Disclaimer: What follows is a rather lengthy post. Hopefully you will find it an entertaining and worth while read.
I'd like to tell about my first adventure out into the everyday world. I've wanted to get out there for quite some time now, but wanting it to happen, and making it happen, are two different things. To make it happen I told myself, would require making a good plan and sticking to it; so I set about doing exactly that. As I soon discovered, even good plans involve set backs, disappointments, frustration, and unexpected outcomes. On the brighter side, good plans also involve progress, a sense of accomplishment, personal growth, and desired outcomes. I won't bore you fair readers with all the details of my plan, rather I'll simply tell how two of my biggest challenges were overcome and led to me having a wonderful adventure.
As my plan unfolded, I arrived at a point where I needed a wig; not just any wig, but a wig that would effectively feminize my male mug as much as possible. I decided to visit a retailer and literally try on several styles, but which retailer would I choose? With advice from a fellow Canuck and member here Leslie Langford; I went to Destiny Wigs owned by a very compassionate, accepting, and understanding woman named Marlene. After trying on several wigs, I was eventually drawn to one that definitely worked well for me, but still left me hesitating to purchase it. Marlene and I agreed that my hesitation was due to my not being dressed or made up as Karen. She suggested I take the wig home, make myself up, then either return to purchase the wig, or return it. She also suggested that if I were to return as Karen, we could try other wigs, should that one still not be to my total satisfaction. I left her boutique with the idea of returning at a later date, and taking her up on that last suggestion she made.
A few days later I spent considerable time trying to make myself up, but was bitterly disappointed. I simply wouldn't go anywhere looking the way I did. My lack of makeup skills was the problem. I needed a pro to show me what my true potential is, I told myself. By her own admission, my wife isn't that pro, so I would need to find one. Once again, reading this website helped me find an understanding and accepting professional makeup artist. I established contact with her, and put a revised plan in motion.
My day began with me selecting a daytime outfit from my limited wardrobe, and putting everything I would need into a travel case. It was then out to the car, and off to see Jamie at her studio in Toronto.
I arrived 90 minutes or so later, and was welcomed by Jamie who quickly set me at ease. She kept me engaged with lighthearted conversation while she worked, and before I knew it, she was ready to put the wig I brought with mein place. We had previously agreed that I would not watch what Jamie was doing as her talented hands brushed, smoothed, blended, and contoured various products onto and into my face. The look on her face as she worked told me I had presented some challenges to her, but it also confirmed she was masterfully overcoming them. Did she produce something astounding?? Considering what she started with, quite possibly so. I'll let you the reader judge for yourself when you look at the pics Jamie took.
With makeup skillfully applied and wig in place, it was time to open my carry case and get dressed. Sure enough, as I was putting on one of my stockings, my shaking hands managed to ladder it. Thankfully I had prepared for this very event, removed a spare from my case, and slipped it on carefully. Several moments later, everything was in place, including my first Rago 21 waist cincher. It was now time to step into my conservative 3 inch heels and let Jamie see what we had jointly created. Just before stepping out of the change room, a flush of self doubt came over me. I knew I wanted to do this, but could I actually follow through with it?? Would I remain confident and comfortable, or would I fold and retreat?? I thought about everything I had done to get to this point. The research I had done, the questions I had asked, the encouragement and support I had been given, the hours and hours of planning and preparation, the dream of what it must be like to take that huge next step.
Having made my decision to continue, I drew a deep breath, smiled knowingly to myself, opened the door, and walked with my head high towards where Jamie was seated. The look on her face was encouraging, but it was also the look of a trained professional taking in all the details. “You look fine” Jamie said, “your outfit is well coordinated and appropriate for your age.” I really appreciated her use of the word “fine” as that's how I see myself. We finished up with Jamie doing my nails in a clear varnish as I had requested. There was a reason for using clear varnish, but it will be revealed later. After a quick touch up of my hair and makeup, it was time to grab my bag and move on to my next appointment. A final thank you to Jamie and I was off.
I made my way down a vacant hallway to the elevator. The doors opened and to my total shock, it was also vacant. I stepped in, and began what became a direct seven floor trip down to the main level of the building. Doors opened and surprise again, not a soul waiting to enter. As I walked through the lobby, I thought to myself “I must be dreaming.” Out the last set of doors, onto the street, and there they were...people. It would be a block or so walk to my parked car. I walked with confidence and grace, smiling back at a mother and her two children who had offered a polite “hello” which I returned. A few other passerby's, but they appeared totally disinterested in me. About half way to my car, I felt one of my shoes start to slip off my heel. I stopped quickly, bent at the knees to use my finger to guide my foot back into my shoe, and carried on without drama, or drawing attention. Shortly before I got to my car, my shoe slipped again, and once again it was uneventful. I reached my car safely and hesitated briefly before getting in. “You've never done this before” I reminded myself, don't botch it.” I got in gracefully and smiled to myself as I adjusted my skirt slightly for driving comfort. I remembered the words of caution I had been given about driving in heels, and changed into a pair of shoes with a low wedge heel. As I prepared to leave the parking space, I checked my mirrors as usual, then stopped briefly looking at myself in the rear view mirror. “Be careful” I reminded myself, “we don't need any miscues along the way.” I winked at my reflection, telling myself that if I just drove the way I normally do, everything would be just fine.
The drive to my next appointment in Pickering, was along busy streets and a very busy expressway. I was also an hour or more behind schedule. Prior to reaching the expressway, I came to several somewhat lengthy stops at traffic lights. They gave me opportunity to do a little people watching, something I'm not normally prone to do. I was curious to know how others would react if/when they looked directly at me while I was stopped. I was happy to learn not one of them reacted indifferent or strange at all. Same thing happened along the busy expressway. I passed them, they passed me and nary a gawk, double take, or anything beyond the normal look motorists give when dealing with such traffic conditions. Not even passengers in the other vehicles noticed anything out of the ordinary. As the miles rolled by, my confidence grew, I relaxed, and the drive got better.
Karen
The navigation system in my car told me my destination was in a small strip mall to my left. I turned in, spotted a sign for Destiny Wigs, and pulled into a space directly across from it. Once parked, it was off with the driving shoes, and on with the heels. “Got to look my best” I told myself before opening the door to exit my vehicle. I started walking directly toward the sign, noticing a doorway to it's left. As I entered, I also noticed a man standing toward the back of the shop. I walked towards him, remembering that Marlene (the owner of Destiny Wigs) had told me she may not be there when I arrived. “Will Marlene be back shortly?” I asked continuing toward the man. His puzzled look started me to wonder, but his “Marlene???” response made me suspect something was amiss. I stopped just in front of him “Yes, Marlene the owner” I offered. No sooner had I said that, I noticed there wasn't a wig in sight. I then caught my reflection in a rather large mirror a short distance away. It was directly in front of a barber's chair. I continued to look around the store, and for the first time noticed a row of empty barber's chairs. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I had walked into a barber's shop, not my intended destination.
With as much composure as I could gather, and consciously forcing my feet not to turn and run, I began to explain/apologize to the gentleman for my blunder. “She just moved to this location, and I've never been here before” I stated in my normal male voice. “Sorry for the intrusion” I offered as I turned and headed for the door, forcing myself to walk, not run. My brain was so focused on walking calmly and directly toward the door I heard the man's voice behind me but I couldn't decipher what he said. Exiting the shop, I responded with “It's OK, I'll find her” and closed the door behind me.
A few steps later, there on my left was that darn sign again. This time however, I could see Marlene moving about behind it. I stopped, and began to peer through the glass. I tapped on the glass catching Marlene's attention. Her face lit up with a wide, bright smile as she headed toward me. I could feel a wave of relief come over me. Marlene motioned me to step away from the door, then opened it as I did. It was only then that I realized the Destiny Wigs sign I had erroneously thought was in a window, was in fact in the doorway. Once inside, Marlene welcomed me with a big, warm hug. Everything began to fall back into place. I had survived my startling blunder, and was feeling relieved. My confidence was returning, and I was safe.
Marlene was heaping praise on me, telling me how good I looked, and thanking me for trusting her enough to return dressed as Karen. I apologized for being so tardy, explaining I was at Jamie's studio much longer than either of us had anticipated. I also prattled on that traffic was slow but not horrendously so, and that I had just wasted more time stopping next door rather than coming directly to her boutique. We had a good laugh about that, and chatted for a bit about how our respective days had gone so far.
It was time to get down to business, so we moved to the fitting area and Marlene drew the privacy curtain. We chatted about the wig I was wearing, while she gently combed and styled it slightly. I told Marlene that although I liked it a lot, I owed it to myself to try others, but didn't want to keep her past normal business hours. With assurance from Marlene, not to worry about that, we gave several more wigs a try. One of them, a sort of light brown with blonde highlights, really caught my attention. The longer I wore it, the more I liked it. I got up from the chair, and started to move about the shop. I turned my head this way and that while looking in a mirror. I tossed my head back and forth, side to side noting how I could just brush it back into shape with my hand afterwards. Back to the original wig and repeat the exercise, then back to the new one for one last look. I decided the new wig was right choice for me. I'll let you the reader decide for yourself which wig suits me best once you've looked at my pics.
Marlene proceeded to put together a package together consisting of wig tape, tape remover, shampoo, drying towel, and other assorted products for use with my new wig. “No charge for them” she told me, then casually asked where I was going next.
Under my original plan for the day, my answer would have included a trip to a large mall and getting a bite to eat either at the mall, or at a cafe somewhere along the way. It would have also included my driving home wearing the clothes I had on. Instead, I sadly explained to Marlene that I had received a phone call from my wife earlier in the day explaining that for valid reasons pertaining to her parents, it would be best if I didn't return home dressed the way I was. Marlene was very empathetic, and offered to let me change my clothes in private at her boutique. She also told me not to rush, and that the washroom had plenty of soap for removing my makeup. Jamie had given me some wipes as well, so I thanked Marlene and headed for that area of the shop. I quickly did what needed to be done, ensuring all the makeup was completely removed. I packed everything into my travel case and headed to the front counter where I paid for my wig. Another hug from Marlene as we said “until next time” and I headed to my car for a pensive drive home.
It had been a day of achievement, discovery, euphoria, and disappointment. I stayed attentive during the drive home, and arrived home safely, and very pleased with how the day had gone. As I got out of my car and walked towards the house, I smiled at the thought of enjoying future adventures out in the real world.
Karen
Originally Posted by S. Lisa Smith
