Should I take an extended break from CDing?

[mikeyp]

I'm 22 years old with nothing really to show for in life, no real friends, no girlfriend, etc. On top of all of this, my fetish towards CDing has grown to unbelievable lengths. The problem is, it keeps me away from friends, my old hobbies, everything. I want to be able to nurture my "real" side for once and maybe obtain a college degree, possibly even get a girlfriend who is okay with what I do(never had a girlfriend). I just feel like I'm filling some sort of lonely void within myself when I dress up.

I love CDing but I hate it at the same time, it's literally harder to quit than cigarettes, and I did manage to quit smoking cigarettes. It may sound funny, but i'd say this fetish is a BIG addiction that takes me away from reality sometimes. Another part of me realizes what it really is I should be worrying about right now... getting out of my mom's house, getting a job and going to school.

CDing isn't my only addiction of course but it's my main one right now. I know it'll always be a part of me, but I want to take a little "break" from it for awhile. I know me, and I know there's really no way I can integrate this in a healthy way, the erotic stimulation I get from it is incredible. Has anyone had experience in taking a break for a little while to attempt to improve your life. Seems like most of you here are in your 40s and have an established income.

I see a lot of people saying "embrace it!". I think I've fully exhausted that privilege. I'm an all or nothing type of person. Has anyone here had experience in taking a break for awhile?

[goodnhose]

Mikeyp, We understand your concerns all of us have been there. I think at your age and current status that you need to take time to get the important things in life going especially college, work and getting out on your own. I hadn't dressed for a year before getting back in a month ago It's not impossible to master the feelings and urge to dress you just have to decide and do it. I'm not saying that you can't dress at all but if it's getting to the point that your forward progress in life has been stunted you need to change that direction. Take the time clear your head, register for classes at your local community college it will give you something new and important to focus on. You can change your life.

[Robin414]

Hi Mikeyp, based on experience, I say yes! I did (completely purged) when I was about your age and didn't miss it at all until about a year ago (I'm 48 now). During that time I achieved some REALLY great things...note that I'm not a physiologist though and if your TG that might be bad advice but apply as you (AND YOUR phsycologist) advises!

[rhonda]

CDing is a addiction I don't think their's a cure for it . so you might as well keep going and have fun

[Krisi]

"Should I take an extended break from CDing? "

What are we supposed to do, vote yea or no? And are you going to do whatever the majority says?

It's entirely up to you, I'm not going to tell you one way or the other. I will say this though; If crossdressing is interfering with your life, you should stop until you can keep it under control. If crossdressing is an "addiction" for you, you will need to quit entirely.

[BillieAnneJean]

If you make an investment in yourself which nets you a salable skill for which there is a demand and you do it early in life the benefits will compound themselves. As an example look at many people who have achieved much. They started out early, sacrificed their urges for a few years, and thereafter had it made. You too can have this if you choose the future over the present.

When I was your age I had already gone to college and was drifting. What I had learned thus far at college was not salable. Then I discovered a career that previously I did not know about. It looked like fun. I got a job in that field as a peeon. But I loved the work. So I found a university that offered a curriculum in that field, one which all but guaranteed me a good job on graduation in that field. I all but gave up my life for the years that it took. It wasn't like totally suspending my life. There was a LOT of fun during those years. And I knew that what I was doing guaranteed me a better life. On graduation I had job offers from all over. I had my choice of jobs. Within a year of graduation I was making six times my pre college income and I had fantastic job security. Doing work that I loved so much I would have been doing it for free. I literally had the best job in the world. My life was changed forever.

I worked my way through, BTW. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT borrow your way through college. DO NOT!!!! You do and you are OWNED by the lenders. DO NOT borrow your way through college! Find an affordable college, start out in a community college, work and find a way to pay as you go. DO NOT borrow to go to college.

Find a degree that all but guarantees you a job! Do Not go for Anthropology, Psychology, Art History, and the arts degrees. Go for something that has good jobs and demand. Even an IT job, even a two year degree that gets you a job is better than those arts degrees. A two year degree that gets you a job that you can work your way through is a great way to get going. Even better if it has advancement that you can get by adding a bachelors degree latter, while you are working. Look in the "Help Wanted" for ideas on what is a salable skill. If there are a LOT of adds for something then it is likely there are jobs waiting for you when you graduate.

Find a way to get some experience in that job before you graduate. If you are going to work part time, do so in that field. Some way. I did and because I had "previous experience" it put me ahead of everyone in my graduating class who had no experience. I got first pick of the jobs and the rest of the graduating class picked from what I did not take.

I "gave up" what could wait and got it back in spades. You don't have to "give up" CDing, just put it on the "as time is available" schedule and make improving your life the priority.

You will never regret it.

[Luciana]

I do crossdress for almost 40 years (since my 10), so I passed several stages along my life and then I have something to tell about this. As you may already be aware of, all crossdressers will have urges and purges along life. I already experienced purges of 4 years so I can tell you that you surely can take 'vacations' of CDing. I remember that it was between my 25-35 years that I had my strongest urges but I don't know if it is a rule.

In your case, specifically, the more concerning point (and you clearly noticed that) is that the urge is consuming you in a very important moment of your life when you should be more interested on establish yourself socially, that is, making friends, studying and finding a professional way to go. You nailed the point when you said that you feel that you are using the crossdress like a drug to fill in the loneliness and gaps of your life. Also is very understandable that the CDing be so erotic for you because you are still in the peaks of your hormones and you don't have a sexual partner to discharge all this energy.

By the beginning of your post you said that you don't have 'nothing to show in your life'. Now I have some news ... this is not that strange being at the age of 22. At 22 the mostly of us are literally lost and have this big 'loser feeling'. This is pretty normal. Start building something from the ground is a big work and it is scary. We are talking about to build a LIFE!

I can tell you that at 22 I wasn't too much different from you: I was skinny, whitey, weak and used glasses. I was very shy and spent mostly of my time in front of a computer and nerd literature/hobbies. I didn't have too much friends and have a girlfriend was something as utopian as an unicorn. I was scared and still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. And I had to spend a few years figuring it out, some trial and errors, etc.

The fact is that if you try to ignore the big job of start to build your life now by suffocating everything with your crossdress and stuff time will pass and you will end doing nothing. Soon you will be at your 30s and then you will wake up one day and ask yourself "What I am doing with my life?". And yeah, that will be frustrating.

I am not a psychologist and just because that I think that you should look for one! I made analysis for a few time and it helped me to figure out a couple things that I couldn't by myself. A good professional can help you to understand what is going on with you and put you on tracks. Maybe you even is not a CD. Maybe you are a transsexual and your body and mind are screaming for freedom. I don't know. You don't know.

I think that finding a good psychologist and telling him/her exactly what you said in your initial post would be a VERY good start!

Good luck!

[Stephanie47]

Addiction? Compulsive disorder? Take your pick. It really does not matter if it is cross dressing or anything else if there is an activity that consumes all your time. For some just banging away on electronic devices all day has an adverse impact on their lives. You need to make an assessment of your life, and, decide what you want to do and decide how to get there. You need an escape plan, and, that has nothing to do with cross dressing. You're never going to be able to live on your own if you do not have the education/talents to offer a prospective employer. It sounds as if you're sinking into depression. I'd even recommend seeing a counselor or mental health professional if you feel you are suffering from depression. People tend to withdraw into doing something they find pleasurable when times are tough. It's easier to sink into a couch and play video games rather than confront the situation. It sounds as if your life is not balanced right now. And, there is nothing wrong with wearing women's clothing. As to whether or not you're going to be able to find a woman who will share that enjoyment, you're never going to find anyone sitting in a room as an unemployed uneducated person.

[Krisi]

BillieAnneJean gives good advice here. Follow it. While I did not do just what she did, I did sacrifice in my early years and I learned a valuable skills along the way and this led to a good career with good benefits and a great retirement plan.

[Adriana Moretti]

Since I started CDing again....I totally 86'd my "OLD FRIENDS"....and this had nothing to do with my cding...more with the fact I realized what incredible dou$hebags I hung out with when I was younger.....the more I hung out with other cd's & tg's the more I realized I found where I belong my old hobbies mostly dissapeared too and I find myself uninterested in them ....not saying for YOU to do this, but its something to think about, cause you are still young and still growing into your skin....your life may look alot different in a few years, and it may have nothing to do with cding....you do need though to find a balance and get the cd thing under control. At this stage in life, the most important thing should be your education, cause that is your future. Even if you use crossdressing AS your motivation...like " I am going to go to school, get a good job, and get my own place so when i HAVE free time, I can dress to my hearts content. But school and your future at 22...should be your priority...and finding a balance between that, and dressing up is key.

I took a break for a while, and I am right back here. That stimulation though is going to fade, it wont last forever. Take a break...see how you feel, why not right? Focus on you. You have the rest of your life to dress, and some of the smartest cd's I know are the ones who set themselves up for life, work wise, money wise etc...and now live comfortably...travel the world etc....good luck...... xoxo

[audreyinalbany]

well, typical of addictive behaviors, they're not a problem until the BECOME a problem.Having a drink isn't a problem. Having a lot of drinks every day is a problem. Drinking is a problem when it interfere with living your life.I guess cross dressing is the same. Dressing up like a girl isn't a problem until you are avoiding your friends and your responsibilities because of it. As trite as it may sound…it's all about balance.

[Tina_gm]

If you feel that your CDing is interfering with your current life, you have 3 options. Change the other aspects of your life to accommodate your Cding as it is now. Change your CDing, but do not give it up, so that it works better with the other aspects of your life or yes, stop CDing. Doing 1 or 2, or a combo of both will work out for you much better than stopping the CDing. If you don't believe me, ask everyone else on this forum, we have all been there and done that, and here we still are....

[Tracii G]

It seems to me by the way you structure your posts that you have a problem being able to separate reality from your fetish.
Like its all or nothing and being totally consumed by your desire to dress.
People do this with hobbies all the time and they fail to achieve a balance.
I have a friend that does this all the time and it drives me crazy. This summer it was boating and fishing.He probably spent 30 grand on a boat and fishing gear.
The year before it was motorcycles and all the custom add ons and clothing.
The year before that was buying a 4X4 SUV and decking it out with custom parts.
In your case maybe step away from it and get your life together before coming back to dressing.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Mikey,

You seem to define yourself as an addict, of one thing or another. Think about defining yourself in other terms.

It seems like it's time to leave home and move on with your life, to find a purpose in life. Since you are unqualified, you could consider volunteer work. It could be anything, anywhere, as long as it offers accommodation and food. I encourage you to consider it as an option because giving to others is one good way of putting your place in the universe into perspective, of taking yourself out of the spotlight, giving your self-focus a break.

There are also work/exchange opportunities, and physical work is another excellent way to get your mind off your self-obsession. You'd also meet people and be exposed to alternative ways of life, while achieving independence.

What you do have is an extraordinary ability to focus- you just need to focus on things outside yourself for a change!

Be prepared to be uncomfortable, and know that forward progress is rarely possible without an amount of discomfort.

[Clodagh]

I can very much empathise with much of what the OP has said. I am a few years older and only started CDing when I had already finished college and started on the career path, so i had an advantage in that sense. On the other hand I was, as the OP said, filling a lonely void created by shyness, non existence of love life/sex life and self loathing. I have taken breaks, plenty of them, and I have progressed. I now have a partner, have a good job, and my life is very much on track. It is an addiction though and I have never been able to break free from it completely.

Much of crossdressing is a fantasy world and sometimes when you realise that it is not reality you can leave it behind. For me, when I tried to push my dressing to other levels in order to fulfill my fantasies, I found it thoroughly disappointing and unfulfilling. Immediately I would be filled with resolve to leave this nonsense behind and get on with my life, I would then take breaks and sometimes these kicks would be the catalyst for better things. Now dressing is just a part time hobby for me because I am too busy to commit to it anyway. My partner knows about it and as long as she does not mind I believe it cannot hurt.

One word of caution though, when crossdressing is your only sexual outlet it can become the centre of your sex life. When you do find a girlfriend (and believe me, you will), no matter how attractive you find her, you might find it hard to focus on her as the object of your sexual desire. This can be overcome, but it takes time. you are young and if you can find other outlets that don't involve crossdressing at this stage then you can avoid problems arising later.