Coming out to GF

[Mia27]

Hey it's been forever everyone.. sorry for taking such a long time off. A lot has happened this past year. I broke up with old gf of 3 years, she cheated on me... And claims she wanted the single life. So that was an awful start to my new year... I also went on into public for the first time this year to! I decided I'm single and why the hell not! I'll post pictures later now I'm with a new girl, never thought it would happen. I didn't think I was ready.. But this new girl I've been with, is absolutely amazing, we have been together for over a month, but have been seeing each other for almost 4 months now. And I was wondering... When is the right time to come out. I feel like I can trust her, and the urge to tell her about my dressing is increasing.. I just don't want to lose her. We already say we love each other and the relationship is the best thing I've had in my life. When would be the best time to come out? Should I wait longer?? Advice? P.S. I waited over a year before I told my last gf of 3 years. Just a side note.

[MissDanielle]

The sooner the better but with my lack of dating experience, I'm probably not the best person to offer advice. If she really loves you, she will accept you for who you are.

[Mia27]

I may wait till after New Years haha let the new year start off with a bang lol

[Angela Marie]

I told my GF, now wife, after our third date. I knew the relationship was getting serious and I believe honesty is the best policy. Frankly I was more concerned about becoming involved in a relationship and withholding information. If that happened and she was not accepting the breakup would have hurt both of us; but her as an innocent person. Luckily she was accepting and she is ok with my dressing. She won't go out with me but that's ok. Her support really is all that counts.

[Allison-chan]

Hello Mia,
I think you should tell her at the beginning of the relationship. The sooner the better for both of you.
Happy New Years :-)

[reb.femme]

I told my wife after oooh, too many years to mention. Got together when I was 14. CDing grew on me over the years, so I've never been in your situation.

You were out to your last girl, so only natural you are going to do the same here. Most posters with experience appear to advocate telling as soon as you think the relationship is going somewhere. I think at four months, you've effectively hit that point. Maybe leave it until into the New Year, so as not to hit her with a bombshell when she is hoping to have a good time. Just my take on it, but I've known my other half since 1974, so my insights might be a little dated .

Becky

[Robin777]

I told my girlfriend now my wife when the relationship got serious and before I proposed. This was in 1979. I told her about it and she accepted it. I took it real slow after we were married. If you are serious about this girl,I would let her know. It's better now than later.

[Tomara]

Hi Mia ,

I'm a believer of having that conversation early in a relationship , you are still in the discovery phase and it's in my opinion the best time to share who you are , all of who you are .
All the best to you in 2016

[Rachelakld]

I told my girl, when I felt we were getting in to a serious relationship, meet the family type stuff.

[Jenniferathome]

I waited more than 20 years. Not the right answer. You wrote that you can trust her. if it's serious, to you, sooner is better. My advice is to prepare your coming out speach and practice it. Keep it short and yet detailed. Don't beat around the bush and don't expect her to figure anything out. How I told my wife is in my signature.

Good luck

[TrishaTX]

The right answer is right away of course...but that is easy to say for us outsiders. I waited a long time too long and it effected my relationship and me. I think you will know when and then you will explain. If we all knew , we certainly would tell you for sure...

[RADER]

I hinted it on our 2 ND date; told her on the 3 RD. date
dressed for her on the 4 TH date. She was OK with it.
Rader

[mechamoose]

You are who you are.

Edit that for whomever you want, but it ends up the same.

Your GG/GF/BF needs to know, It isn't a crime. If they don't get it, then guess what? They don't get it.

Whomever you are intimate with needs to get that clue. You should be yourself, and if they are still beside you then that is best for both of you. There is zero benefit in hiding something as important as your identity.

It wasn't always obvious for me. My ex didn't get it. My partner now does. I'm a girl in a bull body, and there is nothing wrong with that. What remains is how you and I deal with that. How we share that.

We are who we are, and if 'they' don't get it? Then they don't get it.

Love is great, so long as it isn't based on a lie.

Be yourself, always.

Nothing else can match that, honest.

<3

- MM

[DanaR]

I didn't tell my wife until we had been married for 10 years. I'm not saying that was the best way, but I think that if you haven't known her for very long, if might be easy for her to bolt. It depends on the person, and what their views are on this.

[mechamoose]

If you give them the clue early on, they won't bolt (If they are the right for you)

If they think you are a bull while inside you are a heifer? (Or the other way around) then that is bad. Prima facia for a confrontation. Don't do that.

Surprises are bad.

If you are not being yourself, then you are lying... despite your best intentions. Be yourself.

It has worked for me, and I'm a veteran in the relationship area. Do it.

- MM

[Stephanie47]

I just looked at your picture taken during your trip to Portland. If you've found some time to be totally free and able to indulge yourself with accepting friends, I would not be doing any reveal. If you were with your former girlfriend for several years, there is the possibility you're on the rebound. It sure sounds like it. Enjoy yourself, free of any entanglements for awhile. Just my opinion.

[Mia27]

Thank you everyone for your input! it helps more than you know. I think I will wait till after New Years. That would be best and I don't believe she is a rebound. I am a committed person when it comes to relationships and I always take them seriously. This girl is special to me and she means a lot, that's why I am seeking advice. I don't want to hurt her, she doesn't deserve that. But I don't want to lie to her either and keep a secret from her. I'll keep you all updated

[Krisi]

The time to tell is after you are pretty sure she will not reject you as some sort of pervert, but before you tie the knot and are liable for alimony or child support. Other than that, all I can say is, you know her best and you know yourself best. You have to make the call.

More advice: When it comes time to let her see you dressed as a woman, tone it down. Casual is best. Don't wear a miniskirt, heavy makeup and six inch heels. Don't look like a hooker. Dress similar to the way she dresses.

[mechamoose]

I would suggest that it should be earlier than that.

If I measured by my bar habits I'd be a feminist lesbian.

BE YOURSELF.

DON'T HIDE

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.

<3

- MM

[Rachel PT]

You have the best "read" on the situation, but sooner is usually better than later in only that, if it's a deal breaker, why waste all the time and energy to be let done when you "reveal"? If it's a "go", why wouldn't you want to get a head start?

Again, you have the read. Trust yourself and be brave!

[Mia27]

Thank you everyone for the advice! It's helps so much to read and see all the different point of views. So my conclusion on what to do for now. Is to drop some hints, see how she reacts. If it's positive, wait a bit and tell her. If it's negative, I'll wait. I don't want to hurt her or lose her. We may have to build on our relationship before such big news. Thank you everyone

[Suzie Petersen]

Hi Mia,

There is no easy answer to this. You can find stories of both positive and negative outcomes with just about any approach and timing, so whatever seem right for you is the path to try.
Unfortunately there is no safe way to "test the water" and when the Cat is out of the Bag, it cannot be undone/unsaid. Only real preparation you can do, is to be prepared for even the worst outcome.

In my case, I told my wife shortly after we started dating. She was fine with it ... then. Problem was, none of us knew what it meant at the time and she was too much in love to let anything get in the way. 20 years later all hell broke loose.

As for immediate timing, I think your plan of waiting till after NY is best.

Good luck to you!

Hugs
Suzie

[FemmeMonique]

Hi All,

I respect and admire those who've come out to wives and SO's. I vacillate on how best to handle my own situation ...

My ex-wife knew part of Monique's story, and it wasn't a positive part of our relationship. It wasn't directly responsible for me leaving the marriage (after 20 yrs together), but it had to be a contributing factor.

Out on my own the past ten years, I've had two serious girlfriends who I never told about Monique. I've come to think it's too much of a burden on someone else and, frankly, maybe there's something nice about keeping this part of myself to myself.

I'm dating a wonderful woman now. Albeit only for four months, I'm hopeful this will be permanent and we end up living together or married. I struggle because I know she loves me for who (she thinks) I am, and we have a "no BS" rule. OTOH, again, I think my crossdressing is a burden for her -- and being somewhat secretive (if not deceitful) is a better path now.

Not to get even deeper about this, but I know if I accepted Monique more, I would share that part of my life with those closest to me.

There's no easy answer!

Monique

[Tina_gm]

As you are already exchanging "I love you's" I would say sooner rather than later. After the new year is fine, probably a good thing even. But I would not wait months and months as the news will only get harder to deal with for her, even if she is not hard against it all. It becomes a matter of hurt as to the secret you keep as much as anything, and trust issues which arrive from secret keeping.

[mikayla1964]

I agree with most everything everyone has said. Early is better and after the new year I would say is the best .but if you wanted to test the water and see how she reacts you could make a comment about dressing up one holloween or that you dressed up on a bet and see how she reacts then you would have a better feeling. she may shrug it off as no big deal. or she may say you didn't and that she hopes she never sees that or something like that.. I have used that before some are cool and say I bet that was fun and others have said that is gross . everyone is different but above all use caution. I'm for one I try to be as honest as possible about things . But I'm by no means a expert . Just use your own judgement.