Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 30

Thread: Why worry if your net gets wider ?

  1. #1
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082

    Why worry if your net gets wider ?

    I can't believe in the short time I've been on the forum that I'd be writing something like this.

    A incident happened the other day when I was in a local charity shop, I had a blouse tucked under my arm and a pair of heels in my hand when a voice I recognised behind me said hello ***** how are you ? I turned round to see a near neighbour of my son standing there, I didn't realise he was a voluntary SA in the shop.
    So several ways out of this one :-
    1) Drop everything and run red faced from the shop, (Not a pretty sight for sixty year old !)
    2) Tell him to sod off and mind his own business ! ( I'd known him for years in fact I photographed his second marriage, so not a good option. )
    2) Bluff my way out by saying I was checking things out for my wife .
    4) Tell him the truth !

    So I looked him square in the face and told him if he was wondering why I was looking through the ladies racks I was trying to find clothes for me, I paused and added I was born this way and it's the way I deal with it. He thought for a moment and just said that's fine, then he paused and smiled and said I play golf you know ! I smiled back at him and replied, there you go no one's perfect ! He stood back a couple of paces and gesture to the racks and said please feel free to look at anything. He may say something in passing to his wife but being up front takes all the innuendo out of the situation.

    Basically people don't care, my wife works for the NHS in the Out of hours unit and most of the staff and doctors are on medication to deal with work related stress or domestic problems . In other words they all have their own problems, knowing about a CDER isn't important to most people, most of our fears are unfounded thoughts in our heads. As my previous counsellor kept saying stop living on assumptions !

    I was so worried about shopping in charity shops , within a short while I've gone from furtively looking to jostling with GGs who eyed the same item, being the gentleman I always say it will look better on you ! I had one who actually held a skirt against herself then against me and admitted my hips would fit better !

    I could go on with examples but the CDers fear of being found out , of losing a job , or the support of work mates etc. is not going to happen .

    The more open I become the less logic I can see in our partners fearing the consequences , what is the worse that can happen ? People really aren't that interested, they have enough in their own lives to deal with, they may have uninformed views of a CDer, in that case just be open and honest.
    Last edited by Sandra; 11-22-2015 at 03:21 PM. Reason: Circumventing the word filter, word used is not allowed and is in the word filter.

  2. #2
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    SW England
    Posts
    2,925
    absolutely Teresa, fears falsely founded, floundering fluffily in flouncing fetish fulfilment xxx
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  3. #3
    Member josrphine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Nokomis Florida
    Posts
    249
    Hi Teresa, Ah Yes shoping, My Wife an I were shoping in the local Stin Mart. I was in drab, we had just gone into the blouse section. I had pick out a very nice one, an just then this women walks up to us an said to my wife " I would like to rent him jestering to me " We both looked at her , she then pointed to her husband sitting in front of the store looking at his watch. Every time I go shoping he sits there an fumes, still looking at her in disbelief she continue. I have watched you an your husband go thur almost all the different dept. He helps you, an both of u pick an chose different items of clothing. Why do you sometimes pick two of the same items??? I said to her that I was a cross dresser an we like to go out as twins. She paused for a scond or two an ask my wife were could she get a man like me. Well we talked a while an she left with a smile on her face. We saw her grab her husband an said lets go. He had that look on his face of What Did I Do Now. We finished shoping an left talking about how lucky our life was. GO Figur Jo

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Jorsrphine,
    I was going to make the point that if my wife stood back from the situation she would see she's not that badly off with a CDing husband !
    I will add something that happened this morning , she had to be at work for 8.00 am and the car was iced up, so I slipped out and and ran it for a few minutes. I took her tea back to bed and told her how cold it was and I'd warmed the car up for her , so she asked in your nightie ? I replied yes ! Then she replied that I'd get frostbite in places I wouldn't like !

  5. #5
    Member josrphine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Nokomis Florida
    Posts
    249
    Ouch, I have done the same thing, only here in Florida I worry about if some snake has not had his or her evening meal. I all so love to dress early in the morning as this is the best time for me to try the new cloths I have bough. My wife goes to early morning meeting 8:00 or 8:30. being she 73 she ask me too drive her . I am 74. No problem I have the time an love going out as Josephine I find that it is normal for me , Joe

  6. #6
    Member Allison_CD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Inverness, Scotland
    Posts
    144
    Here in the frozen north the Red Cross Charity Shop everything yes is only £1.
    The lady knows me and when I go in says "I have stuff here which will suit you" xx

  7. #7
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Old Hampshire, UK
    Posts
    5,271
    Good experience Teresa and well done you!

    I imagine you are well on the way to the accolade of 'Village TV' or whatever honorific provincial villages would use...

    Just one thing to clarify:
    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    I could go on with examples but the CDers fear of being found out , of losing a job , or the support of work mates etc. is not going to happen .
    Presumably you mean this applying to you, because you no longer are bothered about being found out, and you no longer have a job or workmates, so these things can't possibly happen to you...?

    Clearly, they can (and have) happened to others on this very forum... but retirement brings many freedoms...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  8. #8
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Allison,
    I have a lovely lady in the RSPCA shop who keeps finding things for me, I asked if she had strapless bras, within two days she'd found me some in my size along with some heels suitable for a long evening gown .

    Katey,
    Yes I'm sure there are examples of work related problems or a certain amount of bullying , I stand corrected on that point because of course I was self employed for thirty years so never experienced the problem. Most still aren't that bothered.
    I do recall from a previous job maintaining a radar system one of our supervisers was bisexual and sometimes would disappear for a few days to become schoolgirls with a friend ! The odd comment was made and one sneaky person would try and piece together some very private discarded letters and attempt to read them to us ! He was treated as sick rather than the other guy !
    Last edited by Teresa; 11-22-2015 at 06:25 AM.

  9. #9
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    6,552
    Hi Teresa,

    It sounds like you have reached a comfortable place in your life and have come to the decision to be who you need to be. You are right, once you let go and more people know it does become a breath of fresh air . . . however here is the but . . . it comes with a price. The more people that know, the easier it is to loose positive control of that information and sometimes your net can grow wider than you like. If you are in a good place emotionally (like you seem to be) then you are correct "why worry?". However, if others are not, then I always caution that unless you are ready to be out to everyone in your circle of friends, family, colleagues . . . exercise caution because sometimes discovery can grow exponentially.

    Anyway, glad to read things are going much better for you these days

    Cheers

    Marcelle

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    The lingerie dept.
    Posts
    1,848
    Teresa, your increase in confidence over the year+ I've been reading your posts is impressive. You've been through the mill emotionally, but it all seems to have paid off.

    Keep going!
    I used to have a short attention spa

  11. #11
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Marcelle,
    Thanks for your comments I take on board what you say about it rebounding on others, as you've no doubt found even in your circumstances the unexpected does happen .

    I do feel in a more comfortable place, since the possibility of my separation I was beginning to prepare myself for moving away and living a fuller dressed lifestyle. Thinking through how I would integrate it and interact with others. The conclusion is be upfront and truthful, people feed on intrigue and innuendo , being secretive attracts curiosity and misunderstanding . I guess it's the point of my thread, much of the fear is in our heads !
    I know most of what I need to know about CDing and being TG and I'm not ashamed of it or what I need to do to live with and fulfill the needs , it's perfectly harmless !
    Last edited by Teresa; 11-22-2015 at 07:36 AM.

  12. #12
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    23
    Teresa I admirer your courage but you sense of humor about the golfing made me laugh talk about pressure I don't know you personally but I would want you on my team if the S hit fan your unflappable.

  13. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    137
    5) Talk about weather and how's the wife and kids; as if clutching the golf clubs on sale.

  14. #14
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Staci,
    I'm not a big guy but I don't have a little man syndrome! As I've said many times I was photographer for thirty years and you have to know when to stand your ground and when to be compliant and hopefully in an amiable way as possible. Behind the scenes a wedding can be like a battlefield when you take on vicars, chauffeurs, caterers and the rest and still come out smiling !
    Whatever team you're forming count me in, I'm game for anything !

  15. #15
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ft Lauderdale Fl
    Posts
    3,962
    I believe that in "outing yourself" for anything harmless often brings on a good shift in life. "Friends that really weren't" drop away and you start to collect some new ones. Granted some people worry of employment issues,but that is a whole different subject. Over the last 11 yrs of socially transitioning,I have not made any new friends as Roger.Rogina's friends are genuine and "get it".
    Last edited by Rogina B; 11-22-2015 at 10:59 AM.

  16. #16
    Member Gabby6790's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    294
    I am certainly glad this is working out for you but I don't know that it is right for everybody. I wish it were.

    Personally, I live in a small town, have a small circle of friends, work in a male dominated industry, and am active in local politics. I can guarantee that coming out to whomever whenever I want would have negative side effects for me and more importantly for my family. I wish it wouldn't but I really think that is true.

    Like, I said, I am REALLY happy that you are in a place where this okay for you. I just don't think society is ready for this everywhere.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,301
    Teresa, you have come along way from where you were not too long ago. I will agree with Gabby. Each person needs to self assess their unique situation. A reveal may not work for everyone. I think it is very evident from posts made by others on this forum over the years.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    Teresa,
    We are all agreeing with you but it is the inbreeding in us that comes out more often than not.

    Fear of the unknown is the key, and we have to overcome it.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  19. #19
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Well done.

  20. #20
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    s.nj near Berlin
    Posts
    3,198
    It seems that you and I seem to be in situations where the truth is always the best bet. We have a presence of being true to ourselves and as I've always said "if you own up to your CDing than no one can use it against you", the shame (that's not there) no longer motivates the fears that you listed. I can't relate to a SO as I've never been in that situation. All I know is that I'm so much more? happier since accepting myself for who I am and my mode of expression. It took us a long time to get to this point, I'm sure ,as I do ,you wish you would have gotten here sooner. Keep these life stories coming so others can learn and grow. We (the community) need positive examples of being out and about in the real, real world.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  21. #21
    Junior Member Emeraude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    62
    I agree with Marcelle's point:

    "The more people that know, the easier it is to loose positive control of that information and sometimes your net can grow wider than you like. If you are in a good place emotionally (like you seem to be) then you are correct "why worry?". However, if others are not, then I always caution that unless you are ready to be out to everyone in your circle of friends, family, colleagues . . . exercise caution because sometimes discovery can grow exponentially."

    For me, most of my family and closest friends know about my CD'ing (how that happened, I've talked about in my posts last year), so I've lost the fear of being found out. Being self-employed helps, since I don't have a boss and co-workers to worry about. However, my wife, while willing to live with it, still hates my crossdressing, and she lives in fear of my being ridiculed, or even attacked, in public. In deference to her feelings, as Marcelle pointed out, I exercise caution. There are still a lot of prejudiced and hateful people out there, and we can't let the "pink fog" make us forget that. Make no mistake, I'm not advocating living in fear, or hiding your true self. I think the way you handled it, Teresa, was terrific.
    --Emeraude

  22. #22
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Cathedral City, CA
    Posts
    4,638
    T:

    I think you have found, as I have, that the older you get, the less you care. That's a good thing because you have less and less investment in maintaining a facade that just isn't helpful. Personally, I'd much rather save my energies for something much more useful.

    Also, I like simplicity. There is a quote that I find useful in this kind of situation. It is something that Rachel Maddow (a liberal US political personality and a lesbian) said several years ago:

    "No one can insult you by telling you what you just told them."

    Words to live by...

    DeeAnn

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Brandy Mathews's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    637
    Sorry,
    I don't agree with what you said about when someone finds out that a person is a crossdresser. People these days, especially with all these things like Facebook and Twitter, are hateful and just love to stick their nose in everyone elses business. I was outted years ago and see it pretty much every day with people. Talking under their breath, saying things to me that they say are jokes and I just have to tell them that it is not funny at all. I am not perfect in any way and will be the first one to tell you that, but these people act like they are perfect, and cannot understand anything. It is pretty pathetic how childish they are. But I do truly believe in Karma, what comes around goes around.
    Hugs,
    Bree
    Brandy Mathews

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    12,387
    One question: Do you owe anyone an explanation for what you do? Perhaps loved ones, but your son's neighbor?
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  25. #25
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Cathedral City, CA
    Posts
    4,638
    Quote Originally Posted by Bree Jackson View Post
    Sorry,
    I don't agree with what you said about when someone finds out that a person is a crossdresser. People these days, especially with all these things like Facebook and Twitter, are hateful and just love to stick their nose in everyone elses business. I was outted years ago and see it pretty much every day with people. Talking under their breath, saying things to me that they say are jokes and I just have to tell them that it is not funny at all. I am not perfect in any way and will be the first one to tell you that, but these people act like they are perfect, and cannot understand anything. It is pretty pathetic how childish they are. But I do truly believe in Karma, what comes around goes around.
    Hugs,
    Bree
    B:

    Not sure who your comment was addressed to, but I think the circumstances are significant. If you tell someone consciously, you have defined, to them, how you feel about what you do. If you are outted by other means, there is the question of why this activity is a secret. Do you feel guilt and shame? It leaves a very different impression.

    I another thread here, I described how I consciously outted myself to 200+ people last month. About 130 of those people actually saw me dressed. The rest saw a photo. I can't speak to a specific WHY, but it just seemed like the thing to do and an ideal situation in which to do it.

    DeeAnn

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State