can't get any worse than it is now for me. Or can it?

[Teresa]

Mikeyp,
We're all have different ways of living with CDing but at your age when things are fresh and sexual urges very high anything goes for a while. Yes there are the highs and then the lows accompanied by shame and guilt but eventually it does settle.
OK I have many years on you but it's taken me all this time to realise that being born with something you can do nothing about, you have to lose the shame and guilt and accept whatever your CDing needs are.

[sarahcsc]

You can challenge your thoughts by asking a couple questions.

1. What is the worst thing that could happen if you went out dressed?
2. Are the consequence going to kill you?
3. What would my quality of life be like if I continued to bottle everything up?

I'm not encouraging reckless behaviour, MikeyP. I just hope you can get a perspective about what you are about to attempt.

Yes, dressing in public can be daunting. But will it kill you? And is it worth it bottling everything up?

Anxiety only grows bigger the more you avoid dealing with it. Through processes such as 'habituation' and 'extinction', you'll soon stop feeling anxious about dressing and can finally decide for yourself when and where to dress without feeling like you're losing your mind.

Its fine to take little steps at a time as long as you continue to explore yourself. You are young, and your youth comes with a lot of sexual urges. I can understand that and I don't envy you. >_< But even this too shall pass. Just hang in there.

Love,
S

[s.e.al]

Hi, first let let me say the only thing thats the matter with u is u worry to much. Your not hurting anone so just go with it and enjoy it. As for as the arousal part hell at 22 everything got me arousad. So don't worry so much let go and enjoy life

[jeanieinabottle]

Now in my mid 60's, I could tell you about 50 years of shame and guilt and how nearly destructive that was to me and everyone around me, but I won't bore you with the negative or show you the bad side of the story. What I will tell you is that the last 6 years have been the most peaceful, thoughtful, gentle, developmental years of my life, all because I came to the eventual realization after so many years, that I am who I am and more so, that I accept myself for who I am. How could I expect anyone to accept me as I am if I could not accept myself? Once I accepted myself, understood myself, believed in myself, I changed. I previously lived under the premise that I was the same person, just in different clothes at different times and I used that to try to justify to my wife why I did what I did, which I now know is not the truth. My female side is different from my male side. I know that I did not ask to be this way and for many years I wished that it would just go away so I didn't have the pain, shame and guilt. But now with understanding of myself, acceptance of myself, I actually embrace this side of me. When I changed, so did my wife. She now loves me more, accepts me as I am, and encourages me to be who I am and continue to grow. We share more, laugh more, enjoy each other more and understand each other more. And the end result....no more shame, no more guilt, only peace. Life isn't perfect, and it never will be. But peace starts within you and being the young person that you are, I hope that you shall find that soon. Thats the way I beat shame and guilt. And we all deserve that.

[Kate Simmons]

The shame usually comes about because of a conflict with our feelings. If we make them our own and accept them the conflict will usually go away.

[Melanie 0339]

Sweetie try not to worry I take it the shame kicks in after you've pleasured yourself this is perfectly normal as it's the way the brain works. You have nothing to be ashamed about try to accept that dressing is a part of who you are it doesn't matter if you get aroused while being dressed I'm 37 being dressing for 23 years and I still get highly aroused a lot of the time when I dress. I remember being 22 and I got aroused by anything it's a part of growing up and perfectly natural. xxx

[Infused]

The shame usually comes about because of a conflict with our feelings. If we make them our own and accept them the conflict will usually go away.

Agreed. I have learned to embrace it. Dressing isn't commonly understood or "normal" for most people. For people here, it's a part of everyday life. I know people may not understand it, but I don't feel shame.

[VictoriaBabes]

Listen you need to be proud and embrace who you are. Life is way too short for you to feel wrong about the things you like to do. To be blunt you're not into anything that hurts or victimises anyone else. Stop worrying about what other people think and be who you want to be. No matter what you do in life there's always going to be criticisms or people second guessing you. Don't wait until it's too late to be who you want to be

[JamieTG]

Having grown up in the 1950's and 60's where society was very intolerant, I developed shame at an early age. Words like weird, sick, pervert, freak, and abomination were used to describe someone like me and I believed it for many years. I felt I was "defective" and that this made me a bad person. It wasn't until my mid 40's that I realized how false these beliefs were and started accepting my imperfect self. Thats when the shame started dissipating. I'm sure you are a good person. The clothes you like to wear do not define your character. Hope this helps.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes the shame diminishes and new ideas replace the old.
As you evolve a lot of the old guilt feelings do diminish.

[Barbara Jo]

First..... you have to honestly like yourself.
Second, you have to realize that everyone is a unique individual and you do not have to be like everyone else.

There may be some males who are overly masculine and some females who are overtly feminine but most of us are somewhere in the middle and are/have a combo of male and female traits.
The irony is as a society, we applaud females who give in to their masculine side at times, but condemn males who give into there feminine side at times .

Having said that as, long as you are not hurting anyone, or breaking any laws, enjoy whatever you may like as this is the only life you will ever have .

BTW, contrary to a lot of popular conceptions most GG also enjoy dressing very feminine at times and enjoy their feminine dress .
It has often been said the while men dress for / to impress woman, women dress for each other and for their own enjoyment.

So , don't be so hard on yourself......accept yourself and find a balance between your male self and you female self as many of us do.
What that balance may be it totally up to you .

Another irony of life may be that while many try to walk what they perceive the straight and narrow "norm", those same people s like/respect those who are real individuals and free thinkers.

[Mayo]

If your shame or compulsive behaviours are genuinely distressing you or causing problems with functioning normally in your life, you might wish to consider some therapy and/or possibly some medications to help you out. You've identified yourself as an addictive/compulsive individual, and excessive masturbation is clearly a response to the stress you're feeling about CDing - you both want to do it and don't want to. I am not saying that you should be ashamed about dressing, as I don't consider that abnormal, but merely that some medications and counselling can help you deal with the stresses you are experiencing while you work them out.

[Maria 60]

I can only tell you my experience. I found once I figured out where I was and where the future was going with my dressing, only then did I stop feeling guilt and relalized that was who I was as a person. When I told my she told me not to try and figure it out and not to look into to it, but to enjoy it.

[PaulaQ]

Have you ever considered that this may be more than a mere kink?

[heatherdress]

Mike - You probably should speak to a therapist. Your feelings of guilt can be addressed as well as your compulsive behaviors. You are 22 and it is OK to have strong feelings and desires. Understand them and accept who you are, which is probably an awesome person.

[Adriana Moretti]

I am no expert but...IMO if you accept "crossdressing" and get comfortable with the idea that it is "ok" and you are doing nothing wrong...the shame may go away. It also helps to not worry so much about what others think of you.

[Christina Page]

Ugh, just gotta learn to let go. I come from a VERY religious muslim family, and I still live at home which doesn't help. The fact that this is all new to me came as quite a shock though. I still don't know what to think or make of it, lol.

I'm starting to feel kindve better now though, thanks. Can't get any worse than it is now for me. Or can it?

As others have said, the shame does go away in time when you learn to accept yourself.

You mentioned that you live at home in a VERY religious muslim family. Muslims tend to be very homophobic. But they may not necessarily be trans phobic. This could work out in your favor since you mentioned that you are attracted to women.

In some countries like Iran, homosexual acts are punishable by death. So the family of a gay man might rationalize his attraction to other men by saying "you must be a woman trapped in a man's body". So they coerce that man into getting a sex change, which is a terrible crime to do to anyone that does NOT have gender dysphoria. You can read more about it here:
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29832690

But my point, as it applies to you, is that some muslims accept transexuals. And if they accept transexuals, they accept might crossdressers.

P.S. Always remember that sexual orientation (gay/bi/straight) and gender identity (whether you feel you are male or female) are two completely separate things. Billions of people in this world do not understand this simple concept. And for the record, I don't believe there is anything wrong with being gay.

[PamTG]

Just be yourself and role with the punches and try and not second guess yourself too much, you are young and have plenty of time to experience whatever you want. God I wish I would have been more confident about my desires and who I wanted to be when I was your age. Just be you!

[TrishaTX]

Some of it goes away with acceptance if you find someone who can accept it. Also though Therapy I have felt much better the last few years, I say everyone needs therapy(just an opinion). just stop judging yourself so hard....life is long and hard ...you certainly don't need to be so tough on yourself.

[Lyla]

If your not hurting anyone, your self, or breaking the law you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself.

[PaulaQ]

Shame

To answer the OP, shame can indeed go away. I'm no longer ashamed.