About 3 weeks ago I had a mani-pedi and as I usually do, I ran my grocery store and Walmart/Target errands, showing off my burgundy nails. I carry a purse almost all the time I'm not at work, so there was that, too. Other than that, drab. This was during weekday. Most people I know are working at this time. On this trip, I ran into a woman who had been a close friend of my ex and I. I'd rather I wouldn't have, but if you go out enough this kind of thing happens, and it's happened before in different scenarios. With this person, I was pretty sure she already knew I was a crossdresser. I knew my ex had outed me, at least on a limited basis. I won't go into the whole conversation, but I asked her who else knew and she said "probably a lot of people".
I've been doing this a long time. Over the years there have been quite a few people who knew bits and pieces. There was a time that I didn't hide much. Thing is, there was a time when I could be "out" on a limited basis. Even from a limited basis, some of those people I was out to, some from a long time ago, get pretty close to my work circle (which is where I REALLY need to be careful). But, that was then.
I'm one of the few people on the planet that doesn't have Facebook or any other social media. It appears to me that there is no longer much possibility of being out on a limited basis. All it takes is a neighbor, even a kid, a disgruntled ex, a friend or colleague who sees you from across the store, just about anybody who knows your real name, and you could eventually be out to everybody who's ever heard of you. We often talk about the benefits (to us) of the internet. That is a distinct problem. And it's there forever!
To my knowledge, I haven't been outed through social media. It looks to me, though, that now more than ever you run the risk of going from closeted to being completely out in a matter of minutes. It just takes being recognized by one of the right people. Those women you tell up front who decide you're not for them? Any one of them could ruin you. Exes, that's obvious. The neighbor kid who sees you leave or looks through the fence when you're doing an outdoor photo session... make up your own scenario.
I'm way more paranoid than I used to be. My work situation has changed, and would be less tolerant. I feel like I'm more aware. I no longer have an avatar photo, a profile photo, and I don't participate in the picture gallery. I avoid social media like the plague. I still go out. A lot. I recognize the incongruity. But, going out is so much at the foundation of who I am that it's a risk I'm willing to take. It's so much more risky now than it's ever been, though. I can look back on a number of incidents over the years that if they'd happened today might have ruined me.
People used to be more likely to respect privacy. Now that's almost non-existent. I've done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks about who knows and what they know. It's speculation for the most part, but it's a fact that even in my protected little world, I'm pretty out. It's only a matter of time until that "out-ness" reaches my workplace. I view that with a certain amount of trepidation, as well as a certain amount of resolve. I'll still be uber careful, but I accept the inevitability. I can easily forego social media and never again post pictures, but I'm not going to quit dressing, and I"m not going to stay home while I do it. I know that that mean one of these days my boss is likely to say, "I heard...."
Thoughts?
