Wish you could re-bottle the genie?

[kelseygal]

I don't have anyone to talk to yet (going to start seeing a therapist soon), so sorry if this is a ramble, just need to get it off my chest. I guess I never gave too much intentional thought to my gender until recently, but it has occurred to me just how uncomfortable I have been as a man. In looking back, I see so many 'indicators', but failed to see them at the time. In some ways I wish I could 'undiscover' this side of me and put the genie back in the bottle, but it is too late... Now I feel trapped in the middle. If I keep on going the status quo, I will always be a little bummed out - If I decide to move forward, and let's say that goes the transgender direction, then that is a whole other can of worms (wife, family, friends, church, job, etc.). Bsically I see no good outcome to this... So incredibly frustrating. I guess I'm just scared.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope with it? I just feel like it is taking so much mind-share, and I can't turn it off!

[pamela7]

many of us feel that way, yet many non-CD men also feel uncomfortable as men. you have to process it out until you accept yourself as you are or choose to change.

[reb.femme]

To be totally honest, I wish I could be thirty years younger to be doing this. Only came out to my wife three years back.

I'm a common, all garden CD and I love my femme side and wish the world accepted us without reservation, but that will come. About the same time as nuclear disarmament and an end to real poverty .

How does that song go? "Regrets, I've had a few, But then again, too few to mention", ...(sorry Frank). Personally, I'm looking forward with positivity, then looking back, but reflecting on the good times.

Rebecca

[Tina955]

I know how you feel Rockhyde, I am disliking my male self more and more everyday. Even tho my wife is gone, I can't get past the fear of becoming estranged from my kids. Trying to solve one problem in life can cause a multitude of new problems. Frozen in a self imposed limbo at this time of life.

Tina

[heatherdress]

...Basically I see no good outcome to this... So incredibly frustrating. I guess I'm just scared.

Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope with it? I just feel like it is taking so much mind-share, and I can't turn it off!

Rockhyde - If you address your true feelings, and discover who you are, you may find fulfillment and happiness, even if there are painful things you have to do. Perhaps you will have a good outcome. It is also OK to be frustrated and scared. Do what you have to do, have courage and good luck.

[Robin414]

Anyone else feel this way? How do you cope with it?

Absolutely! I think the key is achieving self acceptance and self efficacy. I consider myself gender fluid (all things considered, and believe me I didn't see it coming) and I think I'll stay that way. I dont think I've achieved either of my coping goals yet (1 year post realization) but I'm getting closer.

[OCCarly]

It's too late for that -- she broke the bottle. Seriously, I also wish I could be doing this at 22 instead of 52, but somehow in my crazy mixed up life, nothing ever turned out as expected.

[bobbimo]

Oh yes I have many of those days. It would so nice to wake up each day and have never known how luscious it is to wear a dress, to belch and fart and go about my work a day world.
On the other hand it would be so nice to wake each morning, do my makeup, select a pretty dress, and head out the door to my work a day world.
But alas we are in the middle
Bobbi

[Pat]

I think there can be a very good outcome to this if you concentrate on finding out what makes you happy and don't get distracted by terms and definitions. If you like wearing women's clothes for some reason and it makes you feel good, then doing that can make you an overall happier person that makes your wife, family, friends, church, job, etc. happier as well. If putting on women's clothes and going out only makes you angsty and uncomfortable - don't do that. Again, you'll be happier and all around you will be happier too. I hate to sound like a broken record, but don't let the term crossdresser define you, don't let it make your choices. Terms like crossdresser, transgender, motorcyclist, Cubs fan etc. are meant to describe behaviors, they are not meant to define you or tell you how you as an individual should behave. If you look through this forum you'll see there's a wide diversity of behavior. Don't let the genie push you around.