A final purge of all my CD stuff

[PaulaQ]

No, I'm not detransitioning.

I'm packing up, getting ready to move out of my loft in the gay district of Dallas, and to move in with my fiance into a loft in Deep Ellum - a funky arts & music district. (Yup, I'm engaged now, as of Sunday 12/20/15.)

Anyway, I was going through my clothes, packing things, discarding things that I don't need or no longer fit (bras I had 6 months into transition no longer fit - I'm 40 DDD now,) when I came across my old CD stuff - mostly stockings and lingerie, although I am getting rid of the first dress I ever bought.

Somehow I no longer want to wear this stuff. I don't mind lingerie - its just these items, purchased pre-transition, don't seem right and are definitely not my style anymore. Mostly, though, I just can't look back on my time back then with anything other than sadness and horror.

I just don't want to wear that stuff anymore.

I'll buy other lingerie - I'm sure of that - it's just those particular garments bother me. Some of them are pretty tacky, and way too submissive looking for my tastes now.

It's kind of a weird feeling - that stuff was so important for so long, and now? I hadn't looked at some of it since I hurriedly packed and moved out of my home 2.5 years ago.

At the time I bought those garments, all of this seemed like a dream. Now? I'm so much more, and so different, than I ever imagined.

[Suzanne F]

Paula
I am sitting here at 1:15 contemplating my wonderful complex challenging existence. I am also ready to purge some things. I look at my breast forms and know that period has ended. Yes I am not a cross dresser I am a woman. But the cross dressing saved my life and carved out the space I needed to step into my authentic life. Anyone need any D forms?
Suzanne

[Stephanie Julianna]

I'm so happy for you. You're a strong woman and a role model for so many ladies here. Have a very Happy New Year.

[kittie60]

I did the same,had an old trunk with alot of old clothes and lingerie in it. Some of the dresses and skirts were still in great shape. Packing the stuff up to give to goodwill felt like saying goodbye to an old lifelong friend. 30plus years of memories. Oh well thats life. Now with a new wardrobe we'll see what happens in another 30 years.

[Sarah-RT]

First and foremost Paula; congratulations on the engagement! Wish you all the best on that.

As for the purging, as sentimental the items were, and potentially expensive if they bring sorrow it's probably best to rid them, especially if they don't fit, as humans we are natural hoarders. I've changed up my wardrobe and dumped ill fitting, old and non body suitable items, some of which had meaning to me, but you've grown and changed and as you express, they were someone else's clothes, now it's time to get your own.

All the best!
Sarah x

[Pat]

Congratulations!

I wouldn't say you're having a purge, you're just cleaning out old clothes.

My gf, who is TS, occasionally talks about what she calls her "crossdresser phase" and how glad she is to be out of it (even though she's been out of it for over a decade.) So I understand (second hand) your feelings and I think they're normal. Clean out the closet. Those clothes are like clothes that you wore during an old, failed relationship -- why be reminded of that time? You're in a better place now.

And, again, congratulations.

[Rhonda Darling]

Paula:

Congratulations on your engagement, you sound like you couldn't be happier. Looks like you called the shot back in 2014 in your thread "So I'm Dating A Trans Man" (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...man&highlight= post #9). It is wonderful and encouraging whenever we hear a story of "normal life" after transition. Whether you have a large or small or private ceremony, we expect a full photo array of the happy couple. And if you go the wedding dress route, and need advice picking the right one, again -- photos here and you'll have an army of friends offering advice and suggestions.

Regarding your purge, you are merely moving more towards normal female attitude towards everyday clothes, where the meaning of the clothing as representing your femness is lessening, as you no longer need the stage props to be a woman -- you are a woman. The sublime feeling of arrival at a long awaited destination must be delightful. Purge away, dear.

Best regards,
Rhonda

[mechamoose]

We advance and change, nothing is static.

I'm happy to hear about your 'troubles', PQ. I'm sure that we have members who would want to have your choices.

"Shake what your momma gave you"

- MM

[pamela7]

Congratulations Paula, you're an inspiration.

xxx Pamela

[Suzie Petersen]

Congratulations on the engagement Paula! All the best wishes to you both.

As for your "purge" ... sometimes it is just time to sweep the closet!

Hugs
Suzie

[mechamoose]

"That dress was SO last year" >catclaws<

B!tch

DO IT!!

Wait, you ARE doing it!

<3

- MM

[bridget thronton]

Congratulations on your engagement

[Stephania]

Hi Paula, I don't post much, but I definitely waned to say congrats on the engagement. It's always nice to have permanency in your life. Congrats, and good luck.

[Dana44]

Congratulations on your engagement Paula. Your a woman now and not a cross-dresser. Yeah, your styles are changing and its good to get the old and move into the new. I wish all the best for you.

[Tracii G]

You are embarking on a new thing so I totally understand.
Congrats on your engagement.

[jenniferinsf]

paula

what wonderful news to share with us...congratulations on the engagement....how absolutely wonderful

moving on the way you are is so special..i wish you all the best

[Robin414]

Congratulations Paula! I understand the 'purge' as well, I'm not TG (maybe TG in denial..tween...whatever) but I can't possibly imagine wearing the things I wore when I was an experimenting CD...I'm coming to terms with a whole new 'style' and it's 'real'!

[AllieSF]

Congratulations on your engagement and continuing to improve new live, and thanks for sharing with us all your trials and tribulations. We need that too.

[AngelaYVR]

Onwards and upwards!
Although your story did remind me of when I was walking with a TS woman in the city this year and she looked over at me in my nice skirt and top and says "I feel sorry for you having to wear that". My shoes were Aerosoles for goodness sake! She was dressed in jeans and what looked like rejects from a thrift store. Never saw her again after that.

[Erika Lyne]

A big congratulations to you and your fiancé! You are so inspirational to so many of us.

So happy for you.
-E

[Candice June Lee]

Congratulations Paula, may you have fun times ahead. Yay!

[Tina_gm]

I will offer my congrats as well. You seem to have a good understanding of what your needs are. personally, I would keep a few around, even though as you said, in invokes not good memories. I keep a few things around from my darker days, just to remember certain things. If even just to remember where I have come from. To each their own, I am never going to advise you or anyone to follow how I deal with my past. I am sure for many it is better to purge, clothes or other items, TG related or not.

[Katey888]

Congratz on the engagement Paula!

Sounds like you're undergoing an entirely natural (well - maybe not entirely natural... ) development and with someone to accompany you on the journey, of course you need to look your best.

And anyway, you know some of us really like tacky and submissive out of choice...

Have a successful move and bold, new future to look forward to Paula...

Katey x

[S. Lisa Smith]

Very nice!!! Good luck!!!!!

[PretzelGirl]

There may be certain things affecting your tastes. For one, our tastes just change over time naturally. Some of that may happened. But I did also find that I got finicky when I transitioned and a few items were no longer appropriate for the appearance I wanted to have. It is strange in that I was going out in both cases. One of those unexplained things. I am still noticing stacks of items (foundation garments...) that go untouched and probably should get a new home. Maybe that explains it. Maybe during the CD phase I would do things to hide the guy in me and now I just want to be me and the clothing reflects that.

On forms, you just missed the opportunity for what I did. One pair went into a White Elephant at our Tri-Ess meeting. Now they are being enjoyed by someone that needed them. One of my besties got the other pair. I know they are getting well used.