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Thread: Strange greeting by SA

  1. #1
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Strange greeting by SA

    I went to a womens clothing store the other day to find a gift for my wife for Christmas.
    As I entered the store, in male mode, a young female SA greeted me with a smile and said "Are you looking for someone??"

    What an odd thing to say!
    I looked at her and replied, with a poorly hidden dose of sarcasm: "Normally when I walk into a store, I am looking for something, not someone!". She got all red faced and said "Oh I am sorry, can I help you find anything?" and I just replied "No, I doubt it ..." and walked away.

    Wasn't that weird? You would think, or at least hope, that men would come to the store to find things for their wifes/GF's now and then, especially just before Christmas. But more than anything, it made me wonder how she would have greeted me, or any of us, in girl mode!

    - Suzie

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    So let's see. an inexperienced salesgirl makes an incorrect assumption that a man was looking for someone (perhaps his wife?) rather than looking to buy something in a woman's clothing store. Your response is to be sarcastic. She apologizes and asks to help you find what you want. Your response is to be insulting and then walk away.

    I am very happy that you weren't dressed. I'd hate to have been the next CDer that went into the store if you had been!

  3. #3
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    I think she meant to say "Are you looking (for something) for someone." I don't think a simple mistake justifies jumping down someone's throat. Lighten up.
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  4. #4
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Suzie,

    Tough call. Before transitioning and going into women's clothing stores(actually to shop for my wife) I have been asked "are you looking for something for someone special" or "are you shopping for someone". You are correct in that the it could have been worded "are you looking for something in particular" but I suppose the SA could have had a momentary brain freeze and wanted to say "are you looking for something for someone special" and it just came out "are you looking for someone". I wouldn't read too much into it IMHO .

    Cheers

    Marcelle

  5. #5
    Senior Member Deedee Skyblue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eryn View Post
    So let's see. an inexperienced salesgirl makes an incorrect assumption that a man was looking for someone (perhaps his wife?) rather than looking to buy something in a woman's clothing store. Your response is to be sarcastic. She apologizes and asks to help you find what you want. Your response is to be insulting and then walk away.

    I am very happy that you weren't dressed. I'd hate to have been the next CDer that went into the store if you had been!
    What she said. The girl (who may have been a temp hired only for Christmans, might have been her first sales position, might have been poorly trained?) walked away thinking 'I was trying to be helpful and that <insert term here> treated me like crap. Why bother?" Or maybe she just laughed it off as the kind of thing you have to put up with when you deal with people who come into your store. I hope the latter.

    Deedee
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  6. #6
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    What's so weird? A man walked into a womens store and the clerk asked if you were looking for someone. Not odd at all. Nor is it weird.

    Your reaction on the other hand was uncalled for to say the least. You could have just said no and continued shopping, but instead you decide to get sarcastic and rude.
    Last edited by Laurana; 12-26-2015 at 07:56 AM.

  7. #7
    Hose & Heel Loving Divia. Lee Andrews's Avatar
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    Your reaction seemed harsh. Maybe she was tongue tied, misspoke or new?

  8. #8
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    I agree with the others, you over reacted.

    When you go shopping for women's clothes, don't go into the store with the expectation that they will clock you as a crossdresser and not want your business.

  9. #9
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    People can make assumptions and mistakes when greeting people. I have my own rule in a argument or situation and that is if someone apologizes then I drop it immediately. In your case I don't think she meant any harm.

  10. #10
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Ahhh .. you guys are funny. This was not nearly as dark as you read it from my post.
    Btw, I did my shopping in the store and all was fine.

    - Suzie

  11. #11
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Hi Suzie,

    Ooh! We were in a bad mood weren't we?

    I think I'd go with DonnaLee, in that she probably meant are you looking to buy for someone? But we were not there for the intonation of course and only you can know that one. I'd have hoped I didn't just walk away as you did, but I'm prone to acts of petulance myself, if I'm really honest.

    Reading your last post, I see it wasn't so dark an episode. Sometimes, things just hit our euphemistic 'funny bone' and cop for a bit of attitude from us.

    Becky
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  12. #12
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    Im thinking someone here had a bit of grinch going on. With the hectic season and Im sure the SA was new covering for the holidays. She deserved a little break, nice reply would have probably made her feel more at ease. Its over time to move on and remember everyone is human and we all make mistakes.
    Erica

  13. #13
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    Sometimes you have to be in the situation, because my kids work retail I would like to defend the s/a, but I have to admit that at times those women can be very stuck up, erragent and B's. When I went to buy my wife's Christmas present I had to go after work in my construction work close, I couldn't believe that nobody wanted to serve me in a jewelry store,I was about to leave when the manager was walking in, I actually told her I didn't know if you wear construction cloths you don't get served, and thank God I wasn't dressed as a women. She apologized but I explained to her that people were walking in after me and they choose to help others first. She apologized again and then she said that she would be very happy to serve me and asked me how she could help me, I told her you can help me by talking to her staff about serving everyone the same, and I left. Maybe I was a little harsh to but I wasn't even dirty or anything, just a work jacket and maybe my jeans were dirty and I even put my runners on, not to go in the store with my work boots on. Susie I'm with you on this one

  14. #14
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    I think I should clarify the story a little since it is obvious that what I found to be the interesting part is being missed in translation.

    Erica Marie: Im thinking someone here had a bit of grinch going on
    Nope, not at all actually. Was in a good mood and smiling the whole time. Caught a number of people off guard that day by saying Merry Christmas to them as I passed them. Brought some good smiles and cheers in return.
    The "I usually look for something, not someone .." part was said with a smile and a wink. Of course, the way I wrote it, y'all couldnt know that.
    I do admit I have a bad habit of sarcastic humor, and I did watch several episodes of House MD the previous days!

    So I didnt actually "Jump down someones throat", that certainly wouldn't be nice to do to anybody, would it now!! ... but rather, I just made a smart-ass remark.

    Annyyywhooo ....

    To illustrate the point of the first story, here is a similar experience from a different angle:

    I was in an automotive parts store one time and a woman walked in. The guy behind the counter looked at her and said "Are you looking for someone?"
    Woman replied, with a slight snarl: "No, I came to get a 7/16 Deep Socket and I can find it myself, thank you very much". Guy got red faced.

    OK, so that was totally made up .. at least some of it .. but I have experienced that kind of behavior from SA's in typical male stores from time to time. I have also seen female shoppers at the part store, clearly much more knowledgeable about the car project they were working on than the male clerk behind the counter. Always got a kick out of that.

    My point of both stories, both the one that actually happened to me just a few days ago and the made up one, is that I find it interesting that the stereotypes are still being observed. The young lady at the clothes store, trained or not, did not expect that I was in the store to shop, but that I was more likely looking for my wife. I found that to be interesting.
    We often talk about how the world is changing for the better when it comes to gender and that maybe, just maybe, we are getting a little closer to a point where it is normal enough to encounter someone who is somewhere between the traditional gender presentations that others just dont even notice anymore.
    But we are not there yet! This story obviously does not relate to gender issues as I was not dressed and it was not at all in the equation. The story is more about typical gender roles and what we perceive to be typical male and typical female.

    My other comment, about how the same SA would have greeted a CD'er, is a different thing. I my little situation, the SA made me feel like I was out of place in that store. She didnt mean to imply that at all, I'm sure, but her greeting suggested it anyway. In that situation, it didnt make any difference to me at all, but after I left, I thought about how I would have felt if I had been there dressed, or partially dressed, or even if I had been there in male mode but with the intent of shopping for myself. See, I have shopped in girl mode a number of times and in male mode for girl things for myself many many times. However, I have never felt real comfortable with it to be honest. With that in mind, I think her greeting could potentially have made me feel nervous or uncomfortable enough that I might have left the store!

    - Suzie

  15. #15
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I'm going to go along with a lot of others here. I think her question was perfectly reasonable; men wait for their wives/girlfriends at clothing stores all the time, as compared to the number of men who either shop alone for themselves or their SO's in women's clothing stores, which are very few. The SA probably knew there were women in the dressing room and was only trying to help.
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  16. #16
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    Frankly, I think you were totally rude to the sales associate. All she was doing was asking if you were shopping for a gift for a wife, girl friend, SO or even yourself. Your response was "weird." Don't be so thin skinned.

  17. #17
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    I think your response was rude. And I'll bet as the SA walked away. Thought to herself what an A hole.
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  18. #18
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Nope, I promise you the situation was humorous and light. We were both smiling and there were even some birds chirping in the lush trees near by. I was not being nasty to her, promise.

    I am surprised that none of you find it funny or interesting or .. something, that a male in a woman's clothing store is considered to probably be lost or at least not there to shop??

    - Suzie

  19. #19
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Nothing to get overly bent out of shape over - it's just part of the current vernacular. When movie stars and assorted other celebrities appear on the red carpet at various awards ceremonies and strut their stuff in their fabulous original designer gowns, they are invariably asked "WHO are you wearing?"

  20. #20
    Diva AbigailJordan's Avatar
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    That's the thing Suzie, most would take it that the girl was not actually making such an assumption. It is far more likely that she meant to ask if you were shopping for someone etc.

    I think if the SA had in any way considered that you may have been a CD shopping for themselves that she would have been ultra careful about how she phrased her opening question. The fact that her opener was so ambiguous suggests that your perception was mostly responsible for the course of the exchange.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Hi Suzie, It takes all sorts and I think that sometimes we must take it with a pinch of salt. She should have said something not someone. By the way your in box is full.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzie Petersen View Post
    ...What an odd thing to say! ...
    Indeed, your comment was a very odd thing to say.

  23. #23
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    I think the SA just made an honest mistake. Firstly, a man shopping for dresses for himself is still a rarity and will be for some time to come. So it follows that a SA with little experience might not have dealt with one before. Secondly, around Christmas time, most people ARE shopping for someone other than themselves. A little grace and humor (not sarcasm) goes a long way. And it's more ladylike, too.

  24. #24
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    Whether the SA's made a mistake or not we have all heard a remark like that one time or another and if it was me I would have made the same comment or went else where to spend my money.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Sheila11's Avatar
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    I Have a friend who is a manager in a Dress Barn in an outlet mall. She says that most of the guys that come in are looking for their wife. Very few are shopping.
    Live and let dress.

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