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Thread: Confidence dented.............but not destroyed

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Michelle 78's Avatar
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    Confidence dented.............but not destroyed

    Hey Ladies,

    Just want to tell you about what happened to me this morning,

    I had a few things to buy from the supermarket and as I do quite a lot I decided that Michelle would be doing the shopping, so I wrote myself a shopping list as normal and started to think about what to wear, this can take some time sometimes but today I knew that I wanted to wear my new skirt that I bought last week and I teamed it up with black tights, black flats, nice top, leather jacket and I took an hour to do my makeup and hair then checked myself in the mirror more than a few times to make sure I was ok then when I was happy grabbed my bag and walked out of the door. It was a nice morning today so I thought I'd enjoy the fresh air and walk to the supermarket as I had my flats on it wouldn't be a issue.

    So I got away from home onto the main road and started my 10 minute walk to the supermarket, I passed a few people no funny looks or anything and I felt pretty confident in myself and was enjoying being a woman out and about, but then here's the but.......as I walked along a saw around 6 young lads on bicycles heading my way on the pavement, I thought to myself this might not be good because as you girls know young lads are not shy to speak their mind. As they got closer and they looked different ages, one looked around 15 and the rest were any age up to 19 I would say, I thought to myself just don't flinch and keep walking and you'll be ok, but I had a feeling that something was going to happen. As they approached me one of them said "Now then lass" I didn't look at him and kept going and as they passed me I heard another one say something about my outfit and another say "that's a lad dressed as a lass!!" at this point I was a bit scared because I know what happened to poor Isha not so long ago and 6 onto 1 would be a no win for me as they were younger than me as well.Thankfully they kept going, but I know only too well that things could have gotten ugly very quickly as in my town girls like us are not exactly welcomed with open arms and if this had been at night and nobody was around I could have been seriously beaten up or worse.

    After they went past I walked for a little bit longer and turned around to see if they had gone, thankfully they had. I stopped, I was feeling a bit frighted to be honest and I must admit girls I thought about going home right away as my confidence was at zero now after what they had said, I felt very exposed and like everyone was going to make me, but I knew that if I gave in and went home, when would Michelle dare to go out again? maybe never!! So I said to myself stuff them!! who are they to judge me?? it's my life and I'll live it as I want!! So I turned around again and headed for the supermarket. When I got there I still felt a bit exposed and like everyone would make me and the place was packed too on a Saturday morning, but I grabbed myself a shopping trolley and walked in, got everything on my shopping list including some makeup and headed for the self serve tills, they were really busy and I waited behind and older couple scanning their things, they were around 70 I would say and they were having a bit of trouble with scanning their shopping. Then lady was scanning the things and suddenly the man turned to me and said "I'm really sorry love, I'm not very good at using this machine" I replied in my best Michelle voice "that's ok, I'm not in a rush" they finished up finally and as they were walking away he turned again and said "sorry again love, bye" and said again "that's ok" and they went, I started scanning my goods and then around 5 students waited behind me, this wouldn't normally bother me but as my confidence had been knocked I was a little jumpy and I rushed a bit, and I did the worst thing us girls can do I kept looking down because I was scared of being made, but they didn't bat an eye, I sorted my things out, bagged everything and headed for the door. I put the trolley away and started off for home and I'm pleased to say nothing else happened.

    So the moral of the story is don't let these people win, be yourself, it's your life and why should we live our lives as others say we should?? My confidence has been knocked back a bit, but it won't stop me, even though like poor Isha it could have been a lot worse.

    Michelle
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 10-11-2015 at 11:50 AM. Reason: trying to bypass the word filter

  2. #2
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    Wow, I am so sorry that you have passed for this! I hope you are well now...



    This is only one of the reasons because I never came out and don't plan to. I almost crap in my pants just on barely imagine such thing happening to me! I think that the pleasure to be en-femme outside doesn't justify the risks...


  3. #3
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    Michelle, just a thought. Would some sort of self defense classes help you regain/maintain your self confidence? I live in Florida and have other options for self defense than you do in the UK. Still, I do not want to get into any sort of confrontation.

  4. #4
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    that's quite a story. At any time such things can happen, which is why i am amazed so many gurls here go out late night walking.
    Remember that those kids were kind of "threshold guardians" in your own movie, and you stepped up! So, well done.

    xxx
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  5. #5
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    That is good that you didn't let those kids ruin your day and even though I am not even close to being I your shoes yet I think you just have to realize that they are kids and when they are in groups they will do or say anything just to get a rise out of their other friends and that it was good that you just shook it off and continued with your day.

    I hope that I have the confidence that you have whenever I get to that point of my life of dressing in public and so on.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Megan Thomas's Avatar
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    I would say not every group of teenagers, boys or girls, who identify your true gender out loud are intending anything worse. It's potentially embarrassing and unnerving but quite often a smile will disarm many a situation like this. As for students, they are most likely very aware of gender differences through their educational establishments and unlikely to pose a real threat. That's not to say real threats don't exist, just that sometimes we imagine situations to be bigger than they are.
    Last edited by Katey888; 10-11-2015 at 05:19 AM. Reason: Post referred to has been deleted

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
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    You're overreacting. If all the group of guys said "That's a lad dressed as a lass," I don't see the big deal. You were made. Check with any woman and you'll hear stories of derogatory comments and harassment. Earlier this year I watched a program where a woman was recorded by a co editor walking in front of her using a rear facing camera. It was an endless string of catcalls and lewd comments voiced by men. My wife had to endure a lot more just being an attractive young woman. All that the boys said was an observation which was accurate. It's really too bad you think could have been assaulted, if this or that happened at a different time of day. It seems the rest of your journey was uneventful.
    Last edited by Katey888; 10-11-2015 at 05:20 AM. Reason: Previous comment referred to deleted

  8. #8
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    Hi Michelle,
    Everyday we venture out of our homes. In drab, in femme, or whatever, the point here is people snicker all the time. Sometimes its out loud and unruley. Othertimes its jnder the breath, or just an eye banter. We never know when they do it unless its out loud to us.
    This outing you just had wasnt all that bad to me. Its just the life we lead and dont let it get you down. I would love to have had been out alone with no real issue than being laughed at by kids.
    People snicker and laugh at even us in drab. So i would blow this one off as a good day.
    Candi
    Perfection Is a Road Not a Destination

  9. #9
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Michelle,

    Well it sounds like a harrowing experience but you did the right thing, dusted yourself off and went about your day. I am glad you saw it through as it will help to increase your confidence next time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    You're overreacting . . . It's really too bad you think could have been assaulted, if this or that happened at a different time of day. It seems the rest of your journey was uneventful.
    Hi Stephanie,

    Sometimes being a bit on guard is a good thing and assessing the situation and have a healthy sense of your surroundings can't hurt. I had a very unfortunate incident with three men in broad daylight in a parking lot because I did not assess the situation properly. You are correct in that we should not over react to every giggle, guffaw or rude comment but six lads and one person can go bad quite quickly. All we can do is play safe.

    Cheers

    Marcelle
    Last edited by Katey888; 10-11-2015 at 05:21 AM. Reason: Quote edited

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member phylis anne's Avatar
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    What Marcelle/Isha said ,
    it never hurts to be alert no you were not assaulted only observed as it were ,however with the climate of unaacountability in this day and age those"boys" very well could have decided to start something based on their beliefs as they saw them ,I do not know about the uk but here in the us many states have laws protecting these little darlings just short of murder ,so always be alert especially at night and sketchy neighborhoods glad to see the rest of your day orked out ,

    @marcelle soryy for the use of the dual name as I alays have seen your posts as Isha

  11. #11
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Michelle, it sounds like you handled it the best way possible: ignore it - carry on with your life as you choose to do!

    I think you did the right thing in the circumstances too - it's the middle of the day so you're better being in a public place or store with more people and staff around to discourage anything more than just being 'made'. This may sound strange to our TS and full-time members, but on the few occasions I've been out, like everyone I've probably wondered how best to deal with any sort of confrontation, and I've said to myself that if I was TS, this would be the type of thing that I'd have to deal with every day, so I would try to be non-confrontational, polite and if necessary explain that I was TG and had every right to be looking the way I pleased, and try to present that in the way that someone full-time would deal with it and to have that mindset. I think it helped a bit.

    Michelle, you present really well and attractively, but most of us are always going to have some 'tells' that make people question what they see - and there are bound to be GG women who also get 'made' or questioned incorrectly so we shouldn't feel too bad! Your confidence will recover as you have more completely normal and affirming experiences again, as you surely will.

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Michelle 78's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies ladies,

    Did I overreact? No I don't think I did, as I said the youngest was around 15, but 4 of the 6 were around 18 or 19 and I wouldn't class somebody 18 or 19 as 'kids' they are adults and things can change quickly when these people are in a group especially. I can handle kids making comments no problem but I must admit this has never happened before to me as I normally pass petty well, sure I know being made is just something that all of us must accept as it is always going to happen. I'm just going to put it down as a bad encounter and not let it bother me, I've said to myself, I can't be doing that bad because even though one of these idiots made me the other 5 thought I was a woman and that's why they said anything in the first place because they saw a young woman walking alone when they turned the corner and nobody else in the supermarket suspected anything and as I said I even spoke to the couple in front of me at the checkouts and he addressed me as a woman!! I think that maybe my makeup could have been a little better, but this will make me try harder next time. As Katie said, if I ever get asked if I'm a cross-dresser by anybody? I'll explain that I'm TG and this is why I present as I do.

    It does give me even more respect for women in general as they have to put up with this crap on a daily basis and it is totally uncalled for, no wonder some women just don't trust men! and as for us sister's in the early stages of transition I really feel for you girls when you are at the start of your journey and these ignorant people are out there, you have my total respect. Like Marcelle (great name by the way!) said we should all be on our guard at all times, but if you are reading this and thinking about going out for the first time please don't let this encounter of mine stop you. I have been going out for over a year now and passed hundreds of people and this is the first time anything has been said, so get out there if you want to, it's your life and don't let others tell you any different!!!

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Michelle,
    Sometimes you need situations like that, just to bolster your confidence.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  14. #14
    carpe diem jenniferinsf's Avatar
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    michelle

    sorry for your fright and loss of confidence. it must have been unnerving but the fact that you continued and then at the wonderful experience with the older couple was fabulous.

    be brave, be alert but be yourself

  15. #15
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    Courage is not being without fear; rather, it is facing the fear and proceeding anyway.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

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    Member Elli87's Avatar
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    your on your way to being bulletproof, I admire your resolve
    well even if i'm wrong, you know i'm right

  17. #17
    Platinum Member
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    [QUOTE=Marcelle;3825459




    Hi Stephanie,

    Sometimes being a bit on guard is a good thing and assessing the situation and have a healthy sense of your surroundings can't hurt. I had a very unfortunate incident with three men in broad daylight in a parking lot because I did not assess the situation properly. You are correct in that we should not over react to every giggle, guffaw or rude comment but six lads and one person can go bad quite quickly. All we can do is play safe.

    Cheers

    Marcelle[/QUOTE]

    You're talking to someone who has the habit of always being hyper aware of my surroundings, constantly processing information (Nam infantry combat vet). Yet, I do not draw a conclusion every person observed is going to potentially do me wrong. Numerous times I've said on this site to avoid putting oneself in a bad situation, e.g., not taking that walk en femme in the city parks at midnight. Michelle's mind was running rampant with the possibility ill will was going to befall her. She was predisposed to the notion evil intent was going to befall her.

    Even Phylis comment is overreacting. "Here in the US many states have laws protecting these little darling just short of murder" is nothing short of inferring three boys riding bicycles are up to ill will just because they made a factual comment based on their correct observation. Calling them"these little darlings" is unwarranted. Just tell me what the heck the group did that warranted putting them in a negative light? Again, just about every woman has had unwanted comments thrown her way, yet does not arrive at the conclusion she is going to be raped and murdered.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Scientifically examination of this shows;

    Of 6 only one noticed. That's 17%
    There were no car horns or calls from passing vehicles. That's 0%
    Lets say 50 people in the supermarket including 2 who directly interacted with you neither noticed or if they did, said anything. Another 0%

    This puts the figures for being made at least into single figures or as I suspect a fraction of. Oh how I wish that were true for me. Being seen/made is something that goes with the turf. These things keep us on our toes and working ever harder at our craft.

    My suspicion is had you actually been attacked some knights in shining would have dismounted their trusty steel horses to come to a damsel's aid.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Sarah-RT's Avatar
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    Hey Michelle, thanks for sharing your story. The world can be a daunting place and we all take our knocks but you powered through and accomplished plenty for yourself. As you can see from the older customer, whether he twigged you and was being nice or you passed very well, the generations show their worth, kids are kids, Im not overly fond of walking past teens in male mode either just because it would be a stupid idea to fight or threaten them because of their age, its easier to think that they have a lot to learn about the world and move on.

    Hopefully you can keep your chin up and venture out again!

    Sarahx
    I cant stand to fly, I'm not that naive. I'm just out to find the better part of me. I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, I'm more than some pretty face beside a train. Its not easy to be me.

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