Cheated

[kristyk]

Wondering if others have feelings that they were cheated out of the life they deserved. The thought that I can't seem to get past is the girl life I was cheated out of from birth. From wanting to wear that ugly navy blue skirt and white blouse to grade school, to wanting to dress like the girls I went to high school with. I wanted to be ask out by a boy because I was a girl, I wanted all the views, emotions, likes and dislikes and heart aches of a girl growing up. Trying to deal with being a girl in a boy's body wasn't health on me growing up, every part of my past struggled because of it. My grades, my social skills, trust issues, my health itself has struggled with weight. I've excepted my life years ago as a girl but it doesn't make life any easier knowing my life should of been much bifferent than it is. I don't have a bad life now, just would prefer my life to of consisted of all the parts that were left out.

I'm probably stating something everyone knows and my need to be heard selfish. I wanted to know if others feel cheated and do you dwell on it or have a place you put IThats thought so you don't go crazy thinking...I was cheated out of my real life.

KristyK

[MissDanielle]

I don't know if I dwell on it but I certainly do feel cheated out of the life I should have had. I also wish I could have come to terms sooner. I didn't have the education to realize what my dreams, urges, thoughts, etc. meant at the time. I remember looking up sex change online in 8th grade.

I haven't really dated and the only girl I went out with was just to be able to attend prom. I had no romantic feelings for her at all. We were nothing more than just friends.

[PretzelGirl]

Life is only lived going forward. What we missed is gone and can't be reversed. Dwelling on it means you are missing out on the current opportunities.

There was a member here that transitioned after finally getting past everything she needed to. She shortly found out she had cancer and passed before spending a year as her real self. That has stuck with me. Realize the opportunity you have now and make the most of it.

[flatlander_48]

I was cheated out of my real life.

K:

I understand why you feel as you do, but know that this is not a place where you can dwell. You cannot fix the past. You can understand it, then do whatever it takes to reconcile it and move on. You say that you have accepted your situation, but what you wrote seems to indicate otherwise.

DeeAnn

[Marcelle]

Hi Kristyk,

I hear what you are saying but sometimes we have to let go of the past as it is just that . . . the past. It may define the person you are now but, it is how you move forward in life which defines the person you become. I suffered a bit (coming very late to this) with the same thoughts. However, when I realized that lamenting about what was wasting time being the person I wanted to be, I moved forward and only forward.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Rachel Smith]

Think about it at times yes, dwell on it never. Dwelling on something that causes you pain and sadness is not a healthy thing. As others have said you can't change it anyway so leave it in the back of your mind where it should be. Leave go of the past, live in the now and look forward to the future.

Gusteau: "If you focus on what you've left behind you will never be able to see what lies ahead."
-- From the movie: "Ratatouille"

[I Am Paula]

One cannot look back in anger. I transitioned at 53. Did I lose a part of life I was entitled to. No. I had a life. It was different, and perhaps not ideal, but it is my history. I reset the clock, and have a wonderful life. I enjoy every minute, because I realize it is precious.
Never dwell on something you have no control over.

[Dana44]

Kristy, I've never felt cheated. It took time to understand and become knowledgeable. The past you cannot change. Focus forward and live your life the way you want to. We all are not what we wanted to be. It is indeed hard being the way we are and it feels good to look forward and enjoy life. I wish you the best.

[kristyk]

Wonderful advice, not sure what advice I expected but stop dwelling on the past is something I'll work on. So sorry to hear about your friend dying of cancer Sue, so soon after transitioning.
Thanks
KristyK

[Kimberly Kael]

Nobody deserves or is owed a particular life. We each make the best of our own circumstances and only suffer when we compare our lot to those of people who have it easier. Look to the future and focus on how to be the best you possible and you'll have a much more pleasant life. If you want to spare time thinking about others, think about those who have it harder than you.

[flatlander_48]

K:

Being a motorsports fan, I'll use a motorsports analogy. In Formula 1, the pace of technological development is rapid and continuous. The saying that is often heard is:

"If you're standing still, you're going backwards..."

I think we are intended to progress. Being stationary is usually tantamount to boredom and boredom is very unhealthy for the Human Mechanism...

DeeAnn

[Bria]

Kristyk, I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had gone to work full time at Los Alamos after working there for a summer when I was in grad school. I have wondered what if I has stayed in teaching in higher education, but if I had done those things I would not have done all of the good things that I did instead, I wouldn't have the family that I have, many of the friends, etc, etc,etc.

I don't dwell on the past, I always look to the future, the next challenge, the next problem to be solved, the next person I can make a difference for. Most on this site are looking to the future and hoping that it will be better than the past. Keep you eye on your long term goals and make progress forward even if it is by little steps. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other you will reach those goals and the past will just be a distant memory.

Hugs, Bria

[Eringirl]

I am with the others here. Yup, I sure do feel cheated, but ya can't change the past, so that's a waste of energy. I am totally focused on the present and the future and am so happy now, everyday is a gift as myself.!! Time to let it go.

[Jennifer-GWN]

maybe a bit of a slant from my side. Do I feel cheated? No not in the least. Have I missed what could have been some pretty interesting times and experiences? Yes absolutely. However; I do realize I would not be where I am if my path had been different. It was tough, came with much sacrifice and turmoil but I don't look back. Much of where I am today and how I feel is based on that hardship. It's built my strength, my character, and my ability to get where I am now.

Many say that transition is a hard journey. You're not going to be handed it on a silver platter. It must be earned. I've earned this without a doubt and if I were to suddenly meet a cruel fate tomorrow I'd go with a smile of peace and comfort.

[Kate T]

Cheated by who?? Hmm?? The only person who has cheated you has been yourself Kristy, you've been on HRT for 2 years(??) and it is only yourself stopping you from moving forward.

No one has cheated us. We are all responsible for our own lives, our own selves. Accept that responsibility and the good and the bad that comes with it.

[kristyk]

Deeann love your analogy, and love what I'm reading good stuff for someone thinking like I have over the years. I do appreciate all the comments, I'll try to focus on the future and leave it all behind me. I just started back with my psychologist or psychiatrist I never get that one correct. This will give us something to discuss at the next meeting, along with where I'm headed.
Kristyk

[karenpayneoregon]

I felt some contempt, never cheated, sometimes angry prior to surgery but that is all gone, now I am simply happy to be who I am.

[flatlander_48]

Deeann love your analogy, and love what I'm reading good stuff for someone thinking like I have over the years. I do appreciate all the comments, I'll try to focus on the future and leave it all behind me. I just started back with my psychologist or psychiatrist I never get that one correct. This will give us something to discuss at the next meeting, along with where I'm headed.
Kristyk

K:

Two things to remember:

1. You are among friends
2. We all have warts and bruises; it's just that some are less visible than others

DeeAnn

[kristyk]

Keep looking ahead, stop looking backwards. Forget being cheated, take the lumps as a learning experience.

Happy Holidays to everyone

KristyK

[Angela Campbell]

I often feel like I missed out on a lot growing up as I did. It just makes me more determined to get on with the best life I can for the rest of it. I've done the hard stuff, so now it's time to have the good.

[OCCarly]

Well, yeah. At 5'6" and 120 lbs, (back in the day) I would have made an awfully cute teenage girl. But in the 1970's before I saw Renee Richards on the TV news, I did not even know that transitioning was an actual possibility. I remember reading "The War Against the Chthorr" by Alan Dean Foster and there was this telepath corps where people changed bodies, and this one guy ended up in a girl's body for a while, and I sure wished that could be me. And when I was a teenager, that was where things were. Being a girl was science fiction.

As I have gotten older, the possibility of really doing it has moved a lot closer, until now it looks like I really will be able to transition, if I can negotiate the tightrope between wife, career, and the personal need to transition.

And yes, sometimes I wish I could have been like Jazz Jennings, and transitioned as a child. But on the other hand, in a male body I've gone to law school and passed the bar exam, ridden a racing bike down switchback roads at sixty miles per hour, and driven a Lamborghini Gallardo on the racetrack at a hundred and sixty. And I've been married twice and fathered a son, and raised two stepdaughters. Being a guy was always a job to me, but it was one I did well, and took pride in a job well done.

So it was not all bad. Not at all. And living as a woman is my life taking yet another turn in yet another interesting direction. Here's to the continuing adventure.