Yesterday: 2 Excursions AND Shoppings As DeeAnn...

[flatlander_48]

Yesterday was a Red Letter Day!?!?

This is sort of a follow-on to the thread where I talked about the events of October where I outted myself to 200+ people. In one of the entries I mentioned a few things that I'll be doing going forward. One of them was shopping as DeeAnn, but I'm getting ahead of the story.

I've been hanging out with 2 groups; one in Rochester, NY (90 minute drive from my home) and another in Geneva, NY (60 minute drive from my home). The person who organizes the Geneva group has been involved with various crossdresser/transgender groups over the years. I gather that there were a number of groups over time, but they come and go and come and go. Someone that she knew set up a group breakfast at a restaurant in Elmira, which is about 20 miles from where I live, and her schedule was clear for yesterday. As I'm close, I also got invited. I confess that I am habitually late to just about any community function (makeup time!?!?). I arrived at 20-25 minutes after the appointed time.

I arrived and parked my car. As I was walking across the parking lot, a thought came back that I had had the day before. I only know one or two people who are likely to be in attendance, but what if they didn't make it? Not that it is a huge restaurant, but the idea of standing at the front door dressed and scanning the room didn't appeal in a place where I had never been.

By the way, I was dressed appropriately Saturday casual. Off white sweater, slim turquoise jeans, some very noticable multi-color fleece sandal socks, black clogs, non-dangly earrings and a hat. I've discovered that I like hats and it's sort of cool since women don't wear them much these days. Underneath was a bra, forms and padded shapeware. I did full makeup, but no eye shadow. I have to admit that I chuckle a bit when people talk about Light Makeup as in not using much. I don't think there is any way that will ever apply to me!

Once again, my fears were not realized. I saw the two people that I expected to see and one other. COOL!! It was a group of 14-15 people, including 3 allies. WOW!! Anyway, I had a very pleasant time and was complimented a few times as to how nice I looked. The funny thing was that 2-3 people came up to me and said that they knew me. This seemed strange as they looked in No Way familiar. What they said was that they were at the SteppingOUT event last month where I was the Mistress of Ceremonies. Sort of a small world I guess.

That was the morning. I returned home and thought about the rest of the afternoon and evening. Being 3rd Saturday, this was the day of the gathering in Rochester. This is essentially a social gathering at a gay bar. It is an eclectic bunch as there are crossdressers, transgender folks and a few in the process of transitioning. I decided that I was going to essentially wear what I was already had on, but with a few additions. I did my nails and added a necklace and a wrist cuff. But, since I had little to do to get ready, I could leave early enough to do some shopping at my favorite thrift store in Rochester (SAVERS) as DeeAnn. VERY COOL!!

I have been to this SAVERS as Don a number of times. I've also been to three others in different cities. What I've noticed is that as Don I tend to give women shoppers a wide berth. The thought would be "GAWG, why is this man next to me in the size 14 skirts?!?!". I would be doing something beyond just shopping; I would be thoroughly inspecting as these are mostly used clothes and flaws are not highlighted. That would be reflected in the price, but not the specific problem. Plus, there are often mothers with teenage daughters and you never know how people are going to react.

However, the situation with DeeAnn was a bit different. I still didn't crowd anyone, but on those occasions when women were in close proximity, they were as oblivious to me as I was to them. MAS = Mutually Assured Shopping! However, I did notice a couple of boys, maybe 17 or so. As we walked toward each other, one elbowed the other and whispered in his ear. One can only guess what the topic of conversation was, but as they made no other gestures, No Harm - No Foul. All considered, it was a pretty pleasant visit.

As a shopping trip, it was pretty succesful. I concentrated on pants and skirts as I didn't want to take anything over my head and get makeup all over. Anything with a back zipper or fastening was also out as I don't have enough shoulder and elbow flexibility to handle that by myself. For just under $30 I came away with a pink fine guage sweater, a black pair of pants, a grey pair of Vanderbilt jeans and a pair of bronze silk pants!?!?

All that was something over 2 hours and I arrived at the Girls Night Out at about 8:30. Uncharacteristically, I stayed until about 1am. Usually I leave around 11:30 to midnight. I guess I must have been enjoying myself! Unfortunately, when I arrive after traveling from anywhere and by any means, I am wired. I was at home by about 2:30am, but I didn't go to bed until about 4:30am. That is NOT helpful.

So, what did I learn from Saturday's excursions? I definitely think I'm becoming more comfortable in my skin and I worry less about the reactions, real and imagined, around me. I am grateful for being welcomed by the groups that I hangout with. That requires particular mention because it is always a question mark for Black people. Also, the fact that I need to devote considerable travel time in order to participate speaks to its significance for me. Gender issues aside, dressing affords an opportunity to apply my sense of aesthetics to how I look. While I also applies to how Don looks, the opportunities are much broader for DeeAnn and I like that.

I've always said that Don and DeeAnn are just different facets of the same person. I truly believe that. But in addition, I now realize that DeeAnn has been around all along. I just needed to discover her. Since childhood I've always thought than my sensibilities were different. I could be just about as content absorbing the pages as Hot Rod Magazine as I was when pouring over the pages of lingerie and foundations in the SEARS catalogues when I was a kid. About 25 years ago I thought it was all related to sexuality, but it now seems that was much too simplistic an answer. What is happening now is that DeeAnn has some freedom to figure out what she thinks of the world. That's quite a challenge, but then again, challenges are usually good for the soul.

DeeAnn

[Gabby6790]

Very nice post. Sounds like you had a wonderful time and are getting more comfortable.

I was just thinking today about how I used to read the Victoria's Secret catalogs when I was young. I am sure many young men read them but I remember really reading them. I would read every description, what sizes they came in and colors. LOL. I guess that should have been a sign.

[kittie60]

My,my, Dreamboat you had a very busy and sounds like a Beth wonderful day. Good for you.

[flatlander_48]

G:

Thanks!

One point though: when I was a kid there was no such thing as Victoria's Secret. As I understand, they opened in '77. By that time I had graduated from collega nd was 5 years into my career.

Time flies whether you are having fun or not...

k:

Never a dull moment!

By the way, we had someone come over to Rochester from Syracuse last night. Not sure what she did this time, but the last time I remember she had a hotel room and went back to Syracuse on Sunday morning.

Naughty or Nice competition for the December gathering. Just sayin'...

DeeAnn

[Vickie_CDTV]

Many groups have come and gone in CNY unfortunately, I have been involved in most of them in the last 20 years. Incidentally, I know of the breakfast get-together in Elmira, and most of the girls there know who I am though I have not seen some in years (the day, very early time, distance and sometimes bad weather keep me from attending.) We used to have a monthly dinner north of Elmira a few years ago, I wish we were still doing that. Haven't made it up to the Geneva group yet, though I do have a few clients who occasionally attend.

[KitCat]

You go Girl!
Sorry I missed another one but hoping for some time to open up soon and life to return to normal
haven't shopped in months glad you are keeping the pace for me

[Beverley Sims]

The unfortunate point for me is that you remained closeted for too long and life has been passing you by.

I hope the future holds out better for you.

I think a lot of us have been too slow to come out of hiding.

[flatlander_48]

Many groups have come and gone in CNY unfortunately, I have been involved in most of them in the last 20 years. Incidentally, I know of the breakfast get-together in Elmira, and most of the girls there know who I am though I have not seen some in years (the day, very early time, distance and sometimes bad weather keep me from attending.) We used to have a monthly dinner north of Elmira a few years ago, I wish we were still doing that. Haven't made it up to the Geneva group yet, though I do have a few clients who occasionally attend.

The Geneva group has started doing a dinner outing on the first Saturday of the month. If you like, I can PM you the details.

You go Girl!
Sorry I missed another one but hoping for some time to open up soon and life to return to normal
haven't shopped in months glad you are keeping the pace for me

The December GNO will be here before you know it. It will be Naughty or Nice again and I Have A Plan!! Be there or be square, Baby Girl!!

The unfortunate point for me is that you remained closeted for too long and life has been passing you by.

I hope the future holds out better for you.

I think a lot of us have been too slow to come out of hiding.

That may be the reality, but it doesn't feel like that to me. My first wife and I separated in 2003, but the nerves were pretty raw for the last few years leading up to that. As difficult as life was in that situation while we were trying to figure out how to extricate ourselves, dressing would have been very, very tough. There was no way it would have worked out. It would have either been very hard for me being secretive or very hard for her if I was more open. I married my second wife in 2005, but we had been together towards the end of my first marriage. My first wife and I were living on different floors in the house and had maybe 20% of the contact that we might have had in more normal circumstances.

About 6 years before we finally separated, I made a point to find out what I really thought about being intimate with another man. Turns out it was a very good experience for me. In the previous 24 years of our marriage, looking at this in retrospect, I think I never really matched her expectation of what a husband should be. The fact that I appeared to be gay (actually I eventually figured out that I was bisexual) was the final nail in a coffin that had a number of nails already.

My second wife has a lot more flexibility in how she views sex, sexuality, gender identity, etc. That space has allowed me to explore what it all means for me. However, some years ago we were talking one time and I mentioned that it was a shame that we didn't find each other sooner. But, as we thought about it, what we figured out was that probably neither of us would have been ready. This is the second marriage for her also and I think we both learned from our respective trips through the knothole, backwards.

It is interesting to consider that my first wife actually set all of this in motion. She made me promise not to join our LGBT affinity group at work until she left town. November marks my 12th year with the group, but for 6 of the first 8 years I was an ex-pat in Taiwan. While I did take some clothes and undergarments with me, I only dressed in my apartment. There was NO WAY I was going out dressed in a foreign country.

The Universe is a funny thing. It has its own schedule and I don't think that you can really force something to happen before its time. On the other hand, when opportunities present themselves, we do need to be able to recognize them and take advantage of them; both for the benefit of ourselves and others. Essentially none of what I was involved in last month existed 12 years ago, so it would have been a very different set of circumstances.

DeeAnn