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Thread: Extreme reactions?

  1. #1
    Member JanePeterson's Avatar
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    Extreme reactions?

    So, working thru my dressing with the SO, and dealing with some unexplored areas of my sexuality too... Anyway, yesterday while in man mode I had what I can only describe as a panic attack.. Pounding heart, dizzy, anxiousness... I dressed all day today, but after changing back this evening I cried uncontrollably for about 15 minutes, and still fell really strange/anxious... Are these normal reactions? I feel like I am not in control of my emotions which is a new experience for me... It's only been two weeks out with the SO, but instead of getting easier things feel more complex and terrifying... Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way and what to expect moving forward.
    Hope everyone had a great weekend!
    Xoxo

    Jane

  2. #2
    Member AprilMayy<3's Avatar
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    Seems like there's a lot going on at once. Just gotta take a step back and relax. It seems like your taking a bunch of steps all at once. Just slow down a bit.
    "And tell me, why you're staring. Come on, Come on, it must be, what I'm wearing! - Smash Mouth"

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Genny B's Avatar
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    I only share this with the hope that it helps. In my younger years i went threw a period where i would cry often. i was in a depression and not happy with what life gave me. Times have changed and there are others to talk with now. I made it threw that period in my life and things are better. They are not what i wanted but i am happy for what i have. You have many options to find someone to talk with about this today, please take advantage of that!

    Genny B
    Dani (Genny before Transition)
    All Girl!

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    I was in a horrible mood the night my folks found my stash to the point that I felt compelled to wear men's briefs against my will. Yeah, that day just sucked all the life out of me. I've worn panties ever since but it's just not complete.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  5. #5
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    Jane - I suggest visiting your doctor. Get checked out.

  6. #6
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    I personally have found that stress has alot to do with it. Did something happen to bring this on. Are you trying to move on to fast. Just sit back and calm yourself. I've. Had these many times and had to take stock of the situation. However if you keep having them then it might be time to see your doctor. Just be on the safe side. Best wishes to you

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Jane,
    Quite a lot has happened in a short time, coming out to your partner and her being OK with it, exploring new sexual ground. You have let Jane out and it's overpowering , your brain has got to come to terms with it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Hi Jane, while a full blown panic attack is a little extreme, what you're going through is both predictable and nothing to worry about. Allowing your feminine side out, after so many years of captivity, it's hardly surprising she's a little overwhelmed. I firmly believe that you will soon incorporate Jane into your whole persona, and life will be smoother. Congratulations by the way!
    I used to have a short attention spa

  9. #9
    Member JanePeterson's Avatar
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    thank you everyone! This has been strange for me, as before i had my feminine side sooo locked away, and i never really had any anxiety or strong emotions about it at all - now that the safe has been cracked open, I'm experiencing really strong emotions/lack of control for the first time in my life and its been a bit scary! i do hope that time will help settle things out, just so scary not knowing where the road leads from here... thank you again!

    xoxo

    Jane

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I had emotional reactions as you describe many years ago.

    I blamed it on the hormones then.

    I think it was an accurate guess.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  11. #11
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    I don't think there is anything entirely unusual about your reaction. Many of us have likely been there although the degree of your sadness may be more extreme than what others have experienced (although I have a friend who described pretty much the exact same thing you are).

    My recommendation is to somehow get control of this emotional reaction so that it doesn't control you. You are in a place where whatever decisions you make going forward with respect to your gender identity issues and of equal importance, your relationship, must be faced with as clear of a head as possible. As genuine as your emotional response seems to be, it will only cloud things going forward.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  12. #12
    Full time NY state girl MarciManseau's Avatar
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    Are you on hormones, by any chance? If you are, that would explain your reaction to the emotional stress you're experiencing now. I'm sure in time it will all become easier to deal with. Just relax and enjoy being a girl. It's the best feeling in the world.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs I'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.

  13. #13
    Member JanePeterson's Avatar
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    No no hormones, but the sensations are what I would imagine that would feel like... They feel external, like something is acting on me, rather than it stemming from my own mind? My SO has been so supportive, not sure what I would do without her... I feel a bit of guilt on top of everything for dragging her into this mess

  14. #14
    Full time NY state girl MarciManseau's Avatar
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    Sweetie, it's no mess, it's who you are, and if she loves you a lot, I'm sure that won't change, unless it gets better.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs I'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.

  15. #15
    Junior Member vixenvicki's Avatar
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    Jane, it's understandable a I can relate. When I came to accept my femme side in college, it was a very powerful experience. Especially since I'd also had it locked away pretty well, too. It's very exciting though, to discover a whole other side of one self, and to suddenly begin to experience and enjoy things that were denied for so long.

    I agree with those that recommend taking a deep breath and slowing down. You've also got to consider your SO as well, you don't want to totally overwhelm her with too much at once. She's going to have a lot to adjust to and will need time to process things.

  16. #16
    Member tictac43's Avatar
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    You will find your comfort zone Jane. It does take time and it's easy to feel overwhelmed and guilty. I'm a year into crossdressing and I still have periods of frustration and doubt. Just take your time and don't go too fast

  17. #17
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    I went through a similar phase after I came out to my wife. Lasted abut 3 months with me ... intense in the beginning, and lessening as time went on. I had panic attacks as well (thank god for xanax!) ... I can really relate to what you're saying, about having had this as the closest personal secret for your whole life, and how utterly and completely vulnerable it feels to let even one person in.

    It was a very emotional time for me. In some ways it's like half of me woke up from a coma. It's wasn't a bad thing for me, but it was a lot like rollerskates ... it took me a little while to figure it out, and even once I did, I still bust my ass into the wall a lot, lol

    Congratulations, and hang in there!
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  18. #18
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Sounds like you just reacted to feeling like you were having to give up all the feminine things you really liked, all of a sudden had to face being a guy again and maybe not knowing when you'd be able to become your real self again. I don't get panic attacks from having to change back to guy mode, but it sure doesn't feel good knowing that I'm going to have to pretend to be someone I'm not for prolonged lengths of time. It's kind of like having to go to a job I hate. I know I have to do it, but I really don't want to. Still, have to pay the bills......so in drab I shall go.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  19. #19
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    Are you the type of person you go all in or nothing?
    What I mean is if you get into a hobby then get consumed by it buying everything that goes with it?
    I had a friend that got into fishing then ended up buying a $40,000 bass boat a truck to pull it with and scads of fishing poles.
    He is the all or nothing type personality.
    Is dressing and trying to be girly all you think of? If so you need to step back and relax.

  20. #20
    Member JanePeterson's Avatar
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    Are you the type of person you go all in or nothing?
    What I mean is if you get into a hobby then get consumed by it buying everything that goes with it?
    that is 100% me - been a big question on my mind how that part of my personality plays in to all of this... i am going to try and step back and relax

    thank you!

    Jane

  21. #21
    Diva Victoria Demeanor's Avatar
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    Jane,
    If this is a one time event, I wouldn't worry too much. A while back and shortly after I came out to my wife I had a very similar incident. In my case we were both working an event at our club, kind of a manly type event with lots of testosterone flowing. Suddenly and for no reason I can see, I went into a major panic attack. I suddenly felt like everyone was looking at me and laughing. I felt so small, self conscious and uncomfortable and thank goodness we had both driven there, because I ran. I told my wife I was sick and I ran home. I curled up on the couch and cried my eyes out. It was overwhelming and I still don't know why it hit me like that, but it past. I have my weepy moments, but that was my only panic attack.
    I would say unless you start having re-occurrences don't fret much over it, other wise yes, see your doctor and/or psychologist and figure it out.
    Peace girl
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    People who do know me think, OMG RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  22. #22
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    I haven't had as extreme reactions emotionally, but I have had to a lesser degree what you describe. Not so much after changing back to male clothes... but just in general. For those of us who were deeply in a repressed state and or denial, the early open door to acceptance can be quite rough. I still get some yo-yo like emotions from time to time. They used to be quite intense for me early on after I began my own acceptance. I would just have these huge swings of gender feelings that would go from masculine and feminine and back again. Didn't matter if I was dressed or not. It seemed like everything was revolving around gender. Whatever I was doing, was it masculine, feminine? It would get a bit overwhelming at times. I eventually realized a lot of it was me being my own enemy. My wife would sometimes see me stressing over it all and remind me that every day life does not revolve around gender. Some of the GG's on this board would also do the same.

    I began to be able to step back, relax a bit, and just go easy on myself. Learning that I am still a good person. I am still just a person living life as any other.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  23. #23
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    In the beginning I would have gender swings, sit and cry for 30 min then wonder WTH am I doing then go do a guy thing.
    Oh yeah I had the swings where I wanted all remnants of anything male on my body to be gone to the point of calling a Dr to remove it.
    I had one TG friend that I confided in and she said "Girl you are a mess we need ice cream". So I met her for a TG lesson as it turned out.
    She told me I needed to step back and find some balance.
    I didn't have to be one or the other as far as gender I could be both. There was a lot more she schooled me on and even reprimanded me for doing a few things LOL.
    She is almost 80 right now and her wisdom helped me so much.
    There were times I would call her crying and explain how confused I was and what did it all mean,what was wrong with me etc etc.
    She would calmly listen then go off on me with my fave line "Damn girl get over yourself" and you know what she was right I was making things harder on myself.
    Once I learned how to balance my two genders its been smooth sailing.

  24. #24
    I am her, she is me tanya_cd's Avatar
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    Sounds like your body is addicted to the chemicals released when you go girl.
    Last edited by tanya_cd; 12-15-2015 at 01:05 PM.

  25. #25
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    I've had a panic attack or two over the years. They were not associated with cross dressing, but, still mine were due to stress and the belief there was no way out of the predicament. I suspect you're mind is still not at ease with your revelation to your wife. If you have read the many many posts of women doing a 180 degree turn from their initial reaction to "the reveal," I'd think you are still on pins and needles. You're really in uncharted waters. Give it some time.

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