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Thread: Sex with men?

  1. #1
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Sex with men?

    I've read about tucking, it was really helpfull for me.
    I've read about support of your SO, about telling your couple about you cding, but I haven't read about sexual activity with men and if your wives know about it. I'd like to hear about it because I'm thinking to share my cd hobby, that at this point is more than a hobby for me. Being a cd is part of my life and I feel frustrated that I can't do it with freedom. I feel bad hidden it from my loved wife but I know is gonna be hard for her because we are from a latinamerican country and just last years they are open more to homosexuality but being straight and cding, being bisexual and like sex with my wife but with men too is something I haven't heard here.
    So as always, I expect.you honest and open shares...

    Vanessa.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Read the thread "Have you been with a man." It is full of information there and some like me who is BI, have come out to our SO's. Now that don't mean I get to do it. LOL My SO does not like to share but has acknowledged and may sometime in the future , Yeah uh huh let me have a male. But you know how that works.
    Part Time Girl

  3. #3
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    Vanessa

    CDing and having sex outside a committed relationship are two very different things. This is certainly not my interest. I enjoy being with my wife and have had sex crossed dressed ( though it is not her favorite thing)

  4. #4
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    Well this tough for me to answer. For me I have been out with men. I guess you could call them CD admirers. There was know sexual activity at all. What are u really looking for,casual relationship, discrete relationship, or some other form of it. I take it your wife doesn't know. I would break it to her as gently as.possibly. I know from experience it's not going to be easy for her. Whatever you decide to do good luck. Also as being out with men it was fun haven't done anything with one yet but you never know. Best wishes to you

  5. #5
    Fantasy Dreamer Sarah.Jane's Avatar
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    I never have had sexual activities with men, I have a long term female partner
    Sarah Jane : > I wish I was a house wife

  6. #6
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    I'm also bisexual. I've dated men and women. The trick is not to date both at once! There are couples who "swing" and have open relationships, but I prefer monogamy. If you haven't discussed something like that with your wife before you get married, well...you may have a hard road ahead of you.

  7. #7
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    The most important thing in any long term relationship, is honesty. If your SO is happy with it then fine. Other wise your are asking for a troubled complicated life. To be honest I think my life is complicated enough already.
    Last edited by Jane G; 11-11-2015 at 02:09 PM.

  8. #8
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    Towards the end of my first marriage I did have intimate relations with other men. I enjoyed it and it seemed very natural to me without any shame or guilt associated with it. While it was a factor that led to the divorce, it was one of 3-4 and not the biggest. However, in the 10 years I've been with my second wife I have not sought out anything outside of our marriage. Not saying I wouldn't, but as J G said, it is asking for complications and I'm not willing to invest effort in it.

    However, in spite of the sex scratching That Itch really good, I never desired a long term relationship with a man. It would seem to much like living with myself, the way I see it...

    DeeAnn

  9. #9
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Being bisexual doesn't mean being promiscuous nor does it mean that you can't have a monogamous relationship. Heterosexual guys have monogamous relationships with one woman despite being attracted to many, bisexuals can have a monogamous relationship with one person despite being attracted to many. There's just a bigger field of people to be attracted to.

  10. #10
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    I am single....and do my thing...boys, girls, cd's...whatever....but i know on the party circuit there are a few married gals who play , they get one night to squeeze all the girly fantasys in like dressing, dinner, dancing,partying, and fooling around like a 20 something....and on Monday they are back in the office like nothing happened never to show face again till the next party. This is a minority though, the majority are straight and happily married and have no intrest in such things.

  11. #11
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Your sexual proclivities are absolutely nothing to do with me, so no comment on that side. However, you appear to be asking for advice on how to have an affair whilst cross dressed or the consequences of it. That's one for you to work out on your own mon amie!

    Becky
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    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  12. #12
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    No disrespect to anyone... but I Ike women. Well, one in particular. Never had any attraction to men,

  13. #13
    That guy in a dress Sky's Avatar
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    Vanessa,
    Like the British philosopher Mick Jagger used to say, You can't always get what you want.
    If you're bi, it would be great to be able to come open to your wife or SO, and be accepted just the way you are. However, it is not a constitutional right and should not be given for granted. My wife is a conservative person who would not even want to hear about my cd'ing, much less my bi escapades. So I keep my mouth shut, and try to make sure none of those damn fake nails get lost in the car floor, only for her to find them later. It's not a perfect world, but then again why should it be?

  14. #14
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jamie390 View Post
    No disrespect to anyone... but I Ike women. Well, one in particular. Never had any attraction to men,
    So do you experience your cding? Don't you feel more femine and the more you dressed more femine and better to feel to the point to experience the summit of cding that, for me, would be a man being attracted to me and fulfill it on a sexual relation?

  15. #15
    Member jasminepp's Avatar
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    I like Jennycd's post. I have told my gf that I am semi bisexual but I am in a loving commited relationship and would never hurt her or breach the trust we share.

    Vanessasissy, there are many cders who are straight and have zero attraction to men. Sexuality and gender identity are totally seperate, just like a lesbian has zero attraction to men even though she's a woman and may feel feminine. Hope this helps.
    Last edited by jasminepp; 11-12-2015 at 12:11 AM. Reason: add on

  16. #16
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    I personally am not attracted to men but I admit I have gad a weird dream where I was about to make out with the male drummer in a band...but I think that was just the girl in me taking over...I woke up before we did the deed! I like women myself, mostly cuz I can relate!
    Last edited by Robin414; 11-12-2015 at 12:26 AM.

  17. #17
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Vanessasissy -- I often blather on about how transgender should describe you, not define you. The same can be said of being bisexual. You should be who you are / do what pleases you and if on reflection the things you do fit the definition of bisexual you should use that word to describe yourself (brevity is the soul of communication, after all.) But you should never do something because you are bisexual. There are no duties associated with being bisexual, least of all duties to have sex with anyone. I'm sure there must have been bisexual monks who never had sex with anyone. That said, if you are bisexual and you do feel an attraction to a man while you're dressed and there are no other complicating factors -- go for it! You don't need permission. And if there are no "complicating factors" you don't need forgiveness. You're just being who you are.

    I would say that if you only feel attraction to males when you're dressed, and you've never done this before, you should approach this carefully because you may shock yourself when you have an encounter. Typically nothing bad happens other than panic followed by guilt, shame, and lengthy explanations (I hate the explanations -- look, you were bi-curious and now you know; move on) but there's always the potential of something worse happening.

  18. #18
    eyah! Mink's Avatar
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    well it's kinda like guys who are married or in a relationship with a gf who digs women too and he enjoys the idea of her and another gal!

    except totally not like that because when it's the guy who wants to do stuff with a guy it is 100% sign he is gay and she must not allow it!

    or so the legend grows!

  19. #19
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I'm not sure exactly what you are trying to say or ask, but for me, no, I have not had sex with a man. Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig does not change my sexual desires. I will admit to wondering what it would feel like to be a female and have sex with a male but since I don't have the female parts to do that with, it must remain a fantasy. Yes, there's one form of sex I could have with a man while dressed, but as I posted, strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't change my sexual desires.

    Two more things: I am married to a woman and plan to remain faithful to her and I have no practical way to approach a man and offer to have sex with him. The married part is far more important.

    Having sex outside of marriage is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's with a woman, with a man or with a man while dressed as a woman. It's all the same. I can tell you from experience that even if you don't get caught cheating, once you do it, it stays in the back of your mind and you will feel guilty about it.

    Tell your wife about your crossdressing if you can, but don't try to take it any further (sexually) unless you want a divorce.

  20. #20
    Member LydiaL's Avatar
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    This particular thread has less to do about a CD having sex with a man than having sexual activity with another while in an existing relationship.

    Always dangerous. Do not do it, will almost certainly break up the existing relationship.

    If a CD is single and is looking to explore sex with a man, then go for it.

  21. #21
    Non-binary/Questioning Mayo's Avatar
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    Definitely read the thread called Have you been with a guy? You'll find all sorts of different reasons why CDs do (or don't) have sex with men - just as you'll find that there are many different reasons why the people here crossdress in the other threads.

    We have straight (heterosexual) people here who have no interest in being with another man, whether they are dressed or not. We have people who identify as heterosexual and who are interested in being with another man when they are dressed because they say it makes them feel more feminine/female. A few have the fantasy of doing it while dressed but no interest in actually doing it. We also have bisexual and homosexual people who enjoy being with another man, though usually in these cases the dressing doesn't matter because they like men already.

    If you weren't married and felt like trying it, I'd say go for it and see if you like it; whatever the result, you'll learn something about yourself. But because you're married, doing it would be cheating and is probably not a good idea, especially if you don't have safe sex.

  22. #22
    Honesty Is Not A Sin Vicky_Scot's Avatar
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    I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body.

    Anyways back to the topic..............have a word with yourself.

    If you want to have a relationship with a man, please do not use crossdressing as an excuse to justify it.
    Don't Take Life To Serious, It's Only Temporary

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    It is often wrongly assumed that a person chooses to be transgender and one day decides they want to live the remainder of their life as transgender .This couldn't be further from the truth. Transgender is established sometime during pregnancy, probably in the first three months and certainly well before an individual is able to make a choice.

  23. #23
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    First, to answer your question, yes I do know about my SO's past sexual relationships with women and his experimentation with men when he was single. And my SO knows about my past sexual relationships and experimentation. But, our relationship would not survive if he wanted to have sex outside of it, with either men OR women. I dare say he wouldn't like it if I sought sex outside of our relationship either.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vanessasissy View Post
    Being a cd is part of my life and I feel frustrated that I can't do it with freedom.
    By "do it" do you mean having sex with men (your title), or just dressing in women's clothes.

    Assuming you mean having sex with men, tell me: would your wife agree to your having sex with other women? If not, then why would you want her to agree to your having sex with men?

    If you want to have an open marriage, would you be OK if your wife had sex with other men too (assuming she is hetero). At any rate if your wife will not agree to an open marriage and this is what you want, then you might consider that you and your wife are not compatible. The solution to this in the long term is to separate and seek relationships with women who do want to be in open relationships keeping in mind they will also have sex with others.
    Reine

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vicky_Scot View Post
    I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body.
    Anyways back to the topic..............have a word with yourself.
    If you want to have a relationship with a man, please do not use crossdressing as an excuse to justify it.
    I agree with Vicky, please do not use crossdressing as an excuse to justify having sex with men.

    Many here find satisfaction, completeness, solice, or some other form of emotion release, in dressing, whether it is occasional or full-time for them.

    As Jasmine, and many others, have pointed out (here and elsewhere) - Sexuality and Sexual Identity are totally separate things. In her interview with Caitlyn Jenner, Barbara Walters quoted "A writer who is transgender put it this way: Sexual desire is whom you go to bed WITH. Gender is whom you go to bed AS."

    I am reading "She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders" by Jennifer Finney Boylan right now (and highly recommend it to anyone who is trying to figure out who they are, and how that fits into their own needs, wants and desires). You seem to be exploring that now, and that is okay - I recommend the book as a place to start.

    But part of deciding this will be communicating with your wife. You said you are frustrated with not being able "to CD with freedom", and I think most of us here get that. But if you bring something else into your life, "having sex with men", I suspect that will add even more stress to your personal life, and your marriage, because you probably won't be able to do that "with freedom", either. If she does not accept your CDing (and from what you wrote it looks like you have not discussed it with her, yet), its not likely she will accept bisexuality, and multiple anonymous relationships, either.

  25. #25
    Member Lena's Avatar
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    So, let me be sure, the original question was how do we tell our wives that we dress like women and have sex with guys? It sounds like you're already having sex without consent. I've always said "asking for acceptance after the fact is better than asking permission.". But not when it comes to my marriage. She's not gonna give permission or acceptance.

    I don't really want to sleep with a dude anyway but (don't hate on me for this) it there were an offer from a transsexual....... I don't know why dudes look so dirty and unkempt but .... Never mind.

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