The "when did you know" question.

[debstar]

So this is a common topic that pops up. It usually goes along the lines of "When did you know you were a cross dresser", "when did you know you’re were Trans", "when did you start" and so on.

I feel this question, whatever the context, is somewhat pointless and damaging.

People asking or looking, I feel can be divided in to two groups.
1) Those that are looking for affirmation of their own identity.
2) Those looking to prove something.

Firstly it is natural to wonder and question if you are or are not and asking others to affirm yourself in some way by being able to say "yeah I was playing with barbies at the age of 2", "wow so was I".. But now you know that what does it change?

Second is a group that are looking to make a point are looking to validate themselves and/or invalidate others. The theory may go that if an individual had no thoughts of being a girl till they were 50 they are somehow less trans or valid then someone who were ‘sure’ at the age of 10.

If the age you knew or started was relevant it would be a medical criteria for transitioning but no doctor is going to deny ones self-identity at any age because the most important issue is how it affects you NOW, and you feel NOW. The past cannot be changed so who cares.
Why is this relevant?
What am I missing here?

[Lorileah]

It's relevant to get perspective on your own life, it is validation to the CD world. The TS world it really doesn't matter and is more just when the revelation occurred.

[MissDanielle]

My parents keep saying I can't be trans because I never did girly things growing up. I was so shy but I was SELF AWARE by 8th grade and stayed very deep in the closet.

[pamela7]

you're missing that the other person might be curious, might be seeking to understand, that in their world, one day one decides/knows what one is going to do/be in the world ...

in 1978 I decided i would have my career in research (scientific investigation, exploration, discovery, ...), so i knew from then about that.

About CD, hey i only "knew" after the fact earlier this year, makes a lot of sense now.

So the point is a person without a gender dysphoria can't understand a person with one. So they ask the closest questions to their own reality.

[Sky]

Bear in mind that many girls -some young, some not so but new to this- are still trying to find their own path and come here for support, validation, common experiences, etc. So it's natural they want to know what others like them did or felt.

[Rachael Leigh]

I cant exactly pinpoint when I knew I was a bit different but I have memories going to bed and wanting to wake up a girl, it was confusing so even in my early teens I researched things, I read stories of men becoming women. I didnt think that was me so I dismissed it for a while but I kept seeing women and there clothes and really wished I could wear them, never had much access but as many eventually tried on some of moms stuff and I knew then it was something I wanted to do.
Your right about those in our 50s Ive finally accepted myself as gender fluid and it took a long time to figure that out and now I understand it will prob never be gone and Im really glad to have found this place too.
Leigh

[Kate Simmons]

For myself it's all just part of being myself which I accepted long ago. We are all unique individuals and this just happens to be the gift some of us have. It's also a way to gain perspective as Lori said.

[debstar]

I think the main take away I would advise any one asking this question is why care? it does not matter to who you are now. You are valid in who you are when ever you come to what ever realization it is about your self.

YOU - YOU and how YOU feel is important not how other people find them selves. Sure it is interesting hearing about others journeys

For my part the idea of CD or Trans did not compute - despite actually cross-dressing ( I know it was a terrible contradiction ).

[Tina_gm]

It's relevant to get perspective on your own life, it is validation to the CD world. The TS world it really doesn't matter and is more just when the revelation occurred.

Not looking for argument, but just wondering about the validation you are speaking of. In my case at least, I fought to not validate it for nearly 30 years. I still, if given an opportunity would invalidate it. It is a tremendous challenge and difficulty in life. I am only accepting this of myself nowadays. I am not personally looking for any validation really. My goal is to find as much ability to enjoy life and find peace and comfort within myself.

[Pat]

I think it's pretty natural and not at all confined to CDs. I've been a motorcyclist since I was 16 (now in my 60's) and long-term riders as a class seem to spend a lot of time trying to find what makes them riders. They come up with stories from their childhood that they feel foreshadowed their life-long obsession with riding. But in the end, like crossdressers, when asked to explain it, they say "If you don't know, I can't tell you." I've experienced the same with musicians, magicians, actors, engineers, gay folks, shooters, cops -- everyone wants to know they're "on the right track;" everyone looks for telltale signs that show they're meant to be what they are. And everyone finds them.

Yes, it makes no difference. Yes, people asking themselves and others about this is like ducks quacking -- it's just something they do. When ducks quack I usually tune it out. If quacking ducks bother me, I try to figure out why -- because it has to be something in me, it's not the ducks.

[debstar]

I think it's pretty natural and not at all confined to CDs.

Thanks Jennifer I think you nailed it by abstracting away from CD/TS as I thought it was the exclusive domain of.

[Jenniferathome]

I think you're missing common sense. Every intro I have read on this forum touches on "finding other people like me." By asking HOW alike, it allows introspection on oneself. It does't change who or what I am, but may provides some impetus to do so should one want to change. People ask the proverbial "why am I here" question all the time. Books have been written and words of people killed over it. It does't change that we are here. I think people generally are looking for a connection and this is one.

[NicoleScott]

As Jennifer said "finding other people like me". Younger CDers have a couple of advantages over older ones. First, there was no internet back then, which means there was no way to determine if there were others like me. Also, revealing that you crossdressed (getting caught) brought about much different responses. I wonder how many boys were hauled off to a shrink for a cure.....let's try some aversion therapy and see how that goes. So we kept CDing to ourselves, having no way to safely seek out others like us. For me, the best I could do was to read psychology books and Penthouse Forum.
Knowing I'm not some sexual deviant freak matters to me.

[sometimes_miss]

everyone looks for telltale signs that show they're meant to be what they are. And everyone finds them.

Not everybody. I think that's pretty much restricted to those who think that they are on this earth 'for a reason', or think that there is some purpose for their existance. It's an egocentric belief created by the need to feel as if we're important somehow; I hear it all the time, 'I was put here on this earth for a reason'. Well, perhaps not. Maybe our existance is simply random chance, and there is no reason for it. For many, that's too harsh a reality to accept.

When did I know?
It's hard to say; I 'knew', or learned, that I wasn't what I was supposed to be the first time the guy who molested me told me that god made a mistake and I was really supposed to be a girl. I didn't completely figure it all out for about another 30 years. So, somewhere it that timeframe.

[Midasgirl]

I'd been dressing up regularly in my mother's clothes for several months before I kind of admitted it to myself. I recall staring at myself in the mirror one night, dressed in my mom's satin pjs, and thinking "This makes me a transvestite..."
And it kind of excited me to admit that while dressed.

[JanePeterson]

I had a great "dress and repress" routine down until 3 weeks ago.... There are different degrees of "knowing" I guess

[Robin414]

I agree that it happens well before birth but it IS a concious decision...here's a documentary proving that hypothesis 😉

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFwEjo2zRfs

[Jazzy Jaz]

I think it is short sighted to limit this to only two explanations. Some people are very intellectual and analytical and are just generally curious and tend to study life. What makes scientists be interested in the different fields that they work in. Some people may be very fascinated with gender or the evolution of individuals over thier lives. Look at journalists and people who write biographies about people who interest them, and its natural to be drawn to people who you can relate to and have things in common with and to be interested in their stories. This doesn't automatically mean that you are insecure about yourself and need validation, perhaps for some folks but other folks may just simply be interested.

[Jonni Lin]

I guess I really knew when I was CD or Gender Fluid for a better 'label' for myself when I ordered my girls, before that I was just confused and a little curious. Will I change more, who knows, maybe but for now I am truly happy with myself.

[Beverley Sims]

I knew I was a cross dresser the day I wore my first dress.

I enjoyed it and felt it was a great past time.

I have never bothered to evaluate it, discuss it with any one and I probably never will.

[Wen4cd]

I think people like to feel secure in something. Some folks like to judge the validity of a Trans life on age started, others judge it on extent of it in the daily life, how far into transition. whether it has a fetishist element or not, anything that works.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I knew I was a cd or gf since 13. It was under a tragic circumstances

[debstar]

Ha ha, I have created one of those threads.

[Wen4cd]

Ha ha, I have created one of those threads.

Your thread title was just too close ...to the abyss!

[S. Lisa Smith]

i knew i was a cross dresser the day i wore my first dress.

I enjoyed it and felt it was a great past time.

I have never bothered to evaluate it, discuss it with any one and i probably never will.

bingo!!!!