Wife found some of my things

[Glenda58]

I'm in a DADT relationship. And lately I have been pushing it. Late at night after she goes to bed I've been dressing up and watching TV. Taking the dog out. And since we sleep in different room because I snore and keep her up I've been wearing VS slip to bed. Well I didn't hide them I just put in the dresser in the morning. So yesterday she was putting away something for me and saw a skirt top with a new bra and panty set. When I got home she told me about it and ask again not to have things like that were she might find them. Told me to take them down stairs and hide them.

We had our talk again about me and crossdressing. She thought that as I got older it would stop and it hasn't and never will. So right now I have to be a good girl and not wear anything that looks like it might be female.

[MelanieAnne]

If you have a DADT relationship, keep it that way. Many posters here would die for what you have. At least she didn't demand you stop or file for divorce. Don't push the boundaries. Just my two cents.

[Lisa85]

You weren't listening. She didn't say stop, she said she didn't want to see it. Totally different reaction. with time both of your responses to CD will change. I wouldn't expect full acceptance, but partial can come with time. It sounds like she thinks this is just a sexual excitement issue, and so will fade with time. she probably needs time to process and latency between CD discussions may help

[ChristinaK]

Glenda, I feel your pain. My wife tends to throw away my clothes if she finds them. Makes me very angry but I just mention my clothes are missing and don't appreciate it, then go buy more.

At least she tolerates some things, like a shaved body, panties and nylon or satin women's pajamas. I try to understand by imagining if she were like me only with men's clothes.

[cdheels]

Glenda, I feel your pain. My wife tends to throw away my clothes if she finds them. Makes me very angry but I just mention my clothes are missing and don't appreciate it, then go buy more.

That is really low from her.

[NicoleScott]

Some CDers break the terms of DADT in hopes that mission creep will result in acceptance. And then complain when the wife reacts. Don't break the deal, renegotiate it.

[Krisi]

You know what you're supposed to do, just do it. Why must you hide your clothes instead of just putting them away?? Is she afraid the children will find them in the dresser? Could you just buy a locking trunk for your clothes and put it at the foot of the bed?

I can't imagine trying to hide dressing but dressing up in the same house as the person or people you're trying to hide it from while they are actually home. What if she needs something and comes into your room to look for it or ask for your help? What if there's a fire and you have to get out quickly?

[Sandra119]

My wife found some of my things once bras and panties she nearly left me and called me a pervert so now I hide all my clothes in the loft and hope she never finds them again

[Teresa]

Glenda,
I assume the dresser you refer to is in your bedroom, if that's the case surely your wife could accept that your clothes would be tidily put away in your own room, what you choose to keep in your dresser is up to you.
I have a problem coming up, at the moment my things are stored in boxes in my redundant darkroom but my counsellor is sending me a cocktail/ballgown, my wife knows this and I would like it stored somewhere more suitable. I'm hoping to negotiate a better arrangement but in a DADT situation it may prove difficult.

[Lisa85]

Remember DADT also means, it's ok if you do out of sight, but please don't remind me too much by play stuff. besides breaking soft or hard boundaries, there is also the tact of stating the problem from your perspective and seeing if she has an alternative that would work for both of you.

[Lena]

If you have separate rooms and a don't ask, don't tell, she should respect your privacy in your room. My wife knows but she doesn't do my laundry. That is our deal. I do my own laundry and put up my own clothes. Just my two cents but I'm sure I don't understand your situation.

Until my mother in law moved back in, I was going to take over the extra bedroom. My wife snores. So now, she doesn't go into my closet.

[MelanieAnne]

Although I've been CDing all my life, I would not have wanted to see my wife dressed as a man, mens haircut, body hair, etc. Just trying to be fair here.

[Glenda58]

I've been dressing up for over 60 yrs. I told her before we got married that I was a crossdresser. And she didn't have any question for me and was alright with it. Now she doesn't want to see it or hear about it. But she has been watching all of the I AM CAITLYN and has gotten her to think I might want to go that way. I try telling her no that I'm to old for that and I like doing some things as a man.

[Lauri K]

I feel sorry for you ladies whose wifes are so closed minded to the point you have to hide, I am fortunate my wife is generally fine with all of my girly stuff lying around everywhere in the house ( generally speaking )

I think she somewhat understands that it is never going to change I am a girly guy and will always be one.

So in my case she has two choices the way I see it ......accept me for who I am and live happily or reject me and go off to find another person that may or may not be better (wife beater, abuser, physco, criminal, etc.)

Life is a gamble, we may not be here tomorrow, so just how much do you want to bet, and how much can you afford to lose and still keep playing is the way I see it.

[TrishaTX]

There is a middle and if you discuss it more maybe you will find one. I was totally hidden for a long time, then out but more dadt...then the last three years have been much better. You need to accept her thoughts and you have yours. If you have a relationship there has to be a middle for things period. I would also fix that snoring, cause the couple that sleeps together sassy together...!

[jjjjohanne]

If she thinks you are possibly going to go full time, but you know you won't, then one or both of you don't know you very well in this area. She has these fears because there isn't an open discussion, I think. My wife and I are talking more about my crossdressing, but she still has these fears that might be quelled if she was more familiar with why I am motivated and how it normally plays out. For the most part, it is just me being me in pretty clothes.

[Rachael Leigh]

Glenda it really is hard on our spouses for sure I'm very much like you but am able to dress before work since my wife and I have different schd. I do have a seperate closet for clothes but doesn't mean she likes it. But honestly she's very sweet about it in many ways but I still try my best to respect her feelings

[kelseygal]

Yeah, from what you stated I'm getting the 'keep it quieter' vibe, not 'stop' vibe. But let your intuition rule here and go with your gut. I am far from in your situation, but from what you've described just need to keep things a little more discreet, though the lady didn't say to stop... you know your so better than anyone, mind that knowledge.

[chinabrown]

Hide it because if your wife suddenly starts dressing like a Stud or FTM many of you would want out especially if they take testosorone and grow a beard ,chest hair and lose the boobs.

[cdheels]

Hide it because if your wife suddenly starts dressing like a Stud or FTM many of you would want out especially if they take testosorone and grow a beard ,chest hair and lose the boobs.

I'm pretty sure it can go both ways.

[Ally 2112]

Near the end of my marriage i had to lock my clothes in a tote box .Then i would have to ask my wife if was ok to dress up (she had the key) .When she was ok with it then i could dress

[katie_barns]

I'm in the same situation. DADT. Thank goodness she isn't hard core. When my things show up in the wash (which I usually avoid) she just puts them on my side of the bed for me to put away. Then reminds me she doesn't want to see them. I do have a few dresses in the back of the closet in the spare room which she ignores. On occasion she has found something that she likes and then it becomes hers. I lost a blouse and purse that way. I don't fight it. I have a few of her things that were put in the 'Drop off at Goodwill bag'. I figured that makes them fair game.

[Barbara Black]

I have pretty much the same situation as katie barns. I now have some clothes in our regular walk-in closet, which she doesn't mention, but I think having my underwear out of sight is important to her, as well as not doing too much dressing in front of her. I go by her and my daughter's wishes not to dress in from of my granddaughter, and she allows me to wear my clothes when they are not around, even in front of her. Makeup, nail polish and wigs are frowned upon and I'm not sure of her exact position on them, and shaving definitely ticks her off, but aside from telling me this, she doesn't quite tell me not to do it. DADT with some rules, probably the same for most of us?

[Alice_2014_B]

Fortunately my wife knows about all my girl-clothes and has seen me in them.

[~Joanne~]

Sorry to hear about that Glenda, I always am when i hear one of us saying these things, Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have the SO that I do. I had just told her last night that opening the closet and seeing half women's clothes and half guy's sometimes make me think i am insane, even though i have accepted this, it still catches me every once in awhile.