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Thread: Qustions for full-timers

  1. #1
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    Qustions for full-timers

    Hi, I have some questions for those of you that have become full time CD's, mostly because I'm curious to hear your stories and how the world around you responded.

    1 - Do you work? If so, are you at the same job you were doing in drab?
    If you're at the same job, what was the reaction at the workplace?
    If you had to change jobs, did you find it more difficult finding work and interviewing as a female than you did as a male?

    2 - What about IDs? Were you able to get your DL, etc. updated with a female picture?

    3 - What would you say is the most noticeable difference in your everyday interactions?

    4 - How did your friends/family react to your decision? I would assume that most of you had already told them about your dressing prior, correct?

    I'm sure I'll have more questions as people answer and I really appreciate any feedback.

    A little about me, I'm a private CD, been married for 22 years, my SO does know and has since the beginning, she is somewhat supportive (she's bought me things, helped me with makeup and we've played with me dressed) but my dressing feeds some insecurities she has so I mostly do it when she isn't around. There are times I'd like to be able to spend weeks dressed and then times that I'm glad I don't have to go through all the effort that GG's do to look presentable even when they're not dressed up. I'm self-employed with a couple of businesses, one I could dress at all the time if I wanted (and have occasionally) as it's mostly office work with no public interaction for me, the other is welding and fabrication with lots of public interaction so dressing at that one would not be practical.

    Anyway, I'm interested to hear what you girls have to say.

  2. #2
    Full time NY state girl MarciManseau's Avatar
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    I'll try and help.

    1. It's really my first job as I went full time gradually thru college, and when I was out, I interviewed for the job I have now. I'm graphic artist, so after I told her all about my history, I showed her my work. I was really the only qualified candidate for the job so she hired me. There's only two others working here and they don't know my history.

    2. I changed my name legally, and when I went and took my driver's test and class, I just put down "F". As I was fully dressed and had on light makeup, no one questioned me. The short skirt may have helped Granted it's probably easier in a small town where no one is suspicious like they are in a large city.

    3. Everyone treats me as a woman now. They don't know my history, and I love that. The best difference I find is that I get flirted with by men, which I love. I work hard to look nice so maybe that's why. In rural areas like the one I live in, most women don't bother too much with their appearance sadly. Lots of old jeans and camo, which I think is nasty

    4. My sister and my mother are my only close family. My sister has always liked me more as a girl and she's been dressing me in her things since we we preschoolers. Mom has always hated it but she eventually just gave up trying to stop me. I've even heard her referring to her daughters now, so I guess she's come to accept that she has two, not a daughter and a son. My aunt and my niece have always been on my side.

    If you'd like more info, feel free to PM me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs I'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.

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    I appreciate the feedback. You're brave to have chosen to live your life the way you have. Sometimes, I wish I'd done some things differently in that regard but if I had, I wouldn't have the wife I do or my wonderful daughter and those are things I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

    That said, I'm kind of curious how you end up with a GF? I ask because I would bet that most all of us are attracted to women, not men. Some of us are probably also attracted to other CD or TG when they present as women but probably the majority are not attracted to straight up men, true? The same generally goes for girls as well, they're typically not attracted to other women or men presenting as women so, how do you date if you live full time as a woman and are attracted to women?

  4. #4
    Full time NY state girl MarciManseau's Avatar
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    I'm not brave, I just didn't have any choice. It's who I am.

    I'm completely bisexual. I'd been with two girls and a few men before I met my GG GF Julie. That was after I was full time. We just clicked. We love all the same things. We share clothes, a home, and some times even a lover, either female, male or a transgirl like me. I'm pre-op and will probably stay that way.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs I'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.

  5. #5
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    whoa. If you are talking about being a CD (a male who stays a male but dresses in the opposite gender's clothing but has no desire to be a woman) then you may have a lot harder time going where you're going.

    1. Keeping a job as a man dressed as a woman who isn't trans will be very difficult. The discrimination we all have to face will be more. Finding a job where you may come in contact with the public will be near impossible.

    2. The ID think, don't buy the "I just checked F and the world was fine." You can't do that and you can be charged with fraud or misrepresentation. In most if not all states you will need documentation from doctors and psychologists to get that marker changed and even with that many of your personal documents won't be changed unless you have surgery.

    3. There are many changes that are in line with being a woman. You will get less respect (that may be from being a CD and being a woman but it is noticeable). You will be at higher risk of violence and abuse (verbal and physical). Most the time, you will be fine, but when it hits you it will hit you HARD. You will be seen and a sexual deviant and/or a sexual target.

    4. I have lost friends and clients. People who said they weren't bothered with it but really were and now that avoid me. True friends stay with you. And you will find those are few. You will make new friends.

    If you are considering transition, you need to start reading up on what is required and what will occur. It isn't unicorns and rainbows. But if it what YOU WANT to do, you need to educate yourself. If you want to stay a male and just CD 24/7 you can't expect things to be bright and wonderful either. In fact you will have to add that people will see you as a man in a dress and that is a bigger hurdle than a TS who people see as someone in the wrong wrapper.
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  6. #6
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    I'm not considering any full time change for myself, I'm just curious about those that have done it and how it has played out for them.

    I love my wife, I love my daughter and my life is pretty good. I do wish I could wear different clothes in society but I also wish I was a billionaire, it's not something that I have to do to feel whole, it is something that I enjoy doing. I like the feeling of looking like a woman although I don't identify as one, I just find women beautiful and like to look pretty too (as much as I can).

    I admire those that have made the commitment though, and I guess I just want to understand how it feels to have done so and see the world from their perspective.

  7. #7
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Silly,

    I understood that you meant CD's, not TS's that lived full time. I have read a very few posts by some stated CD's that were living full time, in the sense of presenting as a woman all the time, at home and when out. However, I believe that is very rare and the exception. There are more that dress almost full time and go back to their birth gender and identification when needed. If I remember correctly it seemed that the full timers were much older, like retirement age, or independent enough where they did not have to rely on being employed by someone else in order to support themselves. Another thing to consider is that maybe these rare case individuals are closer to being TS than they care to admit and have found their own unique place on the TG spectrum that we debate so much about. I would believe that Lorileah's response covers a lot of the difficulties involved in that scenario, I hope that helps.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarciManseau View Post
    I changed my name legally, and when I went and took my driver's test and class, I just put down "F". As I was fully dressed and had on light makeup, no one questioned me.
    Quote Originally Posted by MarciManseau View Post
    My sister and my mother are my only close family. My sister has always liked me more as a girl and she's been dressing me in her things since we we preschoolers. Mom has always hated it but she eventually just gave up trying to stop me. I've even heard her referring to her daughters now, so I guess she's come to accept that she has two, not a daughter and a son. My aunt and my niece have always been on my side.
    Quote Originally Posted by MarciManseau View Post
    I'm not brave, I just didn't have any choice. It's who I am. ... I'm pre-op and will probably stay that way.
    Okay, so... Just so we're clear, do you really identify as a "full-time crossdresser"? That is to say, do you really still identify as a man? In my mind, to be a "full-time crossdresser" would preclude things like changing gender markers on legal identification.

    Or, alternatively, if this is a discussion of transitioning transwomen and we're being referred to as "full-time crossdressers"... I have different reactions, which I will keep to myself for the time being.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  9. #9
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    I really meant these as broad questions to cover both CD's and TG's. I'd hate for this to get into a discussion about labels, I'm really more interested in the people aspect of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zooey View Post
    ...Or, alternatively, if this is a discussion of transitioning transwomen and we're being referred to as "full-time crossdressers"... I have different reactions, which I will keep to myself for the time being.
    It really sounds like you want it to go there. I think MarciManseau is offering a personal perspective and not looking to insult yourself or the TG community at large. No one has implied that TS persons are full-time cross-dressers.

    Debs.

  11. #11
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    A bloke who behaves like a 4-letter word beginning with "c", still does so once "he" has become "she", especially if they're in a position of power and only understand stick, just saying.
    Dealing with tyrannies changes not one iota, stand up for yourself either in drab or drag. Actually it allows me to be nicer when getting my point across to a total "person".

    So yes to 1, but being self-employed that's easy. Workplace - really, clients are only interested in their own problems, not a good plan to involve them in your own, too.
    2. Id's don't matter, yet.
    3. sometimes a tradesperson is discomforted, but otherwise, business as usual.
    4. they've all been great.
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  12. #12
    Full time NY state girl MarciManseau's Avatar
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    As I said, I'm a pre-op TS and I'm not sure I'll want SRS or will I be able to afford it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs I'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by debstar View Post
    It really sounds like you want it to go there. I think MarciManseau is offering a personal perspective and not looking to insult yourself or the TG community at large. No one has implied that TS persons are full-time cross-dressers.
    I really don't, actually, but I couldn't tell based on the content. It seemed like the OP was asking about full-time crossdressers ("I have some questions for those of you that have become full time CD's"), but then MarciManseau had written about what sounds very much like a full-time, transitioned transwoman, but without questioning or overriding the OP's conflicting choice of words.

    Based on the follow-ups, the OP has made it clear that she's asking about the full-time experience from both the CD and TS sides. So...

    As a TS woman, I would actually be very interested to hear about male-identified but full-time CDs, because I have no frame of reference for what that sort of life would be like.

    Here are my answers to the OP's questions. For context, I was undergoing laser hair removal on my face and living "full-time except for work" for just under a year prior to going full-time, and had been on HRT for about 8 months.

    1. I work at the same job i did before transition. The reaction was, honestly, not much of a reaction. Things have been pretty much normal since my first day.
    2. Yes. I have a court-ordered name and gender change and supporting documentation from my doctors, so I have been able to change all of my documentation with one exception.**
    3. I'm generally more comfortable with myself, and that translates to more positive interactions with others. I spend a lot less time angry.
    4. My friends were pretty much all very positive about it. My family struggled with it a bit, especially my parents, but they have really been coming around as of late. Most, but not all, of my family and close friends knew prior to my full-time date. Those who didn't were just due to practical reasons, like not having seen them for a few years due to relocation, etc.


    ** The state of Louisiana requires surgery to amend a birth certificate, so that will have to wait.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zooey View Post
    As a TS woman, I would actually be very interested to hear about male-identified but full-time CDs, because I have no frame of reference for what that sort of life would be like.
    I'm not sure if it would be that much different functionally, except for documentation (birth certificate, driver's license, passport, credit cards and such). If you had limited contact with those things, on the surface there wouldn't seem to be that much difference. I'd be interested in what others think...

    DeeAnn

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatlander_48 View Post
    I'm not sure if it would be that much different functionally, except for documentation (birth certificate, driver's license, passport, credit cards and such). If you had limited contact with those things, on the surface there wouldn't seem to be that much difference. I'd be interested in what others think...
    Presumably it would also not involve HRT, which is a huge source of change across a range of areas.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  16. #16
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    Hmm, mentally and physically perhaps, but not functionally, I think, as to how people go about dealing with the world around them. For example, if you went to a grocery store, shopped and then paid in cash, I don't think that experience would be any different for a full time crossdresser compared to a trans person.

    DeeAnn

  17. #17
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Moderator note

    Good points - but diverting from the OP...

    From this point on can we please have ONLY: CDs/ TGs/ TSs that are FULL-TIME

    For clarity, take this to mean: living, working, leisure time, sleeping, being with family, friends, alone - presenting femme.

    Zooey/ DeeAnn - I think it will be obvious if we get any male-identifying full-timers amongst the respondees

    Thanks all.

    Katey
    Moderator

  18. #18
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    I will tell of my world. As a self employed marine engineer[with a crew]..I get paid for what I know and do. The hard part is some of the doing. I can't weld in a dress as I keep burning myself. Seriously,there is a HUGE difference with physical work and "really physical" work. I have thought long and hard,discussed it with my physical,blue collar working dog GG friends,and it is hard to pull off. All the rest of what goes with living full time is about being yourself and showing the world that you are secure in your own skin. I wish that I could convert myself into a non physical manager of my crew,but I am the driving force and often "getting it done" is more doing than words.. Everyone knows,everyone accepts..But I write the checks.. Hope this helps.
    Last edited by Rogina B; 12-20-2015 at 10:26 PM.

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