DES sons and Androgynous males, gender fluid. Let's talk.

[Dana44]

Okay it took me awhile to post this. I decided to record a full switch and put in details of that switch, during the switch and the switch back. This occurred over several days.

Oh it’s a curse to be gender fluid and an androgynous spirit or is it really? I have recorded a full switch here and let’s talk.

The switch.

It is Friday. I have been switching all of my life. Wow bitter sweet is all I can say. However since I've identified it and even put a name to it, it has evolved. I decided to write this as soon as I could as it is happening.
Waking this morning from a dream that had me switching from male to female funky can't remember the details but it was like in a funky binding cloth thing going forward and my male side in the back and the female in the front getting stronger. Crazy dream.
Waking I knew I was switching. Getting up looking in the mirror, wow, girl you need to clean this boy up. I have to be male today. But I'm switching and the morning starts with me shaving and trimming my brows and getting all the hair off of my face, ears and nose.
My SO came in and asked what I'm doing.
Shaving... We shave because we have to.
She said, you only shave when you need to and that’s about once a week.
Anyways, I shave and had my SO put my hair in a pony tail with a green band.
Well its bitter sweet because she doesn’t see the changing occurring. But my fem self Dana is making this male cleaned up. LOL
It is kind of a sweet cleaning up your male self as you get ready for the day. An oh boy, my the fem side is coming out strong. Must keep in male mode....
So, the day is a gentle switch starting but will turn hostile if she doesn’t come out.
For example one time, I was pretty male. My SO took a nap and when she woke I was in full dress sitting there working. She was taken back because I was supposed to be male. Heh, like we can plan it out. LOL nope it’s not a schedule that we can control.
Does your female named side kind of argue with your named male deity? It sure seems that it does. But now the female is in control and pushing on the male.

Girl mode.

Saturday morning. Yeah I've switched. My SO has noticed. I came out in panties and put on shorts and a nice flowered top. Have to go out male to the club and drink beer with the guys and watch college football. Okay get this body dressed in male clothes. Prissy him up good. Yeah the pony tail needs multiple green pony tail ties. Yep looks good.
We went to the club. Over compensating male actions from my girly side and I was very social. Not normal for me. Had a great time and drank a lot of beer. Had fun with the men and there was no food until we pitched in for a pizza. I even made a contact on my published books to one of the men who brought in some watermelon beer home brew he was interested in the books. It was actually pretty good beer.
Well got home and had to start dressing for this evening. My costume is a skeleton woman of the night with a red/black wig. Decaled makeup that looks awesome. Thigh highs that shows bones as well as arm covers that show the bones in my arm. Bone hands choker. Wedding veil and nice bone dress. Slants down on the legs, high on left lower on the right. Six inch heels. I had on white panties. LOL. Yep girly, except I had to heave as I was green about the gills. Oh my, tried hard not to get any on my outfit. My SO is green about the gills also.
To be sick as a girl oh how bad that is... wow we were going to go to Waco at the bar that had the LBGT Rocky horror picture show costume party. But too green and got out the candy for the kiddies. She went to bed as she was not feeling well. I stayed out here dressed as the skeleton girl of the night. Oh when we are in dress it is so hard to go to bed. Around midnight I started the undressing and got all the way down to the choker. It took me two hours to get that thing off. Long nails and they are thicker as I have tips make it really hard. I finally got it released and hit the sack.
Okay it is Sunday. She came back to bed at six this morning cuddling with me. I got up at eight o’clock and Showered. Got dressed in shorts got one of my bra's that take more than I have and put some chicken nuggets in them to fill them up. All I can say is that it was constructed for a much larger breast. It is a 4OB that looked to be for a large C sized breast. My pushup 38B fits well so I am sure the bra was marked wrong. Oh well, I need to buy forms for this one. I put on my heeled ankle boots and my legs look great. And so does my chest, wow really girly and love it. I also noted that I felt sexy and have a bit of arousal when I dress. So it still is with me.



The switch back.

Well to switch back I had to start it last night. My girly self did not want to go to bed. It’s like I’m killing her. No I have to switch back. I finally go to bed. The Mantra is wake as the boy I know I must yet if I don’t do this over night I will still be in girl mode and have been quite a few times. But now that part of me is getting stronger as I give her time to express herself.
Monday morning.
So the mantra is: “You will wake as a boy.” It is a dreamy night and I even feel the switch in my sleep. Ha it worked this time. I woke as my male self. Got up and showered. Put on my male boxer shorts. Came out with a tan bland hair tie and had my SO put my hair in a pony tail.
When I'm a boy I get totally dressed in a very short time. I have on a T-shirt, Male Jeans. Boots and yep they are my steel toed boots. Face is a bit rough and I will leave it that way for a couple days.
My male life has changed a bit though. I am aware of Dana and her antics. I must take care of my body. I dedicate my yoga meditation and salutations to her. But in male mode I am my male self except for those things. I do have an affiliation to her hobbies like sewing and shopping also. So my male life has changed to accommodate the fem self. Strangely I feel like a complete person and good about myself. Since I have learned about myself and the fact that one cannot fix it, I feel so good about that. According to the DES Sons statistics I am a successful male and wow my life was a walking book of adventure and amazing things. But hooey I am who I am now and feel so much more alive.

My SO has said that I did not put emotions in the above. Ah the analytical me. Forgive me for that.

[pamela7]

Hi Dana,

Thank you for such an interesting post. I've not seem someone describe switching like this before. It's making me think of how i go between modes of my self. I'll pay attention and let you know.

I don't often have to do the "male mode" these days, though I don the steel boots for heavy work. I more feel like after 54 years of male mode my female side is going to compensate for a "few" years now :-)

[Gabby6790]

Very interesting post, as I would reading it I was trying to decide how much I actually switch. There are times where I feel very much in male mode and fem is almost nonexistent but other than those times its just like she is always there.

[Rachael Leigh]

Counsellors would call this a spilt personality which there are times I think that describes me especially the way you used we so much in your post. I am also considering myself gender fluid but not to the extreme

[Dana44]

Gabby that is interesting. I defiantly switch. Of course I'm fully aware of my fem side. But really I switch from male to female and back. It is a real switch. One time I switched back to male mod when I was out as a girl. I suddenly felt exposed. IN girl mode I feel comfortable in those clothes. But in male mode no way. It was heck growing up with the female switch and in male clothes. Hated that at that time.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hi Dana,
I read your post earlier today on my phone and have been thinking about it all day. First you really are a good writer as I could follow your thoughts and almost felt the Switch with you. I've gone back and forth with this as I too feel the switch, but not anywhere as intensely as you describe. For me I truly think my male side is more of a contrived personality that I developed by careful observation and a life of practice, but it really does sound as if you have a totally separate or duel personality.
For me, my switch comes when I relax, breath deep and can be myself. when life is not about and demanding I wear my mask, when it is peaceful and quite and I can be in my own world. I've slipped a few times, but I control the when and where. Am I wrong when I say that is sounds as if you are starting to switch without warning? From what I was getting it sounds like Dana is becoming the alpha of your personalities.
I'm so glad you wrote this, we have a common thread, but we come by it so differently. You have given me something to ponder and it is good to know where other are in this journey.

[Allisa]

Awhile ago I too felt that I was 2 personalities and they were separate from each other. Now I know they are one and the same and I express myself for the situation, i.e. male for work and when home female for relaxing and being myself. I tend to dress as a more femme male as a daily mode if the situation will not pose a problem to my clothes or personal well being. I really do not "switch" back and forth I am the same person no matter how I present, yes actions may be modified to suit the mode of dress but not the person.

[Pat]

Having a little trouble picking up the thread of the OP. Especially its relation to DES. I know that DES sons are anecdotally more prone to be crossdressers but nobody's done a solid study on it that I know of. Of course, I'm a DES son and a crossdresser so I'm predisposed to believe it, but it's a faith .vs. proof situation. As far as "switching" as in a process that takes me from one extreme to the other, I don't have that at all. Mine's more a gentle tidal action.

[Dana44]

There were a few studies on DES sons and also Des girls. I have two sisters and they sure had problems like cancer of the cervix and other things. I found my issues out when I went to a holistic Doctor. MY progesterone is over eighty percent and my testosterone is slightly low. He said that I was a female in hormonal terms. Funny though I was pretty sexually active. Although my two kids were daughters. That synthetic estrogen washed over our brains also and the switch for male/female got toggled and mine has switched all of my life. I'm sure that everybody is different. But many of us are not even gender fluid. It just hit me that way.

[ReineD]

Hi Dana, although I applaud you for dressing when the mood strikes, have you ever considered actually DOING the same things dressed as a guy that you enjoy doing as a girl, like sewing? You also mention shopping, but I gather you already shop as a guy?

Having a little trouble picking up the thread of the OP. Especially its relation to DES.

There's good information here:

http://www.desaction.org/des-sons/

The potential health effects are: epididymal cysts, cryptorchidism, inflammation/infection, microphallus, testicular varicoceles, infertility, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, fractures, and a possibility of testicular and prostrate cancers. In terms of being at higher risk for gender issues, they say that endocrine disrupting compounds are being examined in gender identity studies, but so far DES research has not found a conclusive DES link.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Thanks for your interesting inside look into switching, i dont experience it so its neat to read about your experiences with it.

[Dana44]

Reine, Yes I do like to do the things of my fem stuff like sewing, cooking and shopping. We always walk through the women's section of any store we are in. She is the same deity as me and like others here I feel her always. But there is a male mode and a female mode, like when I was fem and had to dress my body in male clothes and go to the club. When I put on my boxers it was like eeww. Same If I'm male, I do not want panties on. It's crazy but I love those switches and I get to really feel like a woman. I was always a strong male and have handled stress a lot better than most men. So its special and bitter sweet because I missed this most of my life. IT took me a long time to know what those switches were and I did go through a lot of relationships.

[ReineD]

But there is a male mode and a female mode, like when I was fem and had to dress my body in male clothes and go to the club.

Right. So the switch then, is just about the clothes (and general look like body hair, etc)? Everything else is the same?

It's crazy but I love those switches and I get to really feel like a woman. I was always a strong male and have handled stress a lot better than most men. So its special and bitter sweet because I missed this most of my life. IT took me a long time to know what those switches were and I did go through a lot of relationships.

I may be taking things too literally. Do you mean you ARE a woman when dressed (the way that MtF transsexuals are women born in male bodies), or do you mean you feel feminine, which would make sense, if you particularly enjoy the look and feel of a feminine appearance?

[Dana44]

Reine, when the fem side switches, I do feel female and feminine and yes the way I'm dressed reflects that. So, I do feel like a woman in a literal sense.

[Robin414]

I've felt that switch a couple times, for me though the pink hurricane hit about a year ago and the switch is stuck to pink all the time...but it has tripped a breaker and flipped to blue I think three times during that period but only for a few hours each time. REALLY weird feeling, the first time it happened I thought the pink fog was GONE, like completely, a complete 180...PF (pink fog) came back again (hey another acronym) though and appears to be staying 😉

[Nancy Sue]

I started reading this because I am also a DES Son, but found it both interesting, and full of very helpful and useful information. (Which is why I started coming here in the first place.) Thank you Dana, and others who commented, for your enlightenment about "the switch", which I did not see, or realize, in myself until reading your stories and comments. I have had two times in the past year to be out, fully en femme for 2-3 days at a time, and now I better understand what the very contended feeling was that I experienced. Thank you Dana for giving it a name. And thank you Robin for your acronym PF.

And thank you Reine for the helpful desaction.com web site. I have looked at it, and am copying it to give to my doctor at my appointment tomorrow. Some of this information just might answer a few questions we both have had.

[Pat]

There's good information here:

http://www.desaction.org/des-sons/

Hi Reine -- I've been staying in touch with DES research most of my adult life and there are several effects (you mentioned some) that have good scientific backing. (E.g. more DES children are left-handed than expected from the general population.) I was specifically talking about the relation between DES and transgenderism which hasn't been verified (again, as you note.) The link was set in the public mind by a not-very-scientific "study" where a researcher who was himself DES and transgender set up a registry for others who were the same and then used the self-selected membership of the registry as evidence that there was an outsized number of people effected. On examination many of the people who registered had no proof they had ever been exposed to DES, they were just looking for some way to explain their condition to themselves. Others were, well, let's say "internet" and leave it at that.

[ReineD]

Right, Jennie. I think I saw the same website years ago. I also got the impression that some CDs/TGs were wanting a medical explanation for their preferences, although I'm sure there are some DES sons who also are CD/TG just as there are diabetics, people with heart conditions, etc, who are as well. The enjoyment of femininity among males I'm sure touches a wide variety of people, no matter their cultural, socio-economic, or medical backgrounds including those whose genitalia and/or fertility might be affected due to DES.

Even people who are intersex or have ambiguous genitalia are careful to not link their condition with gender issues. The ISNA website (Intersex Society of North America) has a lot of good information on the subject).

[Dana44]

Wow, The switch back to male last week was a solid one. It is Friday afternoon and I have not switched, my SO said maybe you won't. LOL I know I will but perhaps not this weekend. It's crazy because I don't feel like dressing and missing my dressing time. Boo hoo. But the next time I switch I'm going to record the earliest time that I have a hint of that happening. IF I cross dress now I would feel strange. But I might do that to see what some of you feel like a man in a dress. Eeeks that might be fun.

[Saikotsu]

Fascinating read. We have so much in common, yet our experiences are very different too.
I'm not familiar with the term DES Son, I will have to look into it.

You seem to regard the switch very differently than I do. As if you are two separate people in one body. For me, I don't really switch between Adyson and Adam. While I give a name to my female side, I don't consider my female side as a separate person. Its more like different facets of my personality. I adopted the name Adyson because when I switch to girl mode, Adam doesn't feel right.

You also seem to be able to control the switches as well. That's something I haven't been able to do. I wouldn't even know where to start. However, I totally get the aversion/attraction to gender specific clothes. If I switch to Adyson, I want to be dressed to match. Likewise if I'm in a skirt and blouse and become Adam, I can't get out of those clothes fast enough.

I look forward to hearing more from you on this topic. In fact, I think I'll document my weekend like you did. Perhaps we could compare our notes.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Update: I've researched DES Sons somewhat so now I have a better idea of what it means.

[Dana44]

Saihotsu, yeah record your switches and share your information. I wrote this thread to see what all other gender fluid people think. How do they become gender fluid etc. I do not think we are all that much different on the fem/male modes and our naming of them. It seems that way though as it is a switch totally to the fem side and what you said on the clothes is exactly right. If we did not switch we would not be cross-dressers I'm afraid. I would expect to hear from a lot more folks.

[Saikotsu]

Will do.
I disagree on one point though. While objectively, I am crossdressing when I put on women's clothes, subjectively I don't consider myself a crossdresser. Internally I feel I am and want to be recognized as a woman and I dress the part.

As for more responses, give it time. I think we'll see more.

[Dana44]

Heh he he, Dana here. Finally the switch came on Sunday and I'm sitting here comfortably in a skirt and a sports bra. Yeah this morning I switched and my oh my, He had a ten day beard, wasn't feeling well and had to take benidrel last night and was spacey this morning. Walking around in panties this morning I looked into the mirror and said oh girl you got to clean up. Additionally I had my eras pierced last night. Yeah the boy did it. Got two gold stud balls. Have to have them in for six weeks. Looks like I can wear and earrings that I might get for Christmas. We do the stocking suffers and bling is a favorite. Oh my I need to get more time in this body. LOL