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Thread: I'm overwhelmed

  1. #101
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Hi Ashley, sorry to hear you are still struggling with stuff. While I am not ever going to suggest to repress anything. I am going to suggest rather than to beat yourself up over gender, to focus 1st on simply being a good person. Sometimes, stepping back and seeing that men and women actually experience so much alike too. I remember there were times I had gotten wrapped up in gender this, gender that, what am I, repress this, let that out etc etc etc. It was an overwhelming feeling. HRT may very well help you, as it seems for many the best part about HRT is NOT the feminizing/breast growth, but of an internal calming. I wish you luck with this. Still, Sometimes, gender isn't everything. Just being a good you can go a long way. It doesn't have to be the end all to self identify exactly as anything. Just be you, ennjoy what you enjoy regardless of where it fits, how it lands, how it looks.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  2. #102
    between worlds... steftoday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heatherdress View Post
    Ashley - You probably need the help of a professional therapist as most have suggested. Real anxiety is quite serious and should be addressed with a professional, well beyond our well-intentioned sentiments.
    not picking on you specifically heatherdress, but Ashley IS seeing a professional therapist, and a damn good one.
    When the answers escape us when we start to fade
    Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
    Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
    So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are

  3. #103
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
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    Got my hormones today. Also got an unexpected prostate exam... Ugh. Lol

    The doctor was really nice, and he seems to agree with the therapist with regards to it helping my state of mind. I'm excited to see... Being depressed and anxious sucks.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  4. #104
    formerly: aBoyNamedSue IamWren's Avatar
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    Sounds like you have a positive outlook about the hormones. That's great Ashley. I'm looking forward to hearing how it works out for you. Big, huge hugs!
    ~ Sayyidah

    p.s. be careful of those prostate exams.
    You might start singing 'Moon River'

    https://youtu.be/CfZiAiYNcI8?t=10s
    I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.

  5. #105
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
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    Glad to hear things are going in a positive direction!!!
    Please call me Lisa!

  6. #106
    between worlds... steftoday's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley in Virginia View Post
    Got my hormones today. Also got an unexpected prostate exam... Ugh. Lol

    The doctor was really nice, and he seems to agree with the therapist with regards to it helping my state of mind. I'm excited to see... Being depressed and anxious sucks.
    congrats Ashley. please let us know how things are going. we're all pulling for you.
    When the answers escape us when we start to fade
    Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
    Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
    So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are

  7. #107
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
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    I can't believe it's been three months already since I started this thread. Time is like a roll of toilet paper... The further you get into it, the faster it goes...

    Anyway, It been two weeks of hormones and things couldn't be better. My mind is so clear. I don't have that voice screaming at me as much anymore, and I am finally feeling free a bit. My house is clean as Hell... I have motivation to take care of myself for the first time in a long time. I'm kicking myself in the ass for not starting this earlier in my life.

    My oldest daughter knows now though. I was rushing out of the door and left my estrodial in the living room. She googled what it's for and pretty much figured it out. She confronted me and I told her most of the truth. I kinda glossed over transition, told her I haven't decided on that yet, but that the hormones make me feel a ton better and that I would figure out what the next steps are with the therapist as we go along. She said she doesn't care, she just wants me to be better and not miserable... I'm hoping that's how she really feels, but we will see.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  8. #108
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
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    This is sooo wonderful!!
    Please call me Lisa!

  9. #109
    between worlds... steftoday's Avatar
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    I am soo happy for you Ashley. This is great news!
    When the answers escape us when we start to fade
    Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
    Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
    So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are

  10. #110
    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Ashley,

    We are so glad to hear this. I'm sure that things will get better for you .. and we hope that your daughter will be understanding and supportive. Now maybe it's time to consider changing your avatar?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club

  11. #111
    Member MissVirginia-Mae's Avatar
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    Very happy for you, Hon!
    Warm hugs!!!

  12. #112
    formerly: aBoyNamedSue IamWren's Avatar
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    Really happy to hear this news Ashley. I was so hoping the hormones would help your outlook. And I'm sure your daughter has no reason to lie about something this serious. Try to keep the lines of communication open with her and be as truthful as you think is appropriate. We're all rooting for you Ash!

    Hugs, Sayyidah
    I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.

  13. #113
    Member rocval2001's Avatar
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    Ashley one thing I can tell you is that there is a outstanding support system here as well as some great ladies. They will be here for you when you need them.

    Hugs
    Val

  14. #114
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
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    So, I'm now 2 months into hormones....

    I am so happy right now. My anxiety comes and goes, but I can usually handle it now. I feel like someone has flipped the lights on and I can see now. I'm 180° from the person I was before.

    I have been seeing the therapist monthly, and that's been going better. Its nice to be able to openly speak about this without breaking out into a cold sweat. Self acceptance is coming, I'm pretty happy with myself right now. I've lost some weight, I'm exercising for the first time ever, I've cut alot of the crap I was eating.

    I'm out to both of my kids and their mother. They all seem cool with it, so we will see. The joke around the house is that we are all good with this until I show up in a dress one day. I'm not sure how long it will be until they see that though. I'm still figuring out how to make that happen without freaking them out.

    I don't have anyone else to come out to, other than work, so I guess being alone in the world has some privileges.

    I go back to the endocrinologist next month. He will probably increase my dosages. I'm good with that I think. I haven't seen any physical changes yet. I'm good with that tho, I want to take this slow... Better to get healthy mentally first before rushing into boobs.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  15. #115
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
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    That is wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember, you are NOT alone in the world!! We are here with you!
    Please call me Lisa!

  16. #116
    between worlds... steftoday's Avatar
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    Great news Ashley! I'm glad for you.
    When the answers escape us when we start to fade
    Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
    Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
    So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are

  17. #117
    Aspiring Member Mykaa's Avatar
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    Self acceptance is an awesome thing, I recently found that out myself Ashley, isnt it nice to Smile from within for a change?
    Mykaa is me! Discovering Peace throughout from the Girl within.
    David Bowie "Don't stay in a sad place Where they don't care how you are..."
    Disturbed The Light "The truth is waiting there for you to find it
    It's not a blight, but a remedy"

  18. #118
    Banned Spammer
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    Really happy you are doing better.
    Your kids sound like great kids and they really care about you.

  19. #119
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    Welcome to the real world, Ashley, and congratulations on starting HRT.

  20. #120
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Wonderful news Ashley

    You sound happier now

    As for the how to turn up in a dress you may want to show them a photograph first
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  21. #121
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley in Virginia View Post
    I am so happy right now. My anxiety comes and goes, but I can usually handle it now. I feel like someone has flipped the lights on and I can see now. I'm 180° from the person I was before.
    That's wonderful news! So glad you no longer feel the way you described in your first post.
    Reine

  22. #122
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    from what i have read on these forums, how you cover your nakedness will take care of its self, as you become you, it will just be natural, and not cross dressing.

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