what kind of man are you without the dress?

[mikayla1964]

Well women say i'm a rugged manly man.. geeesh if they only knew what I was wearing under my shirt and jeans..Its totally opposite of what I truly would like to appear as..

[Dana44]

I'm a manly man. Yet since semi retired, I let my hair grow long. I have earrings. My nails are long and tipped. My face s better looking as I have used nice facial soaps and cream. So, now I do try to dress better as a male, yet a lady down the street that we talked to last night said, "You two ladies have a nice night." I was dressed male my hair down with a baseball cap. Seems like I have a feminine demeanor. My SO was very surprised at that.

[AllieBellema]

I'm pretty much the same, quiet, shy and sometimes odd person. I'll watch sports, sometimes get out and do some hiking or bike riding as well.

[Barbara Jo]

I'm also a T- shirt and jeans guy but, not very masculine acting..... but not feminine acting either, just gender neutral I guess.
I was never into sports, etc but, music was/is a passion. I even used to play bass in rock bands when I was younger.

[Sky]

Wasn't there a similar thread somewhere else? I remember answering it recently.

Anyway, I'm basically the same kind of guy. Or girl. Or whatever. I only wear t-shirts and jeans when I'm working in the tool shed or the garden. Otherwise, I go for nice tailored shirts, jackets, dress trousers, and I've been known to wear bicolor shoes in male mode (who says the 1930s are over? Show me a calendar!) And although I don't have effeminate manners I often take "feminine" or neutral viewpoints in culture, politics, etc. Yet I enjoy boxing. (well, you can't be consistent all the time!)

[Jaymees22]

As a man my everyday attire jeans and a shirt. As a woman in the privacy of my own home I tend to go a little over the top and if going out try to blend in. Sometimes my fem side must slip through as I do get a yes mam in male mode, yesterday I got a yes miss, I never correct these people, I kind of like it. Hugs Jaymee

[Lena]

I should note that 95% of the people I've come out to had an inkling of some sort that I was "something" so there is probably something in my demeanor that tips them off in male mode, but none of us know what it is exactly.

That's what I was wondering. Not so much what you wear but how you present yourself. Confident? Insecure, extrovert or introvert? Do you get along better with the men or women? Are you feminine in your daily lives? Do you go out of your way to be masculine.

Do you think they know? When you go walk the dog, do you think they're pointing and saying "look how he walks.". Do your neighbors see it when you're working on the yard?


If there was a similar post, I'm sorry for duplicating.

[flatlander_48]

I'd say that Don and DeeAnn are actually pretty similar. DeeAnn dresses like Don used to back when there was an expectation that folks wore jackets and ties to work. Interesting colors were chosen and coordinated in ways that are not always obvious. This reflects some thought and did not happen by accident.

However, these days Don is much more casual. Today's outfit was:

• Light Blue Jeans
• Off White cobblecloth pullover
• Dark Pink/Light Fuchsia turtleneck (from the women's side of Lands' End)

And the Acorn fleece socks in the image below. In theory, these are listed as women's, but I wear these and a bunch of others all year round. As I've been told: "Well, you do wear weird socks...".

The similarities extend to personality also. Externally, we are both pretty calm. This is a life-long trait. I tell people that when you see me (Don) thrash around, it MUST be VERY Bad. There's this "Never Let Them See You Sweat." mentality going on in the background.

If you are familiar with the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator questionaire, one of the couplets is Introvert-Extrovert. If you are an introvert, you will score at one end of the scale. If you are an extrovert, you'll be at the other end of the scale. I score very close to the middle. What this means is that sometimes I'm quiet and reserved and other times, closer to the life of the party. The observed behavior, sometimes introverted and sometimes extroverted, applies to both Don and DeeAnn.

That said, the unexpected thing is that Don has always been internally emotional. Some things just touch me in an inexplicable way and make me well up and border on crying. It's happened once or twice when I've finished getting dressed completely: nice outfit, jewelry, makeup, heels and even sometimes a hat. I look in the mirror and am reminded that this is that other facet that was always there but now has been allowed to see the light of day. The transformation is amazing...

DeeAnn

[Edie Palmer]

Very, very conflicted. And very fashionable, I'm told I'm quite stylish, whether at work or casually, for some unknown reason I seem to have a knack for that. But no one could ever guess my deep, dark secret, and the few people I have told were in shock. And always being told that I'm the calm in whatever storm that's going on.

[TrishaTX]

Close to a suit and tie guy and work , high end clothes , always shave even weekends. On weekends I still dress like a 12 year old torn jeans t-shirts lucky brand...sport team hats...when en femme prefer dresses and satin lingerie.

[Robin414]

I used to be a hyper masculine, very well dressed, playboy type...that was little over a year ago. Changes come around real soon, make us WOMEN and men! 😯

[Heidi Stevens]

When I'm not in Heidi mode, I'm casual but stylish. Polos a lot, non holely blue jeans, higher model tennis shoes. Not much different from my female persona. If I had my choice I'd be Heidi every minute.

[sometimes_miss]

Well as a female I dress sorta' junior style, the stuff adolescents wear. School, cheerleader uniform, things you might see a 14 year old girl in. I will always feel like I'm a girl 'stuck' at that age, waiting for a 'girl' life to continue.
I've had a full time job essentially since I was about 14, and either was working full time and going to school or working two jobs until the day I got divorced. Today I work per diem, but as many days as I did when I had a full time position. I tried being a manager for about 10 years but hated it. My private life as a guy, well a while back I realized that most men looked like crap, and I was just another slob who threw some wrinkled casual clothes on, sort of combed my hair and left the house every day like that. It was then that I decided to 'upgrade' my behavior and presentation to something more like my well off uncle used to be like. Blazers instead of windbreakers, overcoat instead of parkas, leather jackets instead of nylon, dress slacks instead of jeans, button down 'dressier' shirts became the rule rather than the exception, instead of t or polo shirts. Shoes instead of sneakers. Leather wallet instead of the nylon camo one I used to have. It's made a difference, and women notice, as an old guy I get more compliments on my attire than I ever did when I was young. While I kept the 4X4, my daily ride is now a more expensive version of a chevy (read, an old Caddy which looks just as nice as when new but cost less than a new impala). And while I did trade in my beloved digital Casio, it was for another Casio, but with an analog face, and a nice leather strap (guess I'm still kind of a nerd at heart). Taking a clue from the 'dirty rotten scoundrel' movie, I learned to dance and be more polite, avoid swearing, and have become a reliable escort for some of the women I work with when they want a guy 'friend' to go to social functions with. Still, I often feel that I look better than I actually am. But it's made me feel way better about myself so I guess it's all worth it.

[MischaSummers]

I'm kind of a slob in male mode, although I maintain good hygiene. I'm also very competitive, highly excitable, and quite vocal and loud. When I'm playing pickup on the basketball court, I'm at my most alpha: I'm aggressive, physical, and love to talk trash.

That's just as much a part of me as my femme alter ego.

[Rhonda Darling]

In male mode I have the business look for work (suit, long sleeve dress shirt, expensive shoes, clean shaven and well groomed). I only wear ties now when I have a business meeting with peers or above (I'm close to retirement and have no interest in the choked male look that a tie represents except when I need to dress to impress). I also have the casual male me, which is non-holey jeans or shorts, and anything from t-shirts to pull over knits, to dressier shirts, to flannel. I'm underdressed 90% of the time these days and wear women's socks or knee highs, or stockings as often as practical. I'm viewed as a man who women feel comfortable around.

In homme many of my male friends notice that I'm not typical. I don't like to banter sports talk, I don't lust after every woman with breasts, I don't belittle women, I have no interest in going to strip clubs, and I generally have no interest in proving my manhood to them. That said, and although I'm an attorney, I have skills in woodworking, electrical, plumbing, love to shoot, occasionally hunt, enjoy boating and the outdoors, sometimes bicycle, love going on hikes, play poker with friends, and much more.


When I become Rhonda, I can be casual around the house in shorts, skirts, yoga pants, tanks, t-shirts, etc. -- usually with forms, some minimal jewelry, light makeup, and often a wig. I'm calm, relaxed, and thoroughly comfortable with myself. When I go out, I dress appropriately for the time/place. I'm 6'0", 220#, and need shapeware to get my femme silhouette going. When I go out with the girls to local restaurants or other venues, I'll glam it up a bit, and try to project the confidence, look, movement, mannerisms, etc. of a mature woman who is out to have fun.

I love being Rhonda. In either mode though, I'm neat, I keep our house clean, I organize, I take after my late Mom and am the consummate homemaker. I've some minor sewing skills, love art and music, have been a photographer, and enjoy cooking and pairing good wines with meals. I'm the guy deep down, but deeper down, I'm the woman that I should have been, and that is surfacing more and more as time passes.

[Angela Marie]

Pretty femme at home also. Although I don't dress there I do wear tights/leggings all day. Keep my skin smooth and hydrated and have definite feminine mannerisms. In public i have to be in male mode unfortunately.

[MichelleDevon]

OK, what KIND of man? How does one define a kind of man? Not sure.

I think, though, that there are differences between me as Stephen and me as Michelle. Partly that comes from being more "relaxed" when I am in Michelle mode. I also think that the persona that presents as Stephen has changed following Michelle's arrival on the scene. I still do pretty much the same things as I always did - d-i-y jobs around the house, gardening, like to get out for a good walk (which doesn't happen often enough), photography, singing. I mostly do those things as Stephen although Michelle has been to choir a few times and she does get out in the garden, too.

As a guy I try to present looking reasonably smart - Stephen does not own a pair of jeans (Michelle does!), I can't think when I last went a day without shaving, for work I always wear shirt and tie with a suit or jacket and trousers - shirt colours have modified since Michelle came along - never used to wear anything in the pink/purple range of colours - and I use ties as a statement - again, far more than I ever used to - to offset the dull choice of men's "office wear".

I don't think anyone would describe Stephen as effeminate but inside, at least, I am much more of a girlie guy and I think I am far more "open" than I used to be.

So, am I different personae? I don't think I am really but Michelle's presence in my life has definitely modified my male persona.

Michelle
x

[Chandlyr Ellis]

Retired… Jeans, T-shirts, & tennis shoes. I’ll stand close to a razor on occasion, but not daily. Woodworking, lawn care, home repairs. SO does the cooking, I clean up the kitchen.

Have Motorcycle, Will Travel.

[Judith96a]

Hi Lena,
Interesting question.
Firstly, I'm 6ft1 and built like an ex-rugby player.
In a work context, I'm a shirt and tie guy. Most of the time that doesn't quite extend to a suit per se but if I'm interviewing or 'representing' work then I'll happily don the suit. Always clean shaven, hair short and tidy. Very conservative dresser (not much other than blues and greys in the colour palette). If I happen to be at a conference where the dress code is 'business casual' then I'll lose the tie! Wow!
At home, it tends to be polo shirt plus jeans (chinos rather than denim - haven't owned any denim in 30 yrs) and trainers.
As for giving off a male or female demeanour - definitely male, not macho but male. I've been told that I have a certain presence, that people notice when I walk into a room. I'm not sure that I actually give that much credence - the person that said it may have had an agenda - but I am big so who knows. I'm certainly one of those people to whom others look when there's some heavy lump of 'stuff' to be moved or a recalcitrant jam jar to be opened. And that's pretty OK. although my hobbies and work tend to favour brains over brawn I've never objected to 'hard grunt' when necessary (e.g lugging amps or stage lighting fixtures around). I guess that 99% of the folks who know the male me would have great difficulty imagining me in a dress. If they did but know

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm trying to figure that out.

Clothing: I have always been fairly casual in my dress in boy mode, even when I did office work. I'd dress it up when needed, but only then. My favorite shirt is a loud Hawaiian shirt, silk or rayon preferred. The girl side of my closet has a lot of casual things, pants, tees, denim and khaki skirts and plenty of flats and sandals. I do have several nice dresses and outfits but go for multi use clothing when I buy things. Overall, not really much difference there except for the cut of things.

Activities: I've always been the cook in the family and did laundry and housework as well. I was less likely to be the enforcer with the kids than my late wife, I encouraged and nurtured whenever possible. But I was the one to do the maintenance and construction outside, but know how to mend socks and sew buttons back on. I'm not the best with a sewing machine, but I can use one if I need to. I don't do much of the outside work en femme because the neighbors don't know about me (I think), but also because I don't want to damage my pretty things with paint or grass and paint stains. That's what guy clothes are for and I don't want to get my wig all sweaty.

Recreation: I follow my favorite sports teams, camp, go to casinos, drink with friends, go to movies and musical performances. I've done all that in both modes, no difference.

Relationships: I have two different peer groups with only a few who reside in both worlds. It's hard to talk about some things with the group who only knows me as Dave, but I don't believe they will be alienated if I told them. Probably amused and then understanding as they look at our lives and the roles I've taken over the years. I tend to be the one who arranges a lot of the social events and caters to everyone's needs when we get together. So it's only how I'm dressed that makes this different. I'm working on resolving this but it's a slow process as I work though my own issues before I create issues for others to handle. Grandkids are probably the single biggest issue for me and it's out of my control since it's one that their parents will have to handle when they think the time is right. As it stands now their parents know the basics but I think they probably need a little more info here in the near future so I can make a bit more progress.

[SandraInHose]

Im a jeans and t-shirt guy, they have to be baggy or I can't handle the day. My hair is messy and im un shaven, basically I don't care how i look. Also my anger issues are more prominent when im a man. When i get the time to dress up i am the complete polar opposite, my hair is neat, im shaven, I like the feeling of tighter clothes and i am so calm. It's like an escape.

Other than the part about the hair being messy (I shave my head), you have summed it up quite well for me, too.

I weightlift, play hockey, hike, and do some 'manly' things, and I tend to be more aggressive, especially when driving or navigating the grocery store or Target/Walmart. (Don't leave your cart blocking the middle of the aisle!)

But dressed up and girly, I'm more relaxed and so much calmer and passive. I hope that someday I can spend my days dressed around the house in front of the wife.

[Patty Phose]

A manly man actually.

[Angie G]

I male mode I'm more likely to be a bitch.
Angie

[EileenW]

Recently have had the opportunity to dress more frequently. In male mode still dress the same as before mostly jeans and t-shirts, your average guy. However my grooming has improved. Started growing my finger nails after biting them for years and plunking my eyebrows. Shave and moisturize now after regularly having had a beard for the past several years. The only comments I get about the changes are that I look much younger than before. No one guesses that this is the feminine side of me coming out.

[Claire Cook]

Definitely not an alpha male, definitely not macho. My wife says if I were, I wouldn't have had a chance with her. Happy that I am who I am ... and there is not doubt that Claire makes me a better person.