the in-laws - the final frontier

[pamela7]

So my lovely wife has only one taboo/fear left around my dressing - that her parents do not find out. But, last time up there (they live North of us) she took her laptop, and it froze with the screen displaying the "new web page options" - with a large icon for this site "www.crossdressers.com", which she is sure her mum noticed. Last time down her mum made a comment about my hair being longer: "as long as you're not planning to put pink ribbons on a pony-tail".

So it seems the game might be up. They're visiting over the festive period. Do I dress or do I cover-up? My SO has said it's up to me.

Thoughts?

[carrie001]

"It's up to me." sounds a lot like "Fine. Whatever. " Dangerous tones, my friend.

[RADER]

Just to keep piece in the family, I would play it real cool.
I understand it might be inconvenient, but a Happy Wife is
a Happy Life.
Happy Holidays.
Rader

[Katey888]

Go for it Pamela - pull out all the stops and be at your pinkest, girliest, fluffiest, Christmasiest...

(Because I have absolutely nothing to lose in being your virtual cheerleader... )

Do let us know what you decide and perhaps what happens...

Katey x

[Teresa]

Pamela,
If your wife is OK with it you could give it ago. I'm not sure how you can break the ice , maybe show a picture of you dressed saying it was for an event or a bit of fun for fund raising, we did it in the Round Table. If the response is OK it could be dropped in the conversation that you are into CDing.
If you do choose to to dress what's the worst that can happen ?

[Pat]

You'd like them to respect you, yes? So respect them -- feel out the situation before doing anything. Regardless of the situation, you're the host, they're the guests. Their comfort comes first. They may not want to know regardless of if you want to tell them. Or they may be supportive. Or curious. Maybe it would be good to schedule a night out with you dressed. Or maybe they'll be happy enough with an academic understanding of the situation. Be yourself, of course, but be respectful of them.

[rebeca_abigail30]

In the movie "Santa Claus 3" with Tim Allen playing Santa, he tells Elizabeth Mitchell (who plays his wife, Carol) "there are no secrets among families." I say go for it.

[Leslie Langford]

"It's up to me." sounds a lot like "Fine. Whatever. " Dangerous tones, my friend.

I agree with carrie. That's likely GG "code" for "Don't even think about it!".

[Dana44]

Yep That's GG code for don't you dare.

[Swottie]

I think "it's up to you" means if it turns out ok, then great, but if it turns out bad, then it's your fault. Sorry that's not much help, but usually true.

[jenniferinsf]

its a razors edge but a blue ribbon might suggest a duality that your mother in law picks up on

[kittie60]

Personally I would ask my wife one more time and listen to the tone in her voice and how she days it. Then you will know but be careful you don't want to ruin your holidays
Happy holidays to you and your family

[Robin414]

My in laws are very religious and Vegan to boot and come to MY house every season and we'll let's say I've 'rubbed them the wrong way' on occasion...but like I always say 'I'll fight ya 😠 '

OK, I have a 'Devil be dammed' attitude but I am sensitive and respectful...I don't even curse a blue streak when I get a 3rd degree steam burn mashing potatoes now...'OH my, appears the gosh darn skin is blistering up real bad...pardon me while I call 911 ☺ ' (but I'm sure thinking /#=_÷%&& 😠😠😠 )

[MissTee]

I think I would simply enjoy the holidays and family time without unnecessary drama. Plenty of time later to take a stand, but that's me . . .

[Brandy Mathews]

I agree, I think that you have to back off on this one. You are very lucky that your wife supports you but I think that in a way, she was saying.....don't you dare! You still need to try to get along with her parents Pamela.
Hugs,
Bree

[TrishaTX]

I heard no and I wasn't even there...lol. I would say leave it be, no win situation.

[Suzie Petersen]

Only one taboo/fear left eh? So you are running out of easy provocations then! What are you going to do when there are none left??

I know, you are just playing a game with us anyway, so no reason to bother too much with a serious opinion. You will do whatever you have already decided to do anyway.

But if I was taking this serious, I might have said something like this in response to Teresa's comment:

Teresa: If you do choose to to dress what's the worst that can happen ?

How about this:
Some people take Christmas very serious. For some it is the highlight of the year.
Some people associate good .. and bad .. things that happen in their lifes with the occasion or place when/where it happened.

If you chose to provoke/shock/tease/play_a_game .. pick a reason, your in-laws during the Christmas celebration, you might ruin not only this Christmas for them, but all their remaining Christmases as well.

Of course, based on your "festive period" choice of words for the upcoming holy time, one might deduct that this time of year doesnt mean much to you anyway, so maybe it doesnt matter to them either. For some people it is after all just an excuse to eat too much and get drunk anyway. Who knows, you might spur them on to let go of a few dark secrets themselves! Who knows what fun mother-dear might have been up to in her wild youth!

So anyway, if I was taking this seriously, I might say something like .... "it might be better to pick a more neutral time to let them in on this. Maybe a time where they have a better chance to just go home without hurting anyone."

Merry Christmas
Suzie

[pamela7]

Thank you everyone, we do talk about these things, everything really, so the joint agreed decision is man-clothes with a pink ribbon in my hair. That plays on her mum's joke while me being re-assuringly man-dressed. However, until the day arrives, we don't know. My preference would be the andro they've already seen before (jeggings + polo-top).

I just had the horrible thought that her mum could have visited this site, and maybe recognised my avatar? I'm not sure I'm that recognisable here, but if she had she'd know a lot more about me than most mum-in-laws would. Gulp!

Katey, I can do pink and fluffy most the year, so when the in-laws are not here i'm going for a full-length cobalt-blue dress (Roman) for boxing day, with a lovely lapis lazuli necklace and bracelet that my stepdaughter bought me. Between now and then, i'm reckoning pink (and fluffy). xxx

[mechamoose]

Hmm

'Fine' isn't

'Whatever' isn't

Passive/aggressive at best.

If they didn't like you before, they arent going to now. No matter how pretty that skirt is.

I don't *need* their approval. They didn't like me then, they aren't going to now.

Frankly, the fact that I piss them off means I am on the right track. They are not my kind of people.

- MM

[Amanda M]

Pamela - shock therapy is NOT a good idea, IMHO! Sound out the waters first.

Hug, Amanda

[Beverley Sims]

As Ru Paul would say......

"Don't stuff it up!"

Or words to that effect.

I would leave it all alone until some less festive time.

In the meantime have a Happy Christmas.

[pamela7]

i'll keep the stuffing-up to the turkey then Beverley,
MM: We get on very well, the in-laws and I. After her first husband, well let's just say i'm the prince that rescued their princess, so i've good credit from over the years. When we first got together, they'd ask Welshgirl "are you still smiling?", until they didn't need to anymore. I don't plan going spending all that credit unnecessarily tho', so slow it is.

[abby054]

I agree with carrie. That's likely GG "code" for "Don't even think about it!".

Absolutely right. When my wife says, "It's up to you", it is her announcement that I have already been set up. It is GG code for "go ahead, make my day!"

[Eryn]

"It's up to me." sounds a lot like "Fine. Whatever. " Dangerous tones, my friend.

I agree with carrie. That's likely GG "code" for "Don't even think about it!".

Yep That's GG code for don't you dare.

I think "it's up to you" means if it turns out ok, then great, but if it turns out bad, then it's your fault.

...It is GG code for "go ahead, make my day!"

I think that we're putting a lot of unwarranted words into GGs' mouths here.

When my spouse says "It's up to you" she means "If you feel comfortable doing it."

Speaking of in-laws, I gave permission quite a while back for Mimi to reveal my situation to them. They've therefore known about me, but haven't seen me. We remedied that a few days ago. How did it go? Not a word was said about my status. We ate dinner, went to see Star Wars, ate some more, had dessert, and sat around chatting. All in all, a perfectly normal visit.

The only slightly odd thing was when my niece, who is in engineering school, decided to pick my brain about the aircraft I had worked on in my career. We had a perfectly geeky conversation, but it certainly fell outside the feminine stereotype. I've encouraged my niece to follow the engineering path, so it was nice that she sees me as a mentor no matter my gender.

[heatherdress]

Pamela - If your wife's only fear is that her family will discover you crossdress, why would you want to tell them? There is no way you will know if they looked at her laptop, or if they noticed an icon, or if they associated an icon with you. If they have not said anything to you or your wife by now, there is no reason to risk disclosure. Seems that if your wife had wanted them to know, she would have told them a long time ago. There is no reason to risk any ill feelings. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."