When someone asks "any chance you mind having a male admirer?" what do you they want?

[mirima1992]

I post on reddit from time to time and I get requests from guys looking for more personal interaction. I'm still pretty new to this and never respond, I assume they mean over the internet as some ask if I have kik or skype. Some are persistent and seem almost hurt I don't answer. I can't imagine ever meeting someone in person. The last request was from a frequent visitor to my inbox and went "Hi again, I love your pics, big closet fan(though consider myself straight) Any chance you mind having a male admirer?". Has anybody responded to attention like this, and what was the result? I included the picture from my reddit post, and most of my pics are kind of the "sexy" variety, which also makes me wary of responding, as I assume I know what they're looking for. Anyone with experience on the matter have any thoughts?

[JanePeterson]

I've responded to some... really not that exciting for me, but sometimes it makes me feel good to be someones object of desire and to know I'm making their day - whats the harm? The fun part is you are the one being pursued, so you have much more control over how personal/intimate the relationship will be. I say try and it and see if you like it!

xoxo

Jane

[Wen4cd]

From my experience the average admirer doesn't even know what he wants from you. They just find your presentation attractive, and once that happens, to be frank, it's more about what you want from them. It's not unheard of for us to be offered plane tickets. I've been offered and I know others who have. Be gentle.

I take it as a blanket statement of attraction, and a compliment.

PS: You are going to get a lot of admirer attention looking like the bombshell you are!

[Lorileah]

I say "while I am attracted to men and women, I really am not comfortable having admirers. Now if you would like to know me better on a non-sexual basis, I would be glad to have you as a friend and we can go to lunch or something." So far, they can't stay within those guidelines.

[pamela7]

yes, but what is an "admirer"? what is the social implied roles, like "look but don't touch", "have dinner or drinks but he pays"? "no sex, thankyou" ...?

[Mark/Rebecca]

I think it is wonderful that this thread hasn't turned into a paranoid " he politely approached me and I fled for my life" post.
We all crave human interaction. Being complimented by a gentleman may be very similar to how we compliment the person we hope to be in a relationship with. They are expressing their preference. Perhaps as we are more accepted, the more we will learn how to handle compliments and admiration as elegantly as females do.
I do have to say your admirer has an eye for beauty.

[reb.femme]

No experience, but that's probably for the best. I'm thinking if he declares himself straight but wants to be an admirer, he is definitely Bi Curious or simply a liar.

The web allows us the ability to hide behind a mask if we so wish. I would be extremely wary and as Lorileah said, she finds none can stay within the rules, shock horror!. If you don't mind having the male attention, that's fine, but not for me. Do they have female admirers for very old CDs?

Becky

[Pat]

I've interacted with a few. Mostly they're just looking to be acknowledged. Internet being what it is, there's a goodish chance that you'll never meet so a little chit-chat through blind mail accounts is harmless. People looking for Skype hookups are looking for more, but email admirers are generally looking for some assurance they're still alive, still able to be charming and on some level still could play the game. We're kind of rare in the world even though we don't seem so to ourselves. So contact with us is exotic in a way. You have total control in this situation -- you don't have to let it go further than you want it to.

It's a whole different ball game if you move from email admirers to actually meeting people who contact you online.

I'm thinking if he declares himself straight but wants to be an admirer, he is definitely Bi Curious or simply a liar.

I see this a lot in this forum. If we want to be accepted at our own evaluation of ourselves, we really should be willing to accept others at their own evaluation of themselves. -- Don't understand how someone could possibly be straight and attracted to CD? OK. Think of all the people who can't understand how your world makes sense. Just accept them, you don't lose anything by it.

[NicoleScott]

Long ago I chatted a lot in AOL crossdresser chatroons. Early on in nearly every conversation I asked "crossdresser or admirer?". Yes, there are creeps but you learn how to sort them out and politely (or not) terminate the conversation. But there are nice guys who admire crossdressers for whatever reason. I have had many very nice chats with both admirers and other CDers. In many cases we just want to mutually explore what makes us tick. I have never had anyone ask to be MY admirer, but rather just identify themselves as AN admirer of crossdressers in general, or in some cases, specific "attributes" or "interests". OK, fetishes. I find such conversations fun, informative, and harmless.

[kittie60]

U have no problems if they want to be admirers. I have even gone out with them. For the most part I have found out that they are very nice people who are closeted CD's, and all they want is someone to talk to and trust. Not all of them but a good number of them are.

[Krisi]

If a person "admires" you, he can do that without telling you. If he tells you he is an admirer or asks if he can be, he is probably hoping to take this to a personal level.

To answer your direct question ("what do you they want? "), my guess is that they eventually want a sexual relationship with you.

[NicoleScott]

If a man claims to be an admirer but uses his flattery to get to a sexual relationship via "mission creep" (emphasis on creep) , I don't consider him an admirer, but instead as devious, dishonest not-to-be-trusted,......uh, creep. Yes, there are people like this, but there are true admirers with no hidden agenda and who just want to chat. We have the power of <click> to stay in control. We shouldn't demonize admirers as we don't want to be demonized for being crossdressers. After all, we may have much in common.

[AngelaYVR]

I've had a few horrible requests through this site but most of my experience comes from real life.

The men I would classify as admirers are usually very passive, hence the mission creep. Easily kept at arm's length and unerringly polite

The other extreme are those who make no bones about liking women+ and want to take you home NOW. This group requires an assertive response if that's not your thing.

[Teresa]

Mirima,
I have never had an interest in men so I wouldn't put myself in that situation to attract male attention, but I am a bit surprised by some PMs on the forum making comments to me, I guess it is flattering . I love it when I get a nice response from a GG, now that does get my attention !

[Sarah-RT]

I've received some flattering yet unsought compliments on Facebook before I made it completely private apart from to my friends and family. Within a few days I had gotten 53! Friend requests from fetish dressers to young teenage boys. Initially it was ego boosting until the point it just became annoying and weird. There were guys in their 50's and 60's who's Facebook pictures included their presumable wives saying "your beautiful " seriously? Go back to your family..
I decided to make my account private to avoid that kind of stuff, it's not what I'm into and I'm not looking to lead anyone on, friends and family only

As for what they are looking for? Pictures or webcam I'd guess going with the stereotype of online horny males

[reb.femme]

...So contact with us is exotic in a way. You have total control in this situation -- you don't have to let it go further than you want it to...Don't understand how someone could possibly be straight and attracted to CD? OK...

Get real. You can hide behind psycho babble and all the old flannel you like, but the end game is the same. We can all say that someone looks great, their presentation fantastic, but to request permission to be one of your official cheerleaders is not the actions of a straight man. Maybe he is straight, but in an exotic way?

Becky

[Mia27]

A lot of guys are looking for "sissys" or a crossdresser they can make into a sissy. A lot of guys I've talked too, (when i was experimenting, but realized i do not like guys at all) they want to make you into their girl, or eventually lead into a sexual relationship with you. Many guys think we are submissive and willing to go that extra step into feminization. But of course, with me.. .they didnt get that. I dont like to be objectified in that manor, and its kind of creepy the things they say.. So if a guys asks to "admire" you.. stay away. No guys is worth the flattering feeling, its only temporary, and they want something more. Just from my experience.

[reb.femme]

Mia's experience is the standpoint from which I work. I've been on this Earth a few years now, a male with male friends, so I know how it works, not a wet behind the ears kid. I just think being aware that deception is easy on the winter web is a good starting point. A guilty until proven innocent scenario I'm afraid (and I have a law degree), but fortune does not always favour the brave.

Becky

[tanya_cd]

This may not be the same for everyone, but to me, admirer is just another term for someone who wants to have sex with you. Although it has not always been the case, I don't mind the attention from male admirers. I know what they want, but I like the feeling of empowerment it gives me. If I gave it up, I feel like I would lose that. As far as it being creepy. I think everyone has a different opinion on what is creepy.

[Diane Smith]

All of my online profiles (if anybody bothers to read them) state that I am absolutely not interested in a relationship or even conversation with male admirers. In the early days, when one of them expressed interest, I would send them a politely worded message that spelled this out. Never heard from any of them again. After awhile, I figured out that simply ignoring them worked exactly the same -- no response. So nowadays I just quietly junk-box the unwanted flirts and come-ons, and the world keeps spinning.

On the other hand, I will speak to admirers when I'm out and about IRL; I've even had one or two make mildly physical approaches like holding my hand while we talked, and I sometimes find it endearing and pleasant. But I always let them know I'm not interested in it going any further, and in public, they are usually inhibited from trying to press the issue.

- Diane

[I Am Paula]

In the early days of chat rooms, I belonged to one that was local ie: everyone knew we were in the same city. In my experience, an admirer only wanted sex. The average one suggested meeting right away, showed up with a wedding ring tan, and assured you that his wife was 100% cool with it. He started the conversation with 'I'm not gay, or anything'. It is the 'anything' that is the most worrysome. They all had one thing in common- trying to live out a fantasy that was better left just a fantasy. It was all quite sad.

[pamela7]

Get real. You can hide behind psycho babble and all the old flannel you like, but the end game is the same. We can all say that someone looks great, their presentation fantastic, but to request permission to be one of your official cheerleaders is not the actions of a straight man. Maybe he is straight, but in an exotic way?

Becky

This one reminds me of the film "Misery", where Kathy Bates tells James Caan she's his biggest fan. I've experienced that much and seen the dangers of pedestals of any kind. Accepting gives also a certain power to the admirer. Best to decline altogether. If a person behaves as a friend, then fantastic, otherwise ... no.

[AllieSF]

I see admirers no differently than I see an admirer of GG's. People interested in someone else. Tell me how many men that flirt with women are not thinking about getting in their pants? They know it will never happen but they keep flirting, most in very nice ways, sometimes the GG doesn't even know it. So, yes there are some very crude and even dangerous TG admirers out there, but there are many more straight vanilla guys who admire GG's who are much worse. I.e. Admirers are not all bad people. So, use your best intuition, take all the necessary precautions and then decide what to do. Us members here are not little kids and make all kinds of decisions every day of our lives. So this decision should be no different. My only caution is to not let your uncontrollable enthusiasm and fantasy thinking over rule your common sense side. Good luck.

[Ceera]

I can't say I have had many guys approach me as 'admirers' on-line, because I am a crossdresser. I don't tend to post sexy pics of myself or chat on forums that might be seen as a dating site.

Now before I started cross dressing, I often played a female character in a roleplaying venue or in an on-line virtual world environment. Sometimes that got rather adult-oriented. But at the time I always made it clear that they were dealing with a fictional character, and 'not the real me', and that regardless of what their character and mine mutually agreed to do, all I was willing to commit to on a real-life level was a platonic friendship. That said, I still had a few 'admirers' who would hang around me like a lost puppy dog, and whose persistent, fawning behavior bordered on being stalkers. That was rather creepy. I would be particularly wary of on-line encounters becoming real life ones, since you have so little you can do to validate anything they say about themselves.

Now I often go out to clubs and bars en-femme, and while I haven't been in the habit of doing a lot of overt flirting with either gender, I don't mind it if someone states they admire me, or wants to buy me drinks or chat me up. I've had some very fun evenings with people like that, and it never left the club. I'm single and pansexual, so there have been a few times where I encouraged someone who seemed nice, and one occasion were we left the bar together and went further. But I usually won't take it that far unless we've been chatting all night and I feel very comfortable with their behavior towards me.

If you're 'taken' in any way or if you're not attracted to guys, just make that clear from the beginning. Set your limits, and if they push to break them, leave. They may stil want to spend time interacting with you. I'm sure several of the lesbian girls who have bought me drinks, or invited me to join their groups, or who chatted me up, had no sexual interest in me at all. Yet we still had a fun evening together.

[I Am Paula]

AllieSF- if a cis woman was told on the internet that she had 'an admirer' , all she would hear is 'stalker'.