Hi girls and boys. Today is a terrible day or better said yesterday and the next X days wil be terrible. The short story is that my SO told me she wants to end our marriage because of my dressing. And there ain't anything I can do about it. This leaves me helpless and broken as many of you can imagine. And at this point I just don't know what to do anymore. I wished someone could help me but I also know that no one can make a single desicion for me. So although I feel like bagging for help I also know this thread is nothings more than spilling my guts. I hope you all don't mind cause I have currently have no one to turn to and who would understand me and the position I'm in.
So here comes the long story and you better stop reading if you're not interested.
Almost a year ago my wife found out that I was secretly exploring crossdressing by spotting a little bit of eyeliner. After a lot of talking she came to terms with it and ensured me she wouldn't leave me over it and we would find a way to make it work.
Months went by and we discussed many things. We had a few shopping trips that were nice. She even bought me a few make up supplies to show she was ok with it.
But nothing is further from the truth. A while after she found out, she wanted to do a make up night together, this was a ton of fun but at the end she asked me to change my clothes completely. I did ask here like 10 times if she was sure and she said she was. But seeing me in a different set of clothes broke her. Cause when she went upstairs to sleep she had a really hard time to even hug me. The next day I told her that although she tought she was ready for it she probably wasn't and that we shouldn't try it again anytime soon. She totally agreed with this and from this point on I didn't share my female side with her anymore, but I still was fully open about it. She insisted to stay open about the subject and don't enter a DADT relation. After this i really thought we were cool with each other, cause at night when i was alone i could experiment and the rest of the time I would be nothing else than her husband.
Now not so long ago I had a day for my self and I was sure to enjoy it. The next day was fine and at some point we were both getting those tingling feeling in our private area. The temperature rose, clothes flew around and all hell broke lose. And yes it was hell, cause i forgot that I didn't yet removed my nail polish from my feet. The next days weren't pleasant at all and the fact that I told her I was sorry and that it was stupid of me to forget my nail polish, didn't change anything. So after a few days we had a talk and she limmeted me to only dress one night a week (if I had the chance on that night) and occasionally if I was alone with her permission. I was feeling bad about it but I did agree to her terms. And again I thought we were cool.
So last weekend she was visiting her sister and I had her permission do dress. The next day when she got home she noticed that my hair was still a bit flat (from wearing my wig) and she tought she noticed some eyeliner, and although she didn't say or show it she was feeling terrible inside. I however did another cleaning session only to conclude I had cleaned everything off the first time. So she starts to see things that ain't there.
And finally yesterday she told me that she wants to end our marriage. And that there ain't anything I can do about it. The only solution for her is if I would never never ever dress again or do anything even remotely associated with dressing. I told her that I was considering to complying to that but she said I told her that dressing was a part of my life now that I couldn't quit. And i can't argue with that cause I did tell her exactly that. And I know I changed and that I'm a slightly different person than I was almost 3 years ago.
The bottom line is that I can't force to change who I currently am, she can't live with who I have become and that de destruction of our marriage is final and unavoidable.
I really feel like that I have opened Pandora's box and with consent kept it open so that even hope has escaped.
I have always believed that honesty I best policy but I'm really doubting that now.
I you kept reading to this point than I would like to thank you for taking the time. And note that happy endings useally only happen in fairytales.
