She said That's the last st(BRA)w

[Helen Waite]

A recurring undertone to many such scenarios is that when a spouse insists on counseling, they're looking for someone to validate their objections and demands for immediate cessation. Last thing in their mind is your needs.

[Sharon B.]

As others have said find one that you both can agree on, when my ex-wife found out she told me I was the one that needed counseling she didn't and she refused to go. We went our separate ways as in divorce. We didn't have kids so lucky on that part. I still continue to dress even right after the divorce, just had to make sure she wasn't shopping at the store where I was buying some bra's at the time.

[giuseppina]

Beyond asking you and your wife see the therapist individually first, I would insist on a registered social worker or another licensed mental health practitioner. Members of the clergy, as a rule, do not have these qualifications, and may be inclined to rely too heavily on the Bible as guidance.

[Anne K]

plus she doesn't have as nice as underwear as I do.

Perhaps she's just jealous? Should you volunteer to buy her "nicer" underwear?

[Stephanie47]

Make sure you vet the counselor before making an appointment to make sure s/he is qualified to handle transgender/crossdressing issues. I hope your wife is not thinking the purpose of marital counseling is to "cure" you or validate her position. Maybe, your wife will find out you're a normal guy with a liking for women's clothing.

And, it's not your fault she does not have sexy panties. Christmas is coming up real soon. You may want to buy her some VS undergarments or a sexy nightgown.

I'd say you're also fortunate you do not have a very extensive female wardrobe. I have 123 dresses and over 400 slips and only the goddesses know how much of the rest.

[pamela7]

the thing with emotional blackmail is to call the bluff or forever are you in their power. do not get rid of the clothes, insist you are keeping them, and that after counselling will decide.

[Glenda58]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. The reason she wants to go to counseling is she has no one to talk to now. She used to talk to her sister about this. Her sister was ok with it and talk her into leaving alone but she passed away last spring. So now she feels depressed because she can't talk to her anymore. So I will find a counselor and we will go together at first.

About the cloths. I didn't get rid of everything. The some of skirts were minis the tops were for younger gals ( I'm 68and ) I had way to many panties still have about 40. The heels were old and I needed new ones. So in time I might get more and newer things.

I hope after we go to counseling that I will have more time for Glenda.

[Sharon B.]

Good Luck!

[Samantha_Smile]

That pretty harsh. Your wife is definitely high potential to be depressed, i'd recommend you both use counselling as an opportunity and not a sign of weakness.
I've been counselled through depression, it's worthwhile, trust me.

Wish you both the best

[Veronica27]

Crossdressing is often not the actual problem in these situations. It is simply the easiest thing for a wife to vent about without addressing what is really bothering her. You say you are 68, and that your wife used to be able to discuss this with her sister. So you are probably retired, have been married for a considerable period of time, have been a lifelong crossdresser and your wife has been aware of that fact. Hence the DADT policy. You have a great deal to lose by acting rashly. We can sometimes forget that our spouse has needs and feelings, which we may be neglecting.

This is a time for some counselling, and for some introspection for both of you. The happiest marriages occur when both partners put the needs of their spouse first. I sincerely hope you find the help you both need.

Veronica

[DanaR]

She suggested therapy...to me that is a good sign, take her up on the offer get a marriage one and a personal one

It could be a good sign, if the therapist has some experience with TG/CD people. So my suggestion would be for you to be proactive in the search for a therapist. Put together a list and call each one and ask some questions. The worst possible situation would be a therapist that is against CD'ers and is going to try to cure you. YMMV

[Tina_gm]

I am one of the most if not the most on here of regular posters who is always on the side of being careful, prioritizing, compromising, sacrificing. On this though, I will say your wife is out of line. At some point, with all the above I mentioned that we who are of the CDer identity, need to be able to be true to ourselves too. OK, you left something out, and probably shouldn't have as to an arrangement you made with your wife. For your wife to say it all goes, is like treating you like a child who abused privilege and now is having stuff taken away as a punishment. That is plain wrong IMO. Your wife does know of your CDing, and has agreed to still be with you. A simple please do not leave stuff out, please stick to our arrangement would suffice, and you should be willing to adhere to the agreement.

Hey, my wife is not at all a fan of me being a CDer. She has not ever told me to throw out what little stuff I have. And, there has been a few occasions where I have left something out unintentionally. It happens. I try hard not to. But sometimes we are just going to miss a pair of underwear or something. My wife does not make a big deal of it. It is part of what she is agreeing to still stay married to me.

I doubt counselling is going to go well for either her or you, depending on who is the counselor. Either she will be finding someone who does not agree with TG issues in a marriage and will put it in your face that it does not belong as part of a marriage, or you will find a counselor who thinks so long as you do not demand your wife to be a part of your CDing and that it is done on your time, not together time, will the counselor have a problem with it. Unless of course the CDing goes beyond where it is now. Your wife will likely dismiss any counselor who will not find you at fault. I do wish you better days.

[Krisi]

A "counselor" or "therapist" is a bit like a business consultant; someone you pay to tell you what you want to hear. Your choice of a counselor would be someone who will tell your wife that crossdressing is normal and harmless and she should accept it. Your wife's choice of counselor would be someone who will tell you that crossdressing is unnatural and perverted and you should stop it.

So who gets to choose the counselor, you or your wife?

[Tina_gm]

Not if they are a good therapist Krisi. But many are out there I am sure who will tell people what they wish to hear so they can get return business. Often, when we seek out a therapist because our life is not going the way we wish it to, and we are suffering emotional distress, chances are we are not caring for ourselves as we should, emotionally, physically or financially. The other reason would be a chemical imbalance in our brains. In this case, a therapist (good one) will recognize this and send us to a psychiatrist for tx. We still can use the help of a therapist too. For the other areas which we are not taking good care of ourselves, a good therapist will likely tell us things we do not want to hear.

[Sky]

A "counselor" or "therapist" is a bit like a business consultant; someone you pay to tell you what you want to hear.

A tepid "maybe" in individual therapy, although any therapist really worth his salt would not shy from opening cans full of worms. But in couples therapy, more often than not you pay to hear what you do NOT want to hear. And yet that's the foundation of any meaningful therapy. You already have someone (at least, some "entity") to tell you only sweet things you want to hear: it's called your own brain. Therapists are there to make you face the things you can't or don't want to by yourself -and that includes, in glaring neon characters, your wife's feelings.

[cdbrandi]

I did not read all the replies, so if someone else mentioned this as well sorry for repeating it. Since she seems upset that you have a nicer underwear collection than she does offer to take her to VS or her fine lingerie dealer of choice and buy her as much as you can afford to buy to work towards getting her lingerie collection on par with yours.

[Helen 2]

Best of luck, Glenda. I'm with the minority here but I don't believe your wife crossed any lines. She has her own views of what's acceptable and what's not in her marriage and expressed them. It's up to you to decide how much you want to accept yourself, but locking horns is not usually the best way to find out what an acceptable compromise is (if any exists).

That above from Sky....thumbs up.

My wife and I went to counselling for a while....I did not want to but back about 20 years ago (and after 20 years of being okay with DADT as I was open with her about Helen before we married) she began pressuring to go. We did and surprisingly, our counsellor was not biased against me. I think the sessions helped both of us as I was pushing for more 'acceptance' from my wife while she was wanting 'less' of Helen in any form, DADT or otherwise and I think it helped both of us by getting us more into a space of respecting each other's differences more.

Yes, we're still DADT but she knows I dress when she is not around and has not messed with my things that I know of.

Good luck and hugs
Helen

[Janine cd]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I've been there too. When my wife found my treasures some time ago, she was furious. We went through counseling for about six months. The outcome was that she would never accept my crossdressing but would allow me to dress whenever she was away. This has worked out satisfactorily except that she is never away for more than a day but once every eight weeks when she visits her hairdressser a day's journey away.I have adjusted to the routine, but find it terribly restraining.
ly

[donnalee]

Your wife is behaving like a bully, no matter what the reasons are. I have found that giving in to a bully is the worst possible way of dealing with one.
Be careful of which "counselor" you choose; stay away from those with a religious affiliation or that show a bias. They will not be helpful and will likely make the situation worse.