Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 41

Thread: A sad story

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    156

    A sad story

    Hi girls and boys. Today is a terrible day or better said yesterday and the next X days wil be terrible. The short story is that my SO told me she wants to end our marriage because of my dressing. And there ain't anything I can do about it. This leaves me helpless and broken as many of you can imagine. And at this point I just don't know what to do anymore. I wished someone could help me but I also know that no one can make a single desicion for me. So although I feel like bagging for help I also know this thread is nothings more than spilling my guts. I hope you all don't mind cause I have currently have no one to turn to and who would understand me and the position I'm in.

    So here comes the long story and you better stop reading if you're not interested.
    Almost a year ago my wife found out that I was secretly exploring crossdressing by spotting a little bit of eyeliner. After a lot of talking she came to terms with it and ensured me she wouldn't leave me over it and we would find a way to make it work.
    Months went by and we discussed many things. We had a few shopping trips that were nice. She even bought me a few make up supplies to show she was ok with it.
    But nothing is further from the truth. A while after she found out, she wanted to do a make up night together, this was a ton of fun but at the end she asked me to change my clothes completely. I did ask here like 10 times if she was sure and she said she was. But seeing me in a different set of clothes broke her. Cause when she went upstairs to sleep she had a really hard time to even hug me. The next day I told her that although she tought she was ready for it she probably wasn't and that we shouldn't try it again anytime soon. She totally agreed with this and from this point on I didn't share my female side with her anymore, but I still was fully open about it. She insisted to stay open about the subject and don't enter a DADT relation. After this i really thought we were cool with each other, cause at night when i was alone i could experiment and the rest of the time I would be nothing else than her husband.
    Now not so long ago I had a day for my self and I was sure to enjoy it. The next day was fine and at some point we were both getting those tingling feeling in our private area. The temperature rose, clothes flew around and all hell broke lose. And yes it was hell, cause i forgot that I didn't yet removed my nail polish from my feet. The next days weren't pleasant at all and the fact that I told her I was sorry and that it was stupid of me to forget my nail polish, didn't change anything. So after a few days we had a talk and she limmeted me to only dress one night a week (if I had the chance on that night) and occasionally if I was alone with her permission. I was feeling bad about it but I did agree to her terms. And again I thought we were cool.
    So last weekend she was visiting her sister and I had her permission do dress. The next day when she got home she noticed that my hair was still a bit flat (from wearing my wig) and she tought she noticed some eyeliner, and although she didn't say or show it she was feeling terrible inside. I however did another cleaning session only to conclude I had cleaned everything off the first time. So she starts to see things that ain't there.
    And finally yesterday she told me that she wants to end our marriage. And that there ain't anything I can do about it. The only solution for her is if I would never never ever dress again or do anything even remotely associated with dressing. I told her that I was considering to complying to that but she said I told her that dressing was a part of my life now that I couldn't quit. And i can't argue with that cause I did tell her exactly that. And I know I changed and that I'm a slightly different person than I was almost 3 years ago.

    The bottom line is that I can't force to change who I currently am, she can't live with who I have become and that de destruction of our marriage is final and unavoidable.
    I really feel like that I have opened Pandora's box and with consent kept it open so that even hope has escaped.

    I have always believed that honesty I best policy but I'm really doubting that now.

    I you kept reading to this point than I would like to thank you for taking the time. And note that happy endings useally only happen in fairytales.
    do not label me for i am unique

  2. #2
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Near Winston-Salem, N.C.
    Posts
    1,146
    Ahh, the visit to the sister problem. Having read many posts of a spouse/SO who we thought was ok with our dressing going away to visit family members, who returns with a resolve to end the relationship, I suspect that your wife was never fully accepting, nor wanting to be fully accepting. Once she was away from you with a non-involved (and likely non-understanding) close family member she spilled her emotional guts, received feedback that cast you as a demon, and was encouraged to dump you as soon as possible.

    You you haven't given us background as to how long married, how long you've known each other, etc., so any "advice" from us is based only on this one thread. If you REALLY want to stay married because she's the love of your life and you can't imagine being without her, as her to go to joint counseling with you. DO NOT AGREE TO DICTATES FROM HER THAT ARE PROMISES YOU CANT KEEP. She's not the boss, she's your partner! Do you really want to be with a domineering controlling person who expects you to deny your own identity?

    On the other hand, if you even slightly want true freedom to be yourself, get a divorce attorney, be totally honest with that person, and get yourself out of the marriage. As most here will confirm, being CD/TS/TG is lifelong -- it won't go away. Staying with an unaccepting partner will be very bad for your good health.

    Keep writing here. You'll get lots of good feedback.

    Best regards,
    Rhonda
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Be all the woman that you can be!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    . . . and now, On With The Show!

  3. #3
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,099
    Vala - I'm very sorry to read of your situation. All I can do is offer sympathy. Happiness may be absent at the moment, but it will return.

  4. #4
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    I am lost, and I like it. Don't find me!
    Posts
    1,044
    Dear Vala,

    Indeed a sad story, one I recognize unfortunately.

    Although a wife or gf often will be willing to try to live this in us, it is just not an easy thing to accept and it can send them into an unbearable state of doubth and other emotions. As much as we can say we didnt chose this and that we just cant live without it, our SO's can say exactly the same. It is hard to argue that on either side.

    In the end, it becomes a matter of priorities. What is more important to you, and to her. Is it your marriage and love for each other, or is it your own personal development and inner piece.
    We humans are capable of incredible adjustment. We can get used to just about any condition and although we may not think we can go on after something happens, what ever it might be, after a while we can usually look back and realize that we made it to the next level anyway.

    Your marriage may or may not be salvagable, only you and your wife can determine that, but if that is what matters most to you, you _Can_ chose that and make it through.
    Just for the sake of the thought experiment, imagine your doctor told you that what you are doing would kill you! If you do not stop, you have 1 week left to live! What would you chose? Could you not stop dressing, if that was the consequense?

    It may be too late, but it may not. You must chose and chose wisely. Happiness is not free, there are always sacrifices involved.

    On the flip side of the coin is the fact that when you got married, you both, in one form or another, agreed to "in sickness or health". "Whatever happens, I will stand by you and support and love you always. You are my highest prioroty, nomatter what."
    That is a tough one for modern humans, especially us in the spoiled part if the world where loss and sufforing often is limited to not getting that new car we want or having to skip a vacation.
    But it means that you, and your wife, agreed to go through whatever comes, together!
    If she now have found that she cannot, or will not, honor that, then she might have realized that she has reached a point where going on means self destruction! She may not be able to live with it and might be in the same spot as if your doctor told you it would kill you. Maybe she feel it would kill her to have to go through one more week of knowing what you do!
    At the same time, she may think that you are chosing this over her, that if you would, you could just stop it! For those on the outside, it is very hard to understand how difficult this is for us to deal with.

    The problem is that you have a choice! When bad and sad things happen to us, and we dont have a choice, we have to adjust. There is no way around it.
    When a child is taken from you, there is nothing you can do, and as much ad you might think you will not be able to move on another day, you have to find the strength to face the night and then the morning, and then do it again. With time, you re-learn to live, you learn to live with it, but you live. You do not have a choice.

    Look inside and find out what your priorities are, because with this, as difficult as it might seem, you do have a choice to make.

    Hugs
    Suzie

  5. #5
    Fantasy Dreamer Sarah.Jane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    North Wales, UK
    Posts
    32
    I'm sorry to hear your news, I've had a couple of partners who said they were ok with my dressing, but turns out that they weren't, good luck with the decisions you have to make
    Sarah Jane : > I wish I was a house wife

  6. #6
    Junior Member MarinaSweden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Stockholm sweden
    Posts
    49
    I have no idea how old you are. I have no idea (but it seems you haven't) if you have any children. And it will probalby not help you, but I would think this is for the best. If the alternative is that you were to cast away a big part of you and your personality, she isn't worth the problems it will lead to.
    I am in a situation a lot like yours and what it has given me after trying so hard for so long (25 long years) is a deep deep depression. I am on my way up that that os only because I have said to my self that I have the right to be m and not who or what someone else wants me to be.
    So, better now than later.
    Hope you feel better soon and that you can see the future more in a brighter light.
    Everybody's got a secret sonny, something that they just can't face. Some folks spend their whole life trying to keept it, they carry it with then every step that they take. 'Till someday they just cut it loose, cut it loose or let it drag 'em down. - Well I'd say this is exactly how it is with me.

  7. #7
    Member MichelleDevon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    South-west England
    Posts
    123
    Vala, we are all sad for you I'm sure and it will touch a chord for many of us. It is an all to common scenario within our "community" here and one to which there are no simple answers.

    Suzie has argued the situation well and leaves you with some pertinent questions to ask of yourself. It's always a tough call - for myself I was in a similarish position a few years ago. I "came clean" about my crossdressing back in 2001 - it went down like a lead balloon. That was after just over 25 years of marriage. She couldn't cope with it and just tried to push it under the carpet in the hope that it would go away...of course, it didn't. Her rejection of it festered within me and left me rather more vulnerable to outside influences. 5 years or so down the line I met someone else and moved out. We had begun to think about divorce but then my new partner found that she couldn't cope with the "other woman" in me. She left and I was a wreck. Counselling helped and led on to couples counselling with my wife. By then she had had 2 years to think about what had happened. During the course of the counselling we were able to explore why I hadn't said anything about it for such a long time and that did give her a different perspective on it all. The upshot was that we decided we had enough basis to get back together - shared history, shared interests, shared future (grandchildren, etc) - and 7 years on we are indeed still together. My wife now tolerates my CDing - it would be untrue to say she likes it but we have been out with me in Michelle mode and it has not been as bad as she feared. To say we "share" it would be stretching the truth but I have Michelle time at home, I have Michelle time out and more often I am Stephen at home and always on holiday.

    So where for you, Vala? As Suzie has said - decide how you feel about your wife and your marriage. If it matters enough to you then suggest counselling, maybe separately first, then together. Only then, with a disinterested third party helping you, will you be in a position to make an informed joint decision about the way forward. There is always room for compromise to achieve an agreed outcome but as others have cautioned don't promise something you are either unable or unwilling to deliver. It can't be a one-way decision nor should either of you expect complete submission from the other. You can't do this using advice from family or friends - they come with prior knowledge and preconceived notions - they are too close.

    So decide if you want to salvage something or whether it is easier/better to move on. And remember this isn't a rehearsal - you only get one go at life. And remember, too, that there are lots here who have been through this mill in the past and we will be here to offer advice and support if you need it...

    Michelle
    xxx

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member JeanetteX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    not far from Amsterdam, Netherlands
    Posts
    613
    Vala, I have never been married so I can't give you any advice and in fact I don't even know what to say. All I can tell you, from one Dutchie to another, is that I wish you all the best for the future. Sure it will be tough but try to keep your head up girl. If you wanna write down your frustration in Dutch you can PM me btw!
    Last edited by JeanetteX; 11-04-2015 at 09:48 AM.
    Love and hugs Jeanette

  9. #9
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Old Hampshire, UK
    Posts
    5,271
    So sorry to hear that Vala...

    I can't begin to imagine how bad and torn you must feel, hearing that from someone you clearly love... It is so sad.

    I'm sure you'll get lots of advice for both perspectives but I'm sure also you know that this isn't likely something you can suppress and if your wife is saying she can't accommodate it, at least she tried and now perhaps she's being honest with herself as well as you - and you both have a decision to make that should be for the best of both of you... I'm so sorry for you both...

    You have to find support from all the friends and relatives you can - they don't need to know the details of why this is happening, but you need to try to get as much non-judgmental support for you as possible... Many of us have been through relationship trauma, although for different reasons, but they're never easy - you just have to get through them as best you can but know that you WILL come out the other side of this however bad it may feel at the moment...

    Feel free to come back here and spill or vent as much as you need - you know we understand..

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  10. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,301
    I extend my sympathies. I've read many many times and have seen it happen around me that what seems to be mild acceptance or at least tolerance develops into outright rejection. There's a lot of times when I make the comment on this forum that I wish when I am cooking dinner for my still working wife that she would give me a pat on my butt when I am en femme. I know it will never happen. I know there have been endless debates on this forum concerning "the reveal." Is it wiser to come clean or is it better to conceal? Frankly, neither the husband nor the wife will really know how he or she will react until it occurs.

    I hope you and your wife can resolve your differences. The comment was made before my post that a wife will listen to those around her rather than listen to her heart. It is possible if not probable her family knows. It is always remarkable to me that a couple experiencing a long history together will not realize the qualities that attracted each to each other probably still exists.

    One thing that I definitely believe is the visuals that are embedded in the mind of a woman will never go away. The Genie cannot be put back in the bottle. I find it unfortunate that a woman who encourages cross dressing by buying gifts and having makeup parties will swing totally around...a complete 180. I suspect when some women do that it is her trying to see whether or not she can accept her husband's cross dressing.

    I would suggest marriage counseling before divorce. I think your wife needs to be reassured that cross dressing is not an evil thing. It may be something that is a marital deal breaker for her, but, she needs to be educated cross dressing is not something to be feared. I do not know how this will be played out in the future with your relationship to your young child. Counseling does not have to lead to acceptance or even DADT, but, it can be of value to resolve and correct misunderstandings.

  11. #11
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    I agree with Rhonda.
    Its a situation I have read about many times on this and other forums.
    Having been married twice I can see things from a different angle when it come to the old I'm visiting my sister line or excuse.
    She may have told her sister about you and her sister gave her advice but on the other hand she may have went to visit an old BF because she was unhappy with you and your dressing.
    One thing to look for is from this point on is her not wanting to have sex with you because she feels guilty in some way over what she did with the old BF.
    I went thru this with my second wife so don't think its all because of you that she wants out.
    Your CDing may be a convenient excuse.
    Women sad to say are very good at planning things so I'm sure her sister is in on the plan and knows everything and will back her up.
    Personally I would wait to see what happens about the sex thing and watch how she acts around you and if when she gets phone calls and speaks low or walks out of the room.All those are hints to look for that she might be having an affair.
    Don't let her play you is what I'm saying and in this case be a man and fight back.
    Cover your bases and have an attorney before she does anything.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 11-04-2015 at 11:52 AM.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    The lingerie dept.
    Posts
    1,848
    Hi Vala, nowhere in your post do you mention love. But if you do still love your wife, then fight for her.

    Hugs, Nikki
    I used to have a short attention spa

  13. #13
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Twin Cities, MN
    Posts
    3,500
    Having lived a long time and having been in similar circumstances I am unable to give you much hope in the chances of two of you having a long and happy marriage together. I think that your wife has given you a very strong indication of how she will be in the future, her way or the highway. This means that you will be subjugating your happiness to hers. This will lead only to unhappiness and resentment.

    You did not mention if any children are involved. I hope that there are not as this makes things simpler - not easier. As some have already suggested, get a good divorce attorney. You need to protect yourself and your assets. There are legal issues involved. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for a possible/probable divorce and make rational decisions as to how you will do things. Do your best to keep things between you as civil as possible.

    Good luck!
    Hugs, Carole

  14. #14
    Adyson Saikotsu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    484
    Hey Vala,
    I know it's hard to believe now, but happy endings do happen outside of fairytales. That it didn't work out this time just means that your tale isn't over yet. Take the time to heal your emotional wounds and dust yourself off. Its tough now, but it'll get better and so long as you don't give up, you'll find that happy ending someday.

    I'm sorry that it turned out this way, but you've done so much sacrificing for so few returns that I honestly feel you're better off with a more understanding partner. Best of luck! We're all pulling for ya

  15. #15
    Silver Member Jodi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    2,640
    Been there and done that 15 years ago. It was a difficult time but, at no time did I feel "helpless and broken". You can only be helpless & broken if you allow yourself to be. There is a life after divorce and that life will be what you make it.

    Now is the time to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and begin a new life.

    Good luck.

    Jodi

  16. #16
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Central Texas
    Posts
    5,982
    Wow, went though that myself. Get a lawyer and a good one at that. I was wealthy and lost my entire fortune to that b....h. She knew how to work the courts and also her sister helped her. They are probably coming up to speed now. she likely discussed it with her sister and gave you the impossible ultimatum. Happy endings?
    If you can get away from her and as bad as my divorce was happening a coworker sent me an email.

    Once upon a time a man loved a woman. She decided to push him away. He went fishing and drank beer and lived happily ever after.

    Yes there is life out the other side and look for the girl who will love you for who you are. Its a big world and one man I know told me not to despair over women, they make more every day.
    Last edited by Dana44; 11-04-2015 at 04:11 PM.
    Part Time Girl

  17. #17
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    1,307
    Your story is very similar to mine so i know what you are kinda going through .Like Dana said get a good lawyer and i hope the best for you
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  18. #18
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,212
    One thing i have to toss in; when, after we started the separation process, my ex had said something to me that stung: She said, "You didn't even fight me about it. You just like, slunk away. I figured if you weren't even willing to put up a fight for what you wanted, then I didn't want it either. If you wanted me, you should have fought for me. But you just gave up.". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She wanted arguments? After insisting that she wanted a divorce? I thought that was absolutely nuts. But some women are like that. So. Maybe fight back? Find out who turned her away from you? Insist that you stay together to try to make it work? Maybe that's the 'man' in you that she wants to see, a fighter who won't ever give up? Maybe it sounds crazy, I don't know. In retrospect, perhaps I could have saved my marriage by becoming an asshole. Not everything has to make sense. But when all seems lost, it may be time to try something you feel is a bit unconventional.

    However; and I don't know what your local laws are; but here, if either person walks out or moves out before a separation agreement is legally signed, it's considered abandonment, and you could lose any claim on your home and belongings. So consult a lawyer pronto. Get your bank accounts in order if you have a joint account, because my ex emptied ours real quick, and I had zero money to mount a legal defense; so you might want to take half out and put it into your own account just to be safe; if anything, she'll appreciate that you're being smart about your situation. It seems as if someone has 'helped' change her mind, so be ready for the worst.

    FWIW. Good luck. You're going to need it.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  19. #19
    Member Jacqueline StGermain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Denver area
    Posts
    137
    Hi Vala, So sorry to hear about your situation.
    My divorce was caused by my ex sister-in-law, my ex and I ended becoming friends again about 6 months later, but I had no inclination of getting romantically involved with her again.
    A couple of things to remember, blood is thicker than water, it is nearly impossible to go head to head with family.
    The other is to give her some room, go out of your way to be extra nice, do things for her, she may take it as an obvious ploy to change her mind, but rise up and be the better person. It payed off in my divorce, even though her lawyer was a genuine world class turd.
    If she genuinely wants the divorce solely because of your dressing, you have to ask yourself if you could stand not dressing for the rest of your life.
    I wish you all the best.

    P.S. Don't know exactly where you are in the NL. , I was in Medemblik in 1979, had a great time, loved running around Amsterdam. Always wanted to make it back.

    Remember, Be the better person

  20. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    156
    Thank you all for reading my rather long post. And after reading all your responses I guess my ability to write English or at least my ability to write things down suck big time. I will try to respond to every one, but I probably will be messy.

    Rhonda Darling:
    I know her sister knows about my cross dressing but I can not say she has been a influence although I have to admit that the chance she is, is present. But whether she is or not it doesn't chance the outcome.

    Well I can give some background. We have been together for approximately 16 years, married for 4,5 years and have to young kids. So complication is maximized!
    I guess I haven’t been clear about how far my wife is in her decision, well it's final. We already have started to discuss our divorce.
    And I cant agree to what she dictates (this is wrong sentence by the way), in my previous post I already wrote that when I suggested to try and stop she declined, but maybe it is useful for you to know that she also said “if you would try to stop it will most likely become unhappy, and I don't want you be unhappy” and again I couldn’t disagree.

    Jennie-cd:
    thank you very much, I appreciate your sympathy.

    Suzie Petersen:
    I do agree with your first paragraph. She doesn't argue with me and I don't with her also she doesn't blame me and I don't blame her.
    But after the first paragraph I have to disagree, I am really sorry for that. I really am unable to see where priorities come in. My marriage is the most important thing to me besides my kids, but choosing to stop cross dressing would make me miserable. So even if I would choose to stop than in the long run my life and marriage wouldn't get better because of it. And when it comes to my wife, well she has been trying to accept it for almost a year and she feels miserable about time after time, and that’s the whole reason we got to this point.

    Sarah.Jane:
    thank you, I know I ain't the first and that I won't be last, unfortunately.

    MarinaSweden:
    thank you very much and my profile says I'm 32 years old

    MichelleDevon:
    I am very happy for you that things worked out better in the end than they are doing for me. Cause my wife gave up and her decision is final.

    JeanetteX:
    thanks it doesn't matter that you never have been married. Support always counts! And although ranting in dutch is much easier, I don't feel its correct to spam your inbox with it

    Katey888:
    thanks katey, I always love your posts. I do think that support without details is virtually impossible. If I tell someone I know and it really doesn't matter who that I'm getting divorced than the first reaction is “that's terrible, you looked like the perfect couple what happened?” and there it kind of stops cause I just can't response “cause I'm a cross dresser”. The one friend that I have left who does understand however canceled an appointment so I can visit him at the and of the week.

    I will most likely keep returning to the forums, I have been hanging around for 2 years now and that's a record for me.

    Kellyanne:
    well I don't know if I will ever be singing and dancing in the rain ever, but for the rest of your post I will say. Amen!

    Stephanie47:
    I have responded to most of your post in the messages above I can only add that I do believe that my wife was honest in trying to accept my cross dressing and rationally she still wants to but emotionally she is unable to.

    Tracii G:
    I'm sorry you had such bad experiences and off course you are allowed to call me crazy but I still trust my wife with my life. It is hard to explain and if I tried I could write a 1000 words but in the end I would still say that she is honest and true.

    Nikkilovesdresses:
    I did have to limit post, ranting on for ever and ever is kind of useless.

    Carhill2mn:
    I have answered all your questions above, but please let me add that we aren't fighting. Its more on the contrary we are agreeing. To restate the facts, I can't change who I am and she can't live with who I have become. So we are divorcing. And we share 2 things. 1. the kids should in no way suffer from this. 2. we will not fight cause neither of us choose this, and we still love each other.

    Saikotsu:
    thanks for the support, and I didn't meant to say that happy endings don't exist in the real world, only that they aren't default.

    Jodi:
    (joke mode)YES MISS! AFERMITIVE MISS!(/joke mode)
    I do get what you are saying, but I'm afraid I am just the vulnerable type of person, its part of my personality.

    Dana44:
    I usually are really pessimistic but I have to say not every woman is evil. And I will leave it at that for now.

    Ally 2112:
    well we have been started working out things today with each other, and we still think alike “Lawyers are evil”. Call me cray but does anyone really believe that a lawyer has your best interest at heart instead of the content of your wallet.

    sometimes_miss:
    I will repeat that I will stay positive even in these darker times.

    Jacqueline StGermain:
    I really feel sad that so may of you had a fighting divorce where lawyers are the only solution.
    I don't live close to Amsterdam, I live near Utrecht in the middle of the Netherlands. But if one would compare the Netherlands to the USA then everything is near Utrecht. And I can safely say that in 1979 I wasn't near anything since I was born 1983.

    so my clock now says 1:00am so I better close my eyes and at least try to get some sleep. But for everyone who responded I would like to say, thank you, and remember that the world is not one big dark place.
    do not label me for i am unique

  21. #21
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Saint Louis
    Posts
    81
    Vala,

    When my wife and I got divorce, no lawyers were involved. It is possible to split fairly and peacefully without them, even if it usually doesn't work out that way. We got married again 6 months later, and that is even more unusual and almost impossible if lawyers were involved. If you are going to follow the no lawyer path, keep your eyes wide open for any sign of betrayal, and go out of your way to ensure that there isn't even a hint of betrayal on your side. It is precarious, and can fall apart fast and then it is even more painful than if the lawyers were involved from the start.

    Love your children,
    Love her,
    Love yourself.


    Good Luck,

    Daphne

    PS: I'm still in the closet, so my advice is suspect.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,781
    Hi Vala, Seek legal advice as soon as possible.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  23. #23
    Member Anne K's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    SW Florida
    Posts
    435
    There is SO much wisdom in the replies to your story. What a wonderful, supportive community! Ronda Darling is dead on. Tracii G. adds an interesting possibility.

    I have to agree with the opinions that your wife has given you a glimpse of how Life will be with her. Is that how you want to live your Life? You seem like a young person and I can assure you after many years of walking the CD tightrope that you will find a supportive and loving partner. It will take some work, but will be worth it. Be kind to yourself.......

  24. #24
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    3,040
    Hi Vala, like all of your friends here, yes I did read your entire post. This is only MY opinion (and those who know me know im kinda 'bold' and maybe a little harsh for a chic) and not meant as advice given this is obviously a complicated topic and your circumstances are clearly unique to YOU!

    Here goes!

    I agree with Rhonda, a relationship goes both ways, if you CD as a hobby who the 《censored》cares!? What if you liked hunting for the thrill of blowing the head off an innocent animal and hanging it from a tree to bleed it out...I doubt she'd be into that either but given it would probably turn her on...that's OK?!

    IMHO CDing hurts NO ONE, you're not TG, you clearly fulfill your 'role' as her partner...SHE needs to get over it! I've been married almost 30 yrs myself and I'm 'out' to my SO but DADT (mostly on my side). I love her more than anything but if she were to threaten to leave because she didn't like me CDing (or blowing the heads off innocent forest creatures...I don't do that BTW, just using it to make a point) I'd sooo get a condo and vacate the premises so fast the shingles would fly off the roof!

    Again, just my opinion, don't take this as advice but rather...an example!

  25. #25
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,842
    Vala, I may understand what u going thru. When my wife and I separated, I thot we would get back together for 2 years. Even tho living together became difficult, I couldn't imagine life without her! But, while we were together she was not happy with me and made sure I wasn't either! But, it was all for the best. And, I began crossdressing after we spilt up.

    We got along much better after we moved apart. And, it was healthier for our 2 young children, too. Eventually, my love for her died, as hers already had. I was able to move on.

    More marriages fail in US than succeed. And, I know some couples who stay together but aren't happy. They just don't want to deal with a divorce!

    U still have a long way to go. But, I believe the day will come when u look back on all this and realize it was for the best!

    Meanwhile, hang in there! I feel your pain.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State