I can't believe in the short time I've been on the forum that I'd be writing something like this.
A incident happened the other day when I was in a local charity shop, I had a blouse tucked under my arm and a pair of heels in my hand when a voice I recognised behind me said hello ***** how are you ? I turned round to see a near neighbour of my son standing there, I didn't realise he was a voluntary SA in the shop.
So several ways out of this one :-
1) Drop everything and run red faced from the shop, (Not a pretty sight for sixty year old !)
2) Tell him to sod off and mind his own business ! ( I'd known him for years in fact I photographed his second marriage, so not a good option. )
2) Bluff my way out by saying I was checking things out for my wife .
4) Tell him the truth !
So I looked him square in the face and told him if he was wondering why I was looking through the ladies racks I was trying to find clothes for me, I paused and added I was born this way and it's the way I deal with it. He thought for a moment and just said that's fine, then he paused and smiled and said I play golf you know ! I smiled back at him and replied, there you go no one's perfect ! He stood back a couple of paces and gesture to the racks and said please feel free to look at anything. He may say something in passing to his wife but being up front takes all the innuendo out of the situation.
Basically people don't care, my wife works for the NHS in the Out of hours unit and most of the staff and doctors are on medication to deal with work related stress or domestic problems . In other words they all have their own problems, knowing about a CDER isn't important to most people, most of our fears are unfounded thoughts in our heads. As my previous counsellor kept saying stop living on assumptions !
I was so worried about shopping in charity shops , within a short while I've gone from furtively looking to jostling with GGs who eyed the same item, being the gentleman I always say it will look better on you ! I had one who actually held a skirt against herself then against me and admitted my hips would fit better !
I could go on with examples but the CDers fear of being found out , of losing a job , or the support of work mates etc. is not going to happen .
The more open I become the less logic I can see in our partners fearing the consequences , what is the worse that can happen ? People really aren't that interested, they have enough in their own lives to deal with, they may have uninformed views of a CDer, in that case just be open and honest.