Just saying

[Majella St Gerard]

I have been here at this site for quite some time and i have noticed that there is a bias against cross dressers that do not dress all the way to pass. It seems that if you dress up to the nines even though you still look like a truck driver, people seem to fall over themselves to compliment these posters, even though they couldn't pass at a convention of the blind. But the man that chooses to dress as a woman yet still present as a man is shunned and regulated to the trash bin. Like there are some kind of rules to this cross dressing thing, if there is a rule book someone please send me one. This place is filled with a bunch of snobs. Just saying.

[Edyta_C]

I think there is bias than you might think. There are many who just don't understand Dressing and presenting as a male. I think that many of us also have some lack of understanding of Gender Fluid individuals.

Please don't leave as I certainly don't look down on anyone that I don't understand. Heck I don't really understand myself sometimes. Thank goodness for counselors.

Edy

[Rachael Leigh]

Majella I agree and I'm guilty as charged I myself will go out with no makeup and wearing fem clothing so I should not be harsh or judge those who enjoy dressing like I do.
Now I love putting on my makeup and trying to pass which I know I don't under a closer look so I try my best to understand all who come here to just be themselves

[Saikotsu]

We are quite a diverse group of people, and many of us hold strong views that don't always mesh well. Its unfortunate that sometimes people get carried away and shun others. I for one feel that applying a one size fits all approach to the community is a bad idea. We should all try to be more tolerant of each other.

[heatherdress]

Majella - Thank you for the points you raised. No matter how different we all are, we do seek and need acceptance, and should demonstrate our own acceptance and tolerance of each other, as Saikotsu suggested.

[Anne K]

Majella, Thanks for pointing this out. I think that most of us would barely pass on in the real world and when a member looks like she could, we just encourage and congratulate her. Perhqps, we are a bit jealous? Still, as Siakotsu mentioned, we are a diverse group. You input is very much appreciated. I have learned so much from the members of this community. Hope you don't leave and add your perspective to the mix!

[Gabby6790]

I think this site, just like life, has a lot of people who want to fit you in your exact little pigenhole. I honestly don't think those people are the majority but their posts stand out. I have found most people on here are accepting that we are all different. Its one of the things I enjoy about this site.

[Tracii G]

Being a mix or gender fluid and my style of expressing myself has upset a lot of people on here but hey so be it.
I assume the ones that dress to the nines or its all or nothing don't have the option to dress however they like everyday of the week.
They may be in a DADT marriage or a situation with limited dressing time or an SO that hates their dressing side.
I can understand that and they have to do what works for them.
I can dress everyday wear make up if I want go 100% girl mode if I choose too but its a lot of work.LOL
If you want to dress female and present as a male I'm all for it and have no problem with it.

[Belle De Mer]

Majella, I can understand how you feel, and as a very new contributor to this site, I don't really feel qualified to reply to this thread, but I feel like I need to say that after having spent several years on various TG forums, this site is by far the most all- inclusive out there.
When you make the statement : " regulated to the trash bin " ( perhaps you meant " relegated to the trash bin ), are you referring to a perceived lack of feedback to posts that you think deserve more attention ?
Crossdressers are , by nature a very image conscious group of people, and I can only applaud the majority of the members that post on here for the positive, enthusiastic energy that they give to one another in our unique quest in human identity.
Keep it up gurlz !!!

[Samantha2015]

Majella sorry that you feel this way. I realize there is a wide spectrum to the CD world but for me
it is an all or nothing habit. I've yet to find the courage to go out fully dressed and I can't even fathom going
out dressed half male-half female or any other percentage of combinations. If you do you have more courage than I ever will.
I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it. That's my fault not yours.
I would hope no one who joins this site would feel like an outcast.

[Jenniferathome]

Of course, the real irony is that YOU are the definition of cross dresser! But, as none of pass as genetic women, it's kind of moot.

Now, as for being shunned and tossed to the trash bin, how is this coming out?

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hey Majella,
um whats up? Okay I will admit that I have observed clics here and yes it does seem that some people post and get tons of comments and attention while other get just a few. I'm in the "just a few" category, but then for me truck driver in a dress is a step up. There are always going to be people that get more attention then others for what ever reason. What I've found here though is that those that do post a lot and get the comments also respond to them and show gratitude. I have made so many great friends here and I know that when I need help and reach my hand out into the dark, there is always another hand there reaching back.
I am sorry you feel that way, but I do hope you stick around.

[Allisa]

Maybe as one who doesn't dress to the nines, and looks like a construction worker, which is what I am, I can say that many here find their own niche and by posting here in some way get conformation of their uniqueness and being a part of a community, all who fall over themselves to compliment are being a reinforcing factor from the same point of view as the poster. Also many are TG,GF so dressing is more of a way of fitting the clothes to the mind not just wearing clothes that feel good. If you feel your being shunned maybe it's because not many can see things from your point of view as to your motive for CDing. There may be snobs here but as always just ignore them, but filled with them I think not. So if I don't respond to every thread or post makes me a snob so be it, maybe I just don't have any thing to say, good, bad or indifferent.

[Pat]

I don't really see anyone getting relegated to the trash, sorry if you had such an experience. There are lots of nooks and crannies to crossdressing (underdressers, full-dressers, man-in-a-dressers, maskers, fetishists, androgynes, etc.) I think people tend to talk with others who are similar in expression. I hope nobody is intentionally rude to people who favor other modes of expression but again, I'm sorry if you have experienced otherwise. Your particular mode of expression is not one I choose, but I have the utmost respect for those who do it.

[Jazzy Jaz]

I respect you too!

[Majella St Gerard]

Thank you all for your input. I was in a "mood" and felt like venting. and sorry for my grammatical error, I meant relegated. I have been on other sites and they are brutal with their opinions, either you dress all the way and try to pass or you just don't belong. One site refused my profile pic because I wasn't wearing a wig, they said I had to present as female. I thought that was a very narrow view of what a crossdresser was. I am not in the closet, I go out quite frequently dresses, sans wig, and get nothing but positive feed back from the vanilla world. Sorry if I ruffled some peoples feathers. Again, thanks for the kind comments and support. Peace and love. Majella.

[lingerieLiz]

I think sometimes people fear that a guy walking around in a dress is a sensational event and will cause acceptance to go down. Not sure that is any more true than any other deviation from assumed gender appearances. The truth is mankind is a very diverse group. Is a guy wearing women's clothes and passing as one any less sensational?

Having been on both sides of dressing. As a young person I passed so well that I could go anywhere without worry. That was back when if caught you would go to jail. I enjoyed the experience and considered living my life as a woman. As I got older time was not kind to me. I became more masculine looking and the pretty face went away. Today I couldn't pass and the thrill of it went away. I found that I could wear many of the comfortable clothes that I liked and dresses were not on my list. I migrated as most of the women I know did to jeans and shorts. Women accepted me wearing the same brands and looks they did. While to the casual viewer I look like a guy, women can tell quickly that my shirt is a blouse or the sweater is a woman's. I have always had boobs and women surmise quickly that I'm wearing a bra.

So if you are comfortable with what and who you are go for it.

I'm accepted by friends and neighbors and no one has indicated that they think I'm a sick-o to me.

Both worlds worked for me at the time. If you are comfortable where you are in our world enjoy. We are as diverse as the rest of the population.

[ReineD]

This place is filled with a bunch of snobs. Just saying.

I think that many people have a hard time understanding others who are not like them. But we've had lots of threads talking about this and most people do have a live-and-let-live attitude, even though it wouldn't be their choice to go out purposely looking like a guy in a dress.

It's a question of how we've all been socialized to think of beauty (or handsomeness). Most of our tastes have been informed by the media imagery we've been exposed to all our lives. Few of the people we've seen have crossed the gender boundaries and those few that have, have tended to look pretty spectacular like David Bowie, Lou Reed, Boy George, etc. This is why I think that so many CDers seek to look as convincingly female as they can, to not stand out so much. And some (or most?) CDers want to look not just as any woman, but as particularly pretty women with long hair, attractive figures, sexy or stylish clothes, etc.

Also, most CDers desperately want to be accepted by those around them who like most people are more on the conventional/vanilla end of the spectrum, and since the CDing received such a bad rap in our society for so long, they fear that the CDers who do stand out will continue to inadvertently *shock* mainstream people, thus contribute to continued negative attitudes about CDers.

As to the reasons that the guy-in-dress look may not get as many responses in the Image Gallery, I'm guessing it is because few of us are accustomed to seeing people in our worlds look like that. Right? Look around at all the people you see every day. You yourself said in a thread last year that you get double takes whenever you are out dressed. If, when you post pics, you explain what your goal is, people will make comments relative to your goals. Most people assume you share their goals, which you don't, and so they may not know how to respond.

I've looked at some of your posts in the Gallery and you and your wife appear to be outstandingly creative people. You don't want or need to conform. Kudos to you for not conforming while honoring your internal gender landscape, but please understand that most people aren't like that. I don't think the lack of responses are an indication of snobbishness.

[Dana44]

Majella, I don't think there is a bias, but most here try to be or emulate a woman. There is a site called skirt Cafe http://www.skirtcafe.org/forums/index.php
That is a mans place that talks about men in skirts and kilts. They have a bias against cross dressers there. Check it out.

[jenniferinsf]

marjella

i hear your frustration and it caused me to reflect on being judgemental at times. i try to pass and hope that i come close. i find it awkward and difficult to be in between roles, en femme without doing a close shave.

i see others on this site and in real life that have the urge to dress and go out without really trying to pass...they simply want to dress and go out. my comment on that is that it takes more courage than i have to do that...so good on them and you.

that being said i also feel that in doing so it opens us to more criticism/skepticism from society in general.... which is not a good thing in my opinion

i want to believe that i am open to all things and all people..but unfortunately i am taken aback sometimes and my judgement shows thru... i need to work on that

so be who you want to be and enjoy it

[MelanieAnne]

This place is filled with a bunch of snobs.

There's an old saying, that if you go looking for trouble, you can usually find it. I have more respect for someone who isn't necessarily "dressed to the nines", but does wear a wig and some makeup, and at least try to pass, whether they do or not, than someone who goes out presenting as a "dude in a dress" or one of the Budweiser boys, primarily to push peoples buttons or get a reaction out of someone, sales clerk, etc. We have enough trouble gaining acceptance for crossdressing, without the "dude in a dress" crowd making it more difficult, and creating a bad impression of crossdressers. I have always felt and still do, that the "dude in a dress" crowd was more intent on provoking a reaction in people, than just expressing themselves. And if you really are intent on expressing your female side, you would put more effort into it.

[Karren H]

Life as we know it is biased! Doesn't mean that is right.... It just is. Might as well give everyone should get a ribbon for participation! lol

[rachellegsep]

Wow look who just snuck in .Welcome back Karren.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Hey Marjella, I think I know the sort of responses you're talking about. I don't feel it is a bias, more of a complete misunderstanding. Some just can't put themselves in your place. "Does not compute"

I myself feel even more on the sidelines, I don't look anything like your avatar pic, I often find people haven't even registered I'm wearing a skirt. Of late, with Winter coming on, it is being brought home to me how many weren't seeing the skirt. I have started wearing hosiery for warmth. (OK, and for style) Many more double takes and frank stares. Still no negative comments. Did have one pair of older ladies make some sort tutting noise and "Really" under her breath. Conversely, more actual compliments. "You certainly have the legs for a skirt" the other day.

I am quite OK with people not understanding my attitude, but it does rankle a little when some start telling me I'm going to meet a bad end, because I'm "Trying to trick people" This just reinforces the idea that they just aren't getting close to an idea of what I look like in a skirt.

"look at this field wherein I grow my F@#*s, see how barren it is"

[Robin414]

Hi Majella, I understand what you're talking about but I don't 'feel' it here at all to be honest, I think we're all completely accepting of pretty much ANY presentation. ☺