Do I dress for her or not ?

[Bobbi46]

A short while ago I felt I had tell someone about me and being cd, I visited this friend who I had known for a number of years and had dinner with her and her lady partner. I had a most memorable evening in that I was able to explain to her totally how and why I am this way. Since then we have spoken a couple of times and indeed the friendship continues. She is coming to dinner with me in a few days and I am wondering whether it would be right to be en femme ( she has not seen me dressed at all yet) in front of her or should I just underdress with of course forms as well.
I do not want to ruin a good friendship by doing the wrong thing. Most of the time at home I dress because I feel better that way and more comfortable that way. Should I say something before she comes or should I just "go for it"

[Alberta_Pat]

Why not ask her? If she is interested in seeing your female side,, then she will say so.

Alternatively, dress as she knows you, but have a nice outfit laid out in your bedroom. If she indicates she would like to meet you female side, you could change in the privacy of your room.

[Helen 2]

Ask her. Who knows?
Good luck and let us know!
;o)

[char GG]

Why don't you just ask her if she wants to meet with you dressed?

[pamela7]

you've told her, i'd imagine she expects your next step to reveal yourself, so don't worry about it.

[Demi88]

Asking her is probably the right answer but I'd probably just wear some comfortable unassuming fem clothes. I'd underdress for the next meeting. Too bad she didn't ask you to dress up a little. Hopefully, you'll have the chance to have a fun clothing discussion soon.

[Erika Lyne]

Out of respect for her, I would ask if she would be alright if you could dress. She'll probably not protest but it is also a good way to prepare her for an introduction to Bobbi. I have been fortunate enough to be able to show a few friends. I did just "pop in" with one friend who knew ahead of time and was quite open to me being me but it was quite awkward for her, she didn't like the unexpected presentation. I've since asked friends if it would be ok to present as Erika when they arrive. They have all said it would be ok and even people who had reservations about trans people did not have any visible discomfort after the first few minutes of getting their bearings. Pronoun awkwardness and other minor details were just that, minor.

Best of luck, update us on how the intro goes,
-Erika

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I'll add my voice to the "Ask her first" group. Odds are she will be more than fine with it, but it always pays to be polite.

Bridget

[heatherdress]

As everyone else has suggested - ask her. Worst case, she says "No" and you maintain a good friendship. Surprises are always risky and often regrettable.

[Sarah Beth]

I have to join the ranks that say ask her first. I have to agree that may be better than making her uncomfortable at dinner with the surprise here I am fully en femme.

[Tracii G]

I would also say ask her because you don't want to make her uncomfortable.
Maybe show her some pics at dinner if she wants to see what you look like all done up.
PS. I would not do forms if you are in guy mode.
Under dressing minus the bra would be OK because nobody will see that.

[Charlyne]

If you are having her to your place; I say dress up. Enjoy the excitement, the adrenalin rush. She will be expecting that from you; but wants you to surprise her. You can always change back to drab if you it gets awkward. Have fun!

[Bobbi46]

When I first visited her I was underdressed with forms as well and there was no obvious staring at my breasts at all and also before I first went round to see her did not have any adverse effect the evening but as has been said here by many of you ask first. A good friend to have is lovely but to lose a friend because of doing the wrong thing is a big loss and one which I do not want to do.
Big decisions here some say just go for it more of you say ask first.
This is going to be a very big step for me in that it will be the first time properly at close quarters with a close friend. But when I told her of me the first time she emailed me back to say how honoured she was that I had chosen her to be the first to tell of my coming out. lots to happen as yet.

[Scarlett Viktoria]

She already sounds accepting, but I would probably mention it first. Tell her you don't have to dress if she would be uncomfortable and you would understand of course.

[docrobbysherry]

"Always ask first". I use this rule for everything. Not just dressing.

My the way. Some folks would be more creeped out with u dressed in drab with breasts than if u went all the way. And, that includes a few of my dressing friends!

[Dana44]

If she has not seen you. I would go as a male. I would then ask her on that date if she wanted to see me dressed. It would let her know that a man is there and that would help her to understand you better. It would be mannerly to do it that way. Not surprise her. But you know the situation better. The decision is yours.

[Robin414]

If she has not seen you. I would go as a male. I would then ask her on that date if she wanted to see me dressed.

I agree with Dana, a face to face conversation on the topic I think is the way to go for the first time. Other option might be the androgynous approach to bridge the gap?

[DanaR]

"Always ask first". .................

If you aren't going to ask, then:

If she has not seen you. I would go as a male. ........................

Then the option would be to show her some pictures of you, if she would like to see them.

[Katey888]

Bobbi - she may be totally accepting and cool with whatever you (metaphorically) throw at her, but it's still the right and proper thing to ask her.

If she knows you well enough, she'll know that it won't be inappropriate, but you could explain what you would wear to her and also that you do this at home because you feel comfortable that way.

Perhaps because you are at home and she has accepted the invitation, you could suggest you would like to begin dressed but change back if she at all felt uncomfortable...? Discussion and consensus is the way to go... Good luck!

Katey x

[Shelly Preston]

I was once in a similar situation a few years ago, well more than a few, when visiting some friends who knew about Shelly.

I did go in male mode but had a change of clothes as I knew they may want to see me.

When the subject came up they actually asked if they could see Shelly

So I would suggest male mode first and offer to show her pictures.

If that goes well you can ask if she wants to see you dressed.

[Bobbi46]

Next Tuesday will be the day, she is coming for lunch and no doubt will stay for most of the afternoon, she is quite busy so to get an answer before hand about dressing first might not get a response in time for Tuesday, there is a lot to think about before now and then and not only cooking as well!

[Nancy Sue]

Seems to me when girls go places together they usually seem to be dressed the same (all in dresses and/or skirts, or all in jeans, or shorts ...) - because they talked about it ahead of time (phone, text, emails, etc.). You said you have had emails, so you could mention your previous conversation and her openness, and ask her thoughts about the day.

You could ask if she would like to see some photos of Bobbi before she comes? That would be bringing up the concept, but without actually saying "I am planning to dress as Bobbi". I suspect she expects this private dinner at your place to be Bobbi's coming out, and I would not be surprised if she said something like "Oh, photos ahead of time would be ok, but why don't I just see you/her when I get there". I think her agreeing to come to your house for dinner is probably her way of saying she supports Bobbi, and is ready to support you coming out.

[Dana does shopping]

No surprises please ... gather the courage to discuss beforehand or attend as she has always come to expect You. Its just manners.

[Bobbi46]

yes I agree with you all, I am not going to rock the boat at all, there is too much at stake here, friendship and the future,

[Beverley Sims]

I would ask first.