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Thread: Must watch myself around my only family members.

  1. #1
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Must watch myself around my only family members.

    Recently, when gay marriage, or transgender come up on the radio or TV, my older twin brother who is not in prison, makes harsh judgmental comments against TG. My sister, of all people, who religiously watches "Big Bang Theory", also acts very judgmental against gays and TG, dressers. She is one who never dated a man in her life, goes to church every Sunday, refuses to be with married people, and only hangs with other older unmarried women. She refuses to even see a male doctor! I have spoken up, and said, I know gay and TG people, and they are just people, and" but for the grace of someone, there go you." I think they may suspect i am a little that way, but, i still tell them i have dated a lot of women in the Seattle area. But, in small town midwest here, there simply are almost no single women. I have not dated in almost 6 years. I need to watch what i say.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 12-30-2015 at 04:11 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  2. #2
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Alice, I understand the position that you are in and somewhat the type of family that you have. Unfortunately, we are all stuck with our families through good and bad. So, tolerance and patience is a great personal attribute to have. I think that rather than being careful of what you say, maybe you can learn how to say what needs to be said in a way that minimizes the negative reaction. I think what you said so far sounds great and has nothing to do with outing yourself to them. As long as you are consistent with your position and include all people in comments of rebuttal, i.e. civil rights and freedoms are for all whether we like it or not, then they may stay away from attacking you, or better yet may stop trying to convert you to their way of thinking. Only you know what is best for you, but I think defending the downtrodden, poor, elderly, racially different, gay or trans is a good consistent message to deliver to all. Good luck and Happy Holidays.

  3. #3
    Member Candice June Lee's Avatar
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    Hi Alice, I can relate to your post. Back during thanksgiving, my mom and some of the other family members brought up the issue of TG. "Just get surgery and you can be a girl." They seemed appalled at the idea of being the way we are. I bit my tongue and let them vent. But the ideology is still there of that it's not right. I wonder if I should have said something? I think if I did, the whole weekend would have turned out worse than it was. But still being careful of what is said and worn while visiting my family is of the greatest concern.
    Candi
    Perfection Is a Road Not a Destination

  4. #4
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Kandia: I wonder if I should have said something?
    Yes, you should!! That is the only way to change peoples mind about something like this. If someone they know and respect stand up and say "You know what, that is actually not correct" or in some other way give them a different perspective, there is a good chance that the conversation will take a different direction.
    People often express narrow mindedness just to be with the flock. They do not want to be the one who stands out. If someone introduce a different point of view, some will often rethink their position.

    But .. I completely understand why you didnt unfortunately. I am also very careful when and where I speak up about this out of simple fear of being outed myself.

    - Suzie
    Last edited by Suzie Petersen; 12-29-2015 at 06:47 PM.

  5. #5
    Breathes under water prettytoes's Avatar
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    I know the feeling. My father-in-law was looking at pictures from a recent trip, and there was a woman in our group that was TS. His comment on that was "they ought to put all those people on their own island!" I replied "why is that?...how is it hurting you?" Yup...he had no reply other than a grumble. He does not know about my other side.
    Life's too short to not be enjoyed! Live each day to the fullest!

  6. #6
    Junior Member Amanda Monica's Avatar
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    There's a lot of misconception and even fear out there.

  7. #7
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prettytoes View Post
    they ought to put all those people on their own island!"
    It's winter here, an island sounds wonderful. And we could keep the bigots out
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  8. #8
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    I love Big Bang Theory, but I'm still trying to figure out the relevance to the thread topic. ???

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
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    It is possible to defend the rights of others without acknowledging you are transgender, gay, lesbian or cross dressing. If they do not like what you have to say in defense of any person who is not like yourself, then the hell with them. I've heard so much bullshit from people concerning people of different faiths, nationalities, colors, etc, it makes me sick sometimes. Think of Nazi Germany.

  10. #10
    This Time Around Lauri K's Avatar
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    Stephanie, I agree with you.

    Like you I have heard all the BS stories I can stand, and it makes me sick too.

    Fortunately I am able to keep pushing ahead despite the negativity and hate spewed out by those haters, so much so that it makes me proud to be TG/CD person because I am a better person than they are on any day of the week guaranteed because I accept everyone the way they are.

  11. #11
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    If I came out to my family I think all would say "I wondered if you grew out of that, no big deal"

    My wife on the other hand bought me girls undies for a while but put a stop to that after a couple of years.

    I have a Gay brother who's married which everybody loves.

    For a while he kept trying to get me to come out of the closet.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Alice, if your twin is identical, then you could dress and pose next to him in drab and we'd think it's your before and after pics.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Brandy Mathews's Avatar
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    Kind of like me years ago when I was outted, family found out and they automatically thought that I am gay. They can think whatever they want. I have fun in life, if they don't want to see me because they think that I am gay, I sure as hell don't need them in my life. And besides, I can sure survive in this world without them. I truly believe that. And I had to edit this. Used to worry me about being outted, but you know what? Doesn't bother me a bit! Everybody tries to think that they are perfect but you know what? Nobody on this earth is, except the people on facebook and twitter of course, lol. Ever see how most of those people build themselves up to be so special? That's why I can't stand it. Like I said, everybody has their faults, and if you can't admit that, then you aren't much of a person. I am sure not perfect, I will be the first to admit that. I don't always do my makeup just right, lol.
    Hugs,
    Bree
    Last edited by Brandy Mathews; 12-30-2015 at 12:52 AM.
    Brandy Mathews

  14. #14
    I am her, she is me tanya_cd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    Recently, when gay marriage, or transgender come up on the radio of TV, my older twin brother who is not in prison, makes harsh judgmental comments against TG. My sister, of all people, who religiously watches "Big Bang Theory", also acts very judgmental against gays and TG, dressers. She is one who never dated a man in her life, refuses to be with married people, and only hangs with other older unmarried women. She refuses to even see a male doctor! I have spoken up, and said, I know gay and TG people, and they are just people, and" but for the grace of someone, there go you." I think they may suspect i am a little that way, but, i still tell them i have dated a lot of women in the Seattle area. But, in small town midwest here, there simply are almost no single women. I have not dated in almost 6 years. I need to watch what i say.
    Very rude of them to act like that if they did suspect you. Personally, I try to avoid those types of people if I can help it, family members or not. Its really up to you how you or not you would respond.

  15. #15
    BEING YOUnique is AWESOME Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Does your sister even know that the actor that plays Sheldon (Jim Parsons) has come out as being gay a few years ago and has been in a gay relationship for nearly 15 years.

  16. #16
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Nicole. Big Bang Theory, is not exactly the same as The Andy Griffith Show! LOL There are gay innuendos , and lots of sexually charged lines in that show. My sister goes to a church every Sunday!!! Lela, i am sorry i made it sound like my brother is my twin. He is four years older, and has a twin in prison.He himself was held in prison two years, before being released on lack of evidence.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Alice,
    I guess it's the old saying , you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family ! You know their views but they don't appear to care about yours, at your stage in your life just think whatever happens I'll CD till I'm in my box so to hell with them and just come out , they may actually take more notice of you !

  18. #18
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Teresa, I can see your point. My dad , though, is going on 95, and i live close to them. I am only a part time dresser, and go weeks without it at times, so just do not want more stress and turmoil, with them. I am working on repairing the relationships some. For some, it is ok to come out. They are the only family i have left, and i have no friends in this region. I have done a lot of soul searching, and realize i have screwed things up a lot, too. I do not spend large amounts of time there, but therewill be a lot of hassles after my dad dies. Best to at least wait until all the hassles after he dies, to consider any coming out. I really am not bothered that much, bu what they say, as many of my church friends do not accept LGBT either. I have come to realize that people do not have to embrace it. part of me still fights the idea of it, and I am also a blue collar old fashioned guy, in part. Who of us really understands ourselves, let alone , others. Live and let live.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  19. #19
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Hang in there Alice...

    If you can find a balance with your needs to dress and 'normal' time while repairing the relationships you want to repair, that has to be a good thing. And I do believe that fate in the universe ultimately has a habit of paying off debts we can't, or rewarding acts of generosity that appear initially to go unrewarded...

    Keep Calm & Carry On! Happy Holidays, Alice..

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  20. #20
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Hi Alice,

    I know from your previous posts of the hatred that seems to reside within the lives of your family. Some people seem to revel in being the lowest form of humanity (I'm sorry if that would include your family) and no amount of reasoned debate is going to change their minds. I think it best never to tell your siblings as I doubt you could count on even a modicum of support.

    I have to say, I live mostly without contact with my siblings. I grew apart and I suppose independent too, when I joined the RAF years ago. A French lady summed it up for me when she said, 'I had changed socio/economic group' and I think that is something you have experienced. You don't subscribe to being a low life and just want a tolerant atmosphere to exist in. Unfortunately, your family don't live in your world and I would keep my distance in similar circumstances to yours. I don't mean to be disrespectful of your family, but there it is. Sorry!

    Becky
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

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