Breakfast club?

[Allisa]

I'm not sure if I should post this at all. As I was out at the diner the next town over my new Sunday tradition, this is the second week, dressed to represent my femme self, while sitting at a table nearer the corner stirring my coffee when a mid fifty's man approached and asked if he could join me, this has never happened before and I was taken aback. Now I dress and blend but no way pass up close so my first thoughts were of no good to come from this. He must have picked up on my apprehension and offered the explanation that I was known as the area transvestite and he wanted to meet me. "The area Transvestite?" now I'm getting scared but in a very public and semi-crowded business, just then the waitress arrived and must have heard the conversation and assured me that Jim (not his real name) was a regular and a "very nice" man," sweetie". I must have lost my mind and agreed for him to join me, he sat across from me, we ordered and had a very pleasant conversation once I relaxed, we talked about the elephant in the room and the other usual topics of the day. He insisted on paying for the meal even after my insistence he not but he won out anyway. I made sure I ran out to my truck looking over my shoulder the whole time, than sped off. This was a first for me having a man treat me as the woman I was expressing, in all my going out scenarios I never thought about what it would be like to be treated this way or how I would react. I know my neighbors know about me but the area "transvestite" which I cleared up as "I prefer crossdresser" than explained gender fluid to him. I guess I'm out for sure now. It took me this long just to compose myself and share this experience with whom ever reads this. Now I have a big question to answer; do I go out to brunch again at that diner and take a chance at seeing him there and what do I do? I like the company and dining with someone who treats me like myself, I'm totally confused now. I would like to start a breakfast club of new friends in mixed company of course. Sorry for the rambling on but I'm still in a daze.

[Sarah-RT]

An odd serious of events there Allisa for sure.

While being given a nickname by people you don't know must be daunting you'll have to ask yourself, do you like the diner, do you enjoy being there, if so then there is no reason you should stop going because others have begun gossiping, you are as welcome to be there as everyone else.

Sarah x

[AllieSF]

Well, I think that from what you wrote you had a wonderful, though surprising and bit uncomfortable experience. My recommendation would be to enjoy it and go back. The interesting thing about any breakfast club, mostly informal ones is that they tend to be a mixture of people who happen to run into each other on a regular basis and form a type of relationship that is good for everyone. I do that where I have my daily coffee. Now, I go in male mode and have no doubt that many have their own doubts and questions they would love to ask me about my appearance and why I now have long hair, pierced ears and clear polished finger nails. All kinds of relationships can come out of these informal regular meet ups. The nice part to me is that you can let some develop further, stop some and ignore others.

In your case you now have two allies there, the gentleman who you met and the waitress. My guess is that the waitress will have your back if ever needed because she knows every regular who comes in there. She vouched for the man and will eventually vouch for you. Relish it and let your life develop further being out as a woman.

[Katey888]

Well I'm sooo glad you posted that and I hope you don't mind but I've splattered my Cabernet all over my keyboard at the first mention of "the area transvestite.."

I'm sure redirecting him to CD or GF was a right and wise choice and sometimes the muggles are just naive but still well-meaning... It sounds like you've found one of those! I think that is both brave and sweet of someone to approach in public and politely - even if getting the nomenclature slightly awry... Goodness knows we have enough debates about that here, and we're supposed to be in the know!

Look, you're in a public place with witnesses and maybe even CCTV... you're pretty much as safe as can be... Heck, if I were closer I might even want to gatecrash... Take the offer of company - nothing more - and bank it...

And you must, must, MUST report back...

Katey x

[AngelaYVR]

It has been my experience that most admirers are rather gentle types and usually very polite. Make no mistake that ultimately any man brave enough to approach a cd, neighbourhood variety or otherwise, would like to advance the relationship. Overall though, I believe they will respect your lead.

[Princess Chantal]

I find that most people that are friendly like that aren't admirers but people that would like to widen their social circle.

[Jilmac]

Now that you're out to the people from the diner, I see no reason to stop going, and the idea of a breakfast club seems doable. I say go for it.

[Kevyn53]

As long as you take it slow with him, it seems like being able to share your experiences with someone is a good thing. My wife always goes out with me and my stress level seems to be lower when I'm with her. I think that being out with another person gives you and others the idea that everything is normal here. The "Area Transvestite" is kind of sweet in a way, sounding like the neighbors are watching out for you, that you need protection.

[jenniferinsf]

what a wonderful sequence of events...daunting yes....but my oh my what i believe a stroke of good fortune...i think if we want others to be open to us we have to be open to receive.

[Beverley Sims]

Allisa,
It is nice to be well known and liked, I hope the breakfast club comes to reality.

Maybe the title seems a bit off but wear it pleasantly and smile.

[Cheryl James]

What a wonderful story. It had to have been nerve-wracking at the outset, but you did yourself (and all of us) a real service. The guy (or anybody) may never truly understand the "why", but he found out underneath it all, you are just a regular person. I am very glad that it turned out well for you.

[Krisi]

Your post is an example of one of the many things that might happen to a crossdresser in public. No harm was done and that is a good thing, but many of us might have run out of the place and never come back.

The moral is, be aware and ready for the unexpected.

[Pat]

Well, you're already known as the area transvestite, so there's no changing that. Might as well lean back and enjoy it. I'd say go back and if he approaches again, tell him he's not welcome unless you're going Dutch and tell the waitress you want separate checks. If he can live with that, then see if the second time around, with more preparation, it's more enjoyable.

I understand your feelings. When I go out I do get a little discomfort from men opening doors, etc. Not that I wouldn't do the same thing if roles were reversed, but just that I'm not used to being on the receiving end and I'm not out there for that. I like being accepted but I don't particularly want to "pass" as in be mistaken for a genetic woman and I don't care to claim their benefits and prerogatives. I just want to be me.

[CynthiaD]

"The area transvestite?" Sounds like quite an honor to me! Of course now that you've got the title, you're just going to have to do your utmost to live up to it. Have fun with it!

[Tracii G]

Well you ARE out now so roll with it.
The patrons and staff are accepting so you can't ask for more than that.

[Allisa]

Thank-you everyone for your responses. This whole event has been on my mind all day, good thing I've done my job for so long I can ponder other things while working. Any way in a way I guess I've earned my new "title" since I've never shied away from being out in my own town and surrounding areas since I live here why not go about my business here, I just thought no one was noticing that much and taking care to even discuss me in their circles. I'm kind of proud of myself now, what a hurdle to overcome! Now I know I'm going to be happier when out(if that's at all possible) there is a drawback though, now I have a "reputation" to uphold, all eyes will be watching. I hope I'm not the standard that others use now for the CD/TG community I'm just not that exceptional. I must say that now once calmed down that it was a fantastic feeling to be accepted as a female if only in dressing and maybe some deportment and being treated accordingly. My hard work and some natural talents have paid off and I feel so good and free, wow what a weight has been lifted. I know there's plenty of bad out there to be aware of but for now I'm on a high. As a side note I don't dress and go out to draw attention from men but I guess it's part of the whole façade we put forward, how we handle the attention must be with extreme care because you never can tell and I'm no "looker" for sure so....Gotta' go watch my "wrastlin" now on Monday Night Raw.

[Vickie_CDTV]

You could ask him (diplomatically) what his interest in trans people is, and explain you are asking because trans people are nervous about interest from strangers for safety reasons or something like that.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lisa, That was a wonderful story, It would be great if you would keep this thread going with up-dates
on this great adventure.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>Orchid ......

[flatlander_48]

F A:

Interesting situation! I can see how it would be a bit disconcerting. If you have no expectation of being hit on and that's not why you are doing what you do, it can be confusing as to what may, or may not, be going on.

From personal experience, we must remember that we cannot put the Genie back in the bottle. Whether it was released intentionally or accidentally, you are now known, for better or for worse. This is an appropriate time to figure out how you would like things to go and it sounds like you have come to some conclusions. That's good! Remain flexible and adjust as necessary.

One general point about attention from men is this:

When we go out dressed, much as is the case for women, we enter the realm of Availability. This can happen irrespective of our intentions. It's a lot easier to make decisions about limitations and boundaries before one is presented with the situation. That decision doesn't have to rigid, but it is at least a starting point and works to take some of the pressure out of the thought process.

Good Luck!

DeeAnn

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Great story Allisa. So many of us have a desire, even a goal, to be able to go out and live life as our desired gender and you have made great strides along those lines. Making new acquaintances is part of life. Hopefully this will be an enriching experience. As far as your concerns about being "the standard" by which others in your community will judge CD/TG people, I don't think you have much to worry about. You strike me as a a classy, reserved individual who conducts herself appropriately. We couldn't ask for a better role model than that.

Cheers,
Bridget