Wife's Attitude Toward Your Dressing

[nikkiwindsor]

I'm so fortunate. In the beginning our relationship, my wife (fiancee at the time) was aware of my desire, was between a 4 and 5, wouldn't tolerate me dressing up, and was scared that I may want to transition full-time. Now, many years later, she's between a 2 and 3. She allows it, knows it makes me happy and content, brings us closer together realizing that she is expressing unconditional love for me by allowing me to be my true self. From time to time, she does need assurances that I'm not interested in transitioning into a woman. She's absolutely wonderful and I have to keep reminding myself not to take her for granted and to repeatedly remind her how much I love her and to thank her for supporting me in expressing my feminine side...Nikki

P.S. My clothes and wigs are in our walk-in closet, my makeup is in a drawer in the bathroom, she'll occasionally shop for me in bricks and mortar stores, let's me shop on-line using her name, gives me all her makeup she tries and doesn't like or gets tired of, willing to talk and learn more about my crossdressing whenever it comes up, watch transgender shows together such as Caitlyn Jenner's show, she's not comfortable yet seeing me transformed as Nikki but expresses interest that she may be open to seeing Nikki in the future, and allows me to dress anytime I feel the desire.

[Secret Drawer]

It took me since the day of the OP to think this through, as it is rather complicated and somewhat fluid with my relationship. She varies between mostly the 4 in the DADT or the 3 of "tolerates it." She is a 3 with the "rather I didn't do it." She is a 4 with the "refuses to take part in any way (especially) including seeing me dressed..." She is a 2 with not hiding my stuff, it is in fact "hanging in the closet with my other clothes." The rest is still sort of fluid... she is a 3 as "she doesn't like to talk about it, but not a 3 with the "occasional negative comments," as she has actually never made any mean spirited comments, only common questions that come from misunderstandings, etc.
I often wear "leggings" or thick tights around the house in winter, as I slip pants over them to go out in the cold and I prefer to stay in them (frankly!) instead of changing into pants once home for the day, and I notice that the trend seems to be nothing said or generally weird in the air, but NO kisses or closeness... I wonder if it is even conscious on her part...

[nikkiwindsor]

Alice, any idea why your girlfriend is thrilled by it? Nikki

[Sister Rachel]

Somewhere between 2 and 3. I don't think she'd like to go with me to buy stuff in the shops, and when I was buying a lot of gear online she worried about the money I was spending, Then again, when we moved house recently, she ( unbidden ) washed and ironed my dresses, skirts and tops and told me which wardrobe I could find them in in our new place I have a slight gripe in that all my black panties ( but not the white ones) have gradually migrated to HER underwear drawer ....

[haylee_burnett]

guess I'm a 1

[Pumped]

I am somewhere between #4 and #5, but with some strange conditions. I am allowed to wear womans jeans, and panty hose, but she found a pair of panties once and it darned near ended the marriage. Also she hates me wearing heels and forbids it, but I have a pair of medium heel boots with a block heel she allows. Absolutely no under garments, no high heel pumps. We are not even at DADT, heck I would love to be accepted to that point.

[Melissa B]

I guess I'm some where in the 5 to 4.5 level. She doesn't know but I have occasionally made mistakes and left items that she's found. I made up some excuse for it. She will usually respond "That it weird, that just weird." I don't say anything more and just let it go. So it leaves me wonder if she might suspect something is going on and is in a DADT mindset or if she is just not putting all the pieces together. Do you girls think she might suspect?

[alice clair]

Mine is definitely a one, my wife loves for me to dress and be happy. We go almost everywhere with me wearing something feminine and she buys me clothes all the time. When we go somewhere she will remind me to not forget my purse and looks me over before we leave to make sue I look my best. I love her dearly

[Lydia Hamilton]

Number 2 for me. It would be Number 1 if many factors were not hindering. Happy New Year Ladies!

[JamieG]

I think I'm going to have to go with a 1.75. All of the 2's are met, and sometimes I get little bit of 1: she sometimes buys me stuff on her own. However, I know she doesn't enjoy it, although she does enjoy seeing me happy. She has never asked me dress (although she has asked, "Isn't about time you went out to another support group meeting?"), and we never go out as two women on the town.

[threeheavenshigh]

I guess I'm some where in the 5 to 4.5 level. She doesn't know but I have occasionally made mistakes and left items that she's found. I made up some excuse for it. She will usually respond "That it weird, that just weird." I don't say anything more and just let it go. So it leaves me wonder if she might suspect something is going on and is in a DADT mindset or if she is just not putting all the pieces together. Do you girls think she might suspect?

From your description it sounds like she may be on to you. She may be suspecting an affair though, depending on what she's finding. If she's finding her own stuff borrowed, then she's probably suspecting the former. Don't freak though, it can be dealt with.

How do you think she'd respond if she knew?

[sometimes_miss]

Having read through the posts I feel those that have lost ground over time have tried to push the boundaries too quickly.

I will agree with this, but I have something to add. Left on your own, going slowly might just work. BUT.....once she knows, and goes looking for information, she's going to come across some other angry wives who will get her thinking about all kind of things. My ex started going to support groups who got her into believing that THEY were the only people she could ever trust, and our relationship gradually went downhill as, over time, she pulled away from not just me, but her family and friends as well, believing that everyone had some hidden agenda. She started seeing manipulative behavior everywhere.
So just be aware that you cannot always completely control the gradual exposure of this; there will be outside influences, if things go bad, it might not be all your own doing.

[Maria 60]

I'm good for a #2.

[rachel de Corvus]

I am very fortunate to report 1.5! She loves to see me happy and is in favor of everyone being able to express such desires, so long as they do not hurt others. She is happy to hanging out together in private or seeing pictures and hearing stories of solo outings. I've not asked about outings together, in part because we do not live in a conducive environment. Years ago, we both enjoyed going out together on Halloween. With that said, I fully understand that she married a man and wants it to stay that way. Again, I feel very lucky.

[Jennifer Kelly]

#3 for me. Trying to help her be more supportive but I fear she may have reached the limits of her acceptance.

[TaraGrace]

I'd guess #1 for me.

I actually just asked my GF a few mins ago if I wasn't freaking her out (since it's only been a few weeks), and her reply was the best: "Hunny, you have been freaking me out since the day we met, I love you"

Sitting here with a huge smile right now

[PamelaRI]

I've never been at a 5. I told my now wife of 20 years, when our relationship looked as though marriage was possible about my dressing. At that time, it was don't do it anymore. I really think that I tried for several years, but I eventually couldn't resist. Over the years, we've gone from that stance via a few insult laden conversations to I'd prefer you don't do it, but if you do I don't want to see it or any sign of it. Without being overly TMI, I had a major health scare last year and one of the end results is that I've lost that 70+ lbs that I said that I'd never gain when I was younger. Of course that necessitated buying new clothes to fit the new me. And while I would have loved to replace both of my wardrobes with just one wardrobe that allows me express who I really am that just isn't really possible because my best friend/wife would freak out and leave and it would most likely have a significant impact on my income and other relationships. After a somewhat intense, awkward, strange conversation during which the words lingerie, panties or women's clothing were never used, my wife resigned herself to allow me to wear panties as long as she doesn't see it and and anything not obviously feminine. The rest of my preferred wardrobe is still in the DADT zone.

So I think we've progressed to a modified 3 without the negative comments so far. I still have tighty-whiteys that I don't wear in the dresser drawer while my real underwear is hidden, but I've been able to migrate my comfy around the house pants to nicer, softer black ladies fleece pants and my exercise wear consists of ladies exercise tops, compression shorts and loose fitting bottoms. Now I have to work with her on migrating my undershirts to tanks - but I need to know that she's really OK with where things are now before I even think about that. Then hopefully she'll allow things to migrate to the drawer or at least somewhere more convenient than the container in the basement workbench.

[Connie.Marie]

Mark me down with a 4. My wife has found my stuff & threw it all away. Never said a word about it.
She doesn't want to see me dressed, she said "I am not a lesbian".
Never another word in 38 years. What's a gurl to do??

[Lilly Diadem]

As mentioned over in my introduction post I'm fortunate enough to enjoy a blend of #1 and #2 without the going out bit as I don't do that anymore.

I did get a pair of sparkly red 4" heels from my wife at Xmas which was a complete surprise but I'll often get gifts of underwear or hosiery.

If I don't dress for a while I'll be asked why and I always sleep in panties and a nightie now and if I reach for the boxers and a tee shirt before bed again I am asked why.

It wasn't always this way so I know just how fortunate I am now.

Lilly x

[ReineD]

For those of you who are interested, I took a few minutes to place all the answers in a spreadsheet. I have columns for each of the 5 categories plus columns for answers between the categories. Some people gave answers like 1.9 or 2.7 and I counted them as being in between the categories. I also added column 6 for the wives who are violently opposed to the crossdressing, and a last column for posts that were non-answers (just discussion posts).

The results are as follows, up to post #219

1.0 - 33
1.5 - 26
2.0 - 44
2.5 - 23
3.0 - 13
3.5 - 17
4.0 - 27
4.5 - 2
5.0 - 14
6.0 - 5
Non-answers - 15
Total - 219

So this means:

Accepting (1, 1.5, 2, 2.5) = 58%
Tolerant (3, 3.5, 4, 4.5) = 27%
Doesn't know (5) = 6%
Despises it (6) = 2%
Non-answers = 7%
Total = 100%

A near 60% acceptance and near 30% tolerance is not bad, in fact it represents nearly 90% of all the wives!

Also it surprises me that only 6% of the wives do not know. I commend the overall honestly of our members! But, maybe the people who mostly lurk here without posting would increase this number considerably if they posted. Thousands of people log in during a three month period, but there are only 219 responses to this thread so far, excluding me.

[Katey888]

Awesome Reine...

If you want to add one statistic to that analysis that does have a bearing on the members here, some time back I did an analysis of Introduction threads and whether new members (who did an Intro) were out to an accepting wife or in some other circumstance. At that time (during 2014) 47% of new members were out to an accepting SO... (I know - I should probably do the update for 2015... ) I suspect that indicates something about the nature of new members and why they join...?

About 14% were married and fully closeted/secret. Many of them possibly wouldn't have been drawn to the poll because the title implies your wife would need to know to have an attitude. Statement #5 was also a little judgmental - "I've been afraid to tell her..." Personally I choose not to tell her - so you can put me down as another #5... that'll take it up half a percent...

Katey x

[dana 1]

I'm a two, I can't imagine having a better wife and best friend.

[heatherdress]

Thanks Reine. I suspect that data might demonstrate how inaccurate and misleading our site polls can be. Does anyone really believe, after consistently reading of threads about spouse non-acceptance and members hiding their crossdressing activities, that 90% of spouses on this site know and accept our crossdressing?

I would only offer that 90% of those - who replied to this thread - have accepting spouses, not 90% of all site members or 90% of all crossdressers. That's all that is reliable or accurate from this poll. This is the type of poll that members who have positive crossdressing acceptance and support from their spouses would be willing to reply and praise and thank them. But those who have non-accepting spouses, or who hide their crossdressing from their wives, would be more likely to avoid a reply.

[MonicaGirly]

Actually I'm going to change mine to a 4.5 Because of how much she dislikes it. It`s pretty lousy the way she reacted when she heard about it. Hopefully she'll warm up to it some day.

[heatherdress]

Katie - Your 47% is also a rather suspect number because it probably only represents new members who specifically admit their marriage status, spouse awareness and spouse acceptance in their initial message. Most new members, however, do not address their situation with a possible wife, partner, girlfriend or significant other. There is also no scientific way to apply a factor for the non-responses.

I appreciate the work you must have done reading and trying to keep track of new members who mention their relationship status, but when so many don't, I don't think the 47% is probably very reliable.