Coming out to GF

[raeleen]

I don't think there's a right answer, though I do think telling is always better than being discovered.

I told my wife about a year into our dating, and I think that was probably too long. And to be honest I think I did it in such a clumsy and awkward way I didn't win myself any points either. :P That being said, she was enthusiastic at first, then started having reservations, and it was something we struggled with for many year and only recently are coming to a place where it feels like we're doing ok. An important piece to remember is that however she takes it, it'll ultimately be a process as it'll shift how she relates to you to a certain degree. You haven't really mentioned if you think she'd be open to this type of thing. Does it feel like she'd be ok with you dressing? Do you know what you're asking of her? As in are you hoping to involve her in the dressing? Do you want to dress at home regularly? Is it ok if she doesn't want to be involved? I'm sure you'll get it figured out and I wish you the best of luck.

No real answers (sorry for that!) but a big hug and a friend;y shoulder to lean on if you need it in the future. Happy New Year!

Hugs,
Raeleen

[Angela Marie]

I told my GF, now wife, after our third date. I knew the relationship was getting serious and I believe honesty is the best policy. Frankly I was more concerned about becoming involved in a relationship and withholding information. If that happened and she was not accepting the breakup would have hurt both of us; but her as an innocent person. Luckily she was accepting and she is ok with my dressing. She won't go out with me but that's ok. Her support really is all that counts.

[Teresapantyhose]

Tell her a.s.a.p. I didn't and after 2 years of dating, 14 yrs of marriage and 2 kids she saw me dressed as zhe came home early from work. Been a LONG 8 yrs since and could have saved her all the grief if I had been upfront right away. To her credit she stayed with me but has flashbacks and rough times still.

[Robin777]

I told my girlfriend now my wife when the relationship got serious and before I proposed. This was in 1979. I told her about it and she accepted it. I took it real slow after we were married. If you are serious about this girl,I would let her know. It's better now than later.

[Tomara]

Hi Mia ,

I'm a believer of having that conversation early in a relationship , you are still in the discovery phase and it's in my opinion the best time to share who you are , all of who you are .
All the best to you in 2016

[TrishaTX]

The right answer is right away of course...but that is easy to say for us outsiders. I waited a long time too long and it effected my relationship and me. I think you will know when and then you will explain. If we all knew , we certainly would tell you for sure...

[RADER]

I hinted it on our 2 ND date; told her on the 3 RD. date
dressed for her on the 4 TH date. She was OK with it.
Rader

[heatherdress]

Most advice is "the sooner the better". But no one else can really tell you what is best for you. No one else knows your crossdressing behaviors and needs or her pre-disposition and understanding of crossdressing. Only you know your girlfriend and the depth of your intimacy and relationship. It is terrific that you found someone and have started to exchange expressions of love. But I can assure you that even if you care for each other and are attracted to one another, a month is a relatively very short period of time regarding relationship building, trust, communications and deep affection. If you care for her, and if you want to be open and honest, and if you do not want to scare her away before she truly knows and accepts you, both the good and the not so good traits - you have to understand the risks of disclosure be more cautious and careful than most of us seem to be advising. She may be much more accepting if she learns how terrific the "total you" is before you share one behavior which may scare her. She is falling in love with you, the whole you. Don't make it a one-issue, pass/fail growth point. If at this early stage, you expose her to the fact that you crossdress, she may panic without ever fully knowing who you are. I am not suggesting that you mislead her, and I do advocate sharing your behavior - but unless there is some compelling reason, I would wait longer, and learn how best to tell her and how to respond to her questions and concerns, and how to assure her that she is most important to you. Good luck. I am happy that you have met someone who seems so special.

[Sarasometimes]

What are the potential outcomes as I see it, of telling her?
She thinks it is great and always wanted to be with a crossdresser.
She is OK with it but needs time to better understand you.
She is not cool with it but is respectful and will share your reveal with no one
She freaks and puts it out on her Facebook page that is linked to many of your friends.

I think you need to assess the likely results of a reveal and if you don't have a very strong feeling it won't be the last one above, maybe wait till you know better. We can undo many things in life but we can never unsay something!

I think there are subtle and not so subtle ways of testing the waters. Maybe suggest try to see how she feels about transgendered people. Is she intimately adventurous? Maybe kiddingly throw on one of her clothing items? Do you use any "women's" grooming products like moisturizer, facial scrub? Does she get pedicures, maybe ask to go and get one with her?

If she verbalizes or infers that guys act like guys I would hesitate. If you have no idea how she will react then i think it is too early in the relationship. Mind you I still haven't revealed straight out to my DADT wife(she knows from her finding some things over the years but not via a conversation. So please take that into consideration as to where I am coming from.

Good Luck!

[Beverley Sims]

In one way the sooner the better, if it doesn't work out you haven't had all that pent up emotion.

I do wish you luck.

[Rachel PT]

You have the best "read" on the situation, but sooner is usually better than later in only that, if it's a deal breaker, why waste all the time and energy to be let done when you "reveal"? If it's a "go", why wouldn't you want to get a head start?

Again, you have the read. Trust yourself and be brave!

[Mia27]

Thank you everyone for the advice! It's helps so much to read and see all the different point of views. So my conclusion on what to do for now. Is to drop some hints, see how she reacts. If it's positive, wait a bit and tell her. If it's negative, I'll wait. I don't want to hurt her or lose her. We may have to build on our relationship before such big news. Thank you everyone

[Angie G]

The longer you wait the harder it may be Mia. But then I waited 35 years to tell my wife. I'd have to say don't do that hun.
Angie

[donnaS]

It's best to be up front. I didn't, and two months into the marriage it was discovered by her. Biggest issue my SO had was I didn't trust her enough to tell her. I lied about who I was. She is still with me and I dress as I please. Even the bedroom I can be who I am, dressed and all.