DISCLAIMER: This thread may contain disturbing stuff that I never shared on a forum before... viewer discretion is advised!!!!
Hey all!
I will try to describe my profile as a crossdresser the better I can!
I dress female clothes since my 10 or 12 (I am turning 50). I started with my mom clothes, then cousins' clothes, etc (you know how it is) and then finally my own stuff. My preferences are sexy lingerie and I shave always I can.
I have to say that for me dressing always was directly linked to the arousing that it causes to me. As soon as the arousing is gone the need of keep dressed goes away. I don't have to necessarily to satisfy myself sexually like masturbate or so. Mostly of times I do. Sometimes I don't. I always will become aroused when I start dressing but if I ignore it the arousing will end. After that, some time later I will start to feel bored, then uncomfortable and then finally I will have a need of get rid of that clothes and get back to my 'normal' state. If I satisfy myself I will have the urge to undress almost immediately. Not desperately, but as soon as possible.
Recently I started to play an online sex RPG game where I am a woman (you can be a man, a woman or a transsex). Basically in this game you go to a private room and make sex with another person. I only play with men there and I simply LOVE to be a female. I don't only play though. Sometimes I spend hours just chatting with nice guys and never one of them suspected that I am not a girl. Sometime just for fun I ask them how they know if I am not a guy pretending to be a girl and several times they already told me that 'are sure' that I am a woman because the way I think! Wow!
Anyway, I already had sex with several guys in this game (just online of course) either being dressed as well not being dressed and it was very pleasant all the times. I got very aroused and every time I can (when I am home alone) I reach the climax. The last time I played it was with a guy from Portugal and we talked through skype while we played the game. At this time I was dressed with lingerie and of course I moaned and told dirty things, etc. I don't have a female voice but I have a cool software that I attach to skype and that makes my voice sound very realistically like a woman voice.
As you can see everything that surrounds me regarding being a female is a big fantasy where I try to simulate things for my own pleasure. I have to say that I never EVER told anyone about this and that I don't have either this desire. I never EVER stepped out of home en-femme and don't have this desire also. I am a very ashamed person, very discreet and low profile, and crap my pants only to imagine to be recognized by a known person on street. Also I am very fearful to be the target of violence of intolerant people. Heck, to tell you the truth all don't feel the urge to be in public as a woman.
Finally, and before you think I am a gay or bisexual here it goes the puzzling part: I never EVER had an homosexual experience in my whole life and I can tell that I don't have the will of have sex with a REAL man. All that peals, the shape, the smell and even the behavior of a man just disgusts me. HOWEVER, I have this 'thing' about penis. I really have a big curiosity and desire of play with one but it would have to be anywhere but on a man's body. I think that if I would try one it would have to be on a woman's body, or better saying, a man with a woman body (TS).
Anyone would like to 'analyze' me?