How can you tell if you 'pass'

[Donnagirl]

Often wondered if I'm surrounded by an optically challenged public... I walk the shops and malls without warranting a second glance... I have put this down to general politeness, until...

Had my nails done (redone or refilled at least) on Saturday at the same salon I've been to quite a few times frocked up. Had to go boy because I'm sporting quite a hairy chin, electrolysis scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. The same young girl who did them last time redid them this time...

I was waiting for a comment, something... I told her that she had done them two weeks ago but she didn't believe me. I had to show her a picture and even then she took some convincing. She wasn't just being polite to a customer. She wants me to go back fully frocked to prove it was me... She's not the only person to think me and 'my sister' are trying to playing a trick on them.

Guess I shouldn't complain...

[Robin414]

As the narsasis I am I like to think I do and it works for me but moving forward I don't think I give a fudge...I'm a chic (like it or not) ☺

[DanaR]

I think that the question should be instead of passing, do you stand out? I don't necessarily pass, but try to blend in and many times get away with it. My wife tells me that most people don't notice, because they aren't out looking for us. I'll go into a store as a girl, and maybe the next time as a guy and they don't believe it is me; which they will treat me different too.

[Teresa]

Donna,
It's not that long ago you couldn't face the camera, I recall you saying I'll never be accepted with my twisted and broken nose and my body shape !

I wish others would go back and read your comments because you've been through so much to get to this point ! I'm so pleased to read your comments now it gives others the encouragement to believe in themselves and accept their CDing needs .

[Katey888]

Never complain about that sort of compliment, Donna...

Dana's got it right about "not standing out" rather than passing, as such - but this isn't so much about passing really, as the difference between boy and girl mode, is it...? Which still should be a point of reassurance for people as is oft repeated here, the chances of anyone recognising some of us dolled up is fairly slim, thus bestowing a good degree of anonymity... just look at the Boy vs Girl pics for examples...

It's the wig that does it for a lot of us I think (especially for those who are follically challenged.. )

Katey x

[Cheryl_Layton]

I've always wanted to do the psychology test to test people's observations. In it, you would wander the streets/mal etc en-femme and ask members of the public simple questions eg. Do you have the correct time?, is there a Post Office near here? etc.
After you have wandered out of view, someone with a clip board comes along and asks the member of the public if they noticed anything unusual about 'the person they have just spoken to?'. In the psychology test the questions are related to what the person was wearing, hair colour etc. But it would be interesting to see if anyone cottoned on to the fact that they'd been speaking to someone who was not as they appeared.

I suppose that's the only way we will really know for sure.

[reb.femme]

Hi Donna,

I'm going with the consensus of blending rather than passing. I always refer to the face on a guy as he turned to stone, when he spotted that I was in fact, a bloke in a dress. Guess I didn't pass that day.

That said, coming home from work en boy, I saw my local group lead Patricia at my local railway station. She was eating a pasty, so I whispered in her ear, "mind your fingers girl". She looked bemused, she didn't recognise me at all and she knows me well as Rebecca.

I would take your experience as a proof of blending at the very least and definitely a compliment. Now, where was that shop?

Becky

[I Am Paula]

I'm really sorry to say. They are not looking at you.
They are staring into their cell phones, or pondering their own lives, or wondering if they remembered to feed the dog.
If one of them accidentally looks at you, they see one or two markers that says female, and they are done.
In the case of a waitress, or SA that has to deal with you- They don't care. You're a tip, or a sale, and they only have 3 hours 21 minutes, and 4 seconds till the end of their shift.

[Angela Marie]

Most people walk right by me without a second look when I am out. I am sure that a few times I have gotten second looks but it hasn't been obvious. I go shopping, dining, etc. as Angela and have never had a problem or negative comment.

[Demi88]

Paula, that is pretty much what I think. Most big city dwellers don't have time in their busy day to take much notice but there will be exceptions. Hopefully, the exceptions won't have a knife. You may be the talk of the town in the small town soon as they finish talking about the weather.

The SA or waitress who did care is probably looking for employment now.

[deebra]

Well here I go throwing the wrench in the machinery compared to some of the other threads stated above. I went to the tailor and had my boot cut girl jeans hymned so 1" of the black shiney boot with the tapered 3" heel would be hidden and I could wear them in public and blend. When I walked past a store front window I saw the reflection of a woman from the waist down and a guy above the belt line. As I passed some folks their eyes quickly locked in on the shiny, narrow front of the boots peaking out from under the front of the jeans. Quite disappointed that I didn't pass or blend, so not all society is staring at their cell phones or wondering if they fed the dog. Just need to develop a thick skin to be a Cd in public and be blind to everyone but yourself.

[Demi88]

I agree deebra, except I think we only need to be blind to the smaller percentage of people who care in a negative way. Can't please all the people.

[Pat]

I've always wanted to do the psychology test to test people's observations.

There's a wonderful experiment, frequently repeated so the results are pretty solid, where a person stops someone on the street and asks a question and midway through the reply a pair of guys carrying a sheet of something (plywood, a mirror, a rack of clothing, something opaque) steps between them and as the person's view is obscured, the questioner is replaced by a totally different person -- different clothes, different features, etc. Once the view is restored, the person who was answering continues on answering the question with no inkling that the person they were speaking to was replaced.

Different people have different definitions of "passing." I think it's possible to pass in the sense of not setting off any alarm bells while under light scrutiny. I'm not sure anyone who passed through male puberty can pass in the sense of being undetectable.

[Kate Simmons]

Well Donna, while we never really know for sure unless we ask, you can figure if you interact with others while en femme and they don't bat an eye, you pretty much made the grade. The ultimate "pass" for myself was once when a lesbian gal made a pass at me thinking I was a woman. She still didn't believe me after I told her.

[Kevyn53]

Donna, people see what they want to see. If you're dressed, they see a woman in a dress. My wife and I accidentally ran into about 5 women from our home town and none of them recognized me. My wife they knew because she's in a wheelchair. I could have walked right by them and they'd never have noticed. So when I'm not with my wife I'm able to be pretty incognito.

[Vicky_Scot]

6ft 2 in my stocking soles. Now that is hard to hide but passing is all about the way you dress and carry yourself when en femme.

[Dana does shopping]

The villagers don't amass & the torches stay un-lit ...

[Donnagirl]

I'm certainly in agreement with the majority view, people either don't look, don't register or don't care... But, I'm just on 6" in bare feet and, although I have lost a mass or weight, still have wide shoulders and narrow hips. The reason I found this experience unusual was the context.
Firstly a nail salon is not the place men frequent. Most husbands will wait somewhere else rather than the few chair in the waiting area. When I'm boy, every eye in the place is on me like I'm trespassing. Secondly, the encounter with the 'nail technician' was not a passing few moments. It was nearly an hour of close interaction and conversation. Finally the look on incredulity on her face was not fake... It was more than not recognizing me, no one (apparently) registered boy in a frock.
I also agree that dressing appropriately is important, mannerisms must be correct and confidence must ooze from every pore. But... There's no way I thought I could pull all that off and get away with it.
Teresa is right when she points out my fears and failings from only a year or so ago. I would have never believed back then that I would have done any of what I've done, all frocked up and unnoticed.

[CynthiaD]

You know, you could have a lot fun with this. Next time you go in en femme, say something like "I hear my brother was yanking your chain about he and I being the same person ... "

[docrobbysherry]

It sounds to me like we r mixing 2 different topics:

1. Do I pass?
2. How can I go out without anyone seeing me?

My answers r based on my experience:

1. If u aren't sure whether or not u passed? U passed! Because if u didn't, folks will either bend over backwards to be politically correct or you'll see/hear their chuckles and comments.

2. Saying most folks won't notice u isn't the point. Do u care what some stranger u pass in the mall thinks? It's the people u have direct intercourse with that matter! If u wish to go out without being noticed? Then, get in your car and drive around at nite. But, if u actually intend to go out and interact with people, like SA's, servers, attendants, etc., your "blending" isn't going to make u pass. U will pass or not on your fem looks and skills. And, if u still aren't sure if u do/did, read my answer to #1 above.

[heatherdress]

There is no way to "know if you pass".

Perhaps if you ask everyone, they may or may not tell you, but you will never know for sure.

So depending on what you look like, how you are dressed, where you are, who is around, lighting, who you speak to, etc., you can either assume you "pass" (or blend) and go about your business, or assume you don't "pass" and go about your business, or just not care and also, go about your business.

[Eryn]

To me, passing is being comfortable with myself. Last night Mimi and I went to a private club to watch a friend perform. I talked to her and also struck up conversations with other people while waiting for shows to start. All the conversations felt perfectly natural. I even performed for a few minutes myself in front of 20 or so people. I was far more worried about messing up my performance than by the prospect of being made.

If you had suggested that I could do this even a couple of years ago I would have said "No way!" Experience, and friends who encourage me to push my boundaries have been good to me.

[Stephanie47]

I agree with the comments concerning "passing" vs "not standing out." As a six footer I am going to draw a look if I am en femme, especially if I wear a three inch heel. At my advancing age I really would not expect my looks to attract much attention. Even older guys are interested in younger women, whether or not the woman is receptive to any advances. If I was five foot six or seven I'd find that would be a perfect height to not "draw attention." It would even make dress buying easier. I love to wear dresses. I don't own women's pants of any sort. I always wear an age appropriate knee length dress, hosiery and heels. That in itself is enough to draw a second glance these days. The vast majority of people are not going to make comments, but, there are still enough morons out there to potentially turn a pleasant stroll through the mall or down the street into a self conscious less than pleasant experience.

[Belle De Mer]

In my experience , you will never really know for sure, but if you go into a store, and get a " may I help you , ma'am" or an "excuse me, miss" , it is very thrilling and validating. Also , if someone on a forum asks if your photos are really "you" , I would give yourself extra points, although it can be easier to pass in a photo than in person

[Krisi]

"How can you tell if you 'pass' ?"

You ask people who care about you. Your wife, girlfriend, parents, children, etc. You can also look at photos or videos of yourself. That's not as good a test, but it can point out some obvious flaws.

Salespeople, waitresses, etc. are going to tell you what they think you want to hear so they can make a sale or tip. The general public is generally too polite to stare or say something.

Many of us have no chance of passing, some might pass at a distance, only a very few of us could stand up to close and personal scrutiny.