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Thread: Coming out to GF

  1. #1
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
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    Coming out to GF

    Hey it's been forever everyone.. sorry for taking such a long time off. A lot has happened this past year. I broke up with old gf of 3 years, she cheated on me... And claims she wanted the single life. So that was an awful start to my new year... I also went on into public for the first time this year to! I decided I'm single and why the hell not! I'll post pictures later now I'm with a new girl, never thought it would happen. I didn't think I was ready.. But this new girl I've been with, is absolutely amazing, we have been together for over a month, but have been seeing each other for almost 4 months now. And I was wondering... When is the right time to come out. I feel like I can trust her, and the urge to tell her about my dressing is increasing.. I just don't want to lose her. We already say we love each other and the relationship is the best thing I've had in my life. When would be the best time to come out? Should I wait longer?? Advice? P.S. I waited over a year before I told my last gf of 3 years. Just a side note.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    The sooner the better but with my lack of dating experience, I'm probably not the best person to offer advice. If she really loves you, she will accept you for who you are.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
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    I may wait till after New Years haha let the new year start off with a bang lol

  4. #4
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    Hello Mia,
    I think you should tell her at the beginning of the relationship. The sooner the better for both of you.
    Happy New Years :-)

  5. #5
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    I told my wife after oooh, too many years to mention. Got together when I was 14. CDing grew on me over the years, so I've never been in your situation.

    You were out to your last girl, so only natural you are going to do the same here. Most posters with experience appear to advocate telling as soon as you think the relationship is going somewhere. I think at four months, you've effectively hit that point. Maybe leave it until into the New Year, so as not to hit her with a bombshell when she is hoping to have a good time. Just my take on it, but I've known my other half since 1974, so my insights might be a little dated .

    Becky
    Last edited by reb.femme; 12-29-2015 at 11:16 AM.
    Flying high under the spell of life!

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  6. #6
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I told my girl, when I felt we were getting in to a serious relationship, meet the family type stuff.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  7. #7
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    I waited more than 20 years. Not the right answer. You wrote that you can trust her. if it's serious, to you, sooner is better. My advice is to prepare your coming out speach and practice it. Keep it short and yet detailed. Don't beat around the bush and don't expect her to figure anything out. How I told my wife is in my signature.

    Good luck

  8. #8
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    You are who you are.

    Edit that for whomever you want, but it ends up the same.

    Your GG/GF/BF needs to know, It isn't a crime. If they don't get it, then guess what? They don't get it.

    Whomever you are intimate with needs to get that clue. You should be yourself, and if they are still beside you then that is best for both of you. There is zero benefit in hiding something as important as your identity.

    It wasn't always obvious for me. My ex didn't get it. My partner now does. I'm a girl in a bull body, and there is nothing wrong with that. What remains is how you and I deal with that. How we share that.

    We are who we are, and if 'they' don't get it? Then they don't get it.

    Love is great, so long as it isn't based on a lie.

    Be yourself, always.

    Nothing else can match that, honest.

    <3

    - MM
    - Madame 'Kitty' Moose

    I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor

    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"

    - Hillel the Elder

  9. #9
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    I didn't tell my wife until we had been married for 10 years. I'm not saying that was the best way, but I think that if you haven't known her for very long, if might be easy for her to bolt. It depends on the person, and what their views are on this.
    Dana Ryan

  10. #10
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    If you give them the clue early on, they won't bolt (If they are the right for you)

    If they think you are a bull while inside you are a heifer? (Or the other way around) then that is bad. Prima facia for a confrontation. Don't do that.

    Surprises are bad.

    If you are not being yourself, then you are lying... despite your best intentions. Be yourself.

    It has worked for me, and I'm a veteran in the relationship area. Do it.

    - MM
    Last edited by mechamoose; 12-29-2015 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Personal stuff
    - Madame 'Kitty' Moose

    I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor

    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"

    - Hillel the Elder

  11. #11
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    I just looked at your picture taken during your trip to Portland. If you've found some time to be totally free and able to indulge yourself with accepting friends, I would not be doing any reveal. If you were with your former girlfriend for several years, there is the possibility you're on the rebound. It sure sounds like it. Enjoy yourself, free of any entanglements for awhile. Just my opinion.

  12. #12
    Junior Member Mia27's Avatar
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    Thank you everyone for your input! it helps more than you know. I think I will wait till after New Years. That would be best and I don't believe she is a rebound. I am a committed person when it comes to relationships and I always take them seriously. This girl is special to me and she means a lot, that's why I am seeking advice. I don't want to hurt her, she doesn't deserve that. But I don't want to lie to her either and keep a secret from her. I'll keep you all updated

  13. #13
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    The time to tell is after you are pretty sure she will not reject you as some sort of pervert, but before you tie the knot and are liable for alimony or child support. Other than that, all I can say is, you know her best and you know yourself best. You have to make the call.

    More advice: When it comes time to let her see you dressed as a woman, tone it down. Casual is best. Don't wear a miniskirt, heavy makeup and six inch heels. Don't look like a hooker. Dress similar to the way she dresses.

  14. #14
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
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    I would suggest that it should be earlier than that.

    If I measured by my bar habits I'd be a feminist lesbian.

    BE YOURSELF.

    DON'T HIDE

    YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE.

    <3

    - MM
    - Madame 'Kitty' Moose

    I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor

    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"

    - Hillel the Elder

  15. #15
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Hi Mia,

    There is no easy answer to this. You can find stories of both positive and negative outcomes with just about any approach and timing, so whatever seem right for you is the path to try.
    Unfortunately there is no safe way to "test the water" and when the Cat is out of the Bag, it cannot be undone/unsaid. Only real preparation you can do, is to be prepared for even the worst outcome.

    In my case, I told my wife shortly after we started dating. She was fine with it ... then. Problem was, none of us knew what it meant at the time and she was too much in love to let anything get in the way. 20 years later all hell broke loose.

    As for immediate timing, I think your plan of waiting till after NY is best.

    Good luck to you!

    Hugs
    Suzie

  16. #16
    New Member FemmeMonique's Avatar
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    Hi All,

    I respect and admire those who've come out to wives and SO's. I vacillate on how best to handle my own situation ...

    My ex-wife knew part of Monique's story, and it wasn't a positive part of our relationship. It wasn't directly responsible for me leaving the marriage (after 20 yrs together), but it had to be a contributing factor.

    Out on my own the past ten years, I've had two serious girlfriends who I never told about Monique. I've come to think it's too much of a burden on someone else and, frankly, maybe there's something nice about keeping this part of myself to myself.

    I'm dating a wonderful woman now. Albeit only for four months, I'm hopeful this will be permanent and we end up living together or married. I struggle because I know she loves me for who (she thinks) I am, and we have a "no BS" rule. OTOH, again, I think my crossdressing is a burden for her -- and being somewhat secretive (if not deceitful) is a better path now.

    Not to get even deeper about this, but I know if I accepted Monique more, I would share that part of my life with those closest to me.

    There's no easy answer!

    Monique

  17. #17
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    As you are already exchanging "I love you's" I would say sooner rather than later. After the new year is fine, probably a good thing even. But I would not wait months and months as the news will only get harder to deal with for her, even if she is not hard against it all. It becomes a matter of hurt as to the secret you keep as much as anything, and trust issues which arrive from secret keeping.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  18. #18
    Member mikayla1964's Avatar
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    I agree with most everything everyone has said. Early is better and after the new year I would say is the best .but if you wanted to test the water and see how she reacts you could make a comment about dressing up one holloween or that you dressed up on a bet and see how she reacts then you would have a better feeling. she may shrug it off as no big deal. or she may say you didn't and that she hopes she never sees that or something like that.. I have used that before some are cool and say I bet that was fun and others have said that is gross . everyone is different but above all use caution. I'm for one I try to be as honest as possible about things . But I'm by no means a expert . Just use your own judgement.

  19. #19
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    I told the last girl I dated right from the get go even before we had our first date.
    She had questions sure but she was cool with it even had a fantasy about kissing another girl in public.
    Sooner rather than later is best.

  20. #20
    Member tictac43's Avatar
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    good luck Mia!!! Hope it goes well at New Year's!! If you feel like the relationship is at that level where you can trust each other with secrets then trust your judgement!

  21. #21
    Member sarahcrossed's Avatar
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    deffinatly tell her sooner than later. Iver read so many times about gurls comming out later in life to their wives/so's, and it ended badly. And if she finds your girlclothes then she wont automatically think you are cheating.

  22. #22
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    I feel, from experience, that the sooner the better. If I had told my wife sooner, well many out comes are possible. But the outcome of not losing a person you've come close to is better when it's sooner. Not to mention you can be yourself. Hiding is a bad thing, for the other party involved as well as yourself.
    Candi
    Perfection Is a Road Not a Destination

  23. #23
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    Sign me up for "the sooner the better." I've been with my S/O for 4 years, now. I told her of my desire to C/D almost immediately upon meeting and (our) deciding we liked one-another enough to date and maybe become "an item." It's been a dream, ever since..... She supports the C/D me... and it is simply a part of our friend/romantic/intimate life...... She's a dream come true for me... and she seems to like me a LOT .... so we have a good thing going....

  24. #24
    Junior Member Amanda Monica's Avatar
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    Imho, the sooner the better. Though prepare yourself for several possible outcomes or decisions to make, some preferable to you, some perhaps not. Remember not to overwhelm. As to New Year's, could be 50-50 as to whether that's the right time or not. Depends on what you have planned and where.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    I told my then girlfiend about six months into our relationship. That was back in 1968 when there was little publicity or support for crossdressers. At first she asked me if I was gay (Homosexual back then). She had no previous exposure to this part of humanity until I came along. She was only 17 and I was 19. She really tried to work with my dressing over the years and we have arrived at a DADT period which I'd like to change to at least being open enough to let her know when I dress and with whom. The positive side of this story is that she still loves me, we've been married 44 years with 3 children and 7 grandchildren. Anything is possible if you really love each other. That being said, I would not wait to long to tell her. If it is love she will survive the initial shock and realize that this part of you was what may have drawn her to without realizing it. We can be very sensitive and compassionate compared to the manly men. And we really understand the therapeutic value of clothes shopping. I'll say a prayer for you both. If it will help she can write me here and I'll answer any questions she may have about our world and how it can be incorporated into a successful marriage.
    Last edited by Stephanie Julianna; 12-29-2015 at 06:59 PM.

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