Whats in a name

[Kate T]

So we have just started full time. My wife and I decided to transition around 12 months ago and I've been on HRT for 8 months.

My name that I use on this forum is somewhat of an artificiality, constructed soon after I talked to my wife about being a "crossdresser" almost 5 years ago so that we had something that could be used if we were out together but was similar to my old name so that shortened it was the same (my birth name being Adam). I never had any particular "thing" for the name, and I have never really had a "girls" name that I have always used or felt or anything like that.

I always thought the intense concern over a name was a bit obsessive. It's just a name, I've had it all my life, I didn't think it would particularly perturb me if someone called me Adam even when presenting female. It was one of those things I never quite "got". Until recently.

As most of you would know, when you transition it is for the rest of your life, people might tolerate one change but they are unlikely to be sympathetic to flipping back and forth or constantly changing this or that. So you have to pick a name that you are going to live with for the rest of your life. For a long time I had really liked the name "Kate" so that is the name I picked (this was well before the whole Caitlyn Jenner thing).

When we started and early on in HRT I didn't worry much about my name. I registered an email address as Kate and a few other bits and pieces but I was quite happy to respond to Adam and it really didn't worry me. Over time though it has become obvious that Adam just doesn't really fit anymore. I don't "think" of myself as Adam anymore, when I "think" my name I think Kate. What has struck me is how incredibly validating it is when someone does call me Kate and how it just grates just a little bit when I am called Adam. The other day we were in Sydney for a school reunion and checking in at our accommodation and it was really nice being treated as a woman and not having to constantly validate myself then came the "can we have your photo ID please" (No, it is not changed yet, hopefully once we have a business mortgage sorted in the next couple of weeks I can get that changed. I wasn't even going to go there trying to get a business loan and change my name at the same time, "by the way I'm transitioning to live as a different gender and can you loan me $600K to buy a business property", yeah, that would work!). I didn't have some sort of meltdown or panic attack but it was just a teensy bit deflating having to go "yes, that is me, Adam", any vague hope I had had of passing unnoticed gone out the window with that person.

So yeah. You'll be happy to know Kaitlyn (because I'm pretty sure it was you some time ago who helped me to understand this on an intellectual level) that I do now "get it". I understand why names and pronouns matter. Thank you for your patience

[arbon]

Congratulations on deciding to transtion and picking a name. Those are big steps.