How do you want them to find you......dead?

[Wen4cd]

Sometimes when I'm sitting there doing my makeup for the day, (or more commonly, a long night alone with myself, since a life of shiftwork requires me to be nocturnal) or dressing for the evening, that old familiar morbid thought never fails to cross my mind.

"Uh, what if I suddenly am struck with death while dressed? How would they find me?"

In a small town such as where I live, you know the local ambulance guys, all of them, on a first name basis, along with most everyone else in town, and you know their ways, so I could reasonably guess down to the man who would be walking into my house to find a (hopefully) good-looking corpse. A few of them will have been around me dressed in life and would be amused, some others confused, I guess. You could say I'm half-outed.

This thought used to terrify me for some reason. Maybe I was worried for my wife's reputation.

But after years and years, I find the image has totally converted itself into one of amusement, and sometimes even of a final assertion of myself. I find myself almost intentionally dressing for this event. Now I go through my costume jewelry box and say: "ah these are the earrings I want to be found in if I die tonight." And as far as my wife goes, leaving her with an awkwardly dressed late husband to be carted away, I've come to think it would be kind of hilarious. Probably do her good.

Does anyone else have this experience? Does this self image of how we appear in death make some final statement on how we view our life? Or, are the years of night-shift just finally turning me into a genuinely morbid, spooky person? How would you want your mortal shell to be found if you were to suddenly perish while dressed at home?

I'd say this is more geared to the closeted, or half-outed CD, but I will assume that Transitioning TS men/women also carry a spectre of the dead self-image. I think it's in inherently human phenomenon, whether we are the type to want to dwell on it or not.

[Tracii G]

Kind of a sick thing to think about really.
It really won't matter you will never know.LOL

[jazmine]

i can only hope that i bring the living the "most uncomfortable feeling" possible to deal with. HAHAaa. I'm dead, you're alive. If you know me, it's totally what I would leave my family & friends to ponder. And to think I told everyone while living, ...but they thought I was joking and laughed at me.........My friends & family are always trying to "up" one another in fun. Wouldn't it be fun to leave them with the thought, "wow, he wasn't kidding when he said he said he liked to dress in the opposite birth gender's clothes.......
haha...i'm such a "dick"......

[sometimes_miss]

i can only hope that i bring the living the "most uncomfortable feeling" possible to deal with.

I'm with Jazmine on this. I mean, people spend lots of money on haunted houses and horror. why not give them something really disturbing to see? Something they'll never forget. Be a story that will be passed on through the ages. Like that story about the actress that died with her head in the toilet. (brb, have to google that.....) Oh yeah, found it. Lupe Velez. She wanted to be remembered. Dressed up real pretty, wrote a suicide note, took an overdose of drugs on top of alcohol. Supposedly died after vomiting into the toilet, drowning in it as she fell forward. No one who heard that story will ever forget her. There are some reports that say the tale was something made up, but well, anything's possible.

Having worked on an ambulance crew for a few years, I just hope for whoever finds me that I'm not all stinky from the fluids (and other 'stuff') that comes out of our bodies orifices after we die. But it would be cool to have a evil grin on my face, and eyes wide open. That always freaks people out.

[StephanieinSecret]

I worry more about whoever has to clean out my closet...

[pamela7]

when i'm dead I won't worry about it, everyone knows.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

For many of us, living the cd life literally & figuratively means living in a closet. Many of us don't want family members , friends & coworkers to know of our secret uniqueness. I don't want to be dressed & found dead. My hope is to live my life & find peace as Melissa whenever I can within the parameters of my very closeted domestic situation. I wish you much peace in your dressing.

[MarciManseau]

How about what's on your computer and on your backup devices? Make sure any x-rated files or folders are well protected.

[mechamoose]

If I'm being myself when I pass, that is all I need.

I want to leave this world the same way I came into it,
naked, screaming, and covered in someone else's blood.
-unknown

- MM

[Robin777]

I want to be found with a nice dress on and a smile on my face.I want to pass away dressed and happy.I'm a closet CD and I don't care who knows it after I pass away. I have had thoughts of putting it in my will that I be buried with a dress on. but that probably won't happen as I probably will be cremated. I really don't care what anyone thinks after I'm dead. So if I die anytime soon my wife has instructions to sell my slip collection on Ebay.

[Allisa]

Of old age and in bed in my nightgown and panties. My will, will take care of the rest of my estate.

[Catriona]

We all worry sometimes about how we might be found. Maybe it is better to just enjoy life as were are, because, when we are gone, it just does not matter.

[Judy-Somthing]

I've been thinking about that more since now that I'm older.

If you think a family member will find your stash after you pass.

Here's what I've come up with so far since I'm in the closet.

Keep your wardrobe collection as small as possible. For awhile I was up to six moving boxes, bad right.

I've haven't decided yet if I should put a note or letter in the stash to soften the blow.

Also I avoid having anything that you know some people would find to out of the norm.

Over the years after one of my uncles passed I've heard negative comments that he used to cross-dress.

I really don't want to be remembered like that.

[SherriePall]

If I am all dolled up when I pass, my wife will probably kill me!
Just hope I look good.

[Lorileah]

I find that many threads here border on fantasy. But how you are found will impact those around you forever. And contrary to what you see in movies, it isn't a pretty sight if you are unattended and are found after a few hours. You won't be the Princess bride on an alter.

But really? Some of you seem to think of this as getting some sort of revenge. I find that more than creepy. I find it mean and rude to be honest. It also tells me that many of you have never had to be in contact with death. It makes you ill. Even when you don't know the person, you feel ill (having been involved in finding people and also helping at massive car accidents)

I am part of a group we are putting together for "postvention" counseling after a loved one succeeds in suicide. What we look at is the concentric rings around the dead person, the closest being loved ones and family. But there are more groups that are effected. Your neighbors, the kids next door, friends, classmates, the people you know at the store and church. It is a ripple in a pond that keeps expanding. If you died unattended, you involve police and fire personnel. Doctors and hospital staff. It's bad enough that some find it amusing that the spouse would be the one, like you will get some sort of revenge for your life. That you think it funny that the last memory of you would be that of something they didn't know or didn't want to know. I find that mean. The professionals will keep your secret, well up until they have to tell your loved ones. So you put the onus on them to display your secret.

The comment of a will comes up. Is that will private? For only your spouse or will others be privy to the line that says "Throw my women's clothing in the river before the kids find out." This thread has pertinence but I see it in another perspective. Many keep posting "It isn't anyone's business but mine". When you die it becomes someone elses business. I think many here make an assumption that death will come easy and quietly when you are old. What if it doesn't? Two days before Christmas a close friend was killed in a car accident. Details are few right now at least for me. Was she "dressed"? Why did she cross the line at 60 plus miles and hour into oncoming traffic? I pray she didn't do it on purpose. All we know right now is alcohol and drugs weren't involved. But, it was fast. She was out just three nights before. So now we add to the wonder, when her children went to her house, what did they know and what did they find? Heavy burden, right? Especially for the myriad of people here who choose to keep their children out of the loop (especially adult children).

So add all that up. Think about things. Death is the end for you but life keeps going for those around you. Yeah you may find it amusing to think of the reaction that someone has when they find you...but it isn't funny.

How do I want to be found? I don't. I hope that when I do die, I will be surrounded by friends and family. But if they do find me unattended I know that wearing a night gown will be the least thing they have to worry about

[reb.femme]

My take is that it's fine to joke about death in some ways, as for me it is probably a coping mechanism for the one event coming at some time to all of us. I'm not getting down on this post, as I believe we should be free to voice our thoughts, even if a little off the wall or a little morbid. When I go, it'll be fate that decides on the day how I look. Could be embarrassing, might not be. However, from bitter experience, I concur wholeheartedly with Lorileah on all her points.

I found a partner after a suicide and although it was clean (by drugs and not mutilation) I still see and remember the scene very graphically. It isn't a pretty sight and you won't be the Princess bride on an alter.

Lorileah says "it makes you ill". If it's someone you know and/or love too, it hurts like *uck. Still does after 17 years. Think about the people that you care for and forget those that don't deserve your time or thoughts. It's the one's that care about you that will suffer, why make it harder on them?

Each to his/her own though, just not for me on this one, sorry!

Becky

[Chandlyr Ellis]

I think my family would say, “He would have wanted it this way”.
or, “Doesn’t surprise me at all, but those shoes don’t go with that dress”
or, “Who’s gonna pick out what we bury him, I mean her, in?”
My daughter might say, “Damn, if only all those shoes were two sizes smaller!”

Those close to me will remember me for me,
not that I kicked the bucket while all dolled up.

Those who only remember that I was “dressed” didn’t know me.

[Dana44]

I have to agree with Lorileah that this is not funny. We are mortal people and at best we should do our best to live and dying should be planned if one can. But if you died suddenly then its possible that your secrets are lost to those alive that may mock you.

[JocelynJames]

I actually think about this every time I go underdressed for a motorcycle ride. I was In an accident in summer '14 and dislocated a shoulder. They wanted to X-ray my whole body, but I said I have a bruised hip and the shoulder issue. So I walked went through the hospital bare(shaved) chested and the (f) Dr. May have caught glimpse of my pink VS pal ties as she put the shoulder back in. I hope I don't embarrass so done when I pass, that they realize it was who I was

[Allison_CD]

My Lover may say are you sleeping ?

[karynspanties]

Don't really care....I will be dead!!!

[Allison Chaynes]

I want to go like like my grandfather, peacefully while asleep. Unlike the passengers in his car.

But seriously... I only worry about the CD side of death for the heartache it would cause my wife. I've already died once and it was no big deal, I did not even know until the surgeon shared it with me two months after the fact when I asked about complications. After I woke up from heart surgery, my first question was not "Did it go ok?" It was "Does my happy place still work?" So, I see no problem laughing and joking during life and death situations.... maybe it's the old soldier in me?

I'm glad I didn't out myself while under morphine and all the other drugs.

[Wen4cd]

I like the varied responses. To be clear, though, I was in no way referring to suicide. Suicide is murder and several malicious assaults wrapped into one of the most horrible acts humans are known to do.

No, I just meant the same common experience of natural death we all will (hopefully) eventually face. A natural death leaves a totally different set of "expanding ripples" than a suicide or other unnatural death, regardless of what you're wearing, (and accidental death leaves an even different bunch of circles. )

But for my demographic, if I am to to die in the forseeable future, the most likely causes would be, as I understand them, to suffer death from an unexpected massive heart attack (likely while exerting myself, such as when I'm dressed and workout dancing) or to be killed on the highway on my way to or from work. (Not dressed) so there's a 50/50 chance I'll be en femme if I died, say, sometime this coming year unexpectedly. (I pretty much am dressed for most of every weekend, and drab the rest of the week when I'm running the roads to work.)

Yes the thought of leaving my wife with some explaining to do is probably a mean one. But the alternative would seem to be the ludicrous: "never dress in the off chance I were to die" at least for my circumstance. I highly doubt it will ever happen like that, but at least I've been able to turn the thought into a funny one over the years. And yes, I do want to leave people laughing, it's probably the best cure for the crying. Back in the day, we talked about her cutting off my clothes and washing my face before anyone got there, but since then I've told her, "ah the hell with it, just comb my wig a bit if it's mussed."

I'm not deeply closeted, most of my core friends have been with me dressed, and the rest, who cares? I assume my wife will posthumously throw me under the bus anyway, if it were to get awkward, and either deny knowledge of it, or play the long-suffering spouse.

My parents were both cops, my godparents were cops, aunts, uncles, cops. etc., and many of my friends are ambulance and fire guys. It's from their stories told around the table that I learned long ago that you aren't really going to shock anyone. I've seen police photo albums full of pictures of dead bodies found in houses, and heard the stories to go with them. These guys have seen it all already, and and have a far wider view of how common we are than we do ourselves.

Plus, I'm reasonably strong and healthy, don't smoke, drink, take drugs, I exercise a lot, work hard, and I'm a pretty defensive driver, so I don't 'expect' suddenly perish in my early 40's. And I don't go out of my way to be morbid either, it's just some mental tic that I've noticed over the last 20 years or so of dressing.

In the last several years I've watched way too many loved ones die, way too young, (some of them as young as 30, and even a nephew of 5,) all from cancer, to get all solemn at the idea of my own demise. My little nephew dying in his father's arms after a year long battle with cancer: not funny. But, lil ol' me, someday kicking the bucket while having the time of my life, and being carted out the house in nylon stockings and a dress: WAY funny, in comparison.

I don't picture Princess Bride on an altar either. I'm usually imagining some scene reminiscent of Police Squad!, where Leslie Neilsen is delivering some dry puns about "what a drag" his job is, while I'm being wheeled out behind him, with one 5-inch heel'd leg hanging off the stretcher for a sight gag.

[BOBBI G.]

I just want them to find me before decomposition starts,

Bobbi

[NicoleScott]

So what are we supposed to do? Stop crossdressing so we don't die while crossdressed? If it happens, it happens. To add to what Chandlyr said ("Those who only remember that I was dressed didn't know me"), in that case it doesn't matter what those people think.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with death, whether our own or others. Some people, when they lose someone close, need a week off work while others need to return to work immediately, as their way of coping requires. We can contemplate our own death with humor, revenge, in-your-face, sadness, celebration, or indifference. It's our life (well...death), so it's our choice, our right. Of course, others may think it's creepy, as it is their right.