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Thread: Confessions... Would you like to 'analyze' me?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    Confessions... Would you like to 'analyze' me?

    DISCLAIMER: This thread may contain disturbing stuff that I never shared on a forum before... viewer discretion is advised!!!!


    Hey all!

    I will try to describe my profile as a crossdresser the better I can!

    I dress female clothes since my 10 or 12 (I am turning 50). I started with my mom clothes, then cousins' clothes, etc (you know how it is) and then finally my own stuff. My preferences are sexy lingerie and I shave always I can.

    I have to say that for me dressing always was directly linked to the arousing that it causes to me. As soon as the arousing is gone the need of keep dressed goes away. I don't have to necessarily to satisfy myself sexually like masturbate or so. Mostly of times I do. Sometimes I don't. I always will become aroused when I start dressing but if I ignore it the arousing will end. After that, some time later I will start to feel bored, then uncomfortable and then finally I will have a need of get rid of that clothes and get back to my 'normal' state. If I satisfy myself I will have the urge to undress almost immediately. Not desperately, but as soon as possible.

    Recently I started to play an online sex RPG game where I am a woman (you can be a man, a woman or a transsex). Basically in this game you go to a private room and make sex with another person. I only play with men there and I simply LOVE to be a female. I don't only play though. Sometimes I spend hours just chatting with nice guys and never one of them suspected that I am not a girl. Sometime just for fun I ask them how they know if I am not a guy pretending to be a girl and several times they already told me that 'are sure' that I am a woman because the way I think! Wow!

    Anyway, I already had sex with several guys in this game (just online of course) either being dressed as well not being dressed and it was very pleasant all the times. I got very aroused and every time I can (when I am home alone) I reach the climax. The last time I played it was with a guy from Portugal and we talked through skype while we played the game. At this time I was dressed with lingerie and of course I moaned and told dirty things, etc. I don't have a female voice but I have a cool software that I attach to skype and that makes my voice sound very realistically like a woman voice.

    As you can see everything that surrounds me regarding being a female is a big fantasy where I try to simulate things for my own pleasure. I have to say that I never EVER told anyone about this and that I don't have either this desire. I never EVER stepped out of home en-femme and don't have this desire also. I am a very ashamed person, very discreet and low profile, and crap my pants only to imagine to be recognized by a known person on street. Also I am very fearful to be the target of violence of intolerant people. Heck, to tell you the truth all don't feel the urge to be in public as a woman.

    Finally, and before you think I am a gay or bisexual here it goes the puzzling part: I never EVER had an homosexual experience in my whole life and I can tell that I don't have the will of have sex with a REAL man. All that peals, the shape, the smell and even the behavior of a man just disgusts me. HOWEVER, I have this 'thing' about penis. I really have a big curiosity and desire of play with one but it would have to be anywhere but on a man's body. I think that if I would try one it would have to be on a woman's body, or better saying, a man with a woman body (TS).

    Anyone would like to 'analyze' me?

    Last edited by Katey888; 10-13-2015 at 12:50 PM. Reason: TMI and explicit content removed

  2. #2
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    I wouldn't even try to analyze you.

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    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    No analysis from me..... There are parts of your story that we all can relate to such as the dressing causing arousal. After many years of dressing to me it's more about feeling comfortable but when I was younger your words were very true in what I did in dressing. Many parts of your feelings I can't even remotely relate too. I'm sure there are some on here that can help you though if that's what you want. I say do what you enjoy and don't worry about it.

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    *cracks knuckles*

    The shame and other stuff you mention is pretty normal. Most of us get that. I sure did.

    Being with a guy is pretty validating to your femininity. I found it interesting that you don't talk about how you feel about women. Married or single? Have many experiences with women?

    Maybe you'd like guys better than you think - but you haven't met the right one? Maybe you are, in fact, not gay or bi, but are a straight woman? Maybe it won't make sense to be with a guy until you are a woman. It didn't for me. I have a boyfriend now. A first for me. I was married twice in my prior life.

    How do you feel about life when you aren't dressed? Any distress? Do you feel bad if you don't do this for awhile? Do you make friends with men or women easier? Do you like being a man? What do you like about it?

    BTW, my initial analysis, based on your limited input, is that you are probably just a crossdresser, but there's so much you didn't mention that there really isn't any way for anyone to know. The best piece of evidence is:

    If I satisfy myself I will have the urge to undress almost immediately. Not desperately, but as soon as possible.
    This is a pretty good indicator that you aren't going to transition right now, nor are you about to come out to yourself as a woman.

    It is not an absolute indicator. This was my pattern too - in my case the desire to get out of the clothes was driven by shame and fear of being caught. (The latter was a legitimate concern since I was married, and my wife had no clue about any of this.) It was my pattern though - until it wasn't. I started wearing the clothes longer and longer, and it became less about sex, although that was always there - until it stopped over a period of about two weeks.

    In my case, I started transition a bit over two years ago, and had GRS ("the surgery") a bit over a month ago.

    So as you can see, nobody can really say that much about where this all might go for you, at least based on what you've said.

    What do you think about who and what you are?

  5. #5
    Member Anne K's Avatar
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    Luciana, I agree with Jaylin. Why worry about it; Life is too short. If you need to work out the why's about CDing, then I would seek out professional help. MY SO is a psychotherapist and while we never get into a formal discussion (that's prohibited professionally) her training and compassion is always in the background and makes our discussions fascinating. In short, it's OK to be me; though I have to say that there is that little birdie sitting on my shoulder telling me otherwise. Oh well, Bye Bye Birdie! So, Luciana, lighten up and know that you are OK!

  6. #6
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    Paula, yes you are right, I didn't mention more about my life that could give a better clue about me. I am married for 13 years now with a spectacular person (she doesn't know) and I was married before with an awful person and it didn't long too much more than 1 year! I didn't have a LOT of girlfriends but have some — say 10 — and other spare experiences with other 10. I love women in all aspects.

    The thing that more scare me about to think on being a woman (and that make me NOT want to be one) is that being a woman hard with a capital 'H'. I like being a man, it is easy, it is swell. Now being a woman is complicated... socially and biologically speaking. I don't feel unhappy in any way on being a man. Actually I feel myself a very happy person, as I think that God, Universe, Destiny, or whatever someone can call it, gave me the best life I could imagine. I am not rich but I consider myself blessed: I have a work, love what I do, am modest enough to feel satisfied with my conquers and am able to contemplate life and world. What else can I want?

    Other than that I have this 'glitch' (crossdressing) that I never could fully understand. Actually after the first years I gave up about try to understand it and just accepted it as part of me. I used to feel guilty in the beginning but when I accepted it the guilt just vanished, and now I just do it when I want, got my pleasure dose and carry on. It is just a bit overwhelming to me to have to deal with the secret. But I am too shy to tell it to someone near to me and also I think that it is not fair to throw over others such secret, specially because I am not thinking about to assume myself as a woman full-time. So, tell it would be just a selfish attempt of share my burden with someone else (in my opinion).



    Jaylin and Joyce... thank you both for your kind words! Seems that at the end of the day the main advice is always 'carry on!'...



    PS: Sorry all if I sound too crazy or too improper for you. I just for the first time in my life feel comfortable to share it in a place that I think is the 'right' place for this.

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    Hey Luciana, while I'm only 22, I can directly relate to most of the things you're saying, except the online playing as a chick thing. Crossdressing is awfully arousing for me. The whole "forced feminization" thing is pretty much my main outlet for sexual energy. I actually didn't discover this part of myself until about a year ago. Well, I went through an obsessive period where I felt SO ashamed for doing what I do. I started to look into the "issue" a little bit too much, and started to ask people if they think I'm a transexual in denial or something. I used to be extremely anxious when the urge to pleasure myself hit.

    As of recent, I've managed to get over the whole anxious aspect of my dressing through a lot of meditation and self reflection. I don't know if you're into the whole self loathing aspect of it all, but I'd constantly ask God why he did this to me, why he didn't just make me a "normal" boy, or a "normal" girl. I then came to a sort of "acceptance" for myself. I was trying for so long to deny myself of my thoughts, my urges, and it was this very denial that made me uncomfortable. I decided to allow myself to have my thoughts and learned to not really put any judgment on them. I've actually found that once you truly accept this all as a part of you, the obsessive aspect goes down a lot.

    Anyway, as for your sexual orientation, here is what I have to say. Imagine yourself as the ideal person you want to be. Who do you see yourself kissing? Who do you see yourself becoming romantic with? Do you find anything else on a man attractive, except for his "parts"? If not, then I'm afraid this is just all part of the sexuality. I, personally was never really into the whole penis aspect of it all, but the stuff still arouses me. Penises, like female clothing, help you feel more feminine. This doesn't mean you're straight, gay, bi, whatever. This is a pretty unique sexuality.

    You might also just have to see how far the hole goes down for you. My hole has come to a sort of "stop" over the last month. I pretty much have gone back to the "old" me, except now, whenever I get the strong urge to pleasure myself, I pull out my ladies clothes and go to town.
    Last edited by mikeyp; 10-13-2015 at 02:32 PM.

  8. #8
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    OK, you do not feel distressed over being male, dressing is arousing for you most of the time, and you are not into guys in real life when you are not dressed - and so you feel puzzled by this and you wonder why. In the beginning you felt ashamed ... is this because most guys you know do not do what you do? But then you decided to accept that you enjoy doing what you do and have fun with it. Lots of other CDers in this forum have shared the same thing in fact I'd say this is common.

    You don't say how old you are, but you need to know that the sexual aspect eventually diminishes for a lot of CDers and these feelings are replaced with just a sense of comfort or non-sexual pleasure when they dress, all while still not wanting to give up their male lives. Again, this is common here. In other words, being a CDer does not equate to always doing this for fetish.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luciana View Post
    The thing that more scare me about to think on being a woman (and that make me NOT want to be one) is that being a woman hard with a capital 'H'. I like being a man, it is easy, it is swell. Now being a woman is complicated... socially and biologically speaking. I don't feel unhappy in any way on being a man. Actually I feel myself a very happy person, as I think that God, Universe, Destiny, or whatever someone can call it, gave me the best life I could imagine. I am not rich but I consider myself blessed: I have a work, love what I do, am modest enough to feel satisfied with my conquers and am able to contemplate life and world.
    Some people believe that any CDer who wishes to dress for sex or for comfort or excitement is a woman and this implies that he is not reaching his inner truth. Take those posts with a grain of salt. You have found a way to make all of this work and this is the ultimate road to your happiness. You are correct, finding happiness after transition can be difficult and if you feel you have a choice in the matter, then you are choosing correctly.

    <Edit> Not to diminish the TSs reading this thread in any way, obviously the people who don't feel they have a choice in the matter do need to transition.
    Last edited by ReineD; 10-13-2015 at 02:46 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luciana
    I don't feel unhappy in any way on being a man. Actually I feel myself a very happy person, as I think that God, Universe, Destiny, or whatever someone can call it, gave me the best life I could imagine.
    Look - nobody can really tell you who you are - but given what you say, you are most likely just a CD. Gender stuff can be confusing, and you may feel differently about all this in the future. If you start to feel really horrible, and it seems gender related, you should probably talk to a gender therapist. Have you ever felt like you wanted to be a woman, or felt like you really were one? Have you ever felt depressed or even suicidal over your gender and life as a man? (My guess is your answers are "no, no, and no.")

    Your biggest problem, at the moment, seems to be that you have this terrible secret burdening you. It's hard to keep a part of yourself, and trust me, this IS part of you, from your spouse. It feels like you are holding back, I expect - not being you, at least not ALL of you. That is something you'll have to decide how to deal with. There are risks with telling, and there are risks with not telling. There are many members here who successfully come out. There are others whose marriages do not survive the reveal, although more do, than don't. Whether "survive the reveal" means it will still be recognizably the same marriage is sometimes an open question. But survive many of them do.

    My own marriage effectively ended the day I came out to my wife. Look - I ultimately transitioned, but she'd have split with me if I'd just been a CD. She made that very clear. We stuck together 4 months before she told me to leave. I'm not trying to scare you - I think being out is superior to living in the closet. But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the risks.

    Again, nobody on an internet forum can really diagnose whatever issue you have with your gender.

  10. #10
    Member Melanie 0339's Avatar
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    Hi Luciana,

    Reading your first post theres so much I can relate to I started in my early teens and it always was about getting aroused, now when I dress it isn't always about getting aroused althrough alot of the time I still do sometimes Ill attend to it others I just carry on with whatever i'm doing. The feeling of guilt shame used to be an issue and it kicked in usally after orgasm I've been through many purges during the years but its only been the last year or so that I no longer feel any shame in what I do and I will remain dressed long after orgasm as I just feel comfortable in womans clothes, I believe this is self acceptance and to be honest its a great feeling as now dressing has become even more fun for me.

    As for the penis thing I too can relate I often find myself fantasizing about playing around with them althrough as far as I believe i'm 100% hetreosexual I'm not attracted to men in the slightest. I've given up on trying to analyise what I would be classed as CD/TG/TS straight/gay/bi i've got to the point where i just don't care i'm me a 37yr old man who loves to dress like a girl fool around with girls and maybe fool around with a penis. I say try not to over think about your situation and try to except that this is who you are and if people don't like it tough, You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

    I rattled on abit but just to show your not alone and amongst friends xxx
    Some boys wanted to dress up as batman.....not me

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    BTW, having fantasies about being with a guy doesn't make you gay. A lot of people have same sex fantasies from time to time. If you found yourself attracted, hard to admit though that might be, to a guy in the real world, in porn, or whatever, you might be bisexual. There is nothing wrong with that, and you don't actually have to have sex with a guy to be bisexual - it's simply a question of attraction. It doesn't have to be a very strong attraction - just has to be there. Again, there is nothing wrong with this. You aren't very likely to chuck your current, wonderful, marriage for some dude you meet. It doesn't work like that for most bi people. It just means that you have at least some capacity to be attracted to more than one gender.

    I offer this explanation not to tell you who you are - I have no way to know that - but simply to give you are framework that may or may not explain something about yourself.

    One of the difficult things about bisexual feelings is that people tend to suppress them, and erase bisexuality altogether. If you do have such feelings (and again, I'm not saying you do), there is NOTHING wrong with that. There are about as many bisexual people, we believe, as gay and lesbians. It's WAY more common than people suppose. But people like to pretend it isn't a thing.

    Really, the only person who can answer this is you - "am I attracted to men sometimes." If you answer yes, and are also attracted to women, which certainly seems to be the case (you had more girlfriends than I ever did, and I like women quite a lot), then "bisexual might be a good description for you. Note - this doesn't mean you need to DO anything about it, other than it's just another part of who you are. If it's the case, just accept it, and move on, kind of like you did with your CDing.

    There really is no more to it than that. Ever see a woman you thought was attractive? I'm sure you have. Did you cheat on your wife with her because you thought she was pretty? I'm sure you didn't! Being bi is kinda like that - you just tend to see people you find attractive, rather than people of a specific gender. You are not compelled to cheat on your wife with some dude you meet.

    That said - even though it's a game, and a fantasy - how would your wife feel about the virtual encounters with men in the game that you are having? I'm not saying it's OK or not OK. It wouldn't bother me if my boyfriend did something like that. It also wouldn't bother me if he had sex with other women - I'm not wired like most other girls. Your wife might have very different feelings about such things.

    This is something I think I'd try to get a handle on, because I feel it's fairly likely that were your wife to come home, find you in women's clothes, masturbating while doing dirty chatting with a guy online, she might freak out - a LOT of women would. One of the first questions to CDs from spouses is - "are you gay?" Which is a weird question unless the two of you are having sex problems, because presumably if you are still taking care of business at home you like girls. But it's the only hook many people have to gender variant people. (You are one of those, sorry.)

    I hope this gives you some things to think about. Again, no judgement implied from me. I'm fine with you - but I don't live with you either.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Hard for me to do a real analysis of someone over a public forum. From what you have said, it sounds like the basic type of CDer more than anything else. I myself personally do not have arousal from dressing. I get a sense of comfort, peace, serenity. A part of me let free is about the best way to describe how I feel. I am not judging you or of the numerous others that do get arousal from it. I have never gone there, so I am not saying I couldn't get arousal, but dressing just has never been about gratification sexually for me.

    I am not going to label you, or anyone. But, I have never had any fantasies about guys, or their parts. Sexually, I am not wired that way. I do have a sense of being dual gendered though. I feel a real part of me is at least more aligned as a woman than as a man. Not all of me though. I never get a sense of having end or being tired of dressing. I also don't get super depressed when I do change back into mens clothing.

    I can only say for myself that I feel I am a transgendered person, who has a inner core that is aligned both with men and women. I cross dress for the fact that it is a pleasant sensation. relief, peace, serenity. Again, a part of me that is being let free. For the most part, I consider myself "just a CDer" Just a CDer though can be a huge range of the gender spectrum.

    It certainly sounds to me you fall within that spectrum. Whether you are or consider yourself to be transgender or not really is only for you. If it helps you to understand yourself and accept yourself. It sounds that you have a lot of issues with that self acceptance, and you are certainly not alone. Many here still struggle with it, and I certainly do as well at times.

    I can tell you this, the secret world of gaming, and dressing without your wife's knowledge is a set up for disaster. One day, something may happen and it will all unfold. And you do have a lot of secret stuff going on that should it unfold will cause your marriage great stress, if not end it altogether. I can only suggest that you entertain the idea of telling your wife about all of you. At least the dressing part. If you do not want her to know the gaming part, I would only suggest getting the heck out of it all, erasing any trace and never ever look back. If you tell some, but not all, and the part you do not tell gets discovered, it will still be a harsh betrayal to your wife.

    My personal thoughts are that a spouse has a right to know. I am not going to tell you what you should do, everyone here has to come to that decision and I do not hound on people who decide to not tell. It is their life to live and make the choices they do. I only know what is right for me, and what I feel a marriage should be about, and that is honesty.

    I doubt you are TS. You might be more aligned with the feminine than you currently think you do, but probably not TS.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  13. #13
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    I cant analyze you, mostly because i am still analyzing myself. I kinda get what you mean about certain things.
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  14. #14
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    Very very cool thoughts! Wow!



    Reading your texts and ideas I can have a good idea where I fit in. As some has stated I definitively am not a transgender or transexual. I think that if I'd try to go along this way (hormones, body changing, etc) it would cause me a lot of psychic issues, and probably then I would feel very unhappy. As I mentioned before I am OK on being a man, either socially as biologically speaking. I just think once in a while how it was if I would a woman. Sometimes I would like to have a machine that I could enter and change to female or male as I wish. LoL.

    One thing that I forgot to mention on my initial report is that I really don't like to make sex with other people. Be female or male (I suppose although I never have done). I feel too much more pleasure and arousing when I am alone and touching myself. Would it be some kind of narcisism? I don't know, but I have a theory about this. When I was a teen ager I used to masturbate a LOT. And as years passed I developed several 'techniques' and 'sofistications' to enhance my pleasure. My real sexual life (with a partner) had begun very late, around my 23, when I had my first serious girlfriend. So we are talking about 10 years of alone pleasure. So I think that maybe I learn so well about my body and how to extract pleasure of it that make sex with other people became some kind of boring. Also I consider myself a super-controller person and maybe I feel more comfortable in a situation where I have 100% of control about what happens (alone sex). Of course these are only crazy ideas and I am not sure if things are correlated.

    Regarding to tell my wife about my CDing it is not gonna happen. Ever. First because it is a private thing, so I don't think that I have to share it to someone else. I don't believe that you have to share everything in marriage because although married, we still are individuals. Second that I don't think that the benefits worst the risks... I wouldn't put in risk something that is so important to me (my marriage) because something that is of so small importance to me (CDing). Third I think that would be unfair to my wife to throw this burden over her. That's how I see things. Finally if I commited this insanity of tell her about this I think that I didn't stand the pressure and probably I would quite the marriage just because I am SO ashamed of it that I wouldn't be able to look at here anymore without imagine what she would thinking about me. Sorry, it may sound silly or stupid, but that's how I feel.

    All inputs were very mature and valuable! Thank you again for so many words of wisdom!


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    It's possible that you are asexual.

    However, problems with sex are often times indicators that there's other stuff going on with your gender. Just something to keep in mind. Nothing is especially definitive in this crazy world of gender.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member AnnieMac's Avatar
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    So what's the cool software?

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    Luciana,
    The last paragraph in #14 just goes to show how different we all are. My CDing is totally linked with needing to share it with a woman so I couldn't live with not telling my wife twenty years ago, I couldn't see the harm in it because I'd shared it with GFs before I married. I described it to my counsellor as my maleness overlaid with a female trait intertwined with my sexual needs and it all started very early for me in fact I now know I was born with a female trait . I'm totally happy sexually with women, I have no interest in men sexually or in their anatomy but I do believe the Autogynerphilia label fits me, as I'm also content sexually with my own company when dressed.

    As far as the gaming is concerned maybe you've let it become an obsession, try and focus on something else to break the gaming habit after a few weeks you may not miss it and realise your obsession has subsided.

  18. #18
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    Girls, this thread made me to reflect a LOT about several things. I now believe that when I invited you to 'analyze' me I was unconsciously inviting MYSELF to do this. Maybe it has to do also with the fact that my 50's turn is approaching fast. It was like a bulb lamp suddenly lighting on in the darkness. And it suddenly showed me so many things that were hidden in the dark place that I felt silly that I never had noticed them before!

    Anyway, be whatever it is I feel that the time has come to retire myself for a place where I can calm down my mind and review seriously my position about continue dressing or not — after 40 years doing that!

    The fact is that I have an excellent 13 years marriage that I don't want to jeopardize and I am also definitively NOT going to share this secret with my partner. And although I am triple careful, there is not absolutely any warranty that I won't get caught and be forced to reveal this side of mine — and if it happened it would be extremely hard FOR ME. So I decided that I don't want to take this chance. It really doesn't pay for the risk.

    Also seems that lately I have sabotaged myself. I have been sabotaging either my feelings as well my sexuality. OK, I have this thing about feel more comfortable masturbating than making sex. It is not news for me — although it have happened more in the last couple years — but after some research I got relief on figure out that it is too much more common among married males than I supposed...

    HOWEVER, now I see that enhancing my alone plays with crossdressing and online sex is not going to help me in any manner. So I decided to take a break on crossdressing and alone stimulation (at least I should stop the special refinements) and focus on my romantic life with my valuable wife.

    I think that this is one of those moments in life when we have that urge to stop and make a full revision about what is working and what is not, what have more importance, what you have done and what you are willing to do from now on, etc.

    As you know the crossdressing is not anymore that big deal that it used to be for me years ago. It is starting to become clear to me that I am doing exactly the opposite way that mostly of you are. Maybe after years crossdressing I just noticed that there is nothing for me anymore in this toy room and I just keep doing it only for habit. There was more than one time in my life that I caught myself doing something that didn't mean anything for me anymore and that I just kept it because were just old habits that I had sticked to! It happened to me even with people... old friends that suddenly didn't have anything else in common with me anymore and that I still kept meeting 'in the name of the old times'. Anyway, eventually I ended leaving those old habits and those old friends behind. Oh, well... Anyway!!!!

    My last purge longed four years (until a couple weeks ago) and I was OK till then. So I am sure that I can put Luciana to sleep again and for an indefinite amount of time without any suffering. As I said a couple times before the crossdressing never was an agent of my happiness so I will be fine.

    For sure I still have this HUGE feminine chunk embedded into my soul but I have several ways of express it without to have to dress as a girl and instead on throwing it onto my sexuality. I can do that just exercising my sensibility. Actually I already do this when I cry watching emotive movies or when I help my wife to choose the fabric patterns to sew her cloth dolls among other things.

    I would like to thank you very much for the lovely reception along my brief stay. And I would like to double thank you all that collaborated along this thread and helped me to turn that important bulb lamp on!


  19. #19
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    You are turning 50 soon and have not figured out all the different urges we cders get. Join the rest of us, as I am older than yourself and I still say duh, in my mind. Just enjoy the ride with the rest of us.

  20. #20
    Junior Member Luciana's Avatar
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    Cheers, girls! I am feeling too much more light now!

  21. #21
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luciana View Post
    Girls, this thread made me to reflect a LOT about several things. I now believe that when I invited you to 'analyze' me I was unconsciously inviting MYSELF to do this.
    That's precisely what this forum is for.

    Lots of people throw an idea out there to examine facets they perhaps hadn't thought of but ultimately the ones that ring true reflect how they feel to begin with. So it's a sort of self-confirmation. This isn't harmful generally, unless a member is in a dense Pink Fog and is considering making life-changing decisions, in which case it is good to listen to the people who point that out rather than those who suggest that Pink Fog is indeed Gender Dysphoria.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luciana View Post
    Also seems that lately I have sabotaged myself. I have been sabotaging either my feelings as well my sexuality. OK, I have this thing about feel more comfortable masturbating than making sex. It is not news for me — although it have happened more in the last couple years — but after some research I got relief on figure out that it is too much more common among married males than I supposed...

    HOWEVER, now I see that enhancing my alone plays with crossdressing and online sex is not going to help me in any manner. So I decided to take a break on crossdressing and alone stimulation (at least I should stop the special refinements) and focus on my romantic life with my valuable wife.
    Good for you and just in case you were wondering, you are not asexual.

    There's nothing wrong with masturbation, in fact this is a healthy practice for most people especially those who are single. But when it becomes the preferred activity to having sex with a partner, you risk damaging your relationship. Partners who want sex lives with their SOs can sense when they aren't as into sex as they might be otherwise. Also, excessive solo sex can lead to the development of issues with erectile dysfunction when having sex with partners. A lot of things can cause men to prefer solo sex - the biggest is porn (and similar but less common is using the CDing fantasies).

    Since the advent of wide-spread porn and other sexually stimulating sites on the internet, studies have shown that sexual dysfunction is becoming an issue among large percentages of younger men, more than ever before. If you have a mind for studies, read this article:

    http://yourbrainonporn.com/research-...se-youthful-ed

    I don't know how advanced is your issue, maybe just stopping the solo-sex to the CDing fantasies will be enough to help improve your sex life with your wife. But, maybe if this isn't enough and you find yourself repeatedly going back to the solo-sex fantasies, you will need help as well and there is no shame in this.

    There isn't much on the internet about help with sexual CDing fantasies simply because a relatively small percentage of men engage in these fantasies, so you might want to consult a sex therapist. Or if this is difficult for you, look at online advice for help with porn addiction (except replace the word "porn" with "CDing sexual fantasies"). And if you still find yourself drawn to the CDing, try to CD without masturbation and without going to the RPG website that you enjoy frequenting.

    For others reading this, I want to emphasize that I am not suggesting that all solo-sex to CDing fantasies should stop for everyone, just that there are ways to improve the situation when solo-sex risks damaging a cherished relationship.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by ReineD; 10-14-2015 at 03:49 PM.
    Reine

  22. #22
    Member laura.lapinski's Avatar
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    Luciana, I think in part you are correct about your auto-stimulation being better than sex with a partner. Of course its better in many ways. It's on your schedule. It's all about your pleasure. You don't have to think about someone else. When your done, you can get back to what it was you were doing right away. I'm not saying that is bad, and I don't think it equates to narcissism in and of itself. I will say that perhaps, you have problems being open and vulnerable with another woman. This is called intimacy. Perhaps your family was not open with affection? I think most families aren't too affectionate. Do you ever tell or guide your wife to do things to you that you like? Does she tell you what she likes? If not, find a time to talk about it when you aren't in bed having sex. This will lead to better, more satisfying sex with your wife. Look into some books about how to do this. If you love her, then the sex with her will become a deeper, more emotional type of sex than masturbation. However, MB still has its place, especially for men, because our biology is such that we are almost always ready for it and desire it (a blessing, and a burden, especially when we are young). And, as for you pleasuring yourself a lot during age 13 to 23? Of course you did! That's pretty normal.

    I agree with you about keeping the CDing to yourself. In this day and age of "no privacy", its nice to keep the sanctity of ones own thoughts. Besides, you have your outlet for CDing on this site. Before the internet and before this site, I was very confused about myself. Now I accept it all of me, but still have no desire to share it with my wife. I do know that I could share it with the right woman, but that is another story altogether. It takes an open person to make us feel comfortable with being open.

  23. #23
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    @Laura

    Oh man... that rings true for me. I didn't actually realize my love for crossdressing until facing rejection for the first time from a woman. I was so full of self loathing, "How could someone reject me?". I then decided that for the first time in my life... at 21 years old, I was going to pleasure myself, I didn't need women anymore. I felt strangely attracted to a pair of panties and thought "okay, let's buy them". Low and behold, one year later, crossdressing is my main sexual outlet and boy is it addicting. I can become any girl I've ever wanted. It feels like a drug I can't quit(I've dropped cigs cold turkey).

    Still, a lot of me longs for human intimacy, but why would I need it when I have crossdressing in my life, right? Nothing compares to the feeling of an intimate time with a woman. Feeling wanted.

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