For a long time now I have been thinking about being true to myself and letting my family know about my desire to crossdress (and maybe transition). I have thought long and hard about how I would tell my wife, children, friends and work and what the outcome might be for each conversation. Would I be accepted, feared, hated or a combination of all?
My plan was to tell my wife first and see how that goes, then move on from there. I have thought how I would sit down with her and talk about how I fell that I am not being the true myself and that I also believe that I am not being true to us and our marriage because I am keeping a lie from her and not telling the truth. I feel that I need her to know what is going through my head and why I have been moody over the past six to 12 months. I know that the reason I have been moody is because of my desire to dress and be more feminine, but like many others in the same situation I feel that my home / social life does not allow that.
Lately I have been thinking that 2016 will be my year. It will be the year that I start telling people, discover who I am, speak with doctors, dress a bit more feminine or do feminine things like paint my nails and start wearing earrings again. My plan was to tell my wife during the Christmas holiday period so that she had time to take it in, ask questions, do research or just do what she needed before returning to work. I don't expect that things will be fine straight away but discussing it is the first step down the long road. My hope is that even if she does not fully accept it, she still loves me and wants to be with me and 'allows' me to have nights out with friends for dinners or whatever. Then things changed today.
We have friends who are a straight couple and he is transgendered. I have known this for years (I went to my first Sydney Mardi Gras with them) and I fully accept him in boy or girl mode. He often has his nails done and wears feminine clothes in both modes. Then today after catching up with them my wife waitied till we were home before commenting of how he was wearing feminine shorts with shaved legs. My reaction was that he always dressed like that so why was she saying anything now. She has know them for 7 years so it shouldn't be new to her.
We discussed it some more and I mentioned that his partner obviously accepts him, as does his family and friends. My wife responded with 'she may not accept him but stays with him because she feels that she has to because they have three children and she doesn't want to loose the family situation'. I don't want my wife to stay with me because she feels that she has to, I want her to stay with me because she wants to.
So now that I have some idea of how she feels about someone being trangendered I don't know what to do. Do I still go through with it and risk my family or do I shut up like I have for the past 43 years and deal with it in silence?