My dressing took a major step about a month ago when I started buying my own cloths and dressing a lot more. I hadn't dressed this much in the last 20 years combined, In fact the last time I dressed this intensely was about 2 months before I met my wife 23 years ago. I'm in the closet, and keeping this secret is becoming a lot more significant than it was. So I made an appointment with my therapist as soon as I could. I haven't seen her for 2 years, but we spent 3 years dealing with some of my other issues.
We had a really good discussion. She asked lots of probing questions and explained the range of gender issues and that she was trying to help me understand my situation. But, now I'm trying to process my feelings about her advice.
She said I should purge my current stash of women's clothing. Noticing my body language in response, she said not to do immediately. But, she said, the secret has too much power. There is too much fear/hope of discover. The secret clouds our ability to deal with the meat of the issue. She said my body language showed grief. She wants me to journal for about a week to deal with the grief. Then purge. Then journal about my feelings afterward until our next appointment in about 2 weeks from now.
I am feeling grief and dismay.
I know she has helped others with gender issues transition, so she is not suggesting this out of disapproval. I have been very open with her over the years, in fact I had mentioned the cross dressing very early in our previous series of sessions. She explored it a little then, but soon left it alone as not relevant to what we were dealing with then.
I trust her, and will try to follow her advice.
She did suggest that I should take a more active role in picking out my male clothes (my wife buys most of mine for me now), and that I should express myself by selecting more feminine male clothing. I think her objective is to dis-empower the secrecy while we figure things out.
She didn't specifically mention the heels, and I'm not sure I can bring myself to give them up. They were the first thing I ever bought for my (feminine) self. They aren't secret from my wife, so I'm thinking of keeping them. Am I being a lawyer, and gaming the rules?
Thanks for listening,
Daphne